here, there, everywhere
by The Fluff Queen
Summary: short oneshots, drabbles, rewrites. My St. Berry collection. #40 - Rachel had made the first move. The ball was in his court now and he was going all in.
1. and I need you tonight

**Author's Note: **Every time I watch 'Total Eclipse of the Heart', I have the feeling that tiny sideways glance Rachel shoots Finn's way was the last nail on the coffin for Jesse. What would have happened to Glee's drama royalty if Drama Queen hadn't looked at the unworthy?

As for the lyrics, italic is Rachel, bold italic is each one of the boys, bold is Jesse and Rachel.

**Disclaimer: **I wish...

**here, there... everywhere**

_**#1: **and I need you now tonight_

**R**achel stands in front of the stony-faced glee club members, her three male leads on her ill-fated video scattered around the seats. Hudson sits at her right, and Puckerman sits right in front of her (his pregnant girlfriend by his side).

He sits at her left.

Brad starts playing and he bites back a bitter grin. He recognizes the song at its opening chords. Figures Rachel would pick a power-ballad from the eighties to express her feelings.

Hudson sings. _**Turn around**__._

Hudson sings and Rachel doesn't spare him a glance. She looks on the verge of tears but she never looks twice at her former beau and his biggest rival for her heart.

(His heart does **not **heal a bit at her blatant indifference at that talentless oaf).

Her eyes are glued to his as she sings her part. _Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round_. She sings and she seems to be struggling to keep her breath stable enough so her voice won't crack halfway through the verse. He keeps looking straight ahead, shooting small glances at her through eyes that he knows are furious and broken. "You broke mine first", he just told her, and truer words haven't been spoken yet.

Then Puckerman sings. _**Turn around**_**…**

Puckerman sings and a smirk curves his lips as he watches her, with the intimacy of a longtime knowledge. But it's not only a broken relationship that ties the queen of the gleeks to McKinley's self-proclaimed badass. It's a lifetime of shared faith, of missing parents (his father, her mother – Jesse's now former coach), of slushies to the face and honest apologies in McKinley's bathroom. It's a bond born from proclamations of blossoming love in the shape of a Neil Diamond's cover solo and of a difficult choice that was made, of decisions that meant more than words could say.

Still, Rachel's eyes remain focused on Jesse, and Jesse only. She never wavers and she closes her eyes tightly as her fists clench and her voice is heavy with heartbreak and regret. _Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears._

He takes the next verse. _**Turn around**_. His voice, flawless thanks to his years under Shelby's hardcore tutelage, meshes seamlessly with hers, and he allows his wounded pride and broken heart to inject the two words with emotion – and he's sure, he's absolutely sure, he never sang so soulfully before. Vocal Adrenaline refined his technique. New Directions (_Rachel_) gave him the emotion.

Tears bubble to the surface as she opens her eyes and they lock with his. _Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by. Every now and then I get a little bit terrified, and then I see the look in your eyes_. She's singing, she's singing and she's begging, pleading with **him**. Not Hudson, not Puckerman, but **him**. Her eyes never leave his and this gives him the courage to take over the male lead.

It's her apology. Her declaration of devoted love. As long as she keeps looking at **him** with those supplicant eyes, he knows he's the one she's picking. And he needs this. He needs the reassurance of knowing she's sure of whom she wants. He needs the reassurance of knowing she's picking **him**. He sings again, feeling jealous eyes burning at him. Hudson, of course. _Turn around, bright eyes._

_Every now and then I fall apart_. He knows she does. He knows she falls apart, whether because of her own insecurities, or because of being picked apart by her peers. She would fit so beautifully into Vocal Adrenaline, he's sure of it.

_And I need you now tonight. And I need you more than ever. _She sings and he questions. Does she? Does she really need him – can she not live if he's not in her life? They're together for a really short time – less than a month – but she's already such a big part of his routine, such a big part of who he **is**. He cannot imagine life without her, does not want to imagine life without her. He never believed he could find a woman who would accept being less important than his career, but then he met Rachel. And he wants everything – **everything**– with her. Marriage, children, a family, a life. But does she want the same?

Her eyes are pleading to him when she carries on with her song, and his heart swells with hope. _And if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever – and we'd only be making it right, 'cause we'd never be wrong_. His eyes soften as they meet hers, but he doesn't allow a small smile to curve his lips – not now. But she picks on the subtle change, and her whole demeanor relaxes, eyes shining. His own eyes sparkle, and Hudson apparently picks on the mended bond between them, because he shifts in his seat and huffs in annoyance. Jesse bites back a smirk of pure triumph.

Rachel ignores Hudson. She doesn't look away from Jesse. Jesse himself feels more and more secure in their relationship. So, yes, she slipped. She gave in the desperate urge to kick up her bad reputation a notch by triple-casting him, Puckerman and Hudson on the same role of Joey to her Julie. It happens. It won't be her first or her last mistake. She's not perfect. Neither is he (the secret he's keeping from her weighs down on him). But they're perfect **for each other**, and this is more than any of the other couples in the room – hell, it's more than any couple in the planet can say of their relationship.

_Together we can take it to the end of the line – your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark – we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. _Yes, they're giving off sparks. Their attraction, their chemistry, is too powerful for them to resist, and will likely combust, leaving them burnt and hurt in its wake. But for her, he muses, he'll take that leap.

_I really need you tonight. Forever is gonna start to tonight. Forever is gonna start tonight._

_Once upon a time there was light in my life, now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can say, total eclipse of the heart. _There's still light in her life. He'll make sure of it. Rachel deserves nothing but happiness, and he'll make sure to give her all of it. Happiness, joy, elation. She deserves all the good feelings there are in the world, and he wants to be the one to give it to her.

Jesse glances briefly at Hudson, whose eyes are narrowed as he watches Rachel focus more and more in her current beau. Once upon a time her eyes would wander up to her former boyfriend, but not anymore: her eyes never leave Jesse, never give Hudson any hope that he still has bits and pieces of Rachel's heart.

Hudson doesn't have a hold on New Directions' lead female. And Jesse allows all his repressed emotions to blow up when he sings. Rachel's eyes are brimming with tears when her voice joins his, hesitant and fearful, but nonetheless firm, full of feeling. She's a diva, a queen – how can Schuester even entertain the hypothesis of not giving her every single solo in New Directions? Rachel **is** New Directions' one true star – and he'll spend the rest of his life making sure she never doubts the true extension of her talent.

_**Turn around, bright eyes**__ – every now and then I fall apart. __**Turn around, bright eyes – **__every now and then I fall apart._

Hudson apparently gives up on trying catching Rachel's eyes and gets up. His eyes linger hopefully over Rachel in a last, desperate attempt to reassure himself he still has some sort of chance with her, but Jesse realizes Rachel's so focused on **him **that she doesn't even notice Hudson rose. His heart speeds up in joy. She's **finally** free of the freakishly tall teen's grasp. Finally.

_And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ever. And we'll only be making it right, cause we'll never wrong. Together we can take it to the end of the line; your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark – we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks._

Tears threaten to spill from her eyes and little by little the other gleeks leave the room, following Finn's footsteps. Puckerman has Fabray's hand encased within his, and Jesse briefly wonders if Quinn knows just how lucky she is that Rachel doesn't really want Puck, how lucky she is that Rachel isn't nowhere near as smitten with Puck as Puck is with her. Jesse is quite sure he's the only who is fully aware of how strongly Puck feels for Rachel, not even Puck knows how much of his heart Rachel has in her hold.

And Rachel's own heart is fully **his** now.

_I really need you tonight. Forever is gonna start to tonight. Forever is gonna start tonight._

_Once upon a time I was falling in love, _**now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do, total eclipse of the heart.**

As this realization sinks fully into him, joy bubbles deep within Jesse as he rises from his seat, heart clenching at the spark of panic in Rachel's eyes and tears explode down her cheeks when their voices come together. No female lead had sounded better with him before her, no woman was a more perfect match to him as she is. They're the perfect pair, soulmates physically, intellectually and vocally. He comes to a stop in front of her, eyes locked as she stops singing, holding back her breath when his hand comes to cup her soft cheek, feeling it sticky with the crystal drops.

_**Turn around, bright eyes**_, he sings and his lips crash against hers in a sweetly possessive kiss. She relaxes against him, hands clutching at his shirt as she pulls him closer and deepens the kiss. She's his and he's hers and no one will come between them. No past idea of love, no secret.

The secret he's carrying – the identity of the one who took advantage of his barely hidden interest on her after 'Don't Rain On My Parade', the one thing he knew about her and her past before they sang their hello in that music store – weighs down on him. He has to tell her.

But later. For now he just wants to enjoy having her fully for the first time.


	2. see how bright we shine

**Author's Note: **Okay, so I've been writing for this shipper time enough for everyone to know I despise Finn and think he's the worst romantic interest possible for Rachel (for obvious reasons which I won't list here right now). Jesse and Puck are much more fitting. Alas, this.

**Disclaimer: ***bursts into tears*

**Summary: **Rachel changes her mind about 'Run Joey Run'.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#2: **see how bright we shine_

**S**he's editing her video for her glee assignment of the week, working quickly and efficiently with Artie, when she starts having second doubts about this. She has cast Noah and Finn along with Jesse for the role of Joey on 'Run Joey Run', and she's now halfway through editing the final cut when it hits her.

She's not so sure if she made the right call.

She knows Jesse like the back of her hand. She remembers how hard he worked during the shoot, how much he gave of his talent, how demanding he had been of her own talent. He gave his best and he demanded her best in return, but at the same time, Artie had told her they were the easiest to work with. Jesse and she knew what they wanted and how they wanted it to be, and they had made it very clear for Artie. The three of them made quite a good team, and Artie has impressed them with his talent and vision. After they were done, and Mrs. Abrams came to take Artie home, she and Jesse stayed back at her house, talking quietly about Artie's potential as director. Jesse had praised Artie, and Rachel knew he had been sincere.

Noah hadn't been so hard to work with either. He actually only complained about how he wasn't the one to shoot her – but he had given the idea to ask Mr. Ryerson to play Julie's dad, and the former glee coach had gleefully – no pun intended – accepted. He worked hard and was a trooper even when the quality of the shots weren't up to her standards, and only moaned about how 'lame' the song was. But at the end he reluctantly had admitted he had fun working with her and Artie.

Finn had, definitely, been the worst of the three. He always missed his cue, always wanted to sing louder than the playback, never stood where they had set the lighting up… Long story short, what with Jesse took three hours to shoot, and with Noah took six hours, with Finn they needed almost an entire day to do. And his voice… His voice sounded horrible! Dear Lord, how could she think they would make sweet music together? His tone was all over the place, hitting flat high notes, cracking at the end… Ugh, she really would rather not remember, she concludes with a shudder.

Noah's velvety baritone had wrapped itself around the song, making it sexy and seductive. He had definitely improved since joining New Directions – he never actually got that many solos (when Finn was lead it was more often, but now that Jesse had joined, even Mr. Schue recognized she sounded better with her boyfriend than with any other male, and vice-versa, thus ensuring that she and Jesse sang duets quite frequently, something they did quite happily) – but it was clear that his voice sounded better than ever (she made a mental note to offer Mr. Schue a selection of solos that would fit Noah's rich tone).

Jesse's voice had definitely been the best of the three. His extensive training under Shelby Corcoran's strict tutelage paid off, and he sounded – forgive her for the language – badass. It had been hard to resist him after their shoot, because, if there was something that turned Rachel Berry on, it was singing. And Jesse singing… Well, let's say that Jesse came very, _very_ close to go where no man had gone before.

(It makes her warm and blushing even now, just the memory of how his fingers felt against her skin, how reverent his touch was. How he breathed the lyrics against her most intimate place, making her moan his name. How he reassured her when she, nervous and unsure, tried to give him as much pleasure as she gave him).

Artie is watching her, cautious, concerned blue eyes behind clear lenses. She shakes her trance off (this is not the time to focus on how appealing and seductive her boyfriend can be) and smiles at him, her fingers coming to rest lightly against Jesse's face, frozen on the computer screen. "Artie… Do you think we can start the whole edition over?" She asks quietly, blushing lightly at Artie's small, knowing grin.

"Of course, Rachel".

**

* * *

I**t's the night after she finished editing the video with Artie. All the takes with Noah and Finn were deleted from Artie's computer memory, and the video now only stars Jesse. She's in peace with her mind, and now waits for her boyfriend to come over like he promised her earlier that day that he would. She has called Noah already and told him she has decided to redo the entire thing, starring Jesse only (what Noah doesn't know won't hurt him, she decides). Noah couldn't care less ("Berry, only that kid would see that piece of shit as 'artistic' or whatever as you do"). Finn, she decides, doesn't deserve to know.

With Jesse, however, she knows it's a completely different story. He deserves to know everything, from her initial plan of triple-casting the role of Joey in her video to her final decision of make him the sole male star against her Julie. Her hands are shaking with anxiety because the one thing she doesn't want to happen is that he breaks up with her because she for a while considered casting his two rivals into a role he was more than perfect into.

_No… It won't happen. He'll understand. He'll see that when it came down to it, I changed my mind_, she thinks more confidently than she truly feels, and she's so deep into her thoughts that the feel of big, warm, soft hands on her stomach and strong arms wrapping themselves around her slim waist. "Hey", her boyfriend's deep voice whispers against her ear, and she's almost scared half to death, making him chuckle in surprise. "Everything fine?" He asks as his hands come to rest on her shoulders, massaging softly.

"Yeah", she smiles, relaxing into his touch, placing a sweet kiss on his wrist as she snuggles against his chest. The glee king and queen stay quiet for a moment, until Rachel takes a deep breath and turns around, brown eyes locking with blue-grey pools. Her hand comes to rest on his fastidiously shaven cheek, and he leans into her touch, smiling softly and making her smile equally sweetly. "Jess?"

"Yes?"

"I love you", she whispers, a timid murmur. It's the first time the words are spoken between the two of them, and she inhales sharply, nervousness deepening the chocolate shade of her eyes. But a smile blooms in his handsome face, and she relaxes. "I love you", she repeats, softly, but courageously, and his smile widens into a grin before he leans in and claims her lips with his.

"I love you", he says back, and a wide grin blooms on her face as she squeezes him in her arms.

"I have something to tell you, Jess. But first promise me you won't be mad", she says quietly, holding his hands in her smaller ones. Jesse's eyes cloud with worry and concern, and he squeezes her hands softly, fingers caressing her palm leisurely as he focuses on her.

"It sounds serious. Something wrong? Any problem with the video? You and Artie edited it today, didn't you?"

She nods slowly, smiling a bit. "We did. But everything went very smoothly, Artie definitely has future as a director", the brunette quiets for a moment then takes a deep breath. "Jess, as a rule I don't keep secrets. And that's why I'm telling you this, because I don't want you to find out from anyone else. I…" She hesitates for a moment, lowering her eyes, and the words leave her lips on a mumble, "I had casted Noah and Finn as Joey as well. For the video. The original plan was to include shooting from the three of you on the final cut, but as Artie and I were editing it, it just… It just felt so wrong. It felt so wrong not to have you as the sole male lead. You worked so hard, you gave it all of you and you were undoubtedly the best of the three. Not that it should be a surprise. But you were the best and even Artie agreed".

She silences and doesn't dare to look up, tears bubbling in her eyes as he doesn't make a sound. "I… I'll accept and understand if you decide this is unforgivable and break up with me", she whispers, letting go of his hands as she tries to stand up. But then it's his hands that are holding her, preventing her to get away from him as she clearly would do. His fingers caress the back of her hand, and he puts one of his fingers on her chin, slowly lifting her face so their eyes meet and lock. His other hand comes to rest on the curve of her cheek, softly caressing, gently wiping the liquid pooling in her eye. A single tear rolls down her free cheek, and he leans forward, pressing a kiss right over the crystal droplet.

"Don't cry", Jesse whispers against her skin, resting his forehead against hers. "I hate when you cry", he admits quietly, and she sniffles.

"You… You're not _mad_ at me?"

"Oh, I am", he nods. "I think. But, Rachel, you didn't do it. You could have left me in the dark but you didn't. When it came down to it, you risked facing my anger and losing me to be truthful. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's okay that you casted Puckerman and that oaf too – because it's really not – but I can understand _why_ you did it".

She relaxes just a little bit because he's speaking so sweetly to her, holding her so carefully. But she knows this conversation is far from over, so she doesn't allow his magnetism to overwhelm her, because she can't focus if she allows herself to fall under his spell.

"That being said, I need to know if I'm just wasting my time being second best to Hudson, Rachel. Because I've changed my entire life for you and, while I don't regret it – you're worth every change I've made so far – I also don't want to end heartbroken because you've decided he's a better match for you".

Rachel's eyes widen and she shakes her head vigorously. "Don't you ever think that, Jesse Jonathan St. James. I've never said 'I love you' to Finn or to Noah. But I've said it to you and I've meant it because it's true. I am in love with you, in deep, profound, true love with you and only you". She places her hands on his face, caressing it while her eyes meet his on an adoring look. "I love you, Jesse. Only you".

He smiles slightly at her, leaning forward so their lips join on a sweet kiss. "I love you too, Rachel Barbara Berry".


	3. oh simple thing where have you gone?

**Summary: **Sunshine's first week as a Carmel student doesn't end as expected.

**Disclaimers: **Unfortunately, not mine. If they were, Rachel would hook up with anyone but Finn.

**Spoilers: **To 'Funk' and 'Audition' mostly.

**Author's Note: **Surfing through the Glee fanfiction archives, I ran into the Sunshine section. Hence, this.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#3: **__oh simple thing where have you gone?_

**T**he small Filipino girl stood in front of the huge building, its classic architecture a stark contrast to the common look of the school she used to go to until a week ago. Her eyes darkened as she remembered the prank, being sent to an inactive crack house, the panic and the fear that gripped at her heart until two young members of the tiny Asian community in Lima found her and drove her back home. She shook her head slowly, trying to clear her brain from the memories and the hurt. "New school, new life", she whispered to herself the sentence that had become her mantra, her motto, for seven days now, squaring her shoulders and holding her head up high as she marched towards the double wooden doors.

Teenage bodies moved in the wide halls, talking in doubles, trios or groups, some keeping quietly to themselves as they busied with picking up the books and binders they'd need for the school day, others lazily hanging out by their lockers making time until the hour came for their classes. Having been instructed by the school's show choir coach to go find him everyday once she arrived at Carmel High – house of the much respected Vocal Adrenaline, four-time national champion – Sunshine Corazon went to the auditorium, frowning as she heard the sounds coming from inside it, the muffled noise of a song slipping from under the locked doors (she tested the doorknobs, uselessly). "I wonder what's happening in there", she asked herself, lowly, but shrugged and flitted back to the busy halls, going to the registration offices so she could ask for directions for her first class of the day.

As she walked towards the cafeteria for lunch, Sunshine mused over the obvious absence from class of several senior members of Vocal Adrenaline – especially the handsome former male lead, Jesse St. James, who had ruled the team until the end of the previous term, and, rumor had it, postponed going to UCLA on a full ride so he could win back his ex-girlfriend (Sunshine sighed dreamily as she wondered who was the lucky bitch, because St. James was the boyfriend every mother wanted for her daughter).

"Funny how all VA members were out of class today, don't you think?" Sunshine asked Janelle Stevens, a girl from her Chemistry class, who looked wide-eyed at her.

"Haven't you heard?" Janelle asked, rolling her eyes at the curious glance Sunshine sent her way. "Of course not, otherwise you wouldn't be making this question. Uh, actually, only the veterans on VA were allowed to miss their classes for the morning – you know, the ones who decide who get in after auditions and who's dismissed? Giselle, Andrea, Chris… Jesse and coach Goolsby called them last night ordering them to come bright and early. Apparently, some new girl wanted to try out for VA, and she's close with Jesse. She must be good – I mean…" Janelle shut up as they walked in the cafeteria, eyes wandering out of habit to the VA table, and widening in shock as she saw an unknown girl sitting there. "Holy shit, she **has** to be good! I mean, she's sitting at their table already – and…" Janelle silenced again, jaw falling to the floor as she saw Jesse lean against the unknown girl and press a kiss to her temple. "Well, I'll be damned. I bet my Prada our mysterious candidate is Jesse's infamous girlfriend". She smiled. "Looks like he won her back after all".

Sunshine, confused, looked towards the way Janelle was looking, and felt her jaw drop to the floor while her heart tore open. Because she recognized the petite brunette sitting next to Jesse, his arm thrown over her shoulders, a smile curving her lips as he whispered into her ear.

She _knew_ the brunette who leant in towards Jesse St. James, pressing a quick but sweet kiss to his lips, his smirking mouth meeting her smiling one as the other Vocal Adrenaline members watched his former-male-lead-turned-assistant-coach whisper two unmistakable words against her lips. _Love you_.

"It's Rachel Berry", she mumbled, shocked. Janelle gasped, eyes going from Rachel and Jesse to Sunshine and back.

"The McKinley High glee club lead?" The blonde girl asked, frowning. Sunshine nodded, and Janelle's frown deepened, noticing the shock in the Filipina's face.

_No. No way. She can't be a part of VA._ "Maybe she's not a member of Vocal Adrenaline", she stammered, trying to sound convinced. "I mean, she's obviously his… His **girlfriend**", Sunshine all but spat the last word, with disdain dripping from her lips, Janelle raising her eyebrows at this. "So, she can just be sitting there because she's dating him, not because she's part of the team".

"Well", Janelle grinned conspiratorially. "We can go ask", she said as she looped her arm around Sunshine's and pulled her towards the wide Vocal Adrenaline table. Sunshine's eyes never left Jesse and Rachel, who were now talking animatedly with Chris and Andrea, Jesse's arm still around Rachel's shoulder, her back pressed against his chest. Jesse every now and then pressed kisses to Rachel's neck and shoulder, always grinning. When he spoke, Rachel would look adoringly up at him, like she couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"Hey, guys!" Janelle called brightly, heads turning towards her. Janelle was part of Carmel's arts program, only she was a painter instead of a performer – but, in Carmel, the arts program's members all frequented the same circles, so it wasn't surprising that Andrea, Jesse, Chris and several others smiled and greeted her. "Sunshine and I missed you in class this morning! Hi, I'm Janelle", the perky blonde held her hand out to Rachel, who smiled shyly and held her own hand out, shaking Janelle's.

"Rachel Berry", she said, before turning to Sunshine with a guarded look on her face. "Good morning, Sunshine".

"Berry", Sunshine nodded stiffly at her before smiling shyly at Jesse. "Hey, Jesse", she said, missing the obviously suspicious way Rachel narrowed her eyes at her and fighting down the frown at the way Jesse's eyes were lit up with amusement, a smirk on his lips – and not the charming kind of smirk that made Sunshine's heart race and her stomach flutter with excitement.

No… This time, Jesse's smirk was a mixture of amusement and pride, amusement at Sunshine and pride at Rachel. Like he knew what kind of humiliation Rachel had put Sunshine through and reveled in it. It made Sunshine's cheeks burn, not in flirtatious embarrassment, but in downright shame. "Hey, Corazon, how are you?"

"I've had better days", she answered truthfully. "You?"

"Never been better", he replied, eyes moving down to meet Rachel's, who blushed adorably and smiled. "So, I guess you've met my girlfriend, Rachel? Rachel's a Carmel student now", his voice was thick with joy and pride, and Rachel giggled. Sunshine nearly gagged on it, and couldn't help the little jab.

"Last I heard she was dating Finn Hudson", the Filipina said sweetly, making Rachel's contented smile vanish and Jesse frown. But before any of them could reply, Andrea smirked.

"Jealous much, Corazon?"

Sunshine rolled her eyes. "Of Berry? Please. She can't handle a little competition, that's why she sent me to that crack house". A smirk curved the Filipina's lips, Janelle watching in astounded shock. "She felt threatened by my talent".

Jesse's eyes, dark with anger, were stormy as he prepared to put Sunshine on her place, but Rachel beat him to it. Smiling up at Sunshine, she leant back on his embrace, while his two arms came to rest on her shoulders, his entwined hands leaning on her shirt.

"Threatened? By you?" A big laugh escaped her lips. "Thanks, I needed this", she said as she falsely wiped theatrical tears from her eyes. Rachel leant back in Jesse's arms, a condescending smile curving her lips as she stared Sunshine down with clear pity. "Please, Sunshine. Look at me then take a good – and I mean **good**– look at you. Who is better? I mean – I'm more beautiful, more talented, more driven, stronger, tougher and somehow I still am taller. If anything, what I wanted to avoid by sending you to that **inactive** crackhouse was to have stolen from me more solos that I deserved".

"Aye, aye!" Jesse called enthusiastically, making the others laugh.

"Thanks, baby", Rachel replied, giggling, before she turned back to Sunshine. "Besides, I was **invited** to join Vocal Adrenaline-"

"So was I!" Sunshine yelled, trembling with fury; Andrea and Giselle snorted disbelievingly, eyebrows raised so high that they almost mingled with their hair roots.

"No. You were **bribed**. Coach Goolsby shook the condo and the visa in front of you and off you went", Rachel shot back. "I had nothing to gain leaving McKinley and New Directions-"

"I like her", Sunshine heard Giselle whisper theatrically to Andrea, who chuckled and nodded.

"Is that true?" Sunshine said maliciously, a pointed stare towards Jesse, as she grasped desperately to the remains of her dignity, cheeks heated up in shame and embarrassment. Rachel looked condescendingly at her.

"First – Jesse isn't a thing to be gained. He's a person with feelings that deserve respect. Second – I wasn't sure of where I stood with Jesse when Coach Goolsby came to my home".

"I was, am and will always be yours, babe", Jesse whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of Rachel's neck.

Clenching her fists, Sunshine managed a small mocking smirk to Rachel, whose fingers were running lazily up and down Jesse's left arm while she pressed a sweet kiss to his right bicep. "Oh, tell me you're not buying that crap" she told Rachel, leaning down towards her. "Only last week he was hitting on me. Turned the charm all the way on", the exchange student whispered conspiratorially, despair clutching at her insides and a small voice screaming at her to _shut up, shut up, shut up!_

But she ignored it, because she wanted Rachel to hurt, she wanted Rachel to suffer, she wanted Rachel to feel the same shame, fear and humiliation she had felt at that crack house, at knowing she wasn't welcomed and embraced at McKinley. (She didn't feel welcomed and embraced in Carmel either, but now she had nowhere to run, so she forced herself to stick it out).

Rachel was silent, steely eyes meeting hers, but the triumph surging in Sunshine's heart was quickly dashed by the booming, velvety laugh coming from behind her rival. Startled, she looked up to see Jesse still chuckling. "Oh, my God, you really _are _desperate, aren't you? To confuse politeness with flirting…"

"At least I didn't cheat on my boyfriend with the competition-"

"You know what? That's fucking **it**", Andrea said suddenly, standing up and coming to stand so close to Sunshine that the other girl had to take a step back. "You have to back the hell off. Seriously. This whole 'jealous-ex-something' act you're putting is **pathetic**. Grow the hell up and move the fuck on. Jesse and Berry aren't going to break up because a desperate little girl thinks getting a 'good morning' and a smile from a guy means they're dating. God, and you're not even **that** much of a talent. I mean, you can't even keep up with our dancing!" Andrea then turned to look at a smirking St. James. Rachel was giggling with her lips pressed against the curve of his neck. "Jesse, good call on convincing Goolsby to invite Rachel. She's the perfect successor for you".

"Aw, Andrea!" He replied, mockingly. "You're going soft on your old age?"

"Shut it, St. James", she replied playfully, as Rachel squealed, "Jess!"

Andrea smiled indulgently at the young couple, before she turned a stony gaze to a once-again-humiliated Sunshine. "Why couldn't you be in US last year? You'd make a perfect target for funkification – one much better than Berry, that is. Funkifying you wouldn't lead to massive and grueling rehearsals as punishment, courtesy of Jesse here and Ms. Corcoran, I'm sure".

A tiny gasp escaped Rachel's lips, who turned liquid eyes to her boyfriend, who blushed a soft shade of red before beginning to whisper quietly to Rachel. A teeny sob left Rachel a minute later as she wrapped her arms around Jesse's neck, Jesse's own eyes tearful and upset. "Don't cry", he whispered quietly, pressing sweet kisses to her hair.

Sunshine was a jumble of emotions. Anger at Rachel being in Carmel stealing her spotlight and the people she thought were her friends and the boy Sunshine had decided would be hers. Humiliation at listening what the senior members of Vocal Adrenaline really thought of her. Shame at her behavior towards the boyfriend of another woman. Embarrassment. Hurt. And, deep, deep down, a profound envy of Rachel Berry and everything she had and achieved.

As realization sunk in that the entire thing had been witnessed by the student body of Carmel – or at least most of it; and Sunshine was sure that those who hadn't watched it would do so by the videos that she saw being recorded by various cell phones – Sunshine blushed a bright red and ducked her head as she slowly walked away from the Vocal Adrenaline members table, from Jesse St. James and from Rachel Berry.

She wondered if it was too late to beg her mother for a transfer back to McKinley.


	4. why don't we go somewhere only we know?

**Author's Note: **Did I just die and went to heaven? Has my birthday arrived earlier this year? Yes, honeys – Sexy St. James is _back_. Take that, Finn Hudson. I'm just so glad. St. Berry ideas keep popping in my mind. May 10 can't come soon enough. To my friend Maria Regina, who told me Jesse's first song in 'Glee' is the awesome 'Rolling In The Deep' by Adele (it's going to be so. fucking. HOT!) and who agrees with me that 'Crawling Back to You' would make the perfect Sexy St. James' apology to Miss Berry.

Side note: Can I please stop bursting into tears every time I see 'Somewhere Only We Know'? Klaine is so adorable, and that hug after the performance, the way Blaine clutched at Kurt… Oh God! Klaine!

**Summary: **My version of prom. I can't wait for May 10 to arrive!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. The song is Backstreet Boys' "Crawling Back To You", from their album 'Never Gone'.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#4: **__why don't we go somewhere only we know?_

**S**he's sitting on her table, smiling softly as she watches her friends sway together to the romantic song the DJ is currently playing. Noah and Santana are basically glued by their lips, Noah being okay with the Latina's bisexuality and Santana fulfilling Noah's not-so-secret fantasies of girl-boy-girl threesomes. Brittany and Artie are on the dance floor as well, the tall blonde nestled in his lap, foreheads touching as he slowly rolled them back and forth and they whispered to each other. Kurt and Blaine, having been crowned Prom Queen and King, are dancing on the middle of the dance floor, singing softly to each other, smiling and snuggling. Lauren and – shock of the shocks! – Jacob (!) are sitting on a table near the dancing pairs, Jacob giving his date the starry-eyed looks he used to throw Rachel's way. Mercedes and Matt are talking, her giggling and him smiling. A dateless (just like her) Sam is talking to Tina and Mike, who have just vacated the dance floor after being there for most of the night. Quinn and Finn are nowhere to be seen, the blonde head cheerleader having stormed out after Kurt and Blaine were announced winners for Prom Royalty and Finn having followed after her to calm her down.

Rachel sighs as she runs her hands down the pale red dress she had chosen all those months ago when she was still Finn's girlfriend. Before Sectionals and Santana's revelations of Finn's lies and Rachel's own admitted hook-up with Noah, before Finn's secret rendezvous with Quinn and the literally sick way it came to light, before 'Firework' and 'Get It Right'. Like Sam, she has gone dateless to prom, the poster child for female independence. And she hasn't stayed seated the entire night. She twirled around the dance floor to 'Sweet Caroline' and 'Need You Now' with Noah, popped and locked to 'Gives You Hell' with Mike, recreated the 'Give Up The Funk' partnership with Matt, taken over the female lead on '(I've Had) The Time of My Life' with Sam, rocked to 'Take Me Or Leave Me' with Mercedes, jumped up and down with Blaine to 'Don't You Want Me' and channeled her inner diva with Kurt to 'Get Happy/Happy Days Are Here Again'. But then the share of slow songs began to play and everyone but she and Sam paired off, leaving her to go sit down as she heard 'Hello' play and gave her best to ignore the last time she had heard the song, more than a year ago, in the local music store.

(She tries her best not to remember inviting black curls, mischievous blue-grey eyes and teasing smirks in soft red lips. Her heart whispers memories of passionate kisses, of shared plans and broken hearts).

She hasn't heard from and seen Jesse since Regionals last year, when their eyes met and his show face slipped for a second while he performed 'Bohemian Rhapsody' with Vocal Adrenaline, a performance that gave them Regionals and a win that was all his. Vocal Adrenaline was a bunch of soulless automatons, but in that particular evening (and Rachel can admit that to herself now, with clear eyes and a quite-but-not-quite mended heart) Jesse St. James was full of feeling.

Jesse and she didn't have any kind of contact, and she has been quite busy with her insistent pursuit of Finn, but that doesn't mean he is far from her heart or mind. In fact, every time Finn did something that was hurtful to Rachel, whether it was laughing at jokes made at her expense, tuning her out while she talked or whatever, she struggled very hard with suffocating the comparison that popped in her mind.

_I guess Katy Perry had it right when she said second best is all I would know_, she muses with a wry smile. Sipping from her punch, she turns to look at the stage, missing the knowing smirk that appeared in Santana's and Noah's faces as they look towards the door.

* * *

**J**esse St. James has no fucking idea why he's standing at the double revolving doors that lead to McKinley High's gym, where their prom is currently taking place. All he knows is that Puckerman called, telling him Rachel's single, having moved on from Finn and going dateless for Prom, and that he should be there "if you know what's – who's – good for you, St. Jerk. Hurt her again and I will fucking **kill** you. Like, legit".

He was sold the moment the words "She fucking moved on from Finnderella" left Puckerman's lips.

As his eyes scan the mass of hormonal teenage bodies gathered inside the gym, he recognizes most of the gleeks, all paired off (his eyebrows shoot up in surprise as he caught sight of Brittany and Abrams currently locked in a passionate kiss), but no familiar head of chestnut brown hair amongst them. He is about to give up on his search, when from the corner of his eyes he sees someone standing up. He turns fully to look that way – and finds the tiny diva wannabe he had been seeking for.

And the mere sight of her leaves him breathless.

She looks stunning. Her dress is a pale red cocktail one, the color complementing nicely her tanned olive skin and delicately hugging her body in all the right places, discretely showing off her curves. Her long silky hair falls down her slim shoulders in gentle waves. And in that exact moment, he wants nothing more than sink his fingers in her locks, pull her body close to his and smash his lips against her soft ones.

His eyes meet Puckerman's in the middle of the dance floor, and his unspoken rival nods with a satisfying smirk. All wrapped up around Puckerman, Lopez smirks as well, a vision in pale golden pink. Jesse nods back, still surprised that Puckerman isn't taking his chance with Rachel. He always felt Puck was the one to look out for, instead of Finn. Oh, yes, Rachel _thought_ she was in love with Finn, but Jesse had noticed the simmering chemistry between his then-girlfriend and her fellow Jew. He knows that, given the chance, Puckerman would fall in love with Rachel, and make her fall in love with him back and make her happy.

With soft and hesitant steps, Jesse walks towards his ex. As a well-known ballad begins playing, making couples fill back the nearly emptied dance floor, a smile curves the former Vocal Adrenaline lead's lips. He comes to stand straight behind the woman of his dreams, the sweetly seductive smell of her perfume reaching his nose as he stands only inches away from her, feeling the heat of her body, fingers tingling with the urge to touch the silky soft exposed skin of her slender shoulders.

He learns forward, breathing in the scent of her, as he whispers into her ear, "I think this song says perfectly what my words would never be able to convey".

_Everybody knows that I was such a fool_

_For ever letting go of you_

_But baby I was wrong_

_Yeah, I know I said we'd be better off alone_

_It was time that we moved on_

_I know I broke your heart – I didn't mean to break your heart_

* * *

**R**achel startles as a velvety rich tone whispers in her ear, heart stopping for a moment then hammering against her ribcage as the voice and the scent that pursued her in her dreams for months to end overload her senses. Turning around slowly, her breath catches in her throat as she comes face to face with Jesse St. James for the first time in almost a year.

He's smirking slightly as he holds out a hand for her, an unspoken invitation as his eyes fleet quickly to the full dance floor. Instinctively, Rachel takes a step back, terror flashing in her eyes as she slowly backs away from her, head spinning as she tries to make sense of his presence there. Before she can flee completely from the packed gym, he clasps her hand into his and pulls her close, a pleading look in his eyes.

_But baby here I am, banging on your front door_

_My pride spilled on the floor_

_My hands and knees are bruised_

_And I'm crawling back to you, begging for a second chance_

_Are you gonna let me in?_

_I was running from the truth – now I'm crawling back to you_

The brunette inhales sharply as he pulls her into his embrace, her arms coming instinctively to rest on his broad, Armani-covered shoulders, fingers tangling with the short, silky hairs on the nape of his smooth neck. The warmth of his skin burns her, making her tingle all over as his arms wrap themselves around her slim waist, palms splayed on her waist line, and he sings softly to her, the two bodies swaying gently to the beat.

_I know you're in there – but you can make me wait_

_Cause I'm not going away_

_It's the least that I could do – just to tell you face to face_

_I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell_

_Girl, I know you're mad; I can't blame you for being mad_

One of his hands comes to tap her chest, over her heart, and she blushes slightly, suddenly realizing he's aware of everything she had gone through since they last saw each other – the tumultuous relationship with Finn, their messy breakup, the hookup with Noah, her self-doubts, her struggle with her appearance. Jesse presses a sweet kiss to her nose, a small smile curving his lips as he runs a finger over her schnoz and taps it gently, making her giggle.

He smiles softly in response, the lightness of the moment vanishing as he pulls Rachel even closer, taking one of her hands off his neck and resting it, palm splayed, on his chest, over her heart. Her fingers curled around the lapels of his coat, eyes locking with his as he brings his face close to hers, whispering the next part of the song.

_If you could see those tears I'm crying…_

_Touch these hands that can't stop shaking…_

_Hear my heart that's barely beating…_

… _You would see a different man_

Rachel blinks in shock as she notices the way the grey-blue pools swim with tears, the almost imperceptible way his hands tremble around her waist, the race of his heart underneath her curled fingers. Her own eyes fill with tears as she realizes he means what he's singing, that this is no secret scheme to make her fall back in love with him (as if she ever fell _out _of it) and then hurt her down the road (she doesn't think her heart would be able to take it).

_But baby here I am, banging on your front door_

_My pride spilled in the floor_

_My hands and knees are bruised_

_And I'm crawling back to you, begging for a second chance_

_Are you gonna let me in?_

He never manages to end the second round at chorus, because a soft and warm pair of lips smashes against his own, wetness touching his cheeks as his brain processes what's just happening. Rachel tugs at his lapels, bringing him impossibly closer as the tip of her probing tongue traces the outline of his mouth.

A thankful, relieved sigh escapes his lips, being collected by her mouth, as he squeezes the voluptuous curve of her slender waist, her body fully pressed against his as he opens his mouth to the exploration of her sweet tongue. She moans as his own tongue tangles, wrestles and duels for dominance with hers, one of her hands pressed in between them and the other tangling on his perfectly coiffed locks as she pulls his head down for a more intimate kiss.

"Hey!" Someone calls from the dance floor, the newly reunited couple breaking apart to look at a smirking Puck and giggling Santana (Rachel blushing like mad but smiling shyly, Jesse grinning like the cat that ate the canary – or, in Puck's mind, like the lucky son of a bitch who managed to be forgiven by one of the most awesome girls in all of Ohio). "Get a fucking room, you guys!" Puck hollers as smirks and winks at them.

Jesse laughs and Rachel groans, burying her face on his Ferrari Black perfume-scented shirt before she giggles quietly, the sound muffled by his body. He squeezes her a little and she's smirking playfully up at him as she looks up. "Your rendition of 'Crawling Back To You' was flawed. You totally lack the needed emotional depth… But you're talented", she teases him, and he laughs even more, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to her laughing mouth.

He understands the words for what they are. A new beginning. A new chance. A clean slate.

He won't mess up this time.


	5. talking to the moon

**Author's Note: **Bold, Jesse. Italic, Rachel. Bold italic, Jesse and Rachel. Set during 'Journey'. Song belongs to Bruno Mars.

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#5: **__talking to the moon_

**T**hey lost.

_How was it possible? _She asks herself as she watches, shell-shocked, her former beau taking her mother in his arms and holding her tight, both grinning widely, no trace of his show face in display. Rod Remington approaches Jesse and hands him the huge trophy, and with a triumphant bark he lifts it in the air. Rachel and the rest of New Directions watch, Rachel's hand clutching at Artie's shoulder, the wheel-chaired boy repeating softly, "We didn't even place" as Rachel tries to reign in the tears that are cascading down Santana's, Brittany's, Mercedes' and Tina's cheeks.

She's not going to cry in front of Jesse and her mother. She. Is. Not.

Rachel takes a deep breath, trying to steady her shaken emotions, and turns to her fellow glee clubbers, preparing to tell them to walk out the stage and leave the soulless automatons to their party and undeserved win, when Josh Groban, a fake smile on his lips, approaches the mic. "As you're aware, every year the Ohio Show Choir Board picks two singers of the competing glee clubs, a male and a female, to give the Best Male and Female Performance. The winners are to perform an impromptu duet together". He says, a crazed gleam on his eyes. Rachel freezes and turns back to the front of the stage, heart hammering against her ribcage.

Olivia Newton-John approaches Josh from the left side of the stage, with a big grin and a golden envelope on her hand. "And the 2010 Best Male Performance is…" She pulls the thick golden card out, read it and grins even wider. "Jesse St. James, from Vocal Adrenaline, for 'Bohemian Rhapsody'!"

_Of course_,Rachel thinks with a bitter smile and begrudging pride. As a fellow star in the making, she's mature enough to acknowledge that no other boy was better than he was that evening – even if the judges missed the minute his show face slipped as his eyes connected with hers.

Coach Sylvester approaches Josh from the right side of the stage, small black-framed glasses on her face and the now-infamous golden envelope on her hand. Someone grabs Rachel's hand nervously – she looks over her shoulder and meets Kurt's concerned gaze. She tries to give him a nonchalant shrug, but he looks at her with wise eyes and she sighs.

It's like everything is in slow motion. Coach Sylvester opens the envelope, pulls out the pale golden card, takes a look at the name written on it, clears her throat. "And the 2010 Best Female Performance is…" She makes a pause, eyes fleeting from where New Directions is huddled together, to the anxious faces of Aural Intensity's girls to the knowing, win-it-all smirks of Giselle and Andrea Cohen from Vocal Adrenaline.

"… Rachel Berry, from New Directions, for 'Faithfully'".

* * *

**H**is heart stops for a moment.

They're the best performers of this year's Regionals.

And they're to perform – together.

His eyes wander to where she stands, stiff and tense, an incredulous look on her face as her teammates celebrate around her. Hummel is holding her tight, whispering God knows what in her ear, before passing her to Lopez, Brittany, Puckerman, Tina, Chang, Rutherford, Abrams and, last and least, Hudson.

Jesse looks over to Shelby and she's smiling slightly as she watches the shouts and screams of their competition. He recognizes the glimmer of pride in her eyes when they lock with his own, and he wonders if she noticed Rachel has still to hug anyone in return or react in any way to the news that she won for best female performance.

"Go get her", Shelby whispers to him as she shoves him gently towards New Directions. He squares his shoulders and walks slowly to the huddled teenagers, who fall silent as he approaches them. Rachel is pressed between Puckerman e Hudson, who glare at him (he's certain Puckerman _growls _at him), but he ignores them as he holds his hand out to Rachel, whose face is guarded but looks wearily at him.

"Come with me", he said softly, a reassuring look on his face as Hudson holds her a little tighter. Hudson glares at him, and opens his mouth to, undoubtedly, bark to him a stupid retort that's supposed to make him flinch but will make him laugh at the taller boy's expense, so Jesse ignores him and focuses on Rachel only. "Rach. Put your showface on and come with me. Don't leave your audience waiting".

His words seem to shake her off her shocked trance and he sees only the glimpse of her vulnerability before a determined look falls over her face. She squares her shoulders, flashes her biggest, brightest and fakest grin and loops her arm around his. Jesse sees Puckerman frown as he watches them closely, but then he and Rachel are standing in front of Josh, Olivia and Coach Sylvester, who hand them their trophies and congratulate them. Rachel is graceful as she takes hers from Olivia, a smug little grin curving her full lips before she turns to Josh Groban and shakes her hand. Coach Sylvester gets a nod.

He shakes Olivia's and Josh's hands as well and follows her example and nods at Coach Sylvester. The other woman nods back and the three of them usher Vocal Adrenaline, New Directions, Schue and Shelby offstage. Jesse rests a hand on the small of Rachel's back and shivers slightly at the jolt of electricity that runs through him. He's itching to do more, to kiss her properly, to tell her everything that he left unsaid before and after their breakup, but he holds himself in and leads her to the grand white piano.

"Are you familiar with Bruno Mars' 'Talking to The Moon'?" He asks her quietly as they sit down on the bench. She nods slightly, and he plays a little, as he leans towards her and whispers, "You look beautiful".

Rachel startles for a moment and their eyes meet. She stays silent and nods. "Thank you. Let's get this over with. Just play, St. James. You start", she whispers as she rises from the bench and goes to lean against the piano, her back slightly turned to him.

**I know you're somewhere out there**

**Somewhere far away**

**I want you back, I want you back**

**My neighbors think I'm crazy**

**But they don't understand**

**You're all I have, you're all I have**

**At night when the stars light up my room**

**I sit by myself**

The audience falls silent as he begins singing, pouring every emotion he has on the song, hoping she understands _why _he chose this song, what he hopes comes out of it. They've been apart for two weeks only and he has come to realize how arid and lifeless his life is without her. And, honestly, he hates it. He wants it back, he wants her back, he wants everything back: the hugs, the kisses, the plans, the laughs, the future they're supposed to have – _together_. They're perfect for each other, and he'll be damned if he doesn't make her see it.

**Talking to the moon trying to get to you**

**In hopes you're on the other side**

**Talking to me too**

**Or am I fool, who sits alone**

**Talking to the moon?**

Rachel's hands are clutched into fists and her eyes are closed. She knows Jesse as well as she knows herself. She knows why he's chosen this song. She can read in between the lyrics. God, even _Finn _could read between the lyrics and pick the underlining message. And, God, she wants to believe him. She wants so badly to believe him. But she can't, her trust is still shattered, her heart is still too broken to be mended.

_I'm feeling like I'm famous – the talk of the town_

_They say I've gone mad_

_Yeah I've gone mad_

_But they don't know what I know_

_Cause when the sun goes down_

_Someone's talking back_

_Yeah, they're talking back_

_At night when the stars light up my room_

_I sit by myself_

She knows her voice is thick with tears, she knows she's not sounding her best. But a glance to the audience, to the women sitting on the front row that are wiping their eyes, to Mr. Schue who is sniffling, to Shelby who's smiling softly and proudly and looking at _her_, and she knows they're not caring a bit to the way her voice sounds. They're reacting to the raw emotion she's pouring into the song, and this makes her bold.

So, she turns to Jesse and slowly moves to him, their eyes locking as she begins her run at the chorus.

_Talking to moon, trying to get to you_

_In hopes you're on the other side_

_Talking to me too_

_Or am I a fool, who sits alone_

_Talking to the moon?_

They harmonize together and he nods with a soft smile as she approaches him – and her mind flashes back to the first time they did this, the first time they sang together, a boy, a girl, a piano and a slow song, kindred spirits recognizing and reacting to each other. Her eyes fill with tears, but only a single perfect tear runs down the curve of her cheek as she comes to sit down next to him. A broken look passes through his face as he leans forward and presses his lips against the crystal droplet. "Sorry", he whispers against her skin, and both close their eyes, hearts racing.

_**Do you ever hear me calling?**_

_**Cause every night…**_

_**I'm talking to the moon, still trying to get to you**_

_**In hopes you're on the other side**_

_**Talking to me too**_

_**Or am I a fool, who sits alone**_

_**Talking to the moon?**_

Their voices mesh together and the rest of the world vanishes. Much like it did when they sang their 'Hello'. They don't notice the soft, understanding look on Puck's face. The scowl on Finn's. The way Santana's glaring at the taller boy and warning him to stay away from Berry and get over her already because she's "in love with St. Jerk and always will be", Brittany by her side, a serious look on her face as she nods in agreement with her best friend. They don't see Kurt with his chin resting on Mercedes' shoulder and tears rolling down his face, his eyes red and puffy. Tina sitting on Artie's lap, her cheek against his hair and her face soaked.

**I know you're somewhere out there**

_Somewhere far away..._

The applause that rings on the auditorium breaks through their trance. Rachel blinks, lazily, and hurriedly and discretely wipes at her eyes as she turns to the audience, who are giving them a standing ovation – not one single dry eye. Rachel gives them a soft smile as she curtsies and stands up, Jesse right behind her.

Rod comes out from backstage with a bouquet of red roses and hands them to Rachel, who smiles and thanks him. Jesse is standing next to her, relieved to notice the showface gone. But his ecstasy grows when he feels her soft, small hand grasping his – her nimble fingers entwining with his and squeezing them softly.

A look passes between them, an understanding. They're not okay – far from it, actually – but they're on the road to recovery. Relief washes through him as he squeezes her hand back and kisses her cheek gently, a small smile curving his lips. A genuine one.

(Shelby's the only one who notices this. She smiles).


	6. a fire in the heart of a ship laid bare

**Author's Note: **Oh. My. Glee. Did you guys see the 'The Prom Queen' promo last night? And did you see how Rachel _smiled _when she saw Jesse? It was the best two seconds of my night, and my fiancé and my father kept looking at me like I was insane because I fangirled so loudly when I saw him. Damn, Sexy St. James is _sexy_!

So – this is that stage scene we **glimpsed **at promo, my way. Forgive me if it's short, but it was how I envisioned it… Everything that led to that awesome moment where a panting, sexy Jesse St. James looked at a smiling and disbelieving Rachel Berry for the first time in almost a year.

**Disclaimer: **You all know who the song belongs to (read: not me). If you don't, have you been living under a rock lately? This song is **everywhere**!

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#6: **__a fire in the heart of a ship laid bare_

_There's a fire starting in my heart_

_Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark_

_Finally I can see you crystal clear_

_Go ahead and sell me out, and I'll lay your ship bare_

**S**he was walking past the April Rhodes Theatre when she heard it. The echo of a voice she hadn't heard in close to a year, singing a song she was planning on doing at Glee (for Finn, _of course_), a voice that managed to make the song sound even more emotional, a voice that caused goosebumps to raise on her arms, moisture to dry from her mouth, her heart to race and desire to coil into her stomach, which was fluttering with butterflies.

"It can't be…" She whispered, icy feeling running in her veins as she stopped going towards the choir room and instead detoured to the auditorium through the backstage entrance. As she approached the closed door, the song grew higher, and the performance sounded more soulful, angry, furious, hurt. It was a jumble of feelings that had her heart clenching, brain panicking as she noticed she could still tell how he was feeling from the way he sounded while he sang.

As she stepped into the obscured theatre, a delicious and now unfamiliar jolt of electricity zapped down her spine, straight to her tightly coiled insides, as heat pooled on the apex of her thighs and she blinked slowly, shocked by the intensity of her reaction to him. Their physical attraction was always strong (_hello, he got to second base within days!_), but never had she reacted to his proximity this powerfully.

She lurked into the shadows of backstage, eyes widening, heart halting as she caught sight of him. He was dressed in his usual black attire, his hair looking longer but still curled stylishly, a shawl wrapped around his neck and swinging along with his long and lean(er) body. _Sweet Garland, it's really _**him**, she thought, eyes drinking him in, heart jumping up to lodge into her throat as how they could've had it all. (Could they?)

Jesse St. James.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she watched him, a small smile curving her lips as she noticed how he sounded better, more mature, more human, nothing like the angry soulless automaton he was when she had seen him less. Somehow he made his version of the remarkable soulful song by Adele his, turning it sexier, more appealing. Heat crept up her spine as his body moved flawlessly to the beat, and she moved forward against all her instincts, her brain screaming at her to get out while her heart seductively whispered for her to go ahead.

She stood now on the borderline between the safety of the darkened backstage and the danger represented by the spotlights lit up onstage. She had now a choice to make – should she remain where she was, seeing but never being seen, reveling on the raw, passionate performance he was unknowingly giving her, or should she reveal herself and try and find out what exactly he was doing there?

"Jesse".

_Reveal myself it is_, she thought wryly, stepping into the illuminated stage and surprising him, who turned around, panting. Her eyes widened and her heart pumped wild adrenaline into her veins as their eyes met, also for the first time in nearly a year (she spent weeks pondering what he was trying to tell her through the last look they shared, while he was onstage performing with his team and she was in the audience holding to her showface with every ounce of her will power).

"Rachel".

* * *

_See how I'll leave with every piece of you_

_Don't underestimate the things that I will do_

_There's a fire starting in my heart_

_Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark_

**H**e felt her the minute she stepped into the theatre. Okay, so he wasn't _sure _it was her – but the star performer in him recognized the weight of eyes on his figure, and the tingle that had the hairs on the back of his neck standing up warned him who was his lonely spectator.

He always knew when she was around, because his body reacted to her in the most unusual way. It was like he had a Rachel-radar tuned to his body, because first his heart raced, then his skin tingled, and the star-in-the-making within him always came out to play, infusing his performances with feeling and emotion, something that came to his advantage the last time his eyes found hers. It had been her presence on the audience that won Vocal Adrenaline regionals last year, and she didn't even know it.

As he sang this soulful hit by Adele, he could feel her hesitation. Part of her, it seemed, wanted to stay where she was, in the dark, watching him without being seen, an option he was sure she would pick, for admitting she was there was to come face to face with the person she had trusted the most and who had shattered that precious gift in the most hurtful way. His heart swelled within his chest as he counted his small victories, however, choosing not to focus on their hurt-loaded past. She was nearby him and watching his performance, a sure sign that, in some deep, maybe even unconscious (on her side) level, they still had the connection that brought them close and had them living madly in love in a happy bubble before it was burst by the interference of people outside said bubble. Schuester, Shelby, Puckerman. Hudson. Giselle.

"Jesse". _Seems she finally made her choice_, he thought with trepidation, blood thundering in his veins as the sound of his name leaving her lips in that breathless way made his jeans a little tighter. _Holy shit, not now_, he thought desperately, trying to cool down his first seeds of the raging hard-on he was so used to get when they were dating.

Panting, he turned towards her, his heart coming to a halt inside his ribcage as his eyes met hers. She looked transfixed, even surprised to see him there – given that he was, out of all places, singing in her glee club auditorium, he could see why she was shocked – but _beautiful_. Her hair was only slightly longer, bangs framing her slimmer face seductively, a small smile on her lips.

"Rachel", he panted out, conscious of his sweaty brow, his mussed hair, the shawl hanging limply from his neck (it was an exceptionally cool day outside, for May), his cheeks rosy from exertion, while she stood in front of her, crisp and beautiful and sexy as hell, looking at him a little like the starstruck girl he casually met on the local music store. His heart clenched as he longed for that lost, easier days, before eggs and triple-casting and lies and secrets exposed and a devastating breakup.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" She asked, shock and a hint of joy in her voice as she asked him, a small smile on her full pouty lips that he wanted to kiss so badly.

He gave her a little smirk, unaware of its effect on Rachel, the way it sent her heart into somersaults.

_The scars of your love remind me of us_

_They keep me thinking we almost had it all_

_The scars of your love, they leave me breathless_

_I can't help thinking_


	7. can we make this dream last forever?

**Author's Note: **So I finally came back home and I finally died because of _The Prom Queen _(JESSE!). A bunch of oneshots for this came to my mind, thank you Ryan Murphy for restoring my inspiration!

**Timeline: **Set after _Jar of Hearts_. Rachel sang a bye for Finn, so why doesn't she get a new 'hello' from Jesse?

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Song is Kelly Clarkson's _Can I Have a Kiss_? Italic, Jesse. Bold, Rachel. Bold italic, Jesse and Rachel.

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#7: **__can we make this dream last forever?_

**J**esse watches with a soft expression as Rachel sings 'Jar of Hearts' and is almost sure he's the only one who sees the song for what it is. It's her final goodbye, her farewell, her breakaway from the toxic hold Hudson has gotten on her for the best part of two years. So forgive him if this gives him hopes that his second run as her significant other will be more successful than the other one.

During Blaine's, Brittany's and Tina's rendition of 'I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You', he twirls her around, goofing off, dancing and laughing and just being entranced by her beauty. He brings her body close to his, whispers, "You're looking beautiful" and presses several kisses to the thumping pulse point on the delectable curve of her neck, making her laugh and pretend to push him away while simultaneously curling her fingers around the shoulder of his coat.

But of course Finn has to act like the scorned boyfriend and go all macho on him, thinking he's looking out for Rachel – but actually managing to lose points with both her _and _Quinn, the two girls trailing after Sue Sylvester when the older woman arrives to break up the farce of a fight Finn tried to force Jesse in (of course Jesse didn't fall for the oldest trick on the book. He would never give Finn a reason – another one – to beat him into a pulp).

Rachel is immediately behind Coach Sylvester, furious and upset and worried. Furious with Finn, who does he think he is to destroy Quinn's and her prom like that? Quinn is in tears, and Rachel has her hand inside of Jesse's and is screaming Finn's head off. "I told you you've lost the right to have a say on who I go out with the minute **you** dumped me! I've been supportive and respectful – mostly – of you and Quinn, but **of course **you can't be mature enough to extend me the same courtesy!"

"Shut up, Berry", Coach Sylvester barks, and the brunette whirlwind turns to her.

"Miss Sylvester, you're being incredibly unfair to Jesse. He was just making sure I had a great high school experience when Finn tried to goad him into a fight!" She said, high-pitched and frantic while Quinn is busy berating Finn and trying to save her makeup. "Finn tried to punch Jesse and Jesse simply dodged it. He doesn't deserve to be kicked out!"

Sue slams her desk drawer close and rubs her temple, exhausted. "Fine, Berry. Take Marvelous Melvin back. Jolly Glee Giant, you're still out".

"But Coach Sylvester!" Quinn exclaims. "We are to be crowned Prom King and Queen!"

"Sucks for you, Q", Sue repeats, and Quinn growls angrily as she pushes past her boyfriend and her former coach and storms out, and Jesse and Rachel walk back to the gym, Rachel nearly doubled over with relief, and Jesse overjoyed at her firm defense of him against Finn Hudson and his hypocritical sense of self-righteousness.

Once they're back to the gym, Rachel squeezes his hand and he looks at her, a question in his eyes. Her hand comes to rest on the curve of his cheek, a soft smile on her lips as she flicks on a rebellious lock of hair that falls stubbornly on his forehead. "Thank you", she whispers, and he smiles softly, understanding what she means. He presses a sweet kiss to her forehead before letting go of her.

"Pay attention, okay? Because I mean every word", he whispers as she looks at him, confused, before he presses a quick kiss to the corner of her delicious mouth.

She nods dumbly, watching as he lets go of her hand and marches purposefully towards the stage. Noah is there, rocking out to the King's _A Little Less Conversation_, and he steps back as Jesse jumps onstage and leans against him and whispers a song in his ear. Noah's wide eyes go fleetingly over to where Rachel stands, and he mouths something to Jesse, who nods fiercely. Puckerman shrugs in response and nods, finishing his song and handing him the mic.

_Excuse me for this – I just want a kiss_

_I just want to know what it feels to touch_

_Something so pure – something I'm so sure of_

_What it feels like to stand outside your door_

_I'm unworthy; I can see you're above me_

_But I can be lovely given the chance_

Jesse sings and Rachel widens her eyes, heart beating wildly in her ribcage as she pays attention just like he asked her too. She has never heard of this song before – he was always introducing her to new artists and new singles – but somehow, as he sings, she wonders if **he **wrote this song himself, because it fits them so perfectly.

_Don't move. I want to remember you just like this._

_Don't move. It's only a breath or two between our lips_

But then she recognizes the lyrics and she rushes towards the stage. Noah helps her up and Jesse takes her hand in his as Brittany passes her a mic. Jesse's eyes lock with her own and his thumb strokes lazily the back of her hand as they sway gently to the beat. Noah jumps off to the dance floor and finds Lauren, twirling her gently as they dance together.

**I know why you left – I can't blame you myself**

_Must be hard living with ghosts and such an empty shell_

**I tried to warn you I've been a mess since you've known me**

_I can't promise forever, but I'm working on it_

_**If I can't hold you… Can I give you a kiss?**_

_**Can I have a kiss?**_

Rachel shivers the moment their voices blend together. Sure they have sung _Rolling In The Deep _a few days ago, but it wasn't the same vibe. That duet was fueled by the bad blood between the two of them, the hurt and the pain and the heartbreak of their devastating split. This duet is the extreme opposite. It's filled with emotion, with sweetness, with promise.

_I see that you're thorn – I've got some scars of my own_

_Seems I want what I know is gonna leave me hungry_

**Don't move – I need to remember you just like this**

**All I have – all I can give to you I will**

_Just promise this_

_**If I can't have forever…**_

… _**Can I have a kiss?**_

_Can I, can I, can I have a kiss?_

The crowd bursts into cheers and applause as they finish singing, panting, Jesse with a smirk on his lips and Rachel blushing shyly but smiling brightly, genuinely. He throws an arm around her shoulders and presses a kiss to her temple, whispering into her ear, "So… Can I?"

The small brunette giggles and tugs at his hand, pulling him offstage. "Who knows? Try your luck again by the end of the night", she says, winking, and as he laughs, she feels good about herself for the first time in months.

(Jesse gets his kiss and a bunch of others).


	8. learn to fall in love

**Author's Notes: **Okay, so I liked Journey long before 'Glee' ('Open Arms' is my favorite song from them and I'd love to see Jon and Lea make a run of it). I was listening to 'Faithfully' the other day when it struck me how Jon's rough voice reminded me of Arnel Pineda. This is the inspiration for this.

Oh, and a warning for those of you who read _and I owe it all to you_: Ellie's finals are this week so she went MIA. And my muse struck me with an idea that is turning into a huge (and I mean **huge**) oneshot that, supposedly, was to be a part of this. But it's getting so long (13 Word pages and I'm _nowhere_ done with it) I'm going to post it independently. So keep an eye out for it. Glee doesn't belong to me and 'The Prom Queen' was the finale for me. Who agrees?

Bold, Jesse. Italic, Rachel. Bold italic, Jesse and Rachel

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#8: **__learn to fall in love_

**J**esse St. James stands in the shadows of the auditorium, meditating as he tries to focus on the performance ahead. Vocal Adrenaline is the last choir to perform, after Aural Intensity – currently onstage presenting a mash-up of Olivia Newton-John and Josh Groban – and… New Directions.

His easy breathing is erratic when he remembering catching sight of Rachel Berry, his girlfriend until a week before (when he betrayed her by deserting back to Carmel and Vocal Adrenaline _and _egging her, a known vegan), looking simply breathtaking on her deep golden and black dress, a headband on her shiny hair. She looked distracted, pensive, surrounded by the goons who she calls her teammates, Puckerman's arm draped heavily over her shoulders, whispering in her ear only God knows what.

_No. Not now. I can't think of Rachel now. I have a fourth consecutive National championship to win_, he thinks as he struggles to refocus on his breathing and the performance ahead. But, when he just managed to regroup, his phone vibrates against his thigh. Groaning in annoyance, he picks the gadget up, taking the call without checking the caller ID first. "What?" He barks dryly, eyes still closed and head leaning against the wall behind him.

"Jesse St. James?" An unknown voice asks, anxious and concerned. "This is Kieran Thompson from Carmel registering offices, there's an issue with your transfer back from William McKinley High…"

Jesse opens his eyes slowly, a frown marring his handsome face. "What's wrong with my transfer back to Carmel?" He asks quietly, dangerously.

"W-well, Mr. St. James, you see… Some papers of yours got lost in the back and forth… Including the one that closed your transfer processing from McKinley".

"What does that mean, Mr. Thompson?"

"Long story short, Mr. St. James, it means for all intents and purposes, you're still a McKinley High student".

Kieran Thompson's words knock the air out of Jesse's lung, his brain blissfully empty of all thoughts. He's not enrolled in Carmel. He's still in McKinley High.

One thing flashes in his mind and makes his heart speed up in excitement.

_He's still a part of New Directions._

Mr. Thompson is talking again, something about being able to pull some strings and manage to resolve the issue quickly, but Jesse cuts him off. "Thanks for your warning, Mr. Thompson. I'll inform Coach Corcoran of this impediment and report to McKinley High immediately".

"Mr. St. James! Don't you want this issue to be worked out?"

A small smile blossoms in Jesse's full lips. "It already has, Mr. Thompson. It already has. Have a nice weekend", he says as he disconnects the call, loosening his tie and marching quickly towards Vocal Adrenaline's green rooms. Once he arrives there, Shelby and Giselle are thankfully absent, doing God knows what. He finds Chris and taps him on the shoulder. While he was in McKinley, Chris had taken over his place as lead and done quite a competent job.

"Chris".

"What?" The older boy says as he stretches his muscles.

"You're lead. I have to run. My choir needs me".

Chris' eyes widen in shock and confusion. "What do you mean, St. James? We're your choir".

"No, you're not. I'm still enrolled in McKinley", he says as he undresses the bright pink shirt, black pants and black suspenders. Chris' mouth is opening and closing, no sound escaping his lips as Jesse discards the costume for 'Bohemian Rhapsody and, after a beat, decides to keep the slacks and the tie, choosing to put a crisp white tee. "Look, man. This is your shot at being lead at a big competition. You sure you wanna keep me around?"

This seems to snap Chris out of his shock, and he smirks knowingly. "This is about Berry, isn't it?" He nods when Jesse shrugs and shoves his shoulder playfully. "Get lost, competition. Go".

With a nod, he picks his backpack, his clothes, and rushes to New Directions' green room. Through the speakers he realizes Aural Intensity's run onstage is coming to a wrap and he hurries. Thankfully, he finds just who he wanted.

Finn Hudson, alone, is pacing back and forth along the hall that lines ND' green room's door. Smartly, Jesse sinks into the shadows and, when his rival paces by him, a swift slam of the side of Jesse's hand on the base of his skull has the talentless oaf knocked out like a light. With a smirk, the former lead of Vocal Adrenaline takes Hudson's shirt off and sneaks into an empty dressing room. He throws his suspenders out, quickly fixes himself up and effortlessly drags Hudson into the dressing room, locking him in.

"All set", he says with a smirk, strolling triumphantly towards the entrance he knows Hudson and Rachel would use to make their step into the auditorium.

_Let's get Rachel that trophy. Maybe Rachel _**and **_that trophy?_

* * *

**R**achel Berry is anxiously fidgeting. Time is ticking by for the start of their performance, and Finn is nowhere to be found. The first accords of 'Faithfully' rings, and the female lead of New Directions freezes before going into a panic. _This wasn't how we rehearsed!_ She thinks, frantically, and is about to rush to their coach when a voice she'll recognize until the day she dies beautifully sings the part that was supposedly Finn's.

**Highway run, until the midnight sun**

**Wheels go round and round – you're on my mind**

_No way. It can't be._

"Rachel!" Kurt, who had been around fixing her hair, hisses into her ear. "Go! It's your cue! Go, go, go!" He says, shoving her slightly. With a deep breath, she squares her shoulders, firmly fixes her showface in place and pulls the curtain open.

_Showtime_, she thinks and steps into the light-bathed audience.

_Restless hearts sleep alone tonight_

_Sending all my love along the wire_

It can be. It **is**.

Rachel's heart stops as her eyes meet and lock with Jesse St. James' blue-grey pools. His showface vanishes into thin air as he walks down the stage towards to where she stands on the aisle that leads to the stage. Hidden behind deep burgundy velvet curtains, New Directions exchange puzzled and upset looks, recognizing the voice and confused on why St. Jerk is singing with Rachel instead of Finn.

(Finn Hudson himself is coming to his senses. 'Faithfully' blasts from the speakers, and he blinks, confused, before realizing he's out his costume and locked somewhere. Panicking, he tries to pull the doorknob. It breaks in his hand. Now desperate, he slams against the locked door. His shoulder snaps and he falls back in pain, clutching the now broken bone.)

Onstage, Jesse leads Rachel, hand by hand, her tear-filled eyes questioning him. Their voices mesh together as he entwines her fingers with his, his thumb softly caressing the back of her hand before he lifts it to his lips and presses a sweet kiss on the smooth skin. Rachel blinks away tears, a small shiver rushing through her.

_**They say that the road ain't no place to start a family**_

_**But right down the line it's been you and me**_

_**And loving a music man ain't always what's supposed to be**_

_Oh boy you stand by me_

_**I'm forever yours… Faithfully**_

The sizzling chemistry and raw feeling emanating from the leads of New Directions enthrall the judges. Never before has Jesse St. James sounded so soulful and meaningful. His rough voice, eerily remindful of Journey's lead man's, combines beautifully with the sweet tones of his female lead, giving to 'Faithfully' a new twist that makes it New Directions' own song. Even Sue Sylvester doesn't look disdainfully on.

Standing in the wings across from William Schuester, Shelby witnesses for the first time her daughter sharing a duet with her show choir star. Tears bubble into her eyes as she glares warningly at the fuming Giselle. William himself has a reluctant smile on his lips, reminding Rachel and Jesse during rehearsal. They hadn't sounded this amazing before. And Rachel herself hasn't sounded so good since Jesse left. He doesn't know what happened to bring Jesse back – but he'll have a talk with the boy about it, later.

_Circus life – under the big top world_

_**We all need the clowns to make us smile**_

_Oh, through space and time _**(through space and time)**

_**Always another show**_

**Wandering where I am, lost without you**

A silent sob escapes Rachel's lips as she sings, standing holding hands with Jesse on the steps that lead up to the stage. He brings her close and presses his chest to her back, her hair tickling gently his chin and the scent of her – Victoria's Secret Love Spell body wash and liquid soap – surrounds him. He wraps his arms around her waist, and she twirls within his embrace, her hands coming to rest at his golden-covered chest.

_**And being apart ain't easy on this love affair**_

_Two strangers learn to fall in love again_

**And I get the joy of rediscovering you**

**Oh, girl, you stand by me**

_**I'm forever yours… Faithfully**_

Letting her go, he gently brings her onstage as the curtains pull open revealing the other ten members of New Directions scattered around the makeshift platform. Rachel notices they all have their showfaces on, except for Noah and – surprisingly – Santana and Brittany, her ex-boyfriend and her supposed nemesis smirking while the tall blonde grins overjoyed. She and Jesse step into line, side by side, with the rest of **their **team, and a quick glance at the wings has her heart racing.

Shelby is there, watching, wiping her eyes with a proud smile. The smile of a **mother **watching her daughter doing what she loves. Jesse glances at the same direction and smiles, squeezing Rachel's hand softly as they harmonize with the rest of New Directions.

_**Oh, oh, oh… **_**Faithfully**

_Faithfully – I'm still yours_

_**Oh, oh, oh… **__I'm still yours_

_**Oh, oh… I'm still yours…**_

**…** _**Faithfully**_

* * *

**T**hey win. Of course they win. Was there ever a question they wouldn't?

Chris does quite a good job on 'Bohemian Rhapsody' but it can't beat the emotionally-charged cover ballad of Journey performed by New Directions (read: Jesse and Rachel). They also perform a mash-up of 'Any Way You Want It' and 'Loving Touching Squeezing' and a new version of the well-known 'Don't Stop Believing'. Puck does his inappropriate dance moves that have Rachel laughing and pressing against him, and he takes the opportunity and the relaxedness of their dance moves to smack a kiss on her neck's hairline. She shivers deliciously and he looks down to hide his smirk.

(She feels his heart beating rapidly and grins big and bright. Their fingers tangle together and she leans against him. Jesse's smirk melts into a soft smile as their eyes meet again and he realizes there are **happy **tears glistening in her eyes. Her grip on his hand is firm, and this win feels like a true one. He has the trophy. He's going to the Nationals).

(He has **the girl**).

(Of course, it isn't bad that Hudson is carried out of the theater on a stretcher, whining because of his broken shoulder, and Rachel hides her face in his shoulder so she can muffle a giggle that he hears anyway).


	9. you always were the perfect fan

**Author's Note: **Spoilers to 'Journey', I guess. I refuse to acknowledge 'New York' as canon.

**Here, there... everywhere**

_**#9: **__you always were the perfect fan_

**S**he stands in the back of the auditorium, long dark hair falling sleekly against her shoulders, an awed expression in her face. It's only the third time she has seen her 16-year-old daughter perform, but the longtime coach in her recognizes the improvement from the two previous opportunities. The first time, during the 2009 Sectionals, Rachel's voice was powerful but it seemed impromptu, unrehearsed. During the following Regionals, she had been broken, too emotional, undoubtedly because of her recent egg-induced breakup with Jesse St. James (who she sees sitting slightly ahead, staring at her glowing daughter with a smitten look on his handsome face).

But now…

Rachel's again belting out a Barbra classic, 'My Man', and her voice is simply flawless. It's strong, passionate, sad but hopeful – the voice of a potential National winner. Her eyes fly over the audience and settle exactly where Jesse is, and a soft expression slides in her face as she smiles sweetly. Shelby blinks from her seat – because this is unexpected. Not Jesse being there – Shelby lived with the boy time enough to know he truly loved her daughter – but the fact that Rachel is… **happy** that he is there. Last she knew, Jesse was the second-to-last person Rachel wanted to see.

The last person, of course, is her.

She feels tears bubbling up in her eyes when she remembers the broken expression in Rachel's face when she suggested they be grateful for each other from afar. She also remembers the massive yelling she got from Jesse, when he stormed into her Carmel office and ranted for over half an hour about having to hold Rachel and wipe her tears and comfort her and how could she be so heartless?

Sure, Shelby got her revenge a mere days later when she basically threatened to make Jesse sing soprano for the rest of his life because of his part on the egging of her daughter. But still… It had hurt like a bitch to hear what her carelessness with Rachel's feelings had caused to her older daughter. And of course hearing Jesse reply he wasn't Rachel's mother to her question of who the heartless one was then hadn't made it any better.

Clenching her teeth together in an effort to suppress the tears that threaten to roll down her cheeks – the same cheekbones she sees in a much younger face that now is looking lovingly at an equally awed boy on the audience – Shelby claps as Rachel wraps the song to an ending and joins the rest of her team to their group number – Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way'. She smiles as her daughter dances and sings backup to an Asian girl, to an African American girl and a effeminate boy. With 13 members now (new teammates included a overweight girl in glasses and a very handsome boy who has 'LIKE BOYS TOO' emblazoned on the front of his white T-shirt), New Directions seems more rehearsed and driven, and she ponders for a moment that they can give Vocal Adrenaline a run for their money.

But then the number is over and the audience is giving a standing ovation and Shelby takes the opportunity to sneak out unseen. She has done what she wanted – to check out on her daughter from afar. But then she remembers the look of joy in Beth's face whenever the nearly one-year-old does something she innately knows her mother is proud of, and something inside of her wants to see the same emotion in Rachel's face. To make sure her daughter knows how proud she is of her. So, she finds her way towards backstage. To Rachel.

She's waiting for New Directions to pour out of the stage into the common room when she hears Jesse's voice, hard and protective behind her. "What are you doing here, Shelby?" Sighing, the former Vocal Adrenaline coach turns to her former male lead, shocked at the fierceness and hardness in the grey-blue eyes.

"What do you think, Jesse?" She replies, flicking back a lock of hair.

Jesse sighs. "Haven't you hurt her enough last year, Shelby?" He says, running his fingers through his stylishly disheveled curls. He seems so much wiser, so much older – so much like a man instead of the spoiled boy she remembers.

"You love her", she whispers, and he nods once, solemnly.

"I do. More than anything in the entire world – sometimes I think even more than myself". He faces her head on, his eyes shining with determination. "I swear to God, Shelby, I won't let you break her again. She doesn't deserve that".

She knows he's telling her the truth. So she nods. "I won't. I promise".

He looks at her, really looks and sees she means that. So he nods back and turns when he hears Puckerman's voice coming from somewhere. A few minutes later, her coat draping from her arm, bounces Rachel, a bright wide grin on her lips as she talks excitedly with Tina. Then her eyes meet his and Shelby is completely astonished.

If she thought her daughter was glowing while onstage belting out Streisand, she has no words to the happiness that lights up Rachel's features when she rushes towards Jesse and jumps in his arms, babbling excitedly about the rush she got from being onstage. Her former pupil laughs and silences her with a kiss. "You were amazing", Shelby thinks she hears Jesse whisper, and Rachel blushes but is still beaming.

That is, until her eyes meet Shelby's. For a nanosecond the mother in the older woman recognizes the surprise and the joy – before they're replaced by the guarded showface of someone who has been hurt one time too many. "Shelby", Rachel says politely as she disentangles herself from Jesse. He doesn't let her go, though, keeping an arm around her shoulders. "Wha-What you're doing here?" She looks around quickly to assure neither Noah nor Quinn is around – she can't imagine the world of pain they'll go through if they see their daughter's adoptive mother. "Is everything alright with… with Beth?"

(Shelby doesn't feel Rachel shaking slightly, or the way she's grasping the fabric of his coat on his back. Jesse does, though. He never mentions it, and his girlfriend is thankful for his silent support).

"Hey, baby", Shelby says softly, a small, unsure smile on her lips. "You were wonderful up there, Rachel. I'm sure you gave Barbra a run for her money. And Beth's fine, thank you for asking. She looks like her father. But she has her mother's eyes, I think".

Rachel blinks and smiles uncertainly. "Thank you", she says quietly.

"Rachel!" Schuester's voice comes from the dressing room, nd her daughter turns her head on that direction before addressing Shelby.

"I- I really have to go. But maybe…" She casts Jesse an unsure glance and he nods encouragingly. _How could I have missed that last year?_ Shelby thinks. "Maybe you'd like to join us – Jesse and I – for dinner? Maybe we could… catch up?"

Shelby sees the offer for what it is – an olive branch, another tentative attempt at building a bridge. So she smiles and nods. "That'll be wonderful".

The joy in Rachel's face is unabashedly open now. Shelby's heart sings in response.

She has her baby back.


	10. maybe it's true

**Author's Note: **What if Rachel meant what she said when she told Finn she already had moved on in 'Hell-O'?

**Here, there... everywhere**

_**#10: **__maybe it's true that I can't live without you_

**S**he feels like laughing when she approaches Finn to tell (lie to) him about 'breaking up' with Jesse (as if!). He tells her he has circled some dates on the his and her calendars she had made them on the beginning of their relationship – or the farce she has come herself to notice was her relationship with Finn. Finn asks her again to get back together and she is thrown off balance for a moment – the lure of her fantasy (loser girl is shot to the top of the high school food chain by dating the popular quarterback) tantalizingly teasing her… until she remembers Jesse and the perfection of her Friday date.

She was a little late getting ready for their outing so Jesse came to knock on her door. Her fathers were home, and in the five minutes between when she heard the muffled voices of her daddy exuberantly greeting him and when she came downstairs, Jesse managed to keep a steady flow of conversation with both Hiram and Leroy. There was nothing of the awkward silences she remembered from when Finn came to pick her up; they even hung out for a bit (forty-five minutes) with her fathers because the conversation between the three men was enthralling and so animated.

"I like him. He'll be good for you", she remembers her dad (Leroy, who is the strict one) telling her when he gave her a hug before she left with Jesse. Hiram, her daddy (the 'mother' in the parental unit), was smiling all big and bright and the look in his eyes told him he was already planning a wedding (so different from when he used to see her out with Finn and have a disappointed little glimmer in his eyes).

She and Jesse went to catch an exhibit of 'The Sound of Music' in the Akron movie center with about 20 to 30 other people. They had a lot of fun singing along to the songs with the rest of the group, then going out for a snack and discussing Julie Andrews' career. Jesse dropped her off more than a hour before her curfew and they sat on her front porch talking quietly and just getting to know more of each other.

It felt different (amazing) to know she was being listened, paid attention to. It was wonderful to find someone as interested in Broadway, and musicals, and theatre as she is herself. It was thrilling to try and find out if he knew more than she does.

It wasn't that important until she was given the ultimatum by Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and Artie (and don't think she doesn't know who told them about her and Jesse. She's not stupid. She knows Finn must have told someone – Mr. Schue, most likely – who then told the rest of them about it). Once confronted with the idea of losing Jesse, she simply couldn't imagine her life without him being a part of it.

So, all that being said, Rachel looks at Finn and **laughs**. She laughs so hard tears run down her cheeks and she's gasping for breath and leaning against the lockers next to his. Finn stares at her clueless, confused at her reaction to his renewed proposition to get back together, and she takes a deep breath – laughter still escaping through her lips every now and then – and wipes her eyes as she turns to him.

"You've made your choice, Finn. And I stand by what I said when you first came to me with the idea of getting back together. I've moved on. Maybe you and the rest of our teammates and choir coach are mistrustful of me to the point of giving me an ultimatum", she feels smugly satisfied when he pales and flinches, "and I had to give up the best boyfriend an admittedly high-maintenance girl such as myself could ask for to keep you all happy, but that doesn't immediately translate to me wanting to get back with you. See you at rehearsal".

"You can't brush me off like that. I'm not some guy you've met at the music store. I don't give up that easy", he calls, sounding confident, but she looks at him condescendingly.

"You already _have _given up, Finn. Don't you remember? You broke up with me to chase your inner rockstar, who you thought you'd find underneath Brittany's and Santana's cheerio skirts. And now I'm free. Deliriously free. So thank you for that". She's smiling, bright and genuine, mind filled with JesseJesseJesse. "See you at rehearsal".

Once rehearsal is done for the day – she surrounded herself with Noah, Mike, Matt and Artie to avoid awkward conversations with Finn (he never could understand that no means no) – she catches a ride home with Noah and a big grin appears on her lips the moment she sees the Range Rover parked in her house's driveway. Noah gives her a sideway glance and sighs. "You be careful, okay? And tell St. James he'll have his ass kicked if he hurts you".

She softens visibly and nods once, pecking his cheek before leaving his truck. "I'm home!" She calls out when she's inside the house, her grin changing into a sweet smile when Jesse appears behind her fathers. She walks straight to him and wraps her arms around his waist. Smiling softly, he hugs her back, pressing his cheek against her hair and kissing the crown of her head sweetly. Behind her back, Hiram and Leroy exchange a knowing glance.

"Hey", she breathes.

"Hey", he replies. "What's up?"

She steps back, lacing her fingers through his and beaming up at him. "Nothing. I…" She trails off when Jesse follows her fathers to the kitchen, tugging her behind him. "I'm just so happy you're here", she says quietly.

Jesse smiles at her before turning back to his conversation with the Berry men.


	11. will we ever stop pretending?

**Author's Note: **_Pretending _screams St. Berry for me (don't ask me why, it does!). And Finn's too stupid to come with such a beautiful song himself. _Glee_, _Pretending_ and _Hello_ don't belong to me, unfortunately.

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#11: **__will we ever stop pretending?_

**T**hey're all gathered in front of their New York hotel, getting ready to jump into the bus that will drive them towards the airport. She's still high on the amazing declaration of love Finn has written for and sung with her, still slightly disbelieving that he had managed to come up himself with such a beautiful ballad. But there's something wrong, she knows, her psychic senses are alerting her, but she can't exactly tell what it is, so she dismisses it as her insecure side trying to pop its ugly head up and blow her newfound happiness.

However, at the same time that she's deeply excited for this new phase of her relationship with Finn (one that will last a year, and a year only, and he knows that already. Nothing is stopping her from coming back here, to the city she knows is her home), she can't let go of that other young man (_he _is in no way a boy, never has been). Her heart clenches as she remembers how he planned to surprise her by coming to watch her winning performance and ended up surprised himself and humiliated when her new boyfriend (the one who wrote her a _song_!) planted a kiss on her lips onstage and cost them all their first Nationals win.

"Stop thinking of him", she tells herself firmly but silently as she looks around after Finn. He is nowhere in sight, the only one missing from their group of twelve. Sam and Mercedes are talking quietly to each other, and a small smile curves her lips as she watches their body language. If they're not ready to come out with their new relationship, that's quite okay with that (having had a secret romance in the past herself, she can understand the thrill and the excitement). She knows Mercedes and Sam are good for each other. They'll be very happy, she knows.

Brittany and Santana, pinkies linked and the blonde's cheek against the Latina's shoulder, are immersed in a conversation with Noah and Quinn. Her eyes connect briefly with the former head Cheerio and she looks away, a pang of shame burning in her insides. She tries not to remember how just last week Quinn was the one target to Finn's attentions and affections, and how suddenly he broke up with her for reasons still unknown. She also firmly tries not to remember how she herself was busy happily kissing and making out with another young man just last week, soft but experienced lips and a long lean body that hers fit nicely against.

Artie, Kurt, Lauren, Mike and Tina are hanging by the special entrance, discussing what to do now that the summer is theirs for the taking. This year the Asian couple won't be heading to their camp, so they have quite a bit of time in their hands and Mike seems to be setting game dates with Artie. With a bored Lauren looking on, Tina and Kurt are discussing when to go check up the new nail salon on town, and she knows her best friend will call her so she decides to go find Finn. Mr. Schue is also nowhere to be seen so she hopes they're together, talking about God knows what.

She goes back inside, fixing the strap of her purse on her shoulder as the cool breeze of air conditioning licks her skin and brings goose bumps to it. Her mind for a moment flashes back to a moment in time when it was the warm breath of a beautiful blue eyed man who caused her the same reaction, the feel of his body hovering over hers, hers twisting in arousal and ecstasy. Clenching her fists tightly (how can a memory bother her so?), she bites her lower lip and takes a deep, calming breath. _Stop thinking of him!_ She orders herself, hating the touch of panic in her voice. It reminds her too much of the last time she desperately tried to avoid all and any memory of that particular love of hers, when she was so broken and hurt that she held tight to Finn to avoid being alone and bleeding.

Looking around after her boyfriend, she catches sight of their coach and, with a relieved sigh, walks towards him. He catches sight of her while talking to Ms. Rhodes and smiles tightly at her, and she fixes her brightest grin on place. "Mr. Schue, I'm sorry to bother you, but can you tell me where I can find Finn? He's the only one not outside waiting for you to finish your conversation so we can drive to the airport", she states politely, and the teacher seems to relax if only a bit.

"Finn's just on the winter garden-" Schue begins to say, and she interrupts him with a nod.

"Thank you. I'll go fetch him now", she's turned towards the winter garden when Schue's voice holds her back.

"Rachel, wait. He's talking with Jesse".

Rachel frowns. Finn talking with… with **Jesse**? She hopes against hope that it doesn't involve Finn threatening Jesse with bodily harm (she doesn't wish Jesse any more hurt than the pain she might have inadvertently caused him through her public display of affection with Finn earlier that day), and shoots Schue a small, thankful nod before hurrying towards the garden.

What she finds – what she **hears **when she walks in the luscious space…

… It would be best to find Finn threatening to break Jesse's knees.

(Or worse. The world needs to learn of Jesse St. James' and his triple-threat talent. She can't decide right now).

Her boyfriend is standing with her back turned towards the door, her former love in front of him but hidden of her view thanks to Finn's larger and longer body. She stands by the door, her heart hammering inside her ribcage in anxiety and worry and a bit of panic as Finn's and Jesse's voices filter towards her.

"She loved the song, St. James, thank you", Finn's saying, and she's smiling slightly, glad that Jesse has managed to get over his personal disgust for Finn in order to help New Directions. She's proud of her ex, of how much he matured over the past year. His return and soulful apology healed that little bit of her that was still broken by his lies and deceits the previous year. She's now a whole being, and has a whole heart to give away.

Jesse snorts and his voice is low and simmering with anger when he replies, "Tell me one thing, Hudson. Did you tell her **I **wrote the song, or have you taken credit for the lyrics and melody I poured my heart and soul and sweat in order to win points with Rachel?" The silence that falls over the two boys is thick and heavy, and Rachel's heart falls into her stomach as she notices her boyfriend shift and fidget slightly in a way she knows he does when he's feeling guilt. A humorless and bitter laugh escapes Jesse's lips. "Should've known better than to trust you with something that would drive Rachel away from me", he mutters to himself quietly, and Rachel's eyes flood with tears.

Jesse is marching past Finn, his face down, eyes fixed on the floor, when he stops halfway between Finn and a silently sobbing Rachel. "Just one thing, Hudson. Don't dare to try and convince Rachel not to come to New York next year. It's one thing to keep her from me because of her talent and beauty. I can deal with losing her if it means she's happy. My mind is at ease that this time I had no secrets with her. But if I find out that she's considering to stay in Ohio just to quell your fears… And you know I will, Puckerman **will** fill me in if he thinks Rachel's future is in any jeopardy… I'll personally come back to kick your ass. Rachel deserves better than to suffocate her being and give up on her goals for the sake of a scared little boy who doesn't love her the way she deserves".

Rachel slaps her hand over her mouth to keep her sobs quiet. She doesn't know what to think, what to do, how to feel. She's a mess of feelings and thoughts, but one thing stands big and bright on her mind: Jesse **loves **her. He truly loves her and wants what's best for her, even if it is Finn (for the year). So she steps into the opaque light of the winter garden, the filtered indirect light reflecting on her tear-tracked cheeks. Jesse's and Finn's eyes lock with hers, but she's oblivious to the taller boy's reaction to her presence. She never sees the way he pales and how his eyes widen.

She's too focused on the way Jesse's body stiffens when he recognizes her, and the concerned flash of his eyes when he notices she has been crying, before it's quickly concealed by the indifferent mask she has seen only once before – a year ago during Regionals, when their eyes met and held during his performance of _Bohemian Rhapsody_, a performance that led him towards his fourth consecutive National win.

She walks silently towards him and stands in front of him, her red-rimmed eyes locking with his guarded blue ones. Her hand comes to rest on the curve of his cheek, fingers flicking absently with that rebellious lock of hair that always refuses to stay stylishly in place, no matter how much he tries to fix it. She loves to flick that lock back, to run her fingers through the silky strands, to use them to pull him closer when they're kissing.

"It was you", she says quietly. "I should have known. It makes more sense now". Fresh tears brim in her dark eyes and he nods once, knowing there's no use to deny what she has a hundred percent certainty it's true. "When?" Her voice is thick with tears and he hates it, hates to see her crying, hates to see tears on her beautiful face.

"Right after Regionals last year. That moment while you were watching me perform… and when our eyes locked right before Vocal Adrenaline was announced winner… That was my inspiration".

She nods, a tear finding its way down her cheek as his hand comes up and wipes it away. "**Face to face and heart to heart. We're so close, yet so far apart. I close my eyes, I look away. That's just because I'm not okay. But I hold on. I stay strong, wondering if we still belong**", he sings, and she steps into his personal space, arms coming to wrap themselves around his slim waist, under his black leather jacket. Her face presses against his cotton-covered chest and she sobs and apologizes desperately into his shirt. He presses a kiss into her hair, his own eyes brimming with liquid. "Sing it for me, Rach", he whispers, knowing he needs this, they need this to let go.

Her voice is broken and muffled, warm against his skin, which is slightly wet by her tears. Finn is still behind them, Jesse knows, but he also knows he has no idea what's going on between his rival and the beautiful brunette they both want in their lives forever. "_Will we ever say the words we're feeling, reach down underneath and tear down all the walls? Will we ever have a happy ending, or will we forever only be pretending? Will we a-a-a always, will we a-a-a always, will we a-a-a always be… pretending?_"

They stand together, hugging, crying, when she whispers, so quietly he would have missed if not for his very sharp ears. "No. We'll not", she says, and he frowns. She leans a bit back and her eyes lock with his, full with feeling and meaning. "We will not always be pretending. But give me this year to get him out of my system. He wants Rachel, the little desperate girl. I can give that to him. But only if you promise you'll have Rachel, the woman".

A small smile curves his lips and he nods, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. "I'll be there", he says against her skin, and she nods back, fingers digging into the muscles of his back before she lets go of him, turns back towards the door and says loudly for her boyfriend.

"Everyone is waiting out for you, Finn. Let's just go".

_**A year later.**_

**S**he's standing on the halls of her NYU dorm building, surrounded by her friends from Lima, freshly graduated and ready for the rest of her life to start. She's been single for more than eight weeks now, after Finn gave her the ultimatum she knew long before he would give her. She was given a choice to make, a choice that was made long before that ultimatum was issued – a choice she made a year ago, only Finn didn't know that.

With the voices of Noah, Kurt, Blaine and Santana coming excitedly from everywhere around her, her eyes wander anxiously up and down the halls. Finally, when she's about to give up and start panicking (has he forgotten their deal?), she sees a tall figure leaning confidently against a darkened wall. Something in that posture causes her heart to skip a beat and a smile to bloom in her lips.

She drops her bags and races towards him, her heels clicking hurriedly on the floor. A small smile is curving his pink lips as she jumps at him, arms wrapping around his neck and legs around his waist. Her nose meets that soft little spot in the curve of his neck from where she inhales the smell of him: it's marine and leafy and spicy and intoxicating.

It's purely Jesse.

"_Hello, is it me you're looking for?_" He sings, and she laughs before joining him for a revival of their first duet ever.

"_**I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile. You're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide. Cause you know just what to say, and you know just what to do. And I want to tell you so much…**_"

"I love you", they say in unison before their lips mesh together in a passionate kiss. It's the start of their happy ending, the end of their pretending, the beginning of their forever.

They never look back once.


	12. that's exactly what I need to do

**Disclaimer: **The song is Adele's _He Won't Go_. Italic is Rachel, bold is Jesse and bold italic is both. Set after that disaster called Nationals but before Finn opens up his mouth and spews whatever crap about that… kiss… having a cape or whatever.

**here, there… everywhere.**

_**#12: **__that's exactly what I need to do_

**T**he minute she steps offstage after that mess they called their Nationals performance – what was Finn **thinking**? – she feels an icy shiver run down her spine and she turns around, panic clutching at her heart. Something is to happen, someone is there and she desperately sends a quick prayer above that it isn't Jesse. She won't live if he's there and now thinking she wants Finn.

Her heart falls inside her chest when her warm brown eyes lock with furious, gelid blue ones and don't budge. _Shit_, she thinks, panicked, as Jesse looks disdainfully, hatefully, **brokenly** at her before shaking his head negatively and turning her his back. Panic freezes her insides and she does the one thing she knows to keep him there.

She starts to sing.

_Some say I'll be better without you_

_But they don't know you like I do_

_Or at least the sides I thought I knew_

_I can't bear this time_

_It drags on as I lose my mind_

_Reminded by the things I find_

_Like notes and clothes you left behind_

_Wake me up – wake me up when all is done_

_I won't rise until this battle is won_

_My dignity's become undone_

He stops.

The minute she starts singing, he stops, because he walked away from her while she was singing once and it was the worst decision he ever made. It led him to San Diego and to Vocal Adrenaline and ultimately to that fateful day where he crushed that egg on her forehead in McKinley High's parking lot. He doesn't want a repeat of that time – not when they have made so much **progress** – so he stays.

She starts singing Adele and, since he has his back turned to her, she doesn't see the small smile that curves his lips. The English soul singer became a fairy godmother of sorts for them, since their acapella performance of _Rolling In The Deep _two weeks ago. They have been singing many of her songs since rekindling their relationship – sort of, he admits – and Rachel's voice is so different from Adele's, but somehow Adele's songs always click with Rachel's tone.

Maybe it's the emotion she infuses the songs with, the passion she fills them with.

Maybe it's because it's **her**, and he's always biased when it's about her. He's the first to admit it.

As Rachel sings – and her voice grows thicker with tears and emotion, but doesn't sound any less beautiful – he turns slowly to her. She's surrounded by her New Directions peers, Puckerman holding a furious-looking Hudson with the surprising help of Hummel, Evans and Jones. But the tiny brunette diva doesn't seem to realize they're no longer by themselves in the backstage space, her eyes focused on him, Jesse, and only on him.

She takes a small step towards him, eyes shining with tears, and jumps into the song chorus.

_But I won't go – I can't do it on my own_

_If this ain't love, then what is?_

_I'm willing to take the risk_

_I won't go – I can't do it all alone_

_If this ain't love then what is?_

_I'm willing to take the risk_

She's now all but marching towards him, her slow but sure steps reminding him eerily of himself marching towards her a few weeks ago while serenading her – begging for her forgiveness – with another Adele's song. A small smirk curves his lips as she grins and he knows she remembers it. How can she not, when all their moments are branded in their hearts and minds, unforgettable.

_He Won't Go _isn't a song he pictured Rachel singing to him – ever – but somehow she makes it fit. Maybe it's the look in her eyes, that mix of absolute despair and loss, but at the same time hope and joy glimmering in her brown pools. Maybe it's the woman he sees behind the insecure teenager she is right now – that driven, brave, strong young woman he knows is popping up for the first time now, because of him. She's making a statement, a **fucking** statement, she has her foot down and to hell with the others if they don't like it.

When he reaches this conclusion, when he sees the woman Rachel Berry behind the insecure mess that is the teenager Rachel Berry, his heart has made the decision his head just now has come to. Because his voice joins hers, in a warning, a piece of advice.

A promise.

**There will be times we'll try and give it up**

**Bursting at the seams, no doubt**

**We'll almost fall apart, then burn the pieces**

**To watch them turn to dust**

**But nothing will ever taint us**

**I won't go – I can't do this on my own**

**If this ain't love then what is?**

**I'm willing to take the risk.**

**I won't go – I can't do this all alone**

**If this ain't love then what is?**

**I'm willing to take the risk**

He holds out a hand for her once she's close enough to take it, big identical grins in their faces. She takes his hand, entwines her fingers with his, and he uses his hold on it to pull her close. She comes with a silent giggle, her free hand coming to rest on his chest, her body pressing firmly against his. His free arm comes to wrap itself around her slim waist, bringing her even closer – if that's even possible – but they're too immersed in their performance and each other to realize the entranced and interested looks of everyone else around them.

**When we spoke yesterday**

**You said to hold my breath, to sit and wait**

_I'll be home so soon, I won't be late_

_He won't go – he can't do it on his own_

_**If this ain't love then what is?**_

_He's willing to take the risk – __**so I won't go**_

_He can't do it on his own_

_**If this ain't love then what is?**_

_**We're willing to take the risk…**_

They're panting once they finish singing, bodies pressed so close together some feel the urge to look away, as if they're watching some private moment not proper for public eyes. But the majority is watching, absolutely hypnotized, holding their breaths for what is to come next.

And what else should come next, but a kiss?

Rachel is the one to make the first move, fingers tangling with Jesse's messy curls and pulling him close as she stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips quite fervently against his, feeling his lips curl into a smirk against hers. He hurls her close and slides his tongue along the seams of her lips, tasting the salt of her sweaty skin and the sweetness of her lipgloss and making her moan quietly into their caress. His smirk grows wider and she giggles before tugging gently at his hair and gently scrapping her nails along the back of his neck, making **him** moan quite loudly.

The sounds of cheering and a loud catcall – "You go, Berry!", definitely from Noah – make them break apart, Jesse smirking, Rachel blushing like crazy, but both grinning and panting.

Hudson marches towards them, and Jesse's smirk turns dangerous as he tightens his hold on Rachel. But, before ND's oaf of a lead can speak, Rachel breaks away from Jesse's embrace, stalks towards her stage partner and slams her hand quite forcefully against Hudson's cheek, a furious glower marring her face.

"What were you **thinking**?" She shrieks. "Do you know how **unprofessional** that was of you? You all but sent us packing by the time you insanely decided to kiss me on that stage, Finn! **I told you we couldn't be anything more than friends!**" She's yelling now, a goddess in her fury, so breathtaking and seductive Jesse can't look away from her. "Stay the **fuck** away from me! God, I don't want to see you ever again!" She turns her back to her shocked, gaping ex and storms away, taking Jesse's hand and tugging him behind her.

They leave behind a handful of stunned teenagers. But Puck is smirking and whistling victoriously. Sam is grinning all proud and happy. Quinn, surprisingly, is smirking too, looking vindicated at her lousy ex. (Once again he picks Berry over her, and once again Berry picks **St. James **over him. That's not nearly enough for the pain Finn caused her, but it's a start).

Once they're safely away from her teammates – but still inside the theater, and Rachel has her cell phone with her, and Jesse has his, so Schuester can find them if he wants to – she turns to him, breathless but fierce. "Don't make me **regret** choosing you over my team, St. James", she states, almost threateningly.

But Jesse replies seriously, wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her close so that her hands rest over his chest. "I won't, Miss Berry", he promises, kissing her lovingly, sweetly, promisingly.

He really doesn't.


	13. make me feel beautiful

**Disclaimer: **Not. Mine. Set during 'Born This Way'.

**here, there... everywhere.**

_**#13: **__make me feel beautiful_

**O**kay, so when her phone rang and she saw his name on her caller ID? She was so not expecting that the first words he would say to her were, "Tell me you're not considering having a nose job".

She stared in shock at her pink bejeweled cell phone, blinking as she frowned. "Good morning to you too, Jess. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Now tell me you're **not** considering having a nose job".

"I'm fine too, so polite of you to ask. Where are you? And who told you about that?"

"Rachel", he growled softly. "I'm not in the mood for having a lesson in manners right now. Answer the fucking question!"

"Language", she scolded distractedly, the tip of her finger running over the Band-Aid sitting on the bridge of her nose. "Answer mine first and I'll consider answering yours".

"Who do you think told me?" He replied, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

She growled. "Noah". Oh, she would so **kill **him!

"So it's true, then? You're really considering shaping your nose after Quinn Fabray's", he didn't bother confirming her conclusion, it was right after all. Puck and Jesse had somehow worked out their issues over last summer, Jesse promising to keep an eye out for Beth if Noah looked after Rachel in Lima and called Jesse if anything of importance took place.

And Rachel considering to alter her remarkable nose after having it broken by her talentless oaf of a male lead?

It was important.

"I'm not decided yet", she said defensively, wincing as her finger rubbed a particularly aching spot in her nose. "It's an option, sure. And it'll improve my singing, so, you know, bonus".

"Rachel", he sighed, sounding both exhausted and annoyed. "Your singing is **flawless**. So, please, **stop **lying". Silence stretched between them, their breathing synchronizing, hearts beating up rapidly.

"Quinn's nose is perfect. The doctor himself said so", she cracked under the pressure of the silence between them (made even heavier by the unspoken words they needed to, but didn't dare to say) and whispered. A thin sheen of tears pooled in her eyes and she quickly wiped them to prevent Jesse from realizing she was a step from breaking down in tears. "How wrong it is of me to want to look a little bit pretty?"

He gasped in disbelief. "Please tell me you're joking".

"Do I **sound** like I'm joking?" She retorted hotly and, in his dorm room on UCLA, Jesse stood up and paced, fighting the urge to rip his hair out. This… this depressed, self-hating, low-self-esteemed girl was not his Rachel, was not the sure of herself, strong young woman he left a year ago in the parking lot of the auditorium where Regionals had happened.

"No, but you sure sound like a Paris Hilton wannabe", he shot back angrily, flinching at her gasp. "What's next, Rachel? A boob job? Bleaching your hair peroxide blonde? Wearing green contact lenses?" All anger left him and he fell back on his bed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Is Hudson really worth all this, Rach?"

"This has nothing to do with Finn!" She squeaked in indignation, replacing the loose Band-Aid with a brand new one.

"Yes, it does. Rach, for the love of Barbra, stop and think for a moment. And, once in your life, be honest to yourself. Okay, so your nose isn't small and delicate like Quinn or Santana or any other girl. But it fits you. You're not someone to blend in, Rach. You were born to stand out, to be noticed, to be showered with attention. If you change anything in yourself, you'll just be one more in the crowd. And that would be a big loss for the world".

They stayed in silence after his quite passionate speech. She was clutching her phone so tightly the rhinestones were almost cutting into her smooth palm, and with a silent sigh she rose from her vanity seat and paddled over to her bed, falling into it with a soft bump.

"Rach?" This time it was him who broke the silence, eyes watching sightlessly at his dorm's ceiling. "You there still?"

She hummed in response, eyes closed as she fingered gently the hem of her pillowcase. "I'm still angry at you, you know?"

He chuckled softly, turning on his side so he could stare at the picture of her that he kept on his nightstand. It had been taken on the day of the Cheerios assembly, when Mercedes bravely stood up for herself singing _Beautiful_ after asking who of all the students present had ever felt they weren't good enough. He had been one of the firsts to raise his hand, Rachel shyly following his lead. They were sitting side by side, his arm draped over her shoulders and his lips pressing a sweet kiss to her supple cheek. "Yes, I know, Rach".

Silence fell over them again, a companionable silence, comfortable and cozy, like the silences between them always were. Oh how he longed for the chance of being near her during this tiring time, lending her his strength, comforting her, cuddling with her in her yellow and white bedroom as they watched their favorite movies and musicals and sharing a bowl of vegan-friendly snacks. But he couldn't. He wasn't doing so good in his classes right now – apart from the ones related to performing – and he had to step up before he ran out of time to make up for the lost classes.

"The Barbra-vention… Was it your idea too?" She asked quietly, rising from her comfy bed to cross the room so she could turn off the lights. Once the room was bathed in darkness, with only her night lamp on providing a small source of light, she settled back in her bed, the sheets rustling softly as she made herself comfortable.

He had to bite his lower lip as the soft sounds of her moving around in her formidable bed reached his ears. Instantly he went back to times where he would himself make himself home in that same bed, her body pressed intimately against his, her head weighing in his biceps as they talked about anything and everything under the sun. Struggling to focus on the right now, he made a negative sound. "That was all Hummel, and Puckerman. They were really worried with you, you know. As am I".

"I've told you. I just want to **feel** beautiful".

"But, Rach, you **are** beautiful. Okay, so you don't look like a human Barbie doll. But you're simply **gorgeous**. And not only on the outside. You have inside beauty too, and that makes you so much prettier than Quinn, Santana or any other girl in McKinley", he said quietly. After a small pause, he added, "You remind me of a young Idina Menzel, do you know that?"

She smiled and then began to giggle, making him, unknowingly to her, frown in strangeness. "What's so funny?"

"Not… Nothing", she stammered, still laughing. "It's just… For a moment I thought you would say young Sue Sylvester. Coach Sylvester is always telling Santana and Quinn they remind her of a younger herself", she explained, in between bouts of laughter. Widening his eyes, Jesse joined her in the laughter, and both laughed so hard they had tears streaming down their faces.

After they silenced again, panting heavily from their laughter, they stayed on the phone, just hearing the other breathe. In that moment, what stood between them didn't matter: Shelby, Finn, the distance, their issues, the heartache they had caused each other. Both were smiling softly, their breaths coming in sync.

Their bubble was burst by the sound of gentle raps on her bedroom door. "Princess?" Hiram Berry croaked the door open and popped her head in. "It's bedtime, sweetheart. Bid goodbye to your friend and go to sleep".

"Okay, daddy", she said softly, a small smile on her lips. "Good night. Say good night for papa for me, will you?"

Hiram nodded with a small smile and, blowing his daughter a kiss, he close the door. Sighing, she returned to her call. "I have to go".

"I've heard", he said, sadly. "Rach, please take in consideration what I told you".

"I will", she assured him, her voice sweet and soft into the darkness of her room. A small yawn escaped her lips, and he began humming some tune. It was something he used to do back when they were dating. They would stay talking into the wee hours of the night, and once she got drowsy and sleepy he would hum her to sleep. Now, he did it as naturally and instinctively as breathing, as involuntarily as the beating of his heart. "Good night, Jess", she whispered, voice thick with sleep.

"Night, Rach". After a moment, he added, "Babe?"

She hummed in response.

"I love you too".


	14. a fire in my heart that just won't die

**Author's Note: **Yeah... I have no idea where this came from either. It's smut, but not smut (if that makes any sense). I'm blaming this on my lack of updates from northstar61 and her awesome _Someone to Love You_.

**here, there... everywhere**

_**#14:**__ a fire in my heart that just won't die_

**I**t happens when she least expects it.

Two weeks after the fiasco of their planned first time together – her first time _ever _– he kisses her after they finish singing 'Beauty And The Beast' from the movie by the same (it's one of the roles he plans on tackling once they're taking Broadway up by storm, and he's adamant that she will be the Belle to his Beast) and she allows him to lay her down on her bed, his body long and lean sprawled by her side as he rolls her on her side, his fingers lightly caressing the curves of her body.

She couldn't be more different from the day she tried to give herself to him if she tried. She's wearing pink and white checkered pajama shorts and a white tank top that he slides off her body, leaving her on only neon pink bra and leopard-printed boyshort-cut panties. That day, she had a lacy pink thong on with matching lacy bra underneath a silky pink camisole and matching cape. The outfit and the lingerie are now neatly ordered inside her drawers, and every now and then she touches them with a soft smile on her face, wishing… Wishing.

He suddenly rolls them both so he's lying on his back over her mattress and she's stretching over him, and locks of hair, which she has held up in a bun, escape from the elastic band and fall against his face, tickling his cheeks gently. He chuckles and raises his hand to tuck the rebelling locks against his ear, his fingertips stealing a caress against the rosy, flushed skin of her own cheek, and she tilts her face so she can press a kiss on his palm.

It's different, now from then. Then, she was all over the place, an anxious, worried mess of nerves and fears as she took her time, hidden within her bathroom, busying herself with styling her hair with her curling iron, while he waited for her just outside the door. He was the one who had subtly pressed her to it and she had given in, anticipating it until the time came and she simply froze.

Now, they're relaxed, unworried, both enjoying each other and their caresses. Close to a month into her relationship with him, she's more secure, more confident. She gives as much as she takes, there's no pressure that their making out turns into something more. She's grown confident in herself and she's more than okay with being on top of him, his hard body pressing against her soft curves. He, in turn, has learned to respect her and her pace, not taking what she isn't willing to give just yet, not rushing her through the motions. Used that he is with the easy girls from Vocal Adrenaline and Carmel, he has come to enjoy the intimacy and the joys of a good make-out session, the closeness that it brings without being actually close.

So it surprises him when she makes him sit on her bed and tugs at his black T-shirt, her eyes dark and deep with passion as she slides the garment off his body. Kissing usually leads to Rachel being undressed, not him. He always stays with everything he has on when they're making out, ensuring that they won't cross that point of no return before **she** is ready for them to cross. He groans when her bra- and short-clad flesh touches his half-naked skin and kisses her a little more passionately, Rachel kissing him back with equal enthusiasm.

He's getting headfirst into the haze of love and lust she always manages to weave around him, but when he feels her soft, tiny hands struggling with his belt he finds within himself the strength to pull himself away from that delicious spot under her jawline and look her in the eye. "Rachel… Are you sure?" He whispers, because his being on his boxers only is a step too close for them to seal the deal.

She looks straight at him, her eyes dark brown and burning with passion as she runs her fingers through his hair and slides them down the back of his neck and then along her spine, her fingertips tickling his oversensitive skin. He shivers when she brings her lips close to his ear and whispers softly in it, her warm breath caressing his earlobe. "I'm ready", she breathes against his skin. "For real this time".

He pulls away from her as he sits down on her bed, turning them both so she is the one lying on her back now. He lies her down on the bed, looking at her reverently as he steps away from her embrace and stands on his feet next to her, their eyes locked as he undoes his belt, opens the button and the fly of his jeans and slides his pants down his legs until they pool over his feet and he steps out of them. He stands in front of her clad in only his boxers, and she inhales sharply, licking her lips as her eyes roam involuntarily over his body, coming to rest on the impressive bulge hidden behind the charcoal grey cotton. Slowly, she moves so she's kneeling on the mattress in front of him, their eyes locked as she holds her hand out to him.

"Come to bed, Jesse", she whisper-invites him, no hint of nervousness or insecurity in her deep chocolate brown pools as they stay locked with his stormy blue-grey ones.

His fingers entwine with hers as he takes her outstretched hand, and she tugs him gently back to her queen-sized bed.

It happens when she least expects it. She isn't wearing her beautiful camisole, her cute cape and her sexy, lacy, _matching_ lingerie. She doesn't have her hair curled at the ends and there is no hint of makeup on her face. There is no sultry song to create the mood, no candlelight to make her relax and no red rose petals tickling her skin as they move together against them.

Instead, she's wearing everyday home clothes, her less than sexy lingerie and her hair in a wild, messy bun, at least before he slides his fingers into her silky locks and tugs them free from the restricting band. She smells of her Victoria's Secret Love Spell body wash, her bedroom light is on and she makes her own sweet music with Jesse as her soft whimpers, moans and groans mix with his deeper, rougher ones. His name escapes her lips like a prayer, and he groans hers out like a caress. Her pink-and-white striped sheets get slick with their mingled sweat, a source of coolness against her heated body as Jesse's flesh weigh on her.

It isn't planned, it isn't expected, it isn't thought-through.

It's absolutely perfect.


	15. close your eyes, make a wish, breakaway

**Author's Note: **Set after 'Journey'. Rachel hasn't jumped headfirst into a relationship with Finnbecile. I have no idea where this came from, but I'm not going to question my muse.

**here, there... everywhere**

_**#15: **__close your eyes, make a wish... breakaway_

"**C**lose your eyes", her therapist asks quietly. Soft lounge music plays on the background, as she lays primly accommodated at the pristine white, very comfortable chaise long. Her therapist, Dr. O'Connell, a woman in her mid-forties with kind eyes and a sweet demeanor, is sitting on an armchair straight in front of her, her graying hair held together in a messy bun, her bangs escaping and framing her aging face. The room is half-darkened, sunlight filtering from outside through the blinders, and she obeys, dark brown eyes hidden beneath tightly-closed lids.

"Imagine you're on an island. It's a year from now and you're on vacation on an island", the therapist says once she notices her patient has her eyes closed, and Rachel's fertile imagination kicks in. She sees tall, green palm trees, soft white sand, and calm blue-green sea reflecting the bright blue sky above, peppered with fluffy white clouds. She hears the soft murmur of the waves hitting the shore, the twittering of birds, the whoosh of wind through the leaves. She feels the salty breeze caressing her skin, the summery sun warming up the tip of her toes. It's beautiful. It's perfect. It's paradise.

"It's lonely", she whispers, and unknowingly to her Dr. O'Connell smiles.

"Who do you see with you in your island, Rachel?" She asks softly.

At once people start popping out from behind the trees and coming out of the sea. Daddy Hiram is sitting under the shade of a palm tree, a wide hat on his head, big sunglasses on his nose, thick patches of sunscreen on his skin; he's smiling softly as he watches Dad Leroy run his fingers through his hair, getting most of the salty water out, his pearly whites glittering under the bright sun. Not far away, over a checkered red-and-white table towel, Beth takes her first, hesitant steps, golden curls framing a chubby face, mischievous green eyes lighting up as she wobbles up to Noah.

Noah, tanned, strong and solid under the sun, is kneeling on the sand, arms wide open as he smiles proudly at his beautiful baby girl stepping slowly but surely towards him, her incoherent babble reaching up Rachel's ears. Noah's laughter fills the air as he picks his daughter up in his arms and starts twirling her around, throwing Beth in the air and chuckling at her excited squeals. "Dada!" Beth squeaks giggling, and Rachel smiles.

Shelby is also there, a book open but forgotten in her lap, a small smile in her lips as she shakes her head slightly watching her baby daughter and Noah playing together. Noah stops playing with Beth for a moment so Shelby can reapply a generous layer of sunscreen on Beth's delicate skin and put a pinkish hat over her fluffy blonde curls. The little girl tugs at the hat but smiles coyly, and Noah laughs kissing her small nose before putting her on his shoulders and starting to run to and from the waves.

In her imagination, Rachel watches this from afar, from the top of a hill, safely standing underneath the protective shade of her own palm tree. She's smiling softly, watching her family enjoy the tropical haven, but then strong arms wrap around her slim waist, soft lips pressing a tender kiss on the exposed skin of her shoulder. With a contented sigh she closes her eyes, leans back against the chest of her new arrival. She feels safe, protected, loved. The arms that hold her are strong, not overbuilt from weight-lifting, but strong nonetheless, the kind of strength brought by years of ballet and ballroom dancing. The skin that covers said arms is ivory-like, hairless, warm and smooth to the touch. The scent that surrounds her, over the scent of sea and salt, is leafy, masculine, intoxicating. Strong, warm, soft hands rest on her exposed waist and turn her so she comes face to face with a black cotton-covered chest, and her eyes look up to lock with tender blue-grey pools.

Rachel gasps, opening her eyes and sitting straight. Dr. O'Connell waits. Her patient has been describing who she sees on the island with her, but she is quiet now, soft sniffling noises escaping her. The therapist silently reaches out for the paper tissue box sitting on the corner of her desk, and passes said box to her patient, who grabs a handful of tissues, smoothing one in her lap before bringing it to her eyes, to dab them discretely. Dr. O'Connell makes no comment, wanting Rachel to talk at her own pace, respecting her moment.

Rachel breaks down in tears. No words can express her confusion, her pain, her grief. Her heart is heavy as tears escape from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. She scrunches the humid tissue in her hand, clenching it into a fist before pressing it against her lips.

"You have described your fathers, your mother, your sister and your best friend", Dr. O'Connell says softly. "But you were apart from them, alone with someone else. Who is this someone else?"

A moment passes, then another one. Then, almost ashamed, the name escapes Rachel's lips, encased in a quiet sob.

"Jess".

Dr. O'Connell nods in understanding, remembering the name from past sessions. The last five minutes of their appointment pass with Rachel crying softly on the chaise longue, curled in herself. The CD comes to an end, Rachel rises from her seat and leaves Dr. O'Connell's office without another word.

Once outside, Rachel sits in her car, leaning back in the driver's seat. Her breathing still labored from her crying fit, she picks up her purse and sinks her hand within it, touching carefully around its contents in search of her bejeweled cell phone. Once she finds it, she fishes it out, pops it open. She scrolls through her contact list, coming to a halt when she reaches a specific name.

_Jesse St. James_

Her finger hovers uncertainly over the call button, Jesse's name lit up on the small screen. Taking a small, fortifying breath, she presses the button and brings the phone up to her ear. It rings once, twice…

The call is picked up. The silence stretches between them. She hears him breathing on the other side and closes her eyes, ignoring the hot, stuffy air within her car. He makes no gesture to break the silence and neither does she. Time trickles by and then she whispers.

"We need to talk".


	16. mama, the weeping, mama, the angels

**Author's Note: **The superb Cris suggested the St. Berry week. It's the last day of said week, but I've finally managed to finish this little gem. It came to me while I was in the shower (literally). It's a St. Corcoran bit, but with heavily mentions of St. Berry on the first part, because my Rachel Berry muse refuses to not feature on a St. Berry story, and Shelby is coming back next episode and, as pathetic as it is, I'm excited for that, since Shelby is the one who led Jesse to Rachel.

For anyone who's worried about the new chapter of _and I owe it all to you_, Ellie sent me her part of it. Unfortunately, my laptop crashed earlier this month so I'm unable to put my fingers to work on my part of said chapter. I'll finally have my laptop sent to fix sent this week, so hopefully by October the new chapter will be out.

**Spoilers: **Mostly to 'Journey' and 'Funk'.

**Timeline: **Set in late July, two months after 'Journey'.

**here, there... everywhere**

_**#16: **__mama, the weeping, mama, the angels…_

**I**t's three a.m. in the morning, and Shelby Corcoran just put her (youngest) daughter to sleep. Usually, her two-month-old is pretty much the most laid-back, easygoing baby ever, with her light blonde hair and hazel eyes. Having heard, superficially, from… **her daughter** about the tumultuous first months of Quinn's pregnancy, Shelby was expecting a fussy baby girl to deal with; instead, she was gifted with her angel of a child, thank the Lord.

But not tonight. Tonight Beth was colicky and crying and wanting to be held all the time, so it took about all of her baby songs collection for Shelby to manage to lull her into sleep. She has just flopped down on her bed, the door that joins Beth's nursery to her room open as usual so she can hear if the baby starts crying, and her eyelids are almost shutting down when her doorbell rings. She closes her eyes and groans softly, an expletive escaping her lips.

Then the doorbell rings three consecutive times and she is grumbling as she rises from her very inviting mattress, closing the adjoining door and opening the door that connects the nursery to the hall, fingers running through her hair. "I'm coming", she calls out when the doorbell rings again, this time followed by a harsh knock on the door. She hurries towards the living room, because by now she's quite worried. It's late. More than three in the morning. Who is knocking so insistently at her door at this time?

She flings the door open, mouth open to berate whoever it is… And closes it with a snap and a shocked gasp when she sees who it is.

A drunk, furious-looking and disheveled Jesse St. James is standing on her doorstep, glaring at her. She stares stunned at him, not daring to believe her own eyes. Her former star never appeared in front of her anything short of perfectly coiffed and fixed, and never, **ever**, in any state of intoxication. But here he is, looking at her with an anger in his eyes that causes a shiver to run down her spine.

"Jesse?" She questions, disbelief dripping from her voice as she unthinkingly steps aside. He storms past her, inside the tiny living room, gracefully dodging a pile of scattered baby toys as he stands in the middle of the room and keeps glaring at her like he used to do when he first started at Vocal Adrenaline, a cocky and self-assured 15-year-old that she had to knock down a peg or ten. He was so infuriating back then, thinking all he needed to do was to sing and look pretty and that was it. It wasn't, and she taught him that. She made him work double hard for the solos he wanted, and she wasn't afraid to take solos away from him if she decided he wasn't the right one for it. That in turn pissed him off and made him the consummate professional he now is.

She can honestly say she's proud of the man she helped him become.

But now said man is staring her down, an anger she never saw before darkening his baby blue eyes. She sighs and closes her door, leaning against a wall as she waits for him to speak. She was the one who came up with said stare down, so she can wait easily for him to break. Which, you know, he does. The pupil hasn't beaten down the master at this particular bit just yet.

"It's all your fucking fault", Jesse half-shouts, and she curiously lifts an eyebrow.

"What is? And please keep your voice down, my daughter is sleeping".

Her former student snorts. "Yeah. The stupid baby you fucking replaced Rachel with", he says derisively, a smug satisfaction shooting through him when he sees her tiny flinch at his words.

"She doesn't need me", Shelby tells him, but somehow, every time she says the words (or thinks them), she believes less and less in them. Jesse's cynical snort tells her he doesn't believe that **at all**.

"You're fucking stupid if you really believe that", he tells her, loudly plopping down on her couch, his long legs stretched in front of him, his booted feet propped up on her coffee table. "She needs you more than the whiny Quinn Fabray miniature you just brought home".

"She has two amazing fathers-"

"- who are both men and have no idea what a girl goes through while growing up", Jesse cuts her, his voice only slightly slurring. She scoffs.

"You seem to care too much for a girl on whose head you cracked an egg", she says, disdainfully, not allowing him to see how affected she was by his words. (Not for the first time she's made to doubt the decision she made almost three months ago, but she hates that it's this boy, her student, the one who made the most valid point).

Jesse glares furiously at her, shooting up from his seat on her couch and stalking towards her, standing so close she can smell the foul scent of alcohol in his breath. "Don't fucking blame me for something you never fucking cared to put a stop though. Don't play dumb with me, Shelby, it doesn't become you. You knew of funkification, and you knew your Vocal Adrenaline goons were insecure of **Rachel** – you can't even fucking hear her name, it's **ridiculous** – and because of that alone she would be the immediate target of that. Add to it the fact that I'm fucking in love with her, and even if she was no threat to VA, Giselle would still talk everyone into doing it to her because the bitch thinks she has some stupid claim on me!"

Shelby has no reply to that, because it's true. She knew New Directions would be the targeted show choir this year and she made nothing to stop it, to protect… **her** from such a humiliating process. (She's heard the comments and the laughs from her team, how they mocked Rachel and her feelings and the way she looked at Jesse when he cracked that egg on her head. She remembers how Jesse was when she finally laid eyes on him the first time after that day, the emptiness in his eyes, the automaticity of his movements. Somehow, it made her miss the concerned, caring boy she only saw a glimpse when he slipped and admitted to her he didn't want to see **her** hurt. Two days later, she saw the depressed little diva on the mall with her parents, red-rimmed eyes, visibly thinner and more subdued. She cried into her pillow that night, for Jesse and his now ex-girlfriend and the role she played into that perceptibly devastating breakup).

"I didn't make you break that egg on her", she says meekly. He rolls his eyes.

"No, you didn't. But you practically dropped **Rachel** – will you please stop flinching every time I mention her name? – on my lap. And you knew she had caught my eye when we went to her sectionals".

"I did not!" She protests, and he kinks one eyebrow up as he wobbles back to the couch.

"You're not seriously thinking I'll believe that, are you? Shelby, you knew **everything** that happened to Vocal Adrenaline. Every single time. It was impossible to keep a secret around you. And me falling in love with a rival show choir's lead? High unlikely to escape your radar". He looks out of the window, into her darkened backyard. "And I only did that because of peer pressure and a stupid, now I know that, belief that she would have her mother to take care of her after".

Shelby stares at him with a soft expression in her eyes, heart breaking all over again and core clenching with guilt for the pain she caused these kids. "I didn't know you were in love with her", she says quietly, and he snorts.

"Wrong tense", he mumbles, still staring outside. The former coach closes her eyes tightly to prevent the tears to flood them. "But it's over now. I know she's changing everything about her so she can fit into the trophy girlfriend-shaped hole next to that stupid talentless oaf", he mutters, glaring at her again. "It's all your fucking fault".

His head lolls against the couch's back, eyes cloudy and hazy. He's blinking all sleepy and tired, and she wonders how much sleep he has been getting lately (he looks. "Did you drive?"

He mumbles a negative, his long, lean body falling aside on the couch so his messy head rests on one of the armrests. His eyes are closed, and his breath is deep and calm. She pads back to the extra room and picks a sheet out of the trunk, draping it over his now sleeping body. Shelby goes back to her bedroom and lies back down on her bed, eyes staring sightlessly at her ceiling. A small smile curves her lips when she decides what she's doing next.

Early the next morning, before Beth cries her way through breakfast and Jesse can wake up and storm away of her house, Shelby sits on her porch, the baby monitor sitting by her side and her phone on her hand. She's trembling slightly as she presses the digits on the keyboard, and she's feeling surprising insecure as the phone tries to connect the call. It's early, but if her daughter is anything like her (looks apart of course) she's already up and running.

She takes a deep breath when a breathless voice answers her. "Hello? Rachel Berry speaking".

"Rachel?" She says hesitantly. The sepulchral silence that falls over the other side of the line tells her the girl has recognized her voice. "I'm sorry to call so early, but I need your help with something." She can almost see her daughter's eyebrows shooting up into her hairline with surprise, and she hurries to add, "It's Jesse".

Apparently, these are the magical words, because in around half an hour a beat-up truck parks in front of her house, a frantic Rachel rushing out of it before it has even fully stopped, storming past her into the house. Noah follows after her, much more hesitantly as he recognizes Shelby standing in the porch with a smile on her face as she watches her older daughter hover worriedly over her former boyfriend, checking him out for any life-threatening injuries or conditions.

When the bulky teenager steps next to her, she smiles at him gently. "Would you like to see her? These two will take a while", she juts her chin towards the pair on her living room, and a hesitant laugh escapes Noah's lips as he nods uncertainly. Still smiling, Shelby tiptoes past the teenagers in her living room and pushes the nursery door open. Something warm and tender fills her heart at the awestruck look on her youngest daughter's father's face, the reverent way he slides the tip of a finger along the chubby features of Beth's sleeping face. "Her eyes are just like yours", she whispers, and he blinks up at her, stunned, before he allows a small smile to curve his lips.

"May I hold her?" He asks gruffly, and she smiles, nodding.

* * *

**I**t has to be a fucking dream.

That's Jesse's first thought when he opens his eyes, a hammer having a field day on his brain, and he recognizes the anxious, worried brown pools that hover over him. He blinks once, twice, against the harshness of the sunny room, his head willing this mirage of Rachel to fade away. But then a small, warm hand cups his cheek, and he involuntarily leans into the sweet touch, and it's so real, so solid, he realizes with a startle that she really is… wherever the hell they are right now.

"What are you doing here?" He asks quietly, his voice rough as he reaches out to mimic her actions, his hand cupping her soft cheek, his fingertips sliding along her beautiful cheekbone. She leans slightly into his touch, her lips pressing a tender kiss on his palm.

"Shelby called me", she explains equally quietly, and he closes his eyes with a groan, because damn.

"Tell me I didn't knock on her door in the middle of the night, drunk out of my ass, to ramble about the part she played on how we ended", he begs her, and she giggles softly. "And before you lay into me, be honest with me and admit that she had a part to play on our whole relationship".

"She didn't force you to… do what you did to me", she says quietly, hurt flashing on her eyes and straining her voice as she steps away from him, bursting their bubble. He sits straight on the couch, the sheet bunching around his waist as Rachel takes a seat next to him.

"She didn't. But she knew such things happened, year after year, and she never put a stop to it", he explains, and adds, "She also knew you made everyone insecure, and this made you an instant target, and not even then she made something to prevent it from happening". She's quiet for a moment before she nods once, clear understanding in her eyes.

"That doesn't explain why you did it, Jesse".

"It doesn't", he admits. "But the moment we laid eyes on you on Sectionals, most of the team knew who to target this year. And so did she. She never made a move to stop it, never breathed a word of prohibition, nothing. She allowed it to go on".

"Was New Directions really such a threat that you had to resort to **that**?"

He stares in shock at her, gapingly. "W… **What**? When have I said **New Directions** was a threat, Rachel?"

"But you just said…"

"I didn't mean the team", he explains with an eye roll. "I meant **you**, and you only, Rachel. It's only you and me here, so please drop the fake modesty, it doesn't become you. You are New Directions' one true star, and after a very thorough research on you, Carrie – she's Andrea's younger sister – said it was unlikely we could talk you into transferring; you're too loyal for that. Then I transferred for **you**, because I wanted to be with **you**, and that cemented it. Giselle thinks she has some sort of claim on me, because she's my occasional female lead, so she talked everyone into it. Most of the team thought I could bring you with me when I came back to Carmel".

She's silent, eyes wide like a deer caught on headlights, absorbing everything he just said. He sits back, head resting against the wall, a headache pounding against his temples, his fingers unconsciously coming to massage the throbbing spot. She rises from her seat, goes into the kitchen, fills a glass with water and brings it back to him, offering it paired with two aspirins she pulls out of the purse she placed between their thighs. With a grateful smile, he downs the medicine with the drink, eyes closed.

"Why didn't you warn me?" She whispers, eyes locked into the ceiling as she sits back, mimicking his position only with her eyes open and hands folded delicately on her lap. "You should've warned me".

"I didn't know", he replies. "I thought all we were going to do was the performance and the TP. But then Giselle started giving eggs away and I knew I had lost you already. What else did I have to lose? I lost my heart to you, you to Hudson… My place as the lead was all that I had. I didn't want to. You remember how **you** had to push me into doing it".

Now she clenches her eyes closed, to prevent the tears from bubbling. _Do it. Break it like you broke my heart_. "But you **hadn't** lost me. How can you believe that? Didn't you see how **happy** I was when I saw you there?"

He hears the cracks in her voice, feels the thickness of her tears in her tone, and the fissures in his own heart crack even wider. "How could I be sure of that, Rach? You've never made it clear that you wanted to be with me and **only** me. All the time we were together, I felt like competing for you with Hudson. And you can't tell me he didn't make a move immediately after we broke up. He's stupid, sure, but not **that** stupid".

She falls silent, knowing he has just spoken an undeniable truth. Finn made his move as soon as **he **felt it was time, disrespectful of her pain and her hurt and her recent heartache, proclaiming to love her just moments before they were due an important performance, a life-changing one. The shock of his declaration had thrown her for a loop, and while she had gone through _Faithfully_ as professionally as she possibly could, being partnered with him for the choreography of _Don't Stop Believing _and _Any Way You Want Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'_ had been extremely awkward for her. Every time the dance moves required of him to put his hands on her, he would squeeze her, firmly, sometimes even borderline painfully. It struck her as surprising, then, how unpleasant his touches had felt on her skin. His hands were too warm, too eager, too widespread, too clumsy, too inexperienced.

It was only now, so many days past, that Rachel is capable of acknowledging that the sole reason for her discomfort towards Finn's touches is based on the mere fact that Finn isn't, and will never be, Jesse.

"Finn did make a move, yes. But I've had time to analyze everything about myself and him since then, Jesse", she says quietly, moving slowly on the couch until her thigh presses gently against his denim-covered one, her hand cautiously moving to find his. Once she finds it, her two tiny hands wrap themselves around his, in a perfect fit, Jesse's skin soft and slightly warm to her touch, his muscles tensing for just a moment before relaxing within her hold. "We – you and me – we fit together so… **perfectly**", she says quietly, eyes fixed on their entwined hands.

He swallows thickly, thankful for the fact that she seemingly can't hear the way his heart is hammering rapidly within his ribcage, so fast he thinks it's going to breakthrough his bones, flesh, skin and come out exposed for her eyes. "Yeah", he replies, his fingers unconsciously caressing the sweet skin of her palms.

"Finn and I never fitted", she whispers, shyly looking up at him, something insecure and tender in her eyes.

"Rachel…" He lifts his free hand to her face, his slender digits curling around the soft swell of her cheek. "… What are you saying?"

"Do I really need to say it, Jess?" She says quietly, leaning into his touch.

"You really do, Rach", he replies, his fingers touching lightly the seam of her lips, making a spike of warmth shoot through her.

Smiling, she places her hand on his face, tenderly caressing his skin, the lyrics of their first duet escaping her lips in a flawless whisper. "_I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile: you're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide. Cause you know just what to say, and you know just what to do. And I want to tell you so much…_" She allows a little pause, longer than the one required on the song, to fall, her eyes wide and honest and serious as she presses her forehead to his.

"_**I love you**_" They sing together, his arms coming to wrap themselves around her waist and haul him impossibly closer.


	17. let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

**Author's Note: **I have no idea where this came from. The initial idea was to write the St. Berry relationship after high school and college through Finn's eyes as he followed it through the media, but my muse, always uncertain, decided to change course halfway. Hope you all enjoy.

**here, there... everywhere**

_**#17: **__let it shine, let it shine, let it shine_

**H**e _hated_ gossip. Ever since he was 16 and embroiled in the biggest scandal to rock William McKinley High School to date – the real paternity of Quinn Fabray's baby, aptly named Babygate by his step-brother – he hates the whispers, the comments, the awkward silences, the stares that the whole act of gossiping would entail. It had gotten so bad, his hatred of gossip, that his mother canceled her subscription of People and Us Weekly, and stopped watching E! He knew she would surf on the sites when he wasn't home or when he was in his bedroom, and she would read the magazines when she went visiting Anne Puckerman, but she respected that he didn't like gossip and for that he was grateful.

But that was when he was 16. Now, almost eleven years later, ten years after his graduation, he prowled around the celebrity gossip sites almost obsessively, desperate for every piece of news he could find on a very special woman he was… _forced by fate_ to let go once both he and she had their high school diplomas. Once they got back together after their Nationals fiasco, junior year, she had told him she was going to get back to New York City as soon as she was done with school and she made true of her promise. Only a day after their ceremony, she packed her boxes into Puck's truck and they drove all the way to NYC. She had a full ride to Juilliard, and Puck had a basketball scholarship to NYU, so they would live together on an apartment in the city, a demand from her very concerned parents.

He had to stay behind, with a partial scholarship to Ohio State, which Sam, Mercedes and Quinn would attend to. He had tried to talk his girlfriend into giving long-distance a shot, but with guarded eyes she told him she didn't believe in long distance relationships. Since Kurt also moved to the city (he was going to FIT while Blaine also attended NYU with a singing scholarship), he made a point of visiting as often as possible. But whenever he was in town, she would make herself scarce, and with the workload getting harder and harder he visited less and less often until he stopped altogether.

But then Rachel Berry began her ascend to superstardom. Two years into school, she was cast as the lead of an off-Broadway musical and quickly the musicale began gaining rave reviews and praises. Exactly one year later, in Rachel's junior college year, the play moved to Broadway and she was nominated for a Tony.

She was never seen with any man but her best friend Noah Puckerman, and the rumors that they were a couple began. She would deny it very firmly, stating she was in a relationship, but kept tightlipped about the identity of her lover. The Star stated she was lesbian, and she sued the tabloid while doing a PSA about homophobia.

Because of Rachel, because she was getting so much attention from the media, Finn began reading the magazines again. And once he was done with them, he would surf through the sites. And once he was sure he had read everything they had ever posted about her, he began trolling the fan sites. She won her Tony, and that's when _he _reappeared.

Jesse St. James.

At first it had been innocent enough. Her costar in her musical quit to star in the London montage of _Wicked_, and Jesse, who apparently was the guy's understudy, took over the role. The musical, already a hit, became even bigger with Jesse's addition.

_The chemistry between Jesse St. James, newly instated as the male lead star, with Rachel Berry, the play's female powerhouse, is thrilling. One believes Berry and St. James are a madly in love couple, the way they sing and act and dance together_, read a review made once Jesse jumped aboard. Then pictures of Rachel and Jesse began appearing everywhere. At first, because Jesse was apparently dating some girl and they never hung out by themselves, no one thought too much of it. They were friends, costars, it wasn't unusual that they hung out together.

But then, five years ago, Jesse broke up with his elusive and always unseen 'she-hates-the-spotlights' girlfriend.

And that damn nickname for a Rachel-Jesse pairing popped up basically **everyfuckingwhere**. _St. Berry_. One of the members of a fan board he was registered into wrote how adorable _St. Berry is together. I hope they see how much it makes sense that they become a couple! Can you imagine their babies?_ Everyone had agreed, and a guest user coyly mentioned whispers of a secret relationship.

Jesse's ex then gave an interview hinting that Rachel was the reason for their breakup. Rachel simply _refused_ confirming or denying anything, which began (or fueled) the rumors of a relationship. But then Jesse began hanging out with other women, and all the talk of a St. Berry relationship was dismissed as the press and the fans seeing what _they_ wanted to see.

By this time, his room had become a shrine for all things Rachel. He would muse that now he could bring Jacob Ben-Israel to shame back in their high school days. His mother grew worried and tried to talk to him about it, but he wouldn't listen. Rachel's life was entrancing, enthralling, something he followed like one of the soap operas Carole was so fond of when he was younger.

It was something he desperately wanted to be a part of. He wanted to be there, in New York, with her, part of her world and her life and her heart again. He wanted to be able to hold her, to kiss her, to support her, to listen to her, to offer comfort and encouragement. He wanted to be her partner in life, a role he was half-certain it was still empty.

So he waited anxiously for their 10-year reunion. Quinn was organizing it, helped by Brittany and Mercedes. According to her, all the 12 gleeks had confirmed their presence, all of them with their plus ones, Rachel included. He had casually asked Quinn if Rachel had mentioned who she was bringing, but Quinn shrugged and said the former ND lead hadn't. Figgins had agreed to allow them to use the gym for the reunion and the gleeks would all be flying in a week before the due date so they could rehearse for a performance, a request of Mr. Schue.

It was with trepidation that Finn parked his car in WMHS parking lot, the day they had scheduled for their private New Directions' reunion. He was ten minutes early, but by the muffled voices and music coming from the April Rhodes Theatre, apparently everyone was there already, spread around their old stage. Santana, Brittany and Tina were sitting together, talking quite excitedly about something – Finn guessed it was about the impending arrival of Tina and Mike's baby, due in a month. Puck, Artie and Sam were huddled together in another corner, talking lazily most likely about video games. Kurt, Quinn, Mercedes and Lauren were cheering Matt and Mike on, for they were having a dance off like they would in the good ole days. Finn's eyes moved anxiously around but there was no sight of a tiny brunette diva with a big voice and a demanding personality.

Once they realized he was there, those who lived out of Ohio – Puck, Santana, Sam, Mike and Tina – all surrounded Finn, with hugs, back slaps and kisses being given all around. Kurt simply smiled and nodded at his step-brother, both having caught up since the previous day when Kurt had arrived with Blaine and their daughter, two-year-old Gabrielle Kate Hummel-Anderson, nicknamed Coco, named after Blaine's favorite designer and Kurt's mother.

"So, where's Rach?" Finn asked as casually as he could, his arm draped over Tina in a brotherly fashion. "Isn't she like, late?"

"Yeah, she is", Santana said, with a grin. Kurt laughed while Puck smirked slightly, a knowing glint in his eyes. "But she'll be here soon. She just called. She had to make a quick detour".

"Oh", Finn nodded, and opened his mouth to speak more, but was interrupted by the slam of the door being opened and the click of heels clicking on the steps and the rushed, apologetic sound of Rachel's voice as she hurried to the stage, hugging Brittany, Artie, Quinn, Sam and Mercedes.

He watched, transfixed, at this Rachel Berry, so different from the girl he used to remember, and yet so familiar at the same time. Gone were the animal sweaters and plaid miniskirts, replaced by a loose pink camisole top paired with black shorts and black flats. Her rich, mahogany hair looked soft and silky, falling in gentle waves down to her shoulders. She was glowing, a big smile in her lips and a pink tint to her cheeks.

_Fuck, she's beautiful_, he thought, as she turned and their eyes met. But there was a pang in his heart when there was no softening in her features, no private smile, no special sparkle in her eyes as she walked towards him and gave him a quick hug. There was no lingering touch, no gentle squeeze. In fact, his heart clenched as he realized Rachel treated him the same way she treated the other boys.

Maybe because there was some special man in her life? He wondered. _Impossible! It would have leaked already!_ He shook his head as Rachel allowed her demanding persona to take over and began organizing their rehearsals. She asked for suggestions for their three-song setlist, and after long deliberation it was decided. New Directions would perform one time, and one time only, their greatest successes: _Don't Stop Believing_ (the version they performed at Regionals 2010), _You Can't Always Get What You Want_ and, as a tongue-in-cheek irony, _Loser Like Me_. Finn had boldly suggested Rachel performed _Get It Right _instead of _Loser Like Me_ and, once she refused, he offered _Pretending_. This time it was Quinn and Mercedes who refused, and Rachel backed them up saying they had to make it light and cheerful.

Once they were done with rehearsals for the day, Finn tried to approach Rachel. But she was busy talking with Santana and Puck about meeting up for dinner with their plus ones. He was starting to hyperventilate when Kurt overheard it and joined the group; when Kurt decided to go, one by one the rest of the gleeks decided to tag along. Rachel at first was very uncomfortable, but a quick, whispered conversation with Puck and Santana, she nodded uncertainly. Finn's heart hammered in his ribcage in anticipation.

* * *

**"H**ey, Kurt?"

With his back turned to the door (where Finn was), Kurt rolled his eyes, knowing very well what his brother was going to ask. Blaine sighed quietly at his husband as he brushed their little girl's long dark locks. Coco giggled at her daddy as she played with her doll, and Kurt slid a small smile in place as he turned to Finn. "Yes?"

Finn scratched the nape of his neck nervously, and stammered, "Uh… Do you know if Rach has someone?"

Kurt very pointedly kinked his eyebrow up. "You mean the scrapbook you have of her lacks this vital information?" He said, smoothly venomous, relishing in the embarrassed blush in Finn's cheeks. It was frankly ridiculous this childish 'crush' of Finn for Rachel. They had been broken up for years now, and his gigantic stepbrother just couldn't get over it – over **her**. Sighing, he turned his back to Finn again, gently pulling Coco up to examine her outfit. "Yes, she has. But don't ask me who it is, it's a private matter of hers and she trusted all of us with the secret, and we're keeping it. She said they've been low-key because they're both hounded by the press, but apparently they feel it's time for him to meet the rest of the guys and once we're back in NYC they'll come clean about it with everyone in the world".

"Oh", Finn made, and Blaine had to bite back a chuckle at the crestfallen expression in his brother-in-law's face. "Uh, I'm gonna… Get ready… Yeah…"

"Okay", Kurt said with a shrug, and once Finn was gone, Blaine chuckled.

"I take Rachel didn't take him with her this afternoon?"

Kurt laughed. "No. I don't know how she convinced him it was safe for her to be in the same room with Finn, but he stayed away. I think he asked Puck to keep an eye on her, though".

"He's going tonight with us, isn't he?"

"Obviously. He must have foregone the rehearsal but no way in hell he'll skip dinner. Oh, this is going to be **good**". Kurt picked up his daughter and tapped her nose gently. "Ready to go, princess?"

"Yeah!" The little girl rose her arms and giggled, and Blaine laughed at their daughter's antics.

* * *

**F**inn was the last one to arrive at the pizza parlor they had agreed to meet at. It had been one of their favorite haunts back when they were in school, but once he arrived there, it was swarming with paparazzi and camera crews and squealing teenagers. Flashes were triggered, questions were shouted and Finn watched, transfixed, as Rachel worked the crowd, smiling and signing autographs and answering questions from fans and paparazzi alike.

And then he heard it.

"Jesse! Jesse! Over here!"

"Smile for us, Jesse!"

"Mr. St. James, can we have a picture of you with Miss Berry? Can we have a kiss?"

_No. Impossible_, Finn thought, desperately, as he hurried towards the entrance. True enough, standing in the sidewalk, laughing, arms wrapped around each other and with big twin smiles on their faces, Rachel and Jesse were posing for pictures, acting like the true stars they were. As he pushed through the crowds, Jesse said over the commotion, "Gentlemen, thank you so much for your attention. Rachel and I are going in now so we can enjoy her glee club reunion. Have a good night". With that said, he gently led her inside, his hand pressed against the small of her back.

Finn managed to squeeze himself after them, careful not to be noticed. Once inside the pizzeria, Jesse gently massaged Rachel's shoulders, his forehead pressed against her in intimacy. Careful not to disturb them, he watched hypnotized as Jesse gave a small kiss on Rachel's forehead. "You okay?" He asked quietly, the flashes still sparkling around them, the voices from the crowd outside shouting muffled questions to the Broadway stars hidden inside.

Rachel hummed as she nodded, eyes closed. "I love it, but sometimes it's tiring. Especially after the afternoon I had", she said quietly, giggling at Jesse's derisive snort. "You promised to behave. He's going to be here, you know", she warned him.

"Yes, Rach, I do know. But I also remember how hard it was to deal with his dancing and his singing".

Rachel sighed but didn't answer, choosing instead to drag him to the main room. Still dumbfounded by this turn of events – Jesse St. James escorting Rachel? _They're friends, they're friends, they're _**friends**, he kept telling himself firmly – Finn waited in the hall a few moments, making a big show of his arrival and nodding politely at a smirking Jesse, who had his arm draped over the back of Rachel's chair and little Coco in his lap, playing with his unruly curls and laughing as she tugged at them and they plopped back in place. Kurt and Blaine were sitting across to them, a fond smile curving their lips as they watched their admittedly adorable daughter entertain herself with Jesse's hair; Puck had taken the seat next to Jesse, and the two of them were talking lazily, sipping beers. Puck would every now and then tickle Coco, who would giggle and swat uselessly at him, making him laugh.

Santana had taken the seat next to Rachel, and Finn sighed helplessly as he found an empty chair near the far right corner of the wide table they had reserved. Jesse laughed then, and Finn unconsciously looked towards them, seeing Rachel shake her head negatively, but with a fond smile on her lips as she pressed her cheek to Jesse's shoulder and tipped her head up, whispering something in his ear that made him smile softly at her and press a tender kiss to her forehead.

Finn tilted his head down, feeling his heart sink.

* * *

**T**he night progressed quite nicely, the almost 30 adults mingling together. The pizzeria had been closed for them for the night, and Quinn had gone all out, hiring a band, ordering gallons of wine and tons of pasta, so they spent the night dancing, singing (really, is that surprising?), eating, drinking, talking and having obvious fun. Finn talked, sang, danced and ate, like everyone else, but every now and then his eyes would find Rachel, and where Rachel was, St. James wasn't that far away. They kept pretty much to themselves, sitting together, talking to the same people or to the different people within the same group or to each other. They danced together, worked the room together, they even sang together (Adele's _Rolling in the Deep_, a duet that made them exchange a private grin).

And all this… togetherness… was making Finn antsy. He was desperate for the chance to talk to Rachel alone, to ask her once and for all what her deal with St. James and, if she was single, to beg her for his second… third… whatever chance. He'd promise her he wasn't going to blow it this time, tell her he had tried life without her and it **sucked**. Finally, Coco approached Jesse and, with a pout, demanded that he danced with her, something that he gave in with a belly laugh, taking her in his arms. Taking a deep, fortifying and at the same time, Finn crossed the space that separated him and Rachel.

The minute he came to stand next to her, her relaxed posture gave way to a tense stiffness that, unknowingly to him, had all the New Yorkers watch the two of them carefully. Santana was listening to Brittany with half an ear; Blaine and Kurt were slow-dancing to Rihanna's _Pon de Replay_, their eyes never leaving the former couple. Puck had forgotten about his conversation with Mike and Sam, his bottle of beer warming up in his hold as he paid close attention to his former best friend and the current one, eyes narrowed.

When he opened his mouth to speak, Rachel beat him to it. "Finn", she whispered, exhausted. "Please don't".

"Rachel… Please", he almost begged her.

"No. Please you, Finn. Let me go, I'm **begging** you. It's been over between us for years, yet you keep hanging on me like we still share something", she whispered.

"We do!" He hissed desperately, and she nodded diplomatically.

"You're right. We do", she whispered, and her words made his heart flutter with hope… Only for her to crush them immediately afterwards. "A past. That's what we share, Finn. It's over between us, and it has been, at least for me, for a very long time now. I'm sorry if you can't see it, but I can, I have". Her eyes never left Jesse, who was dancing and laughing with a giggling Coco, and watching the two of them interact softened her whole demeanor.

She turned to him with serious eyes. "I love Jesse, Finn. I think I always have, I was only too afraid and scared and insecure to recognize it for what it was when we first met. I've allowed you to come between us in the past, but not anymore. He's everything I always dreamed but never thought I would have. Especially not after Nationals junior year". When she looked up at him with steely eyes, he shivered unpleasantly. "Move on, Finn. I already have", she repeated the words she said to him the first time he tried to get back together with her after St. James came in their picture, and it brought a bitter taste to his mouth. She turned her back on him and walked towards the dance floor, taking Coco from him and positioning herself in his arms so that the little girl was cradled between their bodies, one arm around Jesse's neck, the other around Rachel's. Finn watched as Jesse leant forward and whispered something to Rachel, before pressing a sweet kiss to her lips. The gesture made Coco make a face and groan in disgust, what in turn made St. James and Rachel laugh before they sandwiched the little girl's face in a kiss.

It was over. It was really, **really** over.


	18. I wish nothing but the best for you

**Author's Note: **I'm tired of seeing (and writing) fics where Jesse's the one to run after Rachel – especially **after** that fiasco RIB deemed an acceptable second season finale, if they seem fit to throw us bits and pieces of St. Berry, it has to be **Rachel** running after our favorite designer-boots-wearer, not the opposite – so… Yeah. That's where it came from.

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#18: **__I wish nothing but the best for you_

**W**hen the invitation arrived in his and Kurt's shared mailbox, Blaine Anderson opened it and was honestly surprised. It had been a while since he had heard from the two people for whose engagement party he was just invited, and an odd smile curved his lips, a strange feeling bubbling in his stomach as he rode the elevator up to the place he had been sharing with his partner for quite some time now (two years, three months and nineteen days). He had his mouth open to yell the news to Kurt, when a bubbly feminine laugh reached his ears.

Looking down at the name printed elegantly in the creamy yellow paper, he recalled another reason for why he hadn't heard of one half of the couple involved in the party. He knew Blaine was close friends with Rachel and refused to be near her, in an attempt, Blaine knew without having to be told, to protect his heart from more hurt.

The former lead to the Warblers slipped the carefully folded paper back into the envelope, placed it into the inner pocket of his coat and walked in the living room, laughing at the sight of Kurt and Rachel sitting together on the white carpeted floor of living room, surrounded by wrapping paper, bows and golden star-shaped seals.

Seeing Rachel's glowing face, giggles escaping her full lips, and knowing how much his news could send that good mood down the drain, he decided he wasn't going to tell her. At least, not now.

* * *

**S**he was 22, recently graduated from Tisch, the newly-hired female lead for the off-Broadway revival of _Spring Awakening_, living the fabulously single life with best friends Santana and Noah (Kurt and Blaine were in the city too, but they were all but married by now). She was about to leave her and Santana's apartment to go to the workshop for her musical – they were a month away from the opening night – when Blaine came barreling in, looking dapper in his jeans and jacket, but with guarded eyes that fixed her attentively.

"Good morning, Blaine", she greeted him sunnily, frowning slightly when he only nodded in response. "Is there anything wrong?" She asked right away when he didn't reply, and he sighed, sitting on her battered black leather couch, making a gesture for her to join him there. He was serious now, more serious than she ever saw him in the five years she knows him, and it made her heart clench with worry.

They sat for a few moments in silence, and she was about to explode in questions when he sighed and produced an envelope out of the inner pocket of his jacket, placing it on her lap. It was made of thick, rich creamy yellow paper, dark burgundy seal broken, the names of Blaine and Kurt written in a loopy calligraphy and silver ink at the front. Her eyebrows shot up – it was obviously formal and expensive – and she looked up at him curiously. "Go ahead, read it", he whispered, and she obeyed.

Her fingers found the thin creamy yellow paper, elegantly folded. She unfolded it…

… and a gasp escaped her lips when her eyes absorbed the full contents of the envelope.

_Jonathan and Claire St. James,_

_along with Stephen and Elizabeth Powell,_

_are proud to invite you to the engagement party for their children_

**JESSE JONATHAN ST. JAMES**

_and_**  
**

**STELLA ISABEL POWELL**

Her fingers clenched against the paper, wrinkling it as tears sprung to her eyes, blurring her vision. It had been years since she last heard from Jesse, almost six to be more precise, since that fateful day when Finn decided to throw their script away and kiss her during their performance for Nationals, sending New Directions' shot at a place in the final rounds – and her newly mended relationship with Jesse – down the drain.

"Where…" Her voice was rough when she speaks, and she nervously cleared her throat, the paper falling to the floor as she stood up and went to the window, her hands coming to rest on her arms as she hugged herself tight, her back turned to him. "Where did you get that?" She asked quietly, feeling the weight of Blaine's eyes on her back, making the hairs on the back of her neck prickle uncomfortably.

"Jesse sent it to me", he answered quietly after a moment of silence, noticing the way Rachel stiffened as she processed his answer. "We grew up together, he was my next door neighbor", the former Warbler lead explained, and a small surprised sound of understanding coming from her, lost to him if it weren't to his sensitive hearing.

"Good… Good for him", she said, and he knew, he just **knew**, she was lying through her teeth now. "I hope she makes him very happy. He deserves it". Now she was not lying. She cared for Jesse, regretted what she did to him back when she made that stupid mistake of allowing Finn to kiss her.

Blaine looked at her for a moment, sighed and patted her shoulder gently, leaving her behind with his invitation… and what he was certain was a badly broken heart.

* * *

**H**e gave Rachel a week. Kurt was furious when he told him he had told Rachel about Jesse's engagement, telling Blaine it had been insensitive of him to do so, to show Rachel proof that her old love had moved on, knowing how fond she still was of him.

(Blaine would go for a leg here and even suspect – backed up by Kurt of course – that Rachel still **loved** Jesse).

"You have to stop him", he said on the morning of Jesse's engagement party, deciding this wasn't the time for a long discussion about her feelings towards his old friend. He knew the girl Jesse was going to get married to – Stella had grown up with them, the daughter of Jesse's father's best friend, and Jonathan St. James had never concealed his wish of seeing his only son married to the only heiress to the Powell family's fortune – and, while he was sure Stella was a nice woman, the woman for Jesse she was **not**. Jesse was a drama queen, and he needed a woman who would indulge to his theatrical tendencies but at the same time be brutally honest with him.

And brutal honesty meets a flair for drama, thy name is Rachel Barbara Berry.

A shocked Rachel turned to face him again, eyes wide, jaw dropped. "I beg your pardon?"

Blaine sighed as he stood up. "Listen, Rachel, usually to get to this point it would take a long discussion where you would need to have all your arguments kicked to the curb, and, honestly, if I thought we had the time to that, I would allow Kurt to have this conversation with you. But we don't. Jesse is going to make a mistake if he marries Stella, and, worse, **you** will make another mistake if you let him. So, please do you both a favor: go find him and tell him you're still as madly in love with him as you were when he made that huge mistake of cracking an egg on your forehead".

He stood up and was about to leave a shell-shocked her behind when she finally found her voice and whispered, "How do you know that?"

"About the egging? He barreled into my house drunk out of his ass to moan about it and how much he screwed up", he told her, adding after a moment, more softly, a small smile in his voice. "About your love for him? I have eyes".

* * *

**J**esse was standing in the middle of his engagement party, eyes guarded, a carefully crafted expression of mild interest affixed in his face joined his impeccable show-face. Stella, the woman his father has been shoving into his arms since the time he stopped thinking girls had cooties and were to be avoided at all costs, was working the room, a bright false smile on her face (her show-face was basically inexistent, the woman wore her heart on her sleeve) as she talked to one of their fathers' many associates. He sipped from his cold scotch and sighs, a small smile curving his lips at he caught sight of Blaine twirling around the dance floor… with Kurt.

Seeing the delicate young man he once called a teammate made a sigh escape his lips. Seeing Kurt brought the past back to his mind. The past meant only one thing for him.

Rachel.

To see Kurt was to remember Rachel, and to see Blaine meant seeing Kurt. It's basic mathematics: if A equals B, and B equals C, then A equals C. Seeing Blaine meant remembering Rachel.

He smiled bitterly as he wondered how entwined his life was still with hers; he had tried so hard to escape her shadow, giving in to his father's pressure and asking Stella out not two weeks after their latest breakup, six years ago. Being with Stella was easy enough: a short brunette with wavy chestnut hair, when she had her back turned to his he can almost make himself believe it's Rachel next to him.

Dating Stella was a result of his father's pressure; proposing to her had been consequence to his mother's emotional blackmail. Claire St. James wanted to see her son married and with children, and who better than Stella, who their family knew since before Jesse and Stella were even born? And, admittedly, for a long time Jesse **wanted** to marry Stella, not out of love (he had yet to know love back then), but out of convenience.

But then he had gone to the west center Ohio sectionals in 2010. And he had laid eyes in a tiny brunette spitfire with powerhouse pipes that could bring Barbra to tears with her rendition of "Don't Rain On My Parade". And a week after that he was madly in love with said brunette.

His engagement to Stella wasn't a convenience anymore (not that much). It was him going through the motions, hoping against all hope that time would dull the burning emotion he still held for Rachel, his equal in every aspect that matters.

The band began playing a soft, slow song that Jesse smiled slightly as he recognized it as an Adele oldie. He looked towards the stage, but there was no one there, and he frowned slightly, feelingthe stirs of… **something**… in the pit of his stomach as he realized there was no one standing onstage, no one preparing to nail that beautiful song. He was torn between his reluctant promise to his parents (_Please don't sing this time, Jesse_) and his desire to give in to old habits (they do die hard after all) and give impromptu concerts.

But before he could make his decision, an angelic voice flowed through the speakers, making him freeze on his spot.

He'd know that voice **anywhere**.

_I've heard, that you've settled down_

_That you found a girl, you're married now_

_I heard that your dreams came true –_

_Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you_

_Old friend, why are you so shy?_

_It ain't like you to hold back_

_Or hide from the light_

He was looking desperately at everywhere, his heart hammering so loudly inside his ribcage that he thought for a moment it would pop out of his throat, his insides clenching as he recognized this for what it was. Adele always meant an apology with them, ever since that fateful afternoon in a school auditorium, when his voice joined hers to make "Rolling in the Deep" a duet.

_I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited –_

_But I couldn't stay away – I couldn't fight it_

_I'd hoped you'd see my face, and be reminded that_

_For me, it isn't over_

He gaped at this, a crazy hope exploding in his gut. "**I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded that for me, it isn't over**?" He sang quietly, repeating what she just sang, now more frantic than before. He needed to find her, he needed to tell her for him it wasn't over either – and, now that he knew what she wanted, it'd never be over.

His eyes fell on Blaine's grinning face, and a thankful expression settled on Jesse's, as he rushed towards his oldest friend and engulfed him into a tight embrace. "Thank you", he whispered as he let go of his childhood friend and turned to his lover. "Where's she, Hummel?"

Kurt was almost in tears, with a wide smile on his face, as he put his hands on Jesse's shoulders and turned him towards the double, wooden, carved doors that lead to the ballroom. A silence fell over the crowd as the guests parted to let this stunning woman, dressed in nearly sparkling white, silky brown hair falling down delicate shoulders, walk through.

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you, too_

_Don't forget me, I beg – I remember you said_

_Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead_

_Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead_

He was so transfixed by her, by **Rachel** – was she really doing what he thought she was doing? – that the soft sound of a voice coming from his side nearly made him jump out of his skin. "Is that her?" Asked the voice, and he looked quickly to his right to see Stella's smiling face looking ahead at Rachel. He was surprised at her question, she noticed and laughed. "Jesse, please. A little over seven years ago it was the talk of the county, how the son of the St. James couple had fallen in love with some girl outside our little bubble". She was still smiling as she peered at Rachel curiously, nodding slightly. "She's beautiful".

He smiled, his eyes hungrily drinking every feature, every detail of Rachel's face. "Yeah. She is".

_Nothing compares, no worries or cares_

_Regrets and mistakes – they're memories made_

_Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?_

"Go", Stella said finally, a hand coming up to tuck a lock of dark hair behind her ear. He eyed her quickly, and she laughed. "It's okay. No offense, St. James, but you're not really my type".

He rolled his eyes playfully. "Yeah, right. Who's your type then? I'm pretty much perfect".

A mysterious smile curved her lips as Stella turned to Rachel, who's still staring at him, her eyes never wavering to his now former (he supposed) fiancée-to-be. "Her". Jesse gaped at her (Uh. Maybe Stella did have quite an awesome show-face after all), and Stella laughed again, shoving him towards Rachel. "Go".

He didn't need to be told twice. Quickly, he crossed the space that kept him and Rachel apart, her eyes sparkling with tears as she looked up at him. Her voice is thick now, and she raises a hand to cradle his cheek softly, as they both shiver at the jolt that crackles when their skin connects.

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you, too_

_Don't forget me, I beg – I remember you said_

_Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead_

_Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead_

"It doesn't have to, you know", he whispers, feeling the weight of transfixed stares on them, the burn of his father's furious gaze making the skin on the back of his neck prickle. She looks curiously at him, eyes swimming with tears, and he smiles softly, kissing her cheeks immediately under her teary pools. "Hurt. It doesn't have to hurt. You don't have to hurt. Not with me. Not again".

"That's not why I chose that song, and you know it", she whispers, eyes closing as she leans into his touch. No one had ever made her feel this way before, not Noah, not Finn, not Matt or Sam. Even Blaine, during their one drunken make-out session junior year – and Blaine could give Jesse St. James a run for his money on the dapper, talented lead department.

Only Jesse. Always Jesse.

"I know", he replies quietly, a sigh escaping his lips. Looking around at the very interested crowd, his eyes fall on Stella's grinning face. She mouths, 'Get lost', before turning her back to him and sinking in the mass of watching guests. Seeing her leave emboldens Jesse; he takes Rachel's hand in his larger one and tugs her out of the room.

Once they're far away from the nosy guests, from his father's disapproving glare and his mother's shocked gaze, Jesse turns to the brunette who still has his heart after all these years, cradles her face in his hands and reverently caresses her cheeks with careful fingertips. She leans into his touch, a contented smile curving her lips as her eyes flutter close. He brings his mouth close to hers, his lips hovering tantalizingly over hers, and she shudders violently, his warm breath caressing the frail skin of her red lips. Rachel tilts her face up, Jesse tilts his down…

… They kiss. It's an apology, a statement of love, a promise, a vow. A new beginning. Their happily ever after, even if years too late.


	19. there's just no perfect time

**Author's Note: **I'm tired of seeing (and writing) fics where Jesse's the one to run after Rachel – especially **after** that fiasco RIB deemed an acceptable second season finale, if they seem fit to throw us bits and pieces of St. Berry, it has to be **Rachel** running after our favorite designer-boots-wearer, not the opposite – so… Yeah. That's where it came from.

I know I've said I despise Sunshine, and I'm still not a fan of the character. But I have to admit that Charice's voice in _As Long As You're There_ made it one of the most beautiful Glee songs so far (I'd love to see Lea try her hand at it – honestly, how (more) perfect would it be?). Because I basically see St. Berry in everything, I had to make that song work for my favorite ship.

I haven't watched _New York_, so I have no idea if VA performed before or after ND in Nationals, so I've decided to write this in a way that fitted my intents and purposes.

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#19: **__there's just no perfect time_

**S**he's checking her make-up on the mirror after freshening up a bit – she could have done it just as easily on their dressing room, but she needs a few moments away from Finn's pleading little glances and Mr. Schuester's slightly repetitive pep talk, when she hears a muffled little sob coming from one of the stalls. Frowning, she opens the doors carefully, unwilling to interrupt and watch something she shouldn't.

She's surprised to see Sunshine Corazon crying her eyes out in one of the stalls and having a minor panic attack. Her heart clenches in pity for the smaller, inexperienced, visibly terrified girl, and she wraps an arm around her shoulders as she hears Sunshine's near-hysterical ramble about how she's going to run away and ask for sanctuary in the United Nations' building. She's extremely calm as she reassures the other girl, a small smile curving her lips as Sunshine relaxes perceptibly. As she fixes her make up, she catches Sunshine humming a familiar melody, which makes Rachel frown as she tries to pinpoint where exactly she heard that song before.

"That's a beautiful song you're singing there", Rachel praises quietly, and Sunshine offers her a small, shy smile.

"Thank you", she replies. There's a beat of silence, and Sunshine's next words freeze Rachel to her core. "It was given to us by the former lead of Vocal Adrenaline. Rumor has it he wrote it about his ex. Lucky girl, it's such a beautiful song!"

"Oh", Rachel makes, her mind spinning with the implications of Sunshine's words. "Do you have the lyrics there with you? I'd love to see it for a moment".

"Of course!" Sunshine replies cheerfully, fishing out of the pocket of her dress a wrinkled, often-folded sheet of paper. She hands it to Rachel, who smiles and thanks her, her eyes drinking the words as tears threaten to bubble up in her eyes.

The minute she sends Sunshine on her way to try and wow the Nationals judges (she feels it's sort of her mission, after everything she put the poor girl through, and Sunshine sure has talent enough. Of course, if it were the previous year she wouldn't be questioning who would win, but Jesse had – and still has, college dropout or not – that special star quality that Sunshine, despite the name, lacks), it has passed time enough for her to realize the depth of the mistake she's made by not talking to Jesse after running into him in the aftermath of her performance. So, she leaves the theatre behind, thanking Lord for small mercies, for she's within walking distance of the hotel where they're all staying, Jesse included, she's certain of that.

Once she's there, she tries her hand at flirting up the front desk employee, all in hopes of finding out Jesse's room's number. She doesn't have to do it for long though, for Jesse walks out of the elevator a few moments later, suitcase in hand. Panic clutches at her heart when she realizes he's leaving – **again** – and this time it's her fault.

"Jesse!" She calls out, and he freezes at the sound of her voice. She rushes towards him, front desk employee completely gone of her mind as she realizes Jesse's rooted in his spot and has yet to move. She comes to a halt a few feet away from him, and her voice takes a pleading quality when she speaks again. "Whatever you're thinking of doing… Don't", she says, and his shoulders slump slightly as he turns slowly to face her.

"What do you want, Rachel?" He asks, and she's shocked at how… **tired**… he looks. He looks older than his nineteen years of age, and guilt adds up to the pool of panic swirling in the pit of her stomach. "If you came to rub your happiness with… **Hudson**", the name makes his handsome features twist in a disgusted sneer, "in my face, there's no need for that. I've seen enough of that back at the theatre. I have to admit though that I considered you more focused on what's really important – it was **Nationals**, Rachel, and you've thrown it for some guy".

After he falls silent, she takes a moment to put her tumultuous thoughts in order. There's too much at stake here, something more important than Nationals and New Directions and ten other people who have worked their butts off and who she failed by allowing her former beau to kiss her onstage. Her heart means more to her than all that, and **Jesse**'s her heart. Her eyes never leave his figure as she starts to sing.

(Unknowingly to her, back at the theatre, Sunshine is singing the exact same song).

_All my life, I've waited for the right moment to let you know_

_I don't wanna let you go_

_Now I've realized there's just no perfect time to confess how I feel_

_This much I know is real_

_So I refuse to waste one more second without you knowing my heart_

All movement on the foyer comes to a halt when she starts to sing. Jesse's face is unreadable, the show face shining brighter than ever, and a hint of hopelessness surges within Rachel, but she refuses to let it blossom. She pours even more emotion in her rendition, and… **something**… flashes in his eyes. She knows he's shocked she knows about this song, guessing (correctly) that he thought she would never find out about this particular piece, but, in her opinion, there's no other song she could sing to him that could express so perfectly what she's feeling right now. To use his words, to make them hers... It's simply perfect.

_Baby, cause I don't need anything else but your love_

_Nothing but you means a thing to me – I'm incomplete_

_When you're not there, holding me, touching me, I swear_

_All of the rest could just disappear, and I wouldn't even care_

_As long as you're there_

Shock fills Jesse's face in front of what Rachel's singing – face to face with what she's saying, what she's telling him, he has no other choice but to hear her and **believe** her. If it was any other song, it would be easy to dismiss it as some tactic out of her drama queen handbook to keep him at her beck and call – but no, it's **his **song, it's the song **he** has written for **her**, a song he wanted her to sing but chose not to when he came face to face with the reality that Finn wouldn't allow her to sing it – or, worse, would believe the song being to him, instead of from Jesse to Rachel.

_Take these words; don't let them go unheard – this is me reaching out_

_I hope you can hear me now, cause, baby, my heart says, stay_

_Take it – it's yours to break_

_I'd rather try and lose than keep this love from you, yeah_

_So I refuse to wait one more second without you knowing my heart_

People around them are crying, obviously affected by the emotions she's pouring into her performance. Her silenced cellphone is vibrating like crazy against her thighs, safely tucked inside her dress' pocket, but she ignores it – it's Kurt, or more likely Finn, wondering where she is, and they can wait – they **have** to wait, because, this time, she's not going to allow a mistake to put another year between her and the happy ending she so desperately wants.

If there's one thing she knows about herself and Jesse, it's that life will always throw them together somehow – and she wants him with her every step of the way. He made a mistake last year, and apologized, as beautifully as he could; now that she's the one who made the mistake, she's apologizing, the best way she knows how.

_Baby, cause I don't need anything else but your love_

_Nothing but you means a thing to me, I'm incomplete_

_When you're not there, holding me, touching me, I swear_

_All of the rest could just disappear, and I wouldn't even care_

_As long as you're there_

As she reaches the climax of the song, tears are cascading harshly down her cheeks, washing away the thick theater make-up Kurt had so carefully applied earlier that evening. But that doesn't register in Rachel's brain, because, at that moment, Jesse's slowly making his way towards her, his face the softest she has ever seen it. A bright smile lights up her face and she slowly goes towards him too, her hand held out for him to take, an invitation for him to accept what she's offering.

_Each day and night that I've kept this a secret_

_If it kills me, it's time to share what I feel inside_

_Oh, I don't need anything else but your love_

_Nothing but you means a thing to me – I'm incomplete_

_When you're not there, holding me, touching me, I swear_

_All of the rest could just disappear, and I wouldn't even care_

_As long as you're there_

_As long as you're there_

_As long as you're there..._

She doesn't even give time for Jesse to think – she places her hands on his shoulders, using it as leverage to stand on the tip of her toes and press her lips sweetly against his. He doesn't react for a nanosecond – but she doesn't have time to panic, for his instincts kick in and he wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her more thoroughly, pouring all of his feelings into that one single caress.

When they return to the theater – and Finn's expression is a mix of crestfallen and furious, which she ignores – she tugs Jesse towards the Vocal Adrenaline's dressing rooms. While he catches up with the few team members that were a part of VA when he was lead, she goes to find an exhausted but absolutely thrilled Sunshine, who smiles brightly at her. "Hey!" The Filipina greets her. "So, what did you think-"

"I'm going to hug you now", Rachel interrupts, barely giving Sunshine time to reply before she takes her former rival into her arms and squeezes her tightly. "Thank you", she whispers into Sunshine's ear, and the new VA lead is puzzled for a moment, until she recognizes Jesse St. James from the videos she watched in Youtube, and it all makes sense.

A small smile curves Sunshine's lips as she squeezes Rachel back and whispers, "You're welcome".


	20. all the things that I've kept inside

**Author's Note: **I have no idea where this came from, but it did, and since I love this song, it had to be written. Lyrics – Bold: Jesse. Italic: Rachel. Bold italic: Jesse and Rachel. The song belongs to Lady Antebellum. Text in italics is flashback (just in case someone misunderstands).

**here, there... everywhere**

_**#20: **all the things that I kept inside of me_

**K**yle Ford and his female lead Isabella Rivers were sitting in the darkened choir room for Carmel High's pride and joy, 10-times National champion show choir Vocal Adrenaline, both disheveled, panting and absolutely drained. Their coach, a fierce Latina called Santana Lopez-Pierce, had forced them to stay back and rehearse their latest ballad for their Sectionals, since, according to her, "they were lacking the emotion and making me remember Finn fucking Hudson, that stupid _hijo de puta, _and that, let me tell you, is never a good thing!"

"Why do you think Mrs. Lopez-Pierce chose this song especially?" Isabella asked as she fingered the music sheet gently, a light frown marring her pretty face. "It doesn't sound like her style, and it certainly isn't Vocal Adrenaline's style". Isabella was lead of VA for two years now, the first female powerhouse since 2010-2011, when VA was led by a exchange student named Sunshine Corazon that moved on back to her hometown of Manila, Phillipines, and back to obscurity. She was a dark-haired beauty with long wavy chestnut hair and voice that could either lift one's spirit or make one burst into tears.

Kyle shrugged. "I have no idea", he replied. "It has been a while since we performed a love song, só maybe she wants to kick us out of our comfort zone a little?" He wondered, his fingers pressing the piano keys lightly as he rehearsed the piano part of the song. Isabella began humming along, singing quietly.

The quietness was shattered when the thirty-something dark-haired beauty appeared at the doorway, a cryptic smirk on her face. "Rivers, Ford. On the auditorium, now!" She barked, the heels of her Louboutins clicking on the tiled floor of the hallways. Kyle and Isabella shot each other a puzzled glance and, shrugging, got up to trail after their coach. Once they arrived at the darkened auditorium, instead of opening the backstage door that led to the stage, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce led them to the audience. Isabella's frown deepened, and, when she opened her mouth to ask what was going on, the older woman shot her a burning glare.

"You two have been fucking up. I know there was a time when Vocal Adrenaline was known as a handful of soulless automatons, but that shit had been over for years now and I don't want it to come back on my watch, understood? So, I brought a special someone – two special someones – to perform this song to you and show you how it's done". She clapped her hands once, and a single spotlight lit up, flooding the stage with light. Kyle and Isabella looked that way, and gasped, stunned.

"Is that...?" Kyle whispered to Isabella.

She nodded. "I think it is!" She hissed out.

Sitting on the piano bench, looking down, all outfitted in black and curly hair impeccably in place, there was the biggest actor to grace Broadway since the days of Taye Diggs: Jesse St. James, Tony winner, Oscar-, Grammy- and Emmy-nominee and himself a Carmel High grad and former Vocal Adrenaline lead.

"Oh, wow!" Isabella breathed, looking a little starry-eyed, her eyes raking over his athletic form. "He's so **hot**!" She whispered, and Kyle snorted.

"Don't you dare move, Rivers", a hand fell on Isabella's shoulder, locking her on her seat. Without a second glance at the stunned teenager, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce called out, "Take it all away, St. James!"

* * *

**B**eing back in Carmel after nearly twenty years brought back a huge wave of memories. Most of it were bad: draining rehearsals, evil plotting, fake friendships, eggs and funkifications, _Another One Bites The Dust_ and _Bohemian Rhapsody_. But some of it were good.

And the best memory he had of his old school happened when he wasn't even a student anymore. But it involved the song Santana, now running the show at Vocal Adrenaline, had asked him to return and make a special performance for her current leads (how did the HBIC of McKinley High end up becoming coach for their biggest competition? That still puzzled him). It hadn't been the first song he wrote that became a big hit...

But it was the first song he co-wrote with his now-wife, and the song that led them back to their (third) new beginning, a path that led them eventually to where they were now: Broadway's and Hollywood's It couple, Tony winners (she a Grammy winner as well), household names together and on their own.

He started playing the introduction on the polished grand piano, his features schooled in a pained expression. The first verse wasn't his, of course, and his leading lady had chosen to make a grand entrance, so he kept his face down while she stepped onstage, her voice pained and broken like it was when they first sang this song together.

_Boy, it's been all this time, and I can't get you off my mind_

_And nobody knows it but me_

_I stare at your photograph, still sleep in the shirt you left_

_And nobody knows it but me_

_Everyday, I wipe my tears away_

_So many nights I've prayed for you to say..._

* * *

_It had been two years since he moved to New York, after leaving Lima, Ohio, hopefully for good. He got a job as waiter in Sardi's (but of course, was there another job perfect for a Broadway hopeful?) and began auditioning almost immediately. He wanted to leave 2009 and 2010 where they belonged, in the past, with their happenings, their places and their people. He was a new man, and this new Jesse St. James also took up writing songs._

_ Unfortunately, there was one thing that refused to be kept in the past._

_ One person, actually._

_ Rachel Berry._

_ He hadn't laid eyes on her since she publicly cheated on him during New Directions' 2010 Nationals performance, and she still was the inspiration behind everything he did. Every song he wrote held a message for her, every ballad he came up with was a declaration of love to her, every actress he acted with was her and every future award-acceptance speech he wrote had her mentioned somehow. He compared every woman that flirted with him with her, and they always lost. And the few lucky ones that he used to try and fuck her out of his system, failed to make him forget her, so he always came with her name on his lips._

_ But this year things were changing. Halfway through his third year in New York, he hired a new agent, Michael Williams, who doubled as a professor at Juilliard. When they met and Michael learned that Jesse was also a songwriter, he told him to bring not only his head shots with him for their next meeting, but also his original songs' portfolio. And so Jesse did, and Michael became extremely interested in one of the first songs he wrote. It was slower than his usual work, and it held a very special place in his heart. It had been the first song he wrote in his life, immediately after everything that happened with Rachel, the first time around._

_ "This is very interesting", Michael said as he tapped the music sheet with a finger. "It goes very well with a song one of my students is writing in one of her classes. She has been having trouble writing the second part of it, but she has the first part down, and, strangely, the chorus is very similar to this one's". He frowned thoughtfully, humming as he clearly thought things over. He made Jesse sing the song and, after a few minutes, he looked speculatively at the younger man. "Would you be interested in recording a demo with my student, as a duet?"_

* * *

_I should've been chasing you, I should've been trying to prove_

_That you were all that mattered to me_

_I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me_

_And maybe I could've made you believe_

_That what we had was all we'd ever need_

When the soft female voice rang through the auditorium, Kyle's eyes widened and he looked sharply away from Mr. St. James. It had to be a hallucination. This couldn't be real! His crush, the beautiful and talented Rachel Berry, Tony winner, Grammy winner, rumored to be the next Academy Award for Best Actress winner for her work at the remake of 'Funny Girl' was walking out of the wings of the stage, looking pained, her eyes sparkling in sadness. When Isabella slapped her hand over his forearm and squeezed it, he hissed in pain and blinked.

"Oh, my God", he whispered. Mrs. Lopez-Pierce shushed them with a glare, a small smirk on her lips as she watched the performance.

**My friends think I'm moving on, but the truth is – I'm not that strong**

**And nobody knows it but me**

**And I've kept all the words you said in a box underneath my bed**

**And nobody knows it but me**

**But if you're happy, I'll get through somehow**

**But the truth is that I've been screaming out**

As she listened to her husband sing, Rachel struggled to reign her emotions in. This song, the first they recorded together, the first she wrote to him, never failed to make her tear up. She could remember clearly how everything crashed into her two weeks after she publicly humiliated him during Nationals 2010, having allowed Finn to kiss her onstage. She had been unable to recognize herself then, unforgiving of how she allowed Jesse to walk away thinking she was choosing Finn over him all over again, when that wasn't the case after all.

**I should've been chasing you, I should've been trying to prove**

**That you were all that mattered to me**

**I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me**

**And maybe I could've made you believe**

**That what we had was all we'd ever need**

* * *

_Professor Michael Williams found her sitting in one of the campus' cafeterias, in a break between her classes, and he was smiling, so she allowed her heart to flutter a little bit in hope that he had good news for her. "Rachel! Just the person I was trying to find. Do you have here with you that notebook where you write your original songs?" He asked, as he took the chair in front of her. She stared puzzled at him for a moment, her hand immediately reaching into her bag and pulling out the battered pink notepad, handing it over to him. His smile grew. "Excellent!" He flipped through the pages, making a triumphant sound as he apparently found one of her compositions. He shoved the notebook gently back to her, tapping his finger against the page. "One of my clients is trying to break in the show business scene. He's not much older than you are – three years at most – and he has a song that would go great with this. You've been having problems trying to write the second part of this, right?"_

_ "Yes", she whispered, intrigued and slightly excited._

_ "Well, what he has goes perfectly with what you have here. And you have to tape a demo for Elizabeth's class, isn't it correct?" She nodded, and his smile widened even more. "Well, I just cleared with her. I think you should make it a duet with my client. It'll be beneficial for the two of you. He'll have something to show while he goes in his auditions with labels, and you'll have your term assignment done. I've already spoken with him and he's interested. Are you?"_

_ She beamed. "When do we start?"_

* * *

**It's all we'd ever need**

_Ooh, I thought it was all we'd ever need_

* * *

_The minute she put her foot in the studio and heard his voice, the first instinct that flared up within her was to turn around and flee. _**He**'s Professor Williams' client?_ But the moment she took to think that was all that it took, for her professor saw her and stood up, a wide grin on his face. "And here's the other half of our duet. Jesse St. James, this is your female partner, Rachel Berry"._

You've got to be shitting me_, he thought as he turned to her, shock shining in his eyes as they met hers. For a minute, she looked like a deer in headlights, but quickly she schooled her features into her impressive showface – something he hated then, and kept hating now – and nodded at him with a polite smile. "Jesse", she said quietly. "Long time no see"._

_ "Rachel", he forced himself to say with the same politeness, hating that she seemed so composed and unaffected by their unexpected meeting. "You're looking good"._

_ "You know each other?" Michael asked, surprised but obviously pleased._

_ "Yes", they chorused. "From show choir circuit", she added._

_ "We also briefly went to the same high school together", he explained, and fumed at the surprised glance she shot him. Michael frowned slightly, but then shrugged, smiling._

_ "All the better. Then it means you two know how the other sounds, correct?" He rubbed his hands together. Jesse nodded as Rachel did the same, although more weakly. Her blood was roaring in her ears, her hands shaking so badly she forced herself to clench them into fists to prevent Jesse from noticing it. He seemed so carefree, so unaffected by their unexpected meeting, that it hurt her heart. _Get over it, Rachel_, her rational side ordered her. _What did you hope, that he would act overjoyed to see you? After what **you** did to him at Nationals?_ "Great", Professor Williams' voice cut through her thoughts, as he stepped into the sound engineering room, allowing them to go in the recording booth. "We're just going to rehearse it a bit, work a little of the kinks, see how you two interact with the song, okay?"_

_ "Yes", she whispered, as Jesse nodded, picking up the music sheet and scanning over the lyrics. He blinked in surprise at the parts he knew Rachel had written; it felt almost like they were writing the same song, together, instead of apart, given the perfect way her lyrics fit his. His heart squeezed for a moment, and he closed his eyes, taking the moment that he had his back turned to her._

_ He missed how she had to turn her back to him so she could take some tremulous deep breaths to recompose herself._

* * *

**I should have been chasing you;**_ you should have been trying to prove_

**That you were all that mattered to me**

_You should have said all the things_** that I kept inside of me**

_And maybe you could've made me believe_

**That what we had, girl**

_Oh, that what we had –_** what we had**

_**It was all we'd ever need...**_

_**It was all we'd ever need**_

* * *

_Everything blew up on their last recording session together._

_ The recording process was going fine – or as fine as possible when the two singers were blatantly ignoring the neon pink with bright green dots elephant in the room – when they began singing the last chorus of the song. Somehow, they had ended up looking at each other (they had avoided doing that throughout the afternoon), and this was probably the most complicated piece of their single. While the whole feeling of the song was of underlying sadness and regret, this last bit, especially on Rachel's parts, had a undercurrent of anger and resentment that Jesse felt she didn't deserve to feel. Okay, so their first break-up was his fault – he'd be the first to admit that – but close to a year after that he went back to Lima (to _her_) with his tail between his legs and a heartfelt apology on his lips – an apology that she accepted, mind you, and even allowed him to take her to her 'prom on a budget' – apparently first dates with her had a new name when he went back to Lima. She, on the other hand, never made a move to apologize to him for the public humiliation of her betrayal._

_ So fuck you if you don't agree she didn't deserve to sing out words of anger and resentment._

_ "I can't do this", she whispered after the tenth time they went through the last chorus, her stomach in knots, heartache and shame and pain burning a hole through her heart. A week had gone by since they had started recording the song, and the glimpses of anger and hurt that she saw flashing in his eyes finally became too much for her. She couldn't do it, couldn't sing a love song that meant hurt and regret for her when he clearly was still embittered and hurt over her mistake nearly three years ago. "I'm sorry", she whispered as she pushed past him, her voice clearly thick with tears. "For everything"._

_ He stayed behind, frozen to his spot, his heart racing and brain whirling._

_ She had apologized. At last, she had uttered the words he had been half-hoping she'd say._

_ He could feel his heart putting itself back together, already. If he was honest with himself, he could admit he had never stopped loving her with everything he had._

_ Now what?_

* * *

The moment they stopped singing, their small audience erupted in cheers. Rachel, who only realized she was crying when Jesse gently wiped her cheek. Smiling softly at her, he couldn't help but tease her as she sunk into his embrace. "Really, Rach, will there ever be a time when we'll perform this song and you won't burst in tears?" She chuckled, her voice a little throaty because of her tears, and he felt more than saw the small shake of her head.

"This song is us, Jess... In the purest form. And if it weren't for that song... I don't know if we would manage to be where we are right now. I doubt we'd have everything we have if it weren't for that song".

* * *

_She pressed the elevator button desperately, tears falling freely down her cheeks as she nervously tried to wipe them off. She hoped with everything she had that the material they had just recorded came out perfectly, because she couldn't find in herself any more strength to go through it again. She had burnt all of her reserves being professional while so close to him, knowing how much she loved him and how much he hated her. If Professor Williams asked her to come back the next morning, she would come clean with him and apologize profusely, but she wouldn't return. Her heart wasn't strong enough._

_ "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon", she whispered, anxiously pressing at the button. She heard footsteps behind her, and, recognizing them, panic flared within her. Leaving the hall behind, she fled into the stairs' access, trying to open it as quietly as possible. However, the old hinges creaked and whined loudly as she tugged the door open, attracting his attention. "RACHEL!" He called out, and she freaked, slamming the door behind her. She bolted down the steps, but he was close behind, and eventually he caught up with her., taking her in his arms and pressing his face to her hair "Rachel, please, listen to me!"_

_ "Let me go!" She half-shrieked, half-wept, struggling against his hold, but it was too firm, and she was too exhausted. After a few more halfhearted (at best) attempts to break free, she finally gave up and began sobbing quietly. Moving slowly so it wouldn't scare her (he knew he had to thread gently), he turned her in his embrace and finally, for the first time in close to three years, hugged her properly. Her arms found his waist and wrapped themselves around it, and he squeezed her a little, his nose buried in her hair as the familiar and intoxicating smell of blueberry shampoo. There was just so much he wanted to tell her, but, as always, words escaped him, leaving nothing but lyrics in their wake. He began humming quietly, their bodies swaying slightly, and the words that left his lips were familiar to them both._

_ "_**I should've been chasing you – I should've been trying to prove that you're all that mattered to me. I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me, and maybe I could've ****made you believe that what we had was all we'd ever need**_". He allowed silence to fall over them for a minute, and then whispered, "I meant these words when I wrote them, and still meant them when I sang them to you every single time we had to rework the whole thing. I still mean them now. I _**love**_ you, Rachel. I have – for the longest time"._

_ She pulled away a little and stared at him in deep shock. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be possible. He still loved her? After... After _**everything**_? She realized she had said it aloud when he chuckled a little and kissed her forehead tenderly. "Yes, even after everything. I guess we can consider ourselves even, now. I broke your heart and humiliated you the first time, you broke mine and humiliated me the second... What's that saying again?" He mockingly frowned in thoughtful consideration. "Ah, yes!" He nodded, still smiling. "I guess it goes like... Third time is the charm, correct?"_

_ The smile he got from her in response was more than answer enough._


	21. you're the only one for me

**Author's Note: **This song has struck me as St. Berry, especially after I heard a duet version of it of Lulu featuring Westlife. I have no idea who Lulu is, other than a terrific singer given just how amazing she sounded as she sang with Westlife, who I know and love deeply. Bold: Jesse. Italic: Notes. Bold italic: Jesse, New Directions and Warblers.

** Timeline: **AU version to "Silly Love Songs" (nearly a year later, I've done it). Spoilers to "Funk".

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#21: **__you're the only one for me_

**V**alentine's Day. A day for lovers to enjoy each other's company and to spread their emotion around for the world to see. And they did that in the most extravagant of the ways, from flowers to chocolates to serenades in glee practice.

Rachel Berry hated it.

Not only because she was single, but also because, two months after her breakup with Finn, she could finally admit to herself that what she had with Finn was never love. Love meant trust, and she could never trust Finn to make the right choices concerning their relationship. She didn't trust Finn to pick her over his popularity, not when he had proven to her so often that what mattered to him was being at the top of the high school food chain (no matter how often she told him life didn't end come graduation). She couldn't trust Finn with her heart, because he never seemed to take good enough care of it. She couldn't trust Finn with her body, because he didn't have the experience enough to make it enjoyable to her. She couldn't trust Finn with her mind, because he always tuned her out when she started sharing her thoughts with him.

And, for girls like Rachel Berry, trust was everything in a relationship. If there isn't trust, there isn't a relationship. So, what she felt for Finn wasn't love – at least, not the kind of love she knew she deserved, burning, passionate and all-consuming.

That was a pained conclusion to come up with by the time the day dedicated to love and lovers rolled by, she decided. It hurt her heart to see Quinn and Sam together, the former Head Cheerio once again having dragged someone kind hearted and sweet into the messy love story she had going on with Finn (Rachel had eyes, and she used them). Tina and Mike were adorable in a very PDA-inclined sort of way. Artie and Brittany, while an unexpected pairing, were nonetheless very sweet and good together. Even Noah had managed to settle down, surprisingly not with his female twin, Santana, but with Lauren, who apparently was still 'rocking his world'.

Santana was the only one still single besides Rachel herself in the group, but being single didn't mean lonely when you were Santana Lopez, beautiful, exotic and sensual. Sighing as Quinn walked past her locker, with Sam's arms around her shoulders and a small secretive smile to Finn, Rachel opened her locker door, resisting the simultaneous urges to either bang her head against the cool metal or march up to the unsuspecting blonde back-up QB and tell him everything that was happening.

A cream-colored parchment-like paper note fluttered out of her locker, and her brow furrowed as she crouched down to pick it up. A cursive, masculine handwriting stood up, stark against the pristine paper, seven words forming an intriguing and surprising sentence.

_It's undeniable that we should be together._

She looked intrigued at the piece of parchment, brow furrowed as the words replayed in her mind, something warning her not to wrinkle the obviously expensive piece of paper into a ball and throw it into the nearest trash bin. Her fingers moved at their own volition, fingertips sliding at the smooth material, and she worried her lower lip, her free hand moving to pick up her books while she still mused over her mysterious note, when Mercedes' booming voice startled her out of her trance.

"Mornin', diva. What have you so focused?" Mercedes looked curiously at her, and Rachel, eyes wide as she gulped air down to calm her racing heart, showed her the note. Mercedes' brow, just like Rachel, furrowed, but there was a sparkle of recognition in her dark eyes, mixed with more curiosity than it was healthy. "Who sent that?"

"No idea", Rachel replied quietly, fingers moving to fold the note with the required delicacy. "I found it just now, in my locker", she explained to Mercedes, pressing her palm against the now folded paper. "I have no idea who sent it and where it is from".

"Brian McKnight", Mercedes said with a nod, and chuckled when Rachel looked confused at her. "The line. It's from a Brian McKnight song". Then her brow furrowed again. "Do you know anyone who would even know **who** Brian McKnight is?"

Rachel shook her head negatively. With a shrug, she slipped her note into her binder and told Mercedes, "Maybe it was meant for someone else...? I don't know. So... We have Chemistry with Mrs. Powell now. Let's go before all the good seats are taken".

* * *

**M**r. Harrison, the Biology teacher, has recently started dating the new school nurse, so it came with no surprise that, when the Cheerios and a few jocks broke through his class to give away roses and love notes, he allowed it with an indulgent smile. Rachel rolled her eyes and huffed angrily at the interruption, focusing on the notes she had been jotting down from the teacher's lecture, brow furrowed in concentration, when a piece of now-familiar cream-colored parchment, now folded in two, with her name on the upper side in the same masculine cursive, was slid gently in front of her eyes by a slender finger with a ruby red nail.

Blinking up in surprise, she looked up and her eyes locked with the ebony-colored pupils of Santana Lopez, hers filled with shock, the former's filled with curiosity. "Some fresh meat was told to send this to you", Santana said silkily, a small smirk in her lips. "Who's it from?"

Ignoring the question and the anxious fluttering of her heart, Rachel unfolded her note, the same stark black calligraphy centered in the middle of the parchment, the sentence a little longer than the previous one.

_It's unbelievable how I used to say that I'd fall never_

"What does it mean?" Santana, who had sneakily moved so she could read the mysterious note over Rachel's shoulder (fuck you, she was curious, okay?). The female lead of New Directions startled in shock, her hand coming to rest over her breastbone, heart having sped up to a thunder rhythm inside her ribcage. "Who sent it?"

"I don't know", Rachel replied stiffly as she folded her note and slipped it inside her binder, with the previous one. "Mercedes told me it's from a song by Brian McKnight, but I haven't yet had the time to look it up online." She frowned as she remembered something Santana told her when delivering the note. "You said a freshman gave it to you?"

"A fresh meat was told to send it to you", the Latina corrected, frowning as she noticed the confusion in Rachel's face. "You really have no clue who sent it?"

"No..." Rachel replied absently, already planning to take advantage of the following free period to go to the library check the lines out and find out to which song of Brian McKnight they belong. "I don't think I know anyone who would keep sending me these. Noah is more about physical attitudes and serenades for wooing. Samuel is dating Quinn, and Michael, Tina. Artie..." She glanced quickly at Santana, noticing how her dark eyes seemed to get darker after her slipped mention of Brittany's boyfriend.

"And this isn't Finnocence's style", Santana added, with a swift nod. "This has finesse, and I doubt Hudson knows what that is. See you later, Berry", the cheerleader waved distractedly as she walked away, leaving the class to keep up with the delivery of notes and flowers.

Rachel was left frozen in her seat, eyes wide as her brain weighed with possibility. Could it be...? _No. Impossible!_

* * *

**W**hile Shannon Beiste was maybe the only teacher she respected completely in McKinley High, PE was Rachel's least liked subject at school, mostly because it stung her to always be the last one picked for the teams. She was athletic enough to be good at sports, even if sometimes she felt more comfortable being in the sidelines, spurring them on (as she used to do with Finn, back when they were dating). But that day, she felt her growing sixth sense buzzing, and this meant she was distracted; her distraction led her to having her head knocked by a stray ball (they were having a volleyball game on PE that day). Coach Beiste blew on her whistle and called for a break, sending Rachel (who was her favorite non-jock student since the championship game) to the locker rooms.

Rachel, forehead throbbing and hair sticking to her sweaty neck, leaned against her locker's door, breathing heavily. Sighing as the throbbing in her face lessened a little, thanks to the coolness of the metal against her skin, she pulled the locker door open – and her heart raced as she found another piece of cream-colored parchment paper taped to the inside of said door.

_The basis is need to know, if you don't know just how I feel_

Her suspicions increased as she stared at the new lyrics, working quickly but slowly not to rip the new note apart as she plucked it from the metallic door. And, if she was honest with herself, her heartbeat had sped up, excitement mixing with a little of fear (what if this was some other elaborate prank set up by... _him_... and his peers?) and the maelstrom of emotions he never ceased to cause within her. This had his name written all over it, the _epic_ _romance_ he told her she deserved (in different circumstances, but wasn't this epically romantic as well?), and, as she got adjusted to the idea that maybe it was him sending her all those little notes, she had to decide whether she would accept it, give him an honest chance and fall in his arms, or ignore it altogether and reject him once and for all whenever he showed up.

(She was trying with very little success to convince herself that yes, rejecting him was an option. Her rational side snorted at her heart's feeble attempts of pretending to turn him down for the sake of revenge, for the eggs and the lies and the humiliation).

She switched her slightly sweaty PE uniform for new, clean clothes: a long-sleeved, knee-long deep purple dress, with lilac trimming on the collar, waistline and sleeves, black tights and lilac pumps. Pulling her hair down from the ponytail she had it up, she slid her fingers through the silky tresses, styling it a little so it fell freely and all wavy down her shoulders. Pulling her bangs free of the hair clips she had used to keep them back, she picked up her bag and binder and decided to take the minutes she had before needing to go to the choir room to get a few minutes of peace on the bleachers.

The football field was empty, the changing weather forcing Beiste to switch practice to the inner gym. It was cold outside, but Rachel forced herself to ignore it as she climbed the bleachers up to the top riser and placed her bag next to her, opening her binder and pulling out the notes she had gotten throughout the day. Putting them in the order they had been given to her, she frowned at the message they formed.

_It's undeniable that we should be together_

_It's unbelievable how I used to say that I'd fall never_

_The basis is need to know, if you don't know just how I feel_

She pondered just what he was trying to say (at this point, he was her only suspect. This had his flair for drama written all over it), but the far ringing of the bell broke out through her thoughts and pulled her back. Blinking as her eyes focused again, she slammed her binder shut and slid it inside her bag; picking it up, she hurried down the bleachers and rushed to the choir room.

* * *

**N**oah, surprisingly, was the only one waiting on the choir room once she got there. He was strumming on his guitar, his long legs stretched out in front of him, eyes focused on the chords and strings of his "baby", looking up at her and greeting her with a quiet nod when she entered in the quiet room. She took a seat close to his, but, before she could sit down, his words interrupted her. "Someone left you a note. There", he pointed at Brad's beloved piano, and Rachel looked at that way, heart fluttering as she noticed the now-familiar piece of parchment paper, folded in two and placed in a way that it stood up on its own, her name scrawled on the front of the paper in the familiar handwriting.

With wobbly knees, she picked up the folded paper and opened it, eyes quickly finding the sentence written in it.

_Let me show you now that I'm for real_

"Oh, my God", she breathed as she stared at the new line, her heart racing inside her ribcage, her knees giving in as she noisily dropped down at the nearest chair, her hand clammy with anxious sweat. Noah curiously looked up from his guitar, a frown marring his forehead as he threw it back and stood up. She had tears in her eyes and her hands were shaking so bad, the paper fluttered to the floor. Noah picked it up, read it and whistled lowly.

"Berry has an admirer?" He asked, a gentle teasing in his voice before he realized how disturbed she was by it. Her strongly emotional reaction had him frowning in worry instead of humor. "Berry? Breathe, otherwise you're gonna lose your shit here".

"Noah. Noah, for the sake of God, you have to get him out of here! If he's here, this school is going to witness a carnage!" She jumped up, pacing anxiously back and forth, running a hand through her hair in nervousness. "I-I have to go". She turned to leave, but a firm hand found her wrist, callous fingers wrapping themselves around the thin bones. She turned to stare straight at Noah's warm, concerned gaze.

"Rachel", he whispered, carefully leading her back to the chairs. "Relax. Breathe. I don't know who the fuck you want me to get out of McK, but you need to chill the fuck out otherwise you're gonna fall on your back on the floor as soon as you step outside". Although his words were crass, he meant good and touched her with care, like she was made of glass. She could feel herself beginning to hyperventilate, so he cautiously leaned her forward, placing her head between her knees. "Breathe, Rach. In. Out. In. Out", he instructed, his voice quiet, smiling when she obeyed. "That's a good girl. Now. Whoever it is that you need to save from carn-whatever you said, they can wait. We have glee now, and we have Regionals to worry about. Okay?"

She nodded uncertainly, her face no longer holding the scary pallor it had taken immediately after her freak-out. Kissing her forehead tenderly, he picked up her note from the floor and held it out to her. Her cheeks became rosy as she took it from him, Noah noticing how careful she was handling it. "So... You have a secret admirer". He smirked.

She nodded, folding the note in two before pulling her binder out of her bag and placing it alongside with the other notes. Frowning in concentration, she toyed with the idea of calling him to beg he stopped with the notes and whatever grand gesture he had planned for later. Before she could make a conscious decision, her pink bejeweled phone was already in her hand and his number half-keyed in when her teammates noisily entered the room. Sighing in defeat, she erased the number from the screen, turned off the gadget and prepared to see tons of love songs being performed.

* * *

**A**fter all the couples in glee club had serenaded their respective half, Mr. Schuester suggested they went to the auditorium – he had a surprise number for them to perform, a number he was certain it could be a contender for a Regionals' performance. "It's going to be quite extenuating a rehearsal, so, Rachel, why don't you drop your purse at your locker and then meet us at the auditorium?" He suggested, a kind smile on his lips. Shrugging in agreement, Rachel nodded and went to her locker while the teacher and her teammates went straight to the April Rhodes Theatre.

She was so distracted by the enigma that had presented itself to her today that she only noticed the blood red rose taped to her locker door, the now-extremely-familiar cream parchment paper wrapped around the stem when she was right in front of her locker. Her heart sped up in nervousness as she carefully peeled the tape off, holding the rose in a hand and tenderly breathing in the sweet perfume of the flower as her other hand worked on unwrapping the new note.

_If all things in time, time will reveal, yeah, yeah_

Smiling softly at the note, she opened her locker door and placed her bag in it, gently putting the rose into her bag and feeling her heart swell at the picture it made. Leaning against the door once she had it closed, she sighed, knowing deep in her heart she wouldn't be able to refuse him if he came asking for her – she had, secretly, forgiven him a long time now; after so many months past, she was able to acknowledge that, while it was an act of his that sealed their breakup, she was no blameless damsel; she did things that were shameful and hurtful, and which undoubtedly made easier for him to decide to end things with her. With a new sigh, she went to the auditorium.

When she arrived there, she could hear the soft sounds of a piano being played, and she frowned, recognizing the melody as the beginning of a chorus. Had she taken so long it had been time enough for her teammates and coach to go through half of the song? With an apology for her tardiness on her lips, she pushed the double doors open...

The apology died in her lips.

Surrounded by some of her fellow New Directions (she saw Noah, Santana, Brittany, Sam, Mercedes, Artie, Mike, Tina; Finn was nowhere to be seen, and Quinn was sitting on the audience, glowering), and a few Warblers (she recognized Kurt, of course, and Blaine, who she had met the previous week on the after-party of the championship game), who were providing him backup vocals, sitting by Brad's precious piano, there was Jesse, a smile on his lips and a plea in his eyes. When he saw her, he smiled big and bright, the words leaving his lips as she slowly moved towards him, wonder in her face.

_**One – **_**you're like a dream come true**

_**Two – **_**just wanna be with you**

_**Three – **_**girl it's plain to see ****_that you're the only one for me_**

_**And four – **_**repeat steps one through three**

_**Five – **_**make you fall in love with me**

**If ever I believe my work here is done, _then I start back at one_**

Tears sprung to her eyes and a smile blossomed in her lips as Jesse smiled and stood up, Blaine replacing him on the piano as the former lead of Vocal Adrenaline slowly made his way towards the female lead of New Directions. Once they were within each other's arm reach, Jesse wrapped his arms around Rachel's waist, hers immediately locking around his neck, and they gently swayed together.

**Say farewell to the darker night, I see the coming of the sun**

**I feel like a little child, whose life has just begun**

**You came and breathed new life into this lonely heart of mine**

**You threw out the lifeline, just in the nick of time, yeah, yeah**

She laughed at the dramatics of the song, squeezing him tightly in her arms. He chuckled quietly in her ear, holding her equally firmly, the voices of her team and their immediate competition surrounding the two of them with the slow, soft lyrics of the song. Once they were done, the two teams cheered, congratulating each other and talking and planning to meet that same night for the Warblers' annual Valentine concert. That left Jesse and Rachel to their own devices, swaying to the beat of a song they held in their hearts only. Jesse pressed a kiss to her temple, smiling against her silky, dark hair.

"Happy Valentines, Rachel".

Rachel sighed, snuggling further into his arms and kissing his lips lovingly. "Happy Valentines, Jesse".


	22. a place in the sun

**Author's Note: **For Cris. Because she's awesome, because she writes the best St. Berry smut I've ever read, because she asked. And honestly because I'm frankly pissed off with Glee this season (it's like RIB picked the book of everything we knew made Rachel Berry _Rachel Berry_ and tore it apart after "Journey"). I hope you like, Cris!

For this to work consider "On My Way" never happened.

**here, there... everywhere**

_**#22: **a place in the sun_

**T**he last people Jesse St. James expected to see sitting on his office in Carmel on a sunny morning of April were the ones already waiting for his arrival when he reached said office on the early hours of a Tuesday morning. He had just let Vocal Adrenaline go from their pre-classes rehearsal, pride swelling in his heart as he realized that **he** was the one responsible for that amazing group, mind whirling with ideas for new numbers – Nationals were only three months away after all – when he opened the unlocked door of his office (how strange, he could swear he had locked the damn thing)... And froze.

Sitting on the chairs in front of his desk, Hiram and Leroy Berry looked up sharply when the door opened, their faces brightening up a little (Jesse's heart clenched as that same look brought back memories of big, trusting brown eyes, whispered shared secrets and a tearful gaze that never left him) before anxious eyes locked on his own face. And, shock of the shocks, Shelby Corcoran was also present, standing by the window, her little (younger) daughter playing nearby, quietly humming as she busied herself with a dark-haired, dark-eyed doll dressed as a bride.

"Misters Berry..." He greeted the older men, insecurity coloring his voice as he cautiously closed the door behind him. The hustle-bustle of the students through the outside halls filtered in, muffled, the only sounds in the quiet space as Jesse walked, a little confused, a little surprised (a lot worried), towards his chair. "Shelby", he said as he nodded at her, quickly registering the presence of her child. "What a... surprise", he worded carefully. "What can I do for you?"

The three adults exchanged glances, the two men visibly uncertain, Shelby's eyes steely and driven. Jesse knew that look in her eyes. It was the same look that led him to four consecutive Nationals championships, to endless rehearsals that more often than not left him with aching muscles and bruised skin and expert skills. It was the same look that led Jesse to **her**.

His former mentor rolled her eyes when the Berrys didn't say anything, and she seemed to be pondering what to say, when Beth, little Beth, with her big blue eyes and bouncy blonde curls, stood up and padded uncertainly towards Jesse. Her crystalline eyes locked with his, earnestly holding out her doll for him; he took it, a small smile on his lips. "Hey, little girl", he whispered gently. "That's your little daughter? She's such a pretty bride! What's her name?"

"Rachel", Beth replied simply, and Jesse froze. He shot alarmed glances to the other three adults. Hiram looked away with a grimace; Leroy was visibly worried and anxious; Shelby was the only one who nodded.

It took all of Jesse's will power not to storm out of the room and go after her. Rachel was getting **married**? At seventeen? He slowly gave Beth her doll back, smiling tightly at the little girl, who smiled lopsidedly at him (he could see Puckerman in her hazel-green eyes and in her smile; the rest was all Fabray) and plopped back down on the floor to go back to playing with her doll, and went to his chair. His spine was tense and stiff; his brain whirled with the implications. He needed to tightly grasp the arms of his chair to keep himself from lashing out in hurt and heartbreak. "Is she... Is she pregnant?" He whispered, teeth gritted together as he forced himself to spit the words out.

"No, thankfully", Hiram said with a touch of relief in his voice. "She's just lost and confused. She hasn't received her acceptance letter from NYADA yet, and this has made her lose confidence in herself. She thinks a life with Finn is everything she has to look forward on the future", he added with a hint of desbelief, and his words made Jesse scoff and roll his eyes; the older man nodded.

"It's all because of the people she's around at McKinley. They don't value her the way she deserves", Shelby massaged her temple, adding quietly, "I knew we should've lured her over to Vocal Adrenaline".

"She wouldn't have come", Jesse replied, certain. "Rachel has a sense of loyalty só strong it's nearly a flaw. She breathed life into New Directions the way it is now, since she got Sandy Ryerson fired, and she feels responsible for it. She wouldn't leave them behind, no matter what they did to her".

Hiram and Leroy nodded, both as aware of the child they raised as the young man in front of them. "Not even love would sway Rachel away from McKinley", Leroy declared, firmly.

"But right now it's not McKinley we want to sway Rachel away from", Shelby replied, smartly, eyes fixed on the young man who had replaced her as Vocal Adrenaline's coach. "It's Finn Hudson and that stupid idea of getting married immediately after graduation. And you, Jesse, are the only person she'll listen to".

Jesse blinked in surprise. "I beg your pardon?"

Hiram and Leroy were nodding. "You heard it".

"Uh..." Jesse looked at the three adults crowding his office. "What makes you believe Rachel will listen to my opinion on this matter? She knows I'm biased on every issue concerning Finn Hudson. He's not one of my favorite people". _To put it mildly_, the former Vocal Adrenaline lead thought to himself. He and Hudson had been rivals from the moment he had first laid eyes on Rachel, nearly three years ago, and Jesse was half-certain they would always compete for Rachel's affections.

"Rachel has connected with you, time and time again, on a level that she hasn't with either Finn or Noah-" Leroy began.

"- although Noah has come to understand and support her dreams and ambitions since New Directions put them back into each other's lives-" Hiram cut in; Leroy made a dismissive gesture with his hand and carried on.

"- and that is because you share the same dream. You both are Broadway-bound. Your lives have just taken an unexpected detour, but eventually, you two will find our way towards the lights of New York and the Great White Way".

"But that won't happen for Rachel if she ties her life to Finn Hudson's. She doesn't listen to us or to anyone else, because we try to sway her on a personal level. She's too young and inexperienced on relationships to take that step, and those are our reasons. Since we don't really understand what it means for her to be on Broadway, she doesn't listen to us when we remind her she'll have to stay behind in Ohio if she marries Finn, at least while he goes to school-"

"She can't!" The words escaped Jesse before he could bite them back. "Finn will never leave Ohio, he feels comfortable here!" The young man shot up and began pacing on the small space his guests hadn't occupied. Hiram and Leroy exchanged a small grin at his agitation, which escaped unnoticed by Jesse.

"She can't, that's right. She won't listen to us, because we appeal to her personal side. But you... You connect with her on another level, like we said. You're both Broadway performers on the making. And, no matter what has happened between the two of you, Rachel has always valued your professional opinion, Jesse. She trusts your assessment of every situation when it comes down to professionalism. If you appeal to her as a fellow actor, she **will** listen", Leroy declared firmly. Jesse looked warily at the older man, but Shelby walked away from her place by the window, placed her hand on Jesse's shoulder and looked pleadingly at him.

And it was those eyes – the same eyes that haunted Jesse's dreams every night for the last three years – that did Jesse in.

"Okay".

* * *

**R**achel once again found herself at the music store that, three years ago, had come to mean so much to her. She had managed to avoid coming back to it, haunted by the memories that it held for her – bittersweet memories, depending on the day. But today something had caused her to come there, a feeling, an inkling that she _needed_ to be there, maybe to put her ghosts to rest since in a matter of weeks she'd be starting a new phase of her life.

Her eyes wandered on their volition to the ring Finn had slipped on her finger all those weeks ago, and Rachel felt her insides clench as doubts began tearing her apart once again. The piece of jewelry felt foreign and awkward, heavy and uncomfortable – feelings no woman was supposed to relate to their engagement ring, a token of love, a vow of happiness to come.

Shaking her head slightly to clear it from the doubts, her feet shuffled towards the shelves where their eyes had first met. A small, wry smile tilted up her lips as she reached out to the music books neatly stacked up on the top shelf, her fingertips barely touching the glossy covers as she moved slowly towards the black baby grand piano sparklingly standing on the middle of the room. Tears bubbled up to her eyes, unbidden, as memories filled her senses.

If she closed her eyes, she could almost see how everything went on that perfect first meeting: the teasing, challenging blue of his eyes; the seductive, attractive red of his full lips; the velvety, hypnotizing pink of his tongue as it came out to lick his lips as he sang; the inviting smile that lit up his handsome face as she took her cue and joined her voice with his on that first _Hello_. Falling on the piano bench, her fingers slowly came to sit on the piano keys, feeling them cool and firm under her shaking digits.

(He had taught her how to play the song, **their** song, a few weeks into their relationship, round one. It had been a long time since she last dared to play it – since last Nationals, where she played it with tears rushing down her cheeks and regret heavy in her heart – but she never forgot.)

Her fingers moved slowly but flawlessly over the keys, memories crashing down on her as she kept silence on the parts that were his. She closed her eyes against the onslaught of past happiness, listening to his soft voice in her mind, feeling almost able to hear it like he was sitting next to her on the piano like he had been that first time, singing with her like they had done that first day. Their unforgettable, untainted first duet would forever haunt her, mocking her. It had been so perfect. It had been such a lie.

With Jesse, most of if had been a lie (the first time around), but she couldn't keep but sing quietly as she played her cue.

_**I can see it in your eyes – I can see it in your smile**_

_**You're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide**_

_**Cause you know just what to say, and you know just what to do**_

_**And I want to tell you much**_

"**_I love you_**" The sound of his voice on her ear, the warmth of his breath on her skin tore her from her memories, and she slammed her fingers against the keys, a cacophony of noises echoing loudly on the music store as she startled back into reality, her heart skipping a beat as she shot up.

Jesse was sitting next to her, his eyes soft but guarded, no hint of warmth inside them. He was looking down at the piano keys – at her hands on them – at her ring -

He took her right hand on his before she could fold her hands together on her lap and hide the awkward proof of her low self-confidence.

(How come he was still able to rock her certainty that getting married to Finn in a few weeks was the right step?)

(She couldn't admit to herself – not quite yet – that her doubts have been a long time coming).

A long-suffering sigh escaped his lips as he rose her hand to his lips and pressed a sweet kiss to her fingers. "We could have had it all, Rachel", he whispered, eyes locked with hers. She froze as she dared to look at him for the first time, confusion coloring her beautiful face.

"I... I'm afraid I don't understand you, Jesse", she whispered, trying to gently tug her hand free from his hold. He wouldn't let go, however, and she felt one of his fingers flicker slightly the underside of her engagement ring.

"We would have been Broadway's power couple, Rachel. You know we would. But now that you're staying in Ohio... It shall never be".

Feeling like he had slapped her on the face, she firmly tugged her hand free from his, standing up and taking a step back. "How dare you?" She hissed, clamping down on the doubts that had shot up to life courtesy of his words. "I'm a NYADA finalist! And I **am** going to get in! My destiny is New York, and I will make it happen!"

"No, you won't", Jesse replied, bluntly. He knew he was destroying her once again, but to be honest to the point of harshness with Rachel was always the best policy. Getting married at seventeen was a dumb move. Getting married, at seventeen, to **Finn Hudson**, was a one-way ticket to the loony bin – Rachel had lost it and she needed several rounds of therapy 24/7 to get back to her right mind.

(He never said he wasn't biased).

"I agree that you will get in NYADA. I give you that. But when push comes to shove, you won't take your rightful spot up there. Because – correct me if I'm wrong – but Hudson hasn't applied to any school in NY, has he?"

"No, but he'll work while I go to classes".

"I see", Jesse said dryly, only slightly mockingly. "And where exactly will a high school graduate find a job that pays enough to cover all his bills in New York? Or will he rely on his parents to help make ends meet? Rachel..." He saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes and sighed, running his fingers through his tousled curls. "Can't you see Hudson isn't cut for life in New York? So, let's say you two get married and then move there. Then what? You'll thrive there, Rachel, you **know** you will, or at least, you **used to**. He won't. He'll cling to you just tighter, having jealousy fits and making you choose between your relationship and the dreams you've had since long before he entered your life. Then what? You choose him, you'll end up being a soccer mom here in Lima. You choose your career, you'll be a divorced eighteen-year-old!"

"How **dare** you?" Rachel hissed, deathly pale, lips pressed tightly together in a thin line, eyes filled with doubts – not a hint of the anger he had expected her to react with. He hated to see her so troubled, so changed, so not herself. But he affixed his showface firmly into place and shrugged.

"I only speak the truth. You know I'm right, Rachel".

She couldn't find it in herself to reply, to refute what he was saying, to face the truths he was saying – she couldn't – so she did the only thing she could.

She turned on her heel and fled the store.

He let her go.

He knew his words would chase after her and echo in her mind.


	23. and above all this

**Timeline:** Set during, or immediately after, _Heart_. Spoilers to said episode, even though I haven't watched it entirely (just Amber Riley's performance – I wanted to give Sam a really tight hug, the poor thing – and also Damian McGinty's, because he's awesome and being Ellie's wifey made me fall for him).

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#23: **__but above all this_

**S**he's sitting on the empty April Rhodes Theatre, surrounded by silence and darkness and her thoughts. The ring on her finger feels heavy, strange. It has been two weeks since she said yes to Finn's impulsive proposal, and her feelings on the matter are all over the place. Her acceptance had been impulsive, an attempt to hold on to the one thing she could control, considering she was still waiting, at the time, for her fate concerning NYADA to be told to her. (That letter is laminated and framed, hanging in front of her elliptical, on the exact spot that she used to hang her goals for glee. NYADA is her new goal).

Samuel has just left the auditorium, having been given the musical brush-off by Mercedes, who did a very pretty job singing Whitney Houston's _I Will Always Love You_. During Mercedes' performance, she sat quietly on the back, hating how much she wanted to join her friend – Kurt calls them frenemies, whatever that means – during the song, only singing it to Finn instead of Sam.

She has her eyes fixed on the darkened stage, but the silence on the room allows her sensitive hearing to pick up on the sound of steps towards her. It's not Finn, she knows that much – her new fiancé (it feels strange, to use that word concerning him) never managed to respect her silences, always needing to fill them up with one thing or the other. At first, she shrugged that off, tuning his chatter out just like he did – still does – when she mentions anything Broadway-related. But lately this habit of his annoys her, and she has to bite down her lower lip to keep herself from snapping at him.

Lately, everything Finn does has been grating on her nerves, and she hates what that means. She knows. She doesn't **want** to admit it.

The person sits down next to her and stretches their legs in front of them, propping their feet up on the seat in front of them. She rolls her eyes as the familiar gesture clicks on her and mumbles, "How can I help you, Noah?"

Noah smirks at her for a moment, but says nothing else. He picks up her hand – the hand with the ring – and flicks the underside of it gently, tickling her palm on the process. A small giggle escapes her, and she rolls her eyes at him, tugging her hand free. He holds it a little tighter and twirls her ring as he says, quietly but conversationally. "Got a call today. About you".

She freezes. Being a little psychic, she knows where this is going. She knows who called him. It wasn't Finn, naturally – insecure about Puck and his girlfriends as he is, and aware of just how close Noah and she are, Finn would **never** reach out to his once best friend for help with his fiancée (she can't find in herself not to grimace when she thinks of herself as one).

It only leaves one other person – one other boy – as Noah's mysterious caller.

(Her heart clenches and butterflies flutter in her stomach, no matter how hard she tries to quell them).

"What did he want?" She whispers, and she hates the thickness in her voice, the tears in her eyes.

(She doesn't have the right to cry over him, over them. Not anymore).

"What does he **always** want?" Noah replies, and yes, it's not the first time they've had this conversation, about this person. Rachel bites her lower lip and tries not to cry. Noah's still twisting her ring on her finger, and it's getting on her nerves, so she tugs her hand free of his, pulls the ring out of its place on her hand and gives it to him. He looks down at the ring, then at her for a moment, and whispers, "It felt awfully easy of you to get yourself rid of your new shiny toy".

"Yeah, I don't like it that much", she snaps without thinking, gasping when her words sink in. Noah seems satisfied for whatever reason (once again, she knows. She just chooses not to admit it). "Oh, God", she whispers, tears flooding her eyes. She looks helplessly at Noah, and he shrugs at her, handing her back the ring.

"Sorry, princess. Can't actually help you with that one". He stands up and presses a kiss to the crown of her head, turns to walk away. He's halfway to the door when he stops, turns his face a little so she can hear him clearly. "He says hello".

She stifles a sob. Noah smiles sadly as he leaves her alone. She has a decision to make.

* * *

**T**he janitor kicks her out when it's almost seven at night. Her eyes are red, and puffy; her face feels sticky with her dried tears; her finger is ringless and she feels partly heartbroken, partly free. She spent the hours after Noah left her crying and thinking and feeling her ring burn a hole through her purse, making mental lists of pros and cons and being realistic – for the first time in **months** – about the whole situation.

Her first stop on her way home is at the Hudson-Hummel residence. Carole smiles when she sees her, but she notices a glimmer of reserve on the older woman's eyes, and she remembers how Finn's parents, and their own, are against her and Finn's engagement. She allows a small, sad smile to curve her lips as she reaches inside her purse and pulls out her ring, handing it to the older woman. Carole blinks and looks surprised (but relieved) at her, and she whispers, "I'm sorry. I can't".

"It's okay, honey", Carole replies, pulling her into her arms and squeezing her slightly. "Thank you", she says, her voice muffled by Rachel's hair, and the NYADA finalist feels like a weight falls off her shoulders. She hugs Carole back, a little tightly, and after a few minutes, Burt's voice calling out for his wife comes from inside the house. The younger girl can hear Kurt and Finn bickering, and Burt appears at the living room's doorway, his eyes finding Rachel's ringless finger. He nods at her with approval in his eyes, and Rachel gives him a small smile. Carole steps away from her and wipes her eyes, smiling brightly at her. There are no words exchanged. She leaves before Finn or Kurt can come out to find their parents, and puts her phone on silent so she won't listen when it starts blowing up with Finn's calls and demands for an explanation.

Her next stop is at her own house. She doesn't need to say a word at her parents; like Burt, their eyes immediately zero at her right hand and they smile at her, pulling her to a group hug. The immensity of her choice crashes at her, and she clings at them like the five-year-old she once was; the words leave her like a dam breaking, as she rants out her explanation. But Hiram is crying and muttering prayers and something about promises in Yiddish, so Leroy puts his hands on her shoulders and smiles reassuringly.

"It's okay, baby. It's fine. It's going to hurt a lot for Finn, but it's best for you both that this whole mess is over now than after you went through all the process only to end in a divorce".

She nods a little, wipes her own eyes and takes a deep breath. She stays with her eyes closed for a while and, when she opens them, Leroy cheers inwardly at the steely determination he sees glimmering in his daughter's eyes. "I have to go. I have... somewhere to be", she explains, purposefully vague. But Leroy cocks an eyebrow and smirks at her.

"You have **someone** to see?" It's almost not a question, and she blushes and nods. Her father laughs while Hiram, having picked up on their conversation, squeals like a little girl and hugs her tightly, all but rushing her out. "Don't worry, pumpkin", Leroy tells her as he follows his partner and their daughter to the door. "It will be alright. Everything. I promise".

* * *

**S**he was certain of what she was doing when she made the first two stops of her night. She had to give Finn his ring back and check in with her fathers. Now that she's on her way to the last stop of the night, she's starting to feel her nerves flare up to life.

She's the lead of one of Ohio's most successful show choirs, and she's engrained enough in the circle to know what paths Jesse's life took once she left behind, heartbroken and humiliated, in an auditorium in New York. Even if she wasn't, she has a halfway-decent relationship with Shelby now and, while her mother was supportive of her relationship with Finn, she never actually hid how much she preferred Rachel to be with her former star pupil. Every now and then, not as subtly as she thought, Shelby would drop Jesse's name in a conversation. So, Rachel knows he's back in Akron, back in Carmel, back with Vocal Adrenaline, this time as their coach instead of their lead.

(Shelby grinned when she stopped by and breathlessly asked about Jesse's whereabouts at the moment – having left her phone at home when she stopped by, she was forced to go to her mother's house instead of calling. Beth was giggling when their mother told her Jesse put her own grueling rehearsal hours back in place, so he was likely at Carmel's auditorium at the moment).

When she parks at the well-lit Carmel lot, her hands are shaking and she's hyperventilating and rethinking the whole thing. Maybe Shelby is wrong and Noah is wrong and Jesse has moved on already with some sophisticated twenty-something version of Quinn Fabray (with Santana's chest and Brittany's flexibility). Maybe she should go back to Lima and beg Finn to take her back and put his ring back on her finger. Maybe she should stay single for a while. She went from Noah to Finn to Jesse to Finn again, to Noah again, to Jesse again, to finally Finn again. Maybe she should date outside of the show choir circle.

She's sitting on her car for more than forty minutes when there's a knock on her window. She startles out of her panicked haze, and freezes when she meets concerned blue eyes.

"Rachel?" He says, concerned and surprised and a little bit on this side of hopeful – or so she thinks.

"Jesse", she says, breathless and with her heart thundering inside her chest, so loudly she's surprised he can't hear it.

"What are you doing here? Fuck, it's cold. Let me in. Is anything wrong with your car?" He shoots the question in rapid succession, and she opens the passenger door for him, shivering at the cold air that blows in the warmth of her car when he slides in. He grunts with the thermal shock and rubs his hands together. They both allow the silence to stretch between them, cozy and easy and not at all uncomfortable.

Of course, he's the one to break it.

"So. How are you?" He asks, turning to look at her. She shrugs, blushing, and picks at something on her jeans.

"Not engaged", she whispers, and her heart clenches when she hears him breathe in sharply.

When she finally looks up, he's smiling.

She smiles too, and he takes her hand – the one where she had Finn's ring until a few hours ago – and kisses that one specific finger.

It makes her giggle.


	24. don't you dare walk away from me

**Author's Note:** I love this song by Whitney Houston. The minute I heard Glee was covering _I Have Nothing_, I immediately thought of St. Berry (so not surprising, I know). I have refused to watch Jesse's return, and I'll only watch Nationals, because of the handful of good St. Berry scenes people have been leaking on tumblr.

Also, if you're a Finchel fan, turn around and leave. This is a **St. Berry **story. I'm a **St. Berry** shipper. Nothing against Finn as a character (no matter how despicable I write him in my stories, he has his moments in canon), I just don't support him as a love interest for Rachel. Next harsh review I receive saying Jesse is this and St. Berry is that and Finchel is the damn endgame, I'll block anonymous reviews. Fuck endgame. I vote we St. Berries, and Puckleberries, and every shipper fan other than Finchel revolt, kick RM's ass out of the Glee trinity and replace him with Ian (who's writing episode 21, filled of St. Berry goodness).

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#24: **__don't you dare walk away from me_

**T**his wasn't supposed to happen. Finn wasn't supposed to be standing in front of her, demanding that she gave up her dreams of New York to go with him to Los Angeles.

"Look", she had told him desperately, "I need to be in New York – and I need you there with me. I can't do this without you", she had lied through her teeth. She knew she could do it without him – in fact, she knew she would be better off **without** him in New York. Finn wasn't ambitious enough – he didn't have his own dreams, always wanting to follow others, never fighting to walk his own path. He was willing to go with her to New York; then, he wanted to go to Los Angeles with Noah.

_And I can't go to LA. I can't_, she thought in a slight panic, her mind flashing to an afternoon at the local music store so many months ago.

"_I'm going to a small school called University of California Los Angeles. Maybe you've heard of it. It's in Los Angeles". Blue eyes and dark hair in an arrogant face, herself following after him, enthralled that this beautiful, talented boy knew who she was, who knew her name and had heard her sing and had deemed her worthy of his time._

Shaking her head to clear it from the haunting memories, she looked up at Finn in time to see him close his locker door and turn to her.

"I just... I just want you to be really sure. I want you to be **really **sure you're in love with **me**, and not who you want me to be". He stated softly, his eyes hardening slightly as he turned his back on her and walked away, leaving her stunned in his wake. He was the one demanding that she gave up the dreams she had long before he entered her life, and yet **she** was in the wrong at the present situation?

The next two weeks were awkward, to say the least. They weren't speaking, they weren't sitting together and all the gleeks had picked up on the weird vibes. Noah had subtly made sure she was okay – which she was, mostly. Quinn managed to find a time between Joe, Artie and her therapy sessions to ask if everything was smooth in the land of Finchel. ("Can I have a raincheck?" Rachel replied to that question, earning a sympathetic pat on the knee and a nod from Quinn).

Finn still hadn't given up on his California plans. Rachel was determined she wouldn't go West when she wanted East. They had reached an impasse and, as usual, Finn wasn't willing to compromise; Rachel, personally, was tired of having to bend to Finn's wishes. Finally, she made her mind: two weeks after Cooper Anderson's fateful visit to McKinley High, the brunette diva found her fiancé and, with a sad smile, gave back her ring. No words were needed. Finn only sighed and nodded, pocketing the bauble and walking away.

* * *

**B**ut Finchel wasn't the only relationship having issues. Apparently, Kurt and Blaine's was also on the rocks, because of Kurt's innocent flirting with a boy he met at the music store.

(She had to close her eyes and breathe deeply for a few moments after Kurt filled her in. The haunting memories were back.

_ "Lionel Richie, uh? One of my favorites". A songbook being pulled from her, her eyes locking with deep blue ones who stare into her dark pools like they wanted to look into her soul. The next words that left her lips were breathless and a little starstruck. It would become something they would, later, chuckle fondly over._

_ "Oh, my God. You're Jesse St. James. You're in Vocal Adrenaline"._

_ "And you're Rachel Berry"._)

Rachel knew where her music store boy was nowadays. It was impossible for her not to know. Jesse St. James' return to his roots was the biggest piece of news on the show choir world since the transfer of Dalton's golden boy Blaine Anderson to McKinley High, and Rachel, being the captain of one of the most successful glee clubs in Ohio, was too ingrained in the circle for these news to pass her unnoticed.

"I'm sure Blaine will understand nothing will come out of it. It's just a friendship", she offered in comfort, an arm around Kurt as they walked in the choir room that afternoon.

Imagine her shock when Blaine shot back at Kurt's new friendship with Whitney Houston's hit _It's Not Right, But It's Okay_. The similarities to her own tell-off to Finn two years ago were too noticeable for her to be unable to point them out.

(_Anger rolling off of her in waves, she raised her hand, offering herself up for a performance even though she knew this wasn't a song their teacher would approve of. "Mr. Schuester, I think I have a song that sums up my feelings perfectly"._

_ "Fantastic, Rachel. Show us what you got"_).

"Rachel?" Kurt asked her quietly as Mr. Schuester let everyone go for the day. Blaine had been the first one out of the room, the others slowly trickling after him, Mike and Noah the first to hurry after their friend. Only she and Kurt remained, Kurt looking scared and heartbroken. "Are you okay?"

"No", the brunette whispered, closing her eyes and taking deep, steadying breaths. "No, I'm not okay, Kurt".

"Oh, chérie", Kurt breathed, hugging her. "You know Finn will eventually come around-"

"This isn't about Finn, Kurt", she cut him off sharply, her voice dry despite the moisture gathering in her eyes. "Finn and I are done. For good. We want different things, different sides of the country, and if neither of us is willing to compromise, then it was better for us to break up before we went forward and married".

Kurt looked confused. "Then I don't... I don't understand", he said carefully, watching her attentively. Rachel sighed again, rose from her chair, wiped her eyes and ran a hand through her hair.

"Finn was never the one, Kurt. The right person came back for me and I stupidly let him go, again, out of fear", she confessed in a soft whisper, tears threatening to bubble up in her eyes again as a little sigh escaped her lips as new memories found her.

_"Rachel", she still could remember the earnestness in his face, the sincerity in his eyes as he spoke, trying to soothe her anxiety, "I did wrong by you last year and I came back to make that wrong right. And I came here to tell you that you're going to be the featured soloist on Nationals in New York"._

_ The joy that engulfed her was tampered by her rational side coming out to play. "Wha- But, wait, how do you know that? Did Mr. Schuester tell you?"_

_ "Let's suffice to say that I was _**very**_ involved at the decision", he smirked slightly at her, and she squealed, jumping up and down in joy before throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. He hugged her back with equal force, equally joyful, so happy for her that he lifted her a little, his face coming to rest on the soft curve of her shoulder. They were giggling when he let her go, and she tried to regain some composure. She was, most of all, a team player. "No, no, no. I- I- I feel bad. Everyone else worked so hard; now they're just gonna hate me", she said, and his answer was filled with the brutal honesty she had come to love._

_ "They sort of already do. And you know as well as I do that's sometimes the price of fame". His hand came up to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear, and she shivered a little at his touch. There always had been that little jolt whenever they touched and now it wasn't any different. His touches left her wanting more. "I used to think fame was the only thing that mattered", Jesse confessed softly, "and now I realize there's something that matters to me more". _

_ "What?" She asked quietly, terrified of his answer._

_ "You", he replied truthfully, and one look in his eyes told her he was being sincere. He was bare in front of her, no hint of the arrogant boy that egged her and stole her trophy along with her heart a year before. He leaned slowly, and their lips touched._

Tears were running down her cheeks as she finished telling Kurt, and he looked at her all soft and understanding. Deep down, he knew Jesse wasn't a finished chapter in Rachel's life. No matter how hard she threw herself into her relationship with Finn, there would always be a part of her that was Jesse's, a part that had dimmed increasingly in the last couple years, but now, thankfully, seemed to be coming back. "Oh, sweetie", he whispered, hugging her tightly.

Rachel gently shook him off and leaned away from him. Looking at her best friend with red-rimmed eyes, she pleaded with him, "Don't follow on my footsteps, Kurt. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Don't let Blaine go just because you're scared, or insecure, or he's pushing you away for some reason. Fight it, fight him if you need, but don't lose your love". She bit down on her lower lip, feeling a fresh wave of tears fill her eyes. "It's the worst feeling in the world, and I don't want it for you".

"You can fix it, you know?" Kurt suggested gently, squeezing her shoulders softly as she tried to contain her tears, pressing the heel of her hand against her overflowing eyes. "You can go over there and apologize. Or sing. Or both".

"He won't take it", she said stubbornly. "I screwed up. I have to live with it. And I refuse to hurt him more than I already have".

"Just try. One last time. Maybe third time is the charm", Kurt suggested as he led her out to the parking lot.

* * *

**S**he was shaking in her boots the minute she parked on Carmel's lot. It was early evening, so it was pretty empty – if she remembered correctly, only Vocal Adrenaline's members stayed so late, because of rehearsals, and according to an interview of Jesse she had found online, he had reinstated Shelby's gruesome rehearsal schedule in order to whip VA back into champion shape. Taking a deep breath, she clutched at her Star of David pendant. She had left Kurt at McKinley prepping to serenade Blaine, and had sneaked out quietly, in order to do her own serenading.

She found Jesse sitting alone at the auditorium, the voices of his pupils nothing but a faraway buzz. As the door creaked open and then closed behind her, he didn't look up from his notes, his long legs stretched in front of him, his designer boots propped on the front seat. "You still have three minutes of break – don't waste it", he stated in what she recognized as his consultant-voice. Taking a deep breath, she whispered,

"That's more than enough time, thank you".

_Share my life – take me for all I am_

_Cause I'll never change all my colors for you_

_Take my love – I'll never ask for too much_

_Just all that you are, and everything that you do_

With her eyes closed, she never saw the way Jesse stiffened, and how he slowly rose from his seat, turning around with wide eyes to look at her, disbelief and a slight hint of hope in his clear blue eyes as he looked at her. She was different, more like the Rachel he had fallen for – she was using a teal and black checkered skirt with a black sweater which had a huge gold bow printed on it – if memory served him right, it was the same sweater she had worn the first time they spoke.

_I don't really need to look very much further_

_I don't wanna have to go where you don't follow_

_I won't hold it back again – this passion inside_

_Can't run from myself; there's nowhere to hide_

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't suffocate the sparks of hope that kept popping into his heart. Rachel always sang what she felt, and this was one of her 'take-me-back' songs. So... was he reading everything right? Was she begging him to take her back, pleading with him to give her one more chance? And, if she was, could he do it? Could he put his heart on the line again, back on the hands of the one girl he loved more than anyone else, the one girl who always chose someone else over him?

_Don't make me close one more door_

_I don't wanna hurt anymore_

_Stay in my arms, if you dare – must I imagine you there?_

_Don't walk away from me_

_I have nothing – nothing – nothing..._

She took a deep breath and allowed her eyes to open, her tear-filled pools locking with Jesse's enigmatic gaze. Ever since that doomed Nationals day she was incapable of telling what he truly felt, and this hadn't changed. She still didn't know what expected her now that she was here, putting herself on the line, risking everything that she held dear in order to try and win back the one person she always loved above all others. Tears bubbled to the surface, but her voice never wavered, and her eyes never left Jesse's as she carried on her crescendo.

_Don't make me close one more door – I don't wanna hurt anymore_

_Stay in my arms if you dare – must I imagine you there?_

_Don't walk away from me, no_

_Don't walk away from me_

_Don't you dare walk away from me_

_I have nothing – nothing – nothing... if I don't have you_

_If I don't have you_

Jesse had to struggle to hold in a gasp. He had never seen Rachel this raw, this open, this vulnerable. Even in the early days of their romance, when there hadn't been lies and jealousy and _Run Joey Run_ and eggs and _I loved you_, she hadn't been this clear with her feelings. Rachel had always kept her guard up with him, slowly letting him in, and then when he came back last year, she was even more guarded. For her to be this raw about her heart... It filled him with a hope he hadn't expected to feel.

As she wrapped up her song, she looked down, feeling tears splashing down her cheeks and not daring to look up and sense how Jesse was feeling. He had every right to send her packing, especially after last year and the fiasco at Nationals, and she wouldn't hold it against him if he did. Suddenly, he was standing right in front of her, his boots coming into her line of vision. She could feel the warmth of his body, the weight of his eyes on her. But he made no move to touch her, and it was with a sinking heart that she concluded he had finally done what she failed to do.

He had moved on.

Fighting against the urge to wail in pain and feeling her heart shatter all over again, she nodded. "Okay", she breathed. "I got it. Sorry... Sorry I've interrupted your rehearsal".

"God, Rachel", he grunted, wrapping an arm around her waist and hauling her close to his body, his free hand reaching out to cup her chin and lift it so their eyes locked. "Shut up".

Then his lips slanted over hers and he kissed her possessively. She took a second to react, too stunned by the strength of their kiss for a moment before her instincts took over and she sunk fully into their embrace. Her arms came up to wrap around his shoulders, one of her hands sinking into his curls, tugging at them to pull him closer.

"I have nothing if I don't have you too, you know", he mumbled between their kiss, his cheeks growing wet and sticky with her tears, a smile curving his lips at the giggle that escaped hers.


	25. things I'd never do again

**Author's Note:** I haven't watched _Glee_ since _Big Brother_ (MATT BOMER! *squeals*) so I apologize to any major mistake. Spoilers to what I read of the episodes after that. However, once my beautiful and adorable wifey Ellie (hey, baby!) sent me the link to download _It's All Coming Back To Me_ and I heard it, I immediately fell in love with it. Lea sounds amazing in it, like she hasn't sounded in quite some time. And, since I'm half-certain it won't be a St. Berry song (still, I hope it is), I decided to do it my way. Nationals, here we go!

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#25:** things I'd never do again_

**F**inn could feel Rachel growing apart from him. It was a palpable thing, like breathing and playing videogames and talking and hanging out with his friends. He couldn't pinpoint the reason – things had been going great for them, even after her disastrous audition to NYADA, with Rachel having won Prom Queen after being written in by their friends – but he could tell he was losing her, and he couldn't come up with anything to change that.

She was still as driven as ever, that hadn't changed. She was putting everything into their rehearsals for Nationals, but only into that. She was so focused into that, she had forbidden everyone but Kurt, Blaine, Quinn, Puck and Mr. Schue from watching her practice. Once, when he questioned her reason for not wanting him there, she shrugged and said it was a surprise. Then, when he tried and approach the idea of them marrying in Chicago after Nationals, she pretended she hadn't listened and changed subject.

The same thing kept happening every time he tried to talk about their approaching nuptials. Either it would fall on deaf ears, or she would tell him they could discuss it later. Kurt had assured him it was only Rachel being, well, Rachel, but Finn knew better. It wasn't Rachel being Rachel.

It was Rachel being **Rachel Berry**, and the memories of three years ago scared him more than anything else. The Rachel from sophomore year was madly in love with someone else, and it had taken months for him to get her to truly move on from said someone else. That someone else was still someone who haunted him, the one person Finn knew without a hint of doubt had fallen for this side of Rachel (which Finn was glad to see wasn't that dominant anymore) and could steal her away from Finn himself.

Jesse St. James.

But they were in Chicago now, in Nationals, and Rachel had gone missing. Kurt was basically an inch from throwing a major fit, and Blaine was giving his best to reassure him, but nothing other than Rachel being safe in front of Kurt would settle his stepbrother – so, Finn was sent on a search party for his elusive fiancée.

He found Rachel, indeed. But he found Rachel, standing extremely close to Jesse St. James. Finn stood still, motionless, stuck to his spot, heart shattering with fear as Rachel, obviously upset, tried to move away from Jesse, past him, towards Finn. And Jesse looked like he was going to allow her her diva storm-out, but then, frustration clear in his face, he whirled around and tugged Rachel by her arm, pulling her so that they were standing face to face. Now Rachel's face was hidden from Finn's view, but she was looking down at her feet and her shoulders were hunched.

Every instinct Finn had was screaming at him to go tear Rachel away from St. James, who was clearly working his Jedi mind tricks on Rachel's head to fuck up their chances at Nationals. But then, when Finn was about to storm up to them, Rachel looked up at Jesse, wrapped her hand around his tie and tugged at it so they were standing so close that, if Jesse just leaned a teeny, **tiny** bit down, they would kiss. Jesse listened attentively to her, then nodded and, sliding his hands up and down her arms for one last time, released her from his hold.

Finn couldn't move from his position fast enough to make it seem like he wasn't watching Rachel with Jesse. She looked a little surprised to see him there, but then smiled and breezed past him. "Hey. Let's go. My phone has been blowing up – I bet Kurt is threatening my entire Broadway collection by this point".

"Hold up, Rach", Finn said, following her and taking her hand so that she was forced to turn around and look at him. "What was that outside with St. Jerk?"

A flash of annoyance sparked in her eyes, but she hid it. "Nothing. Jesse is my ex, and we haven't spoken for months. We were catching up, that was all".

Finn was a little reluctant to believe her words, but by the time he finally managed to put his thoughts in order enough so that his next words wouldn't cause a major fight that would ruin their chance at winning Nationals, she had already tugged her hand free and was moving towards their green room. With a sigh, and his heart full of fear and potential pain, he followed her inside and tried to focus on the competition at hand.

* * *

**T**hey did Lady Gaga's _The Edge of Glory_ (The Troubletones, featuring Tina and Quinn), and Rachel couldn't help but feel a little trepidation at her solo. It felt ominous that she had chosen that song to sing, especially **after** the conversation she had just had with Jesse. Moving quickly to her spot between Quinn and Blaine, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and tried to block the memories from her most recent run-in with her former flame.

_ She was standing outside the theater where Nationals were taking place, trying to quell the butterflies fluttering in her insides. After her disastrous audition to NYADA, she was fighting a minor case of depression (who was she and what did she have if her talent failed her?), and it didn't help that Finn was pressuring her into marrying in Chicago. In fact, her choke-up at her audition had destroyed everything, including her plans of becoming Mrs. Finn Christopher Hudson. Finn was still bent into moving to California with Noah, and she didn't want that. She wanted Broadway and New York, and that was the one dream she wasn't willing to give up for Finn and their relationship._

_ Her new doubts and thoughts slowly drove her away from Finn, and she couldn't honestly say she wanted to change that. The rift between them, their differences, only seemed to become more evident. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and began humming some tuneless song to try and settle her nerves. She heard with half a mind the door creaking open behind her, and suddenly the hairs on the back of her neck stood up and all her nerves vanished like they hadn't been there to begin with. Only one person caused her to react like this, and a sigh escaped her lips._

_ "Hello, Jesse", she whispered, but she knew he could hear her. His footsteps echoed on the small space separating them, and he came to a halt next to her – and she could feel the weight of his stare on her as he examined her._

_ "Hey, Rach", her former boyfriend said just as softly. "You look beautiful"._

_ "Thanks", she replied quietly. "Wade did a good job out there. I think you guys are again the one glee club to look out for"._

_ "He's quite talented. Unfortunately he has this knack of only feeling secure enough to perform when cross-dressed as this woman named Unique", Jesse sighed and rubbed his hand down his face. "Anyways. I heard what happened with your audition. I'm sorry. You deserve NYADA, Rachel"._

**There were nights when the wind was so cold**

**That my body froze in bed if I just listened to it right outside the window**

**There were days when the sun was so cruel**

**That all the tears turned to dust**

**And I just knew my eyes were drying up forever (forever)**

* * *

**J**esse sneaked in the auditorium, eyes finding Rachel's black-and-red-clad frame immediately. He couldn't help but feel a little deja-vu to the first time he ever saw her: in a competition, wearing a short dress and putting her impressive pipes on display with a huge diva number. Back then, it had been Barbra and her biggest hit. This time, it was Celine and one of her first major successes. The lyrics hit him like a punch to the stomach, and he couldn't avoid remembering their conversation from earlier.

_After he gave her his regards towards her failed audition to NYADA and shared his belief that she deserved a spot at the prestigious institution, Jesse was shocked (and, admittedly, a little terrified) when she snorted, derisively. She shook her head as she spoke, "Clearly you – we both – were mistaken". She turned so they were face to face, and his heart clenched at the raw despair he saw in her eyes. "I'll never be anything more than a Lima loser. Just like everyone always told me I'd end up being"._

_ She then moved towards the door in one of her classic diva storm-outs, and Jesse was tempted to let her go, too shocked to react. But his instincts – and the love he still held for her, even after last year's humiliating wound to his pride by her hands – kept him from doing as so. With a small growl of frustration, he turned and grabbed her arm, forcing her not to flee his presence. He tugged at her arms and pulled her close, his eyes burning with a little anger and a whole lot of fear for her. "Listen to me, Rachel. Shut up and _**listen**_. Remember what I told you once? You singing _Don't Cry For Me Argentina_ is not a dream. It's inevitability. I believed it then and I still believe that now. And I have faith in you enough for the two of us. If I have to drag your ass out of Lima by force, so be it. But you're not going to end up married to your so-called high school sweetheart. You are _**not**_. You deserve NYADA, you deserve New York, and you deserve Broadway, and you _**will **_have it. We could have had it all, and we _**will**_. And that all, we will have it – together"._

_ He had no idea what prompted that outburst, but obviously his words got through to her, and she looked up at him, her lower lip quivering. He was torn between his anger at her giving up on her dreams and his desire to press a kiss to her mouth to reassure her – and himself – that they still had a shot at their own inevitability. But the ring in her finger cut into his palm, and he curbed his urge._

**I finished crying in the instant that you left**

**And I can't remember where or when or how**

**And I banished every memory you and I had ever made**

Rachel was forced to bite back the overwhelming urge to cry as she started pouring all her conflicting feelings into her song. Surrounded by Blaine, Quinn, Santana and Tina, she stepped forward and closed her eyes, imagining Jesse out in the crowd, watching her. If she focused hard enough, she could almost **feel** him, his touch, his kisses, his breath, the whispers they had shared at their two failed relationships. The memories strengthened her, and she opened her eyes –

– And immediately managed to find Carmen Tidibeaux sitting on the crowd, an unreadable expression on her face. The sight of the woman who held her fate in her hands gave Rachel the push to focus on the performance and not on her desire to curl up and cry until she had no more tears left. She had so much riding on this song, and she wouldn't lose it.

Not when losing it meant disappointing Jesse.

_Jesse's outburst rocked Rachel down to the pit of her soul. The way he spoke of her future – _**their **_future – and the deep faith he still had at her even after everything she had done to him affected her more than she would like to admit. She had gotten somewhat used to the idea of California, of being a starlet or an aspiring TV and movie actress, all because of Finn's desire to move to California._

_ But to see someone she had hurt so deeply, intentionally and unintentionally, filled her with renewed hope, and the look in Jesse's eyes gave her a dose of boldness that she normally wouldn't have. Wrapping his tie around her hand, she tugged at it, pulling him __close enough that she could feel his minty breath on her face, and that made her shiver and fire to race inside her veins, turning her blood into molten lava. Looking up, she bit her lower lip and whispered, "If you're certain of what you're saying, Jesse..."_

_ "I _**am**_", he interrupted her, and she felt like standing up on her tiptoes to kiss him, but fought it off._

_ "Then I want you to listen very closely to my solo". Her gaze locked with his, and her next words caused her a _deja vu_ feeling, but she knew this boy – this _**man**_** –**__ would understand what she was implying. "I mean every word"._

**But when you touch me like this, and you hold me like that**

**I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me**

**When I touch you like this, and you hold me like that**

**It's so hard to believe, but it's all coming back to me.**

Jesse felt tears threatening to fill his eyes. Onstage, singing her heart out to one of the world's most beautiful love songs, with a spotlight illuminating her and a fierce look on her face, Rachel never looked more ravishing. She was singing to him – that much was certain. She had told him as such, when she asked him to listen closely to her song.

A tear trickled down his face and he made no move to wipe it away. It wasn't the first time he cried because of Rachel singing – but it was the first time she had sung to him without pain and heartache from both sides. The song was a love statement from a person to their former lover, a plea for a new chance.

And, if Rachel allowed him, he wanted another shot at their love story.

**It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now**

**There were moments of golden, there were flashes of light**

**There were things I'd never do it again, but then they'd always seemed right**

**There were nights of endless pleasure**

**It was more than any laws allow (baby, baby)**

* * *

**C**armen Tidibeaux was a close friend of Claire St. James, and she had known Claire's son Jesse since he was a baby. She had accompanied – from far away, but still – his life, and, when he called her to ask for a favor, she had promised she would make it happen if she could. Once he told her he wanted her to come to Chicago for the Show Choir National Competition, to watch someone perform, she had been reluctant to accept.

Said reluctance increased when she learned the person he wanted her to watch was Rachel Berry. Carmen then proceeded to tell him she **had** seen Rachel perform, and the girl had failed to impress her. But Jesse, being a St. James, managed to cajole and persuade her to give Rachel another chance. Incapable to say no to the boy she had seen grow into a dashing, talented young man, Carmen agreed, but made no promises.

She was glad that she had come. The young woman singing onstage in no way reminded her of the shaking, anxious mess she had seen try her hand at _Don't Rain On My Parade_ just two weeks ago. Rachel's performance was a mixture of fierceness and frailty, her voice powerful and haunting as she sang to a lost lover about how memories of their broken relationship came crawling back to her. Carmen caught sight of Jesse not far from where she sat, and the smitten look in her face told her just how important Rachel was to him.

The NYADA dean knew Rachel had seen her, but apparently her presence hadn't rattled the young prospect. Carmen wasn't a person to lie, not even to herself, and she had to admit that Jesse had had a good idea when he invited her to come to Chicago. Rachel Berry was someone worthy of being in NYADA's rows of freshmen the following term.

She smiled softly at the young woman, and sat back to enjoy the rest of the performance.

**If I kiss you like this, and if you whisper like that**

**It was lost long ago, but it's all coming back to me**

**If you want me like this, if you need me like that**

**It was dead long ago, but it's all coming back to me**

**It's so hard to resist, and it's all coming back to me**

**I can barely recall, but it's all coming back to me now**

**But it's all coming back**

* * *

**"S**he sounds beautiful!" Finn heard Kurt breathe next to him, tears brimming in his blue eyes and threatening to roll down his cheeks, and his heart sank. Yes, Rachel sounded beautiful – but that song wasn't from her to him. No – they were on a good place, or so he thought, and this song was about memories of a past, broken relationship.

And the only broken relationship Rachel had memories to, no doubt, cherish...

Finn bit his lower lip so strongly he could almost taste the coppery blood flowing into his mouth. She was singing to Jesse – in front of a packed audience. In front of Jesse himself – and Finn knew his rival would recognize the song for what it was.

Suddenly, Kurt gasped and grabbed Finn's arm, squeezing it tightly. "Oh, dear sweet Gucci!" He whisper-shrieked, jumping up and down, pink blossoming in his cheeks. "It's Dean Tidibeaux! From NYADA! She's on the audience!"

Finn's heart sank even deeper. Rachel was escaping between his fingers like sand, and he couldn't do anything to keep her. If he pulled a stunt like he had done last year, it would only cause her to hate him – she had, several times, told him not to do that this year – and Santana to probably castrate and then kill him.

**But you were history with the slamming of the door**

**And I made myself so strong again somehow**

**And I never wasted any of my time on you since then**

* * *

**L**eroy Berry was speechless. Sitting by his side, his husband Hiram was weeping openly in pride.

They had always known their daughter was a talented young woman, but they had never – not once in Rachel's nearly eighteen years of life – witnessed such a powerful, raw performance. Rachel was glowing, seemingly torn between pain and defiance, talking (singing) about a lost love like a woman older and more experienced than herself.

"She sounds amazing", Hiram said as he blindly groped for a tissue, tears falling down his face. Leroy nodded mutely, looking at the same direction Rachel had focused, a knowing smile curving his lips as he recognized the tall young man with dark curls. Suddenly everything made sense.

Only Jesse St. James was able to bring the diva out of his little girl. And, given the taken look on the younger man's face, this time everything would go smoothly for the two youngsters. Timing had never been right for them, in Leroy's opinion, and the motives behind their coupling were, at times, faulty.

But this time Jesse wasn't approaching Rachel to follow someone's orders, and Rachel wasn't using Jesse to make Finn jealous (if Leroy was right – and he prayed he was – Finn was a thing of the past for Rachel now), so maybe – hopefully – they had a fair shot now.

"Leroy?" Hiram squeezed Leroy's hand, startling his husband out of his musings, and, with a soft, tearful small smile, Leroy squeezed his hand back.

"Yeah... She does, doesn't she?"

**When you touch me like this, when you hold me like that**

**It was gone with the wind, but it's all coming back to me**

**When you see me like this, when I see you like that**

**Then we see what we want to see, all coming back to me**

**The flesh and the fantasies, all coming back to me**

**I can barely recall, but it's all coming back to me now**

* * *

**R**achel was pouring everything she had into this song. She was aware just how much she had hanging on it: her future, her happiness. NYADA. Jesse. The two things she wanted more than anything, and she'd be damned if she allowed it slip through her hands without a fight. No, not this time.

She knew she had many things to put in order before taking up with Jesse again. She had to talk to Finn, to call off their wedding (one less mistake for her, she knew that now) and break their engagement. She had to talk to Dean Tidibeaux and find out her opinion about what she had just witnessed. She had to go through graduation, the following week.

But there was one thing she could do now, and so she did. Finding Jesse amongst the audience, she looked straight at him and smiled softly. A thin sheen of tears had pooled in her eyelids, and everything was blurred, but she managed to spot him. She allowed her voice to soften and wrapped up the song with a tender look at the man she loved more than anyone else.

**If you forgive me all this, if I forgive you all that**

**We forgive and forget and it's all coming back to me now **

**It's all coming back to me now**

The audience jumped up to their collective feet in a standing ovation and, by the looks of it, there wasn't one single dry eye in the house. Rachel closed her eyes, feeling two tears roll down her cheeks, before opening them and smiling brightly at the applauding crowd. Suddenly Quinn rushed to hug her, also crying, followed by Tina, Blaine and an obviously touched Santana. "You were awesome, Rachel", Blaine whispered, his voice thick with the tears that shone in his eyes. Huddled together, the sextet left the stage, and Rachel was wrapped in a collective hug, Kurt in the middle, clinging tightly to her, his tears wetting her shoulder.

"Dean Tidibeaux was here!" He squealed, and then lifted his hand to his eyes. "I bet all my Prada she came to check you again! New York, here we come!" Then he pressed his mouth to Rachel's in a clumsy kiss, a blush exploding in his cheeks when he pulled away. He opened his mouth to speak, but she just hugged him tightly, smiling the entire time.

Everyone broke apart, celebrating a smooth performance – Santana commented loudly just how "fucking awesome it was to finally go through a competition without Finchel drama", making everyone laugh – when Rachel felt someone standing behind her and closed her eyes, taking a fortifying breath. She turned around, coming face to face with Finn, who was looking sadly at her. "I'm so sorry, Finn", she said quietly, discretely pulling her ring off her finger and pressing it into his palm. "It would be a mistake to go through with it".

"Why, Rachel? Out of everyone, why is it always him?" Finn had come to resign to the fact that there would always exist something between Rachel and Jesse. And he was tired of losing her always for the same dude. He watched as Rachel's face changed from the sad, apologetic mask to a glowing peace.

"I love him", she replied simply. "I always loved him, I guess. It was just the timing was never right for us".

Finn nodded, understanding for once what she was saying, and he pocketed the ring in his hand. He put a hand of her shoulder and squeezed gently. "You **were** amazing, you know?"

Rachel smiled thankfully. "Thanks, Finn". He nodded at her and left her, and she smiled. A few moments later, a strong pair of arms hugged her waist, and she smiled more widely. "Hello", she whispered.

Behind her, Jesse chuckled, kissed her shoulder and sang softly, "_Is it me you're looking for?_"

Laughing, Rachel turned within his embrace and hugged him, pressing her face to his neck. "You're all I've ever wanted", she whispered in his ear, and felt him smile against her skin.


	26. even the stars, they burn

**Author's Note:** Missing scene set during _Nationals_, because I wanted Jesse singing _I Won't Give Up_ ever since I heard it.

**Disclaimer:** The song belongs to Jason Mraz, and Glee belongs to RIB.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#26: **even the stars, they burn_

**A**fter New Directions perform in Nationals, she needs time away from everyone. From Finn and his insecure nervousness (she knows he's still uncertain about where he stands in her plans for her future, and frankly she has reassured him as much as she could without giving up on New York and staying in Lima with him, something she refuses to do), from Kurt and his excited squeals about how they're both going to NYADA together on the fall. She's still slightly shaky from having performed in front of Dean Tibideaux, and she needs time away, some peace and fresh air to clear her head and steady her frazzled nerves. So, she quietly leaves the green room and sneaks out of the building to the safe of a small plaza only a few feet away.

She sits on a cemented bench at the plaza, leaning forward, her eyes closed and her fingers clenching around the rough edges of her seat as she takes deep, cleansing, calming breaths. She can hear the thunder of blood in her ears, feel the rapid thrumming of her heart inside her ribcage. She flashes back to her performance, her solo, her diva moment. Dean Tibideaux's unreadable face gives way however to another face... A male, beautiful, angelic, sad face she knew all too well.

Once she stepped on that stage, underneath that bright spotlight, the only thing flashing in her mind had been Jesse's last words to her earlier that day when she had reassured him of just how talented he was (she's still reeling from seeing him nervous). "Cocky", he had said, with an impressed small smile. "I like it". So, she remembered how she felt at that moment, and allowed that cockiness, that little self-confidence that had rubbed on her from her past relationships with Jesse, to shine through.

While onstage, she instinctively knew he was watching her. They were still so attuned to each other that she could **feel** the weight of his stare on her as she sang, as she poured every ounce of her talent in that song. She had cockily told him they would win, and she wanted to make him remember just up against he and his team were going. She had sung for him, just like he had sung for her that day on Regionals, nearly two years ago. Their eyes hadn't locked that time, but she hoped he could tell she was doing her best for him, not only for Carmen Tibideaux.

She feels the presence of someone sitting next to her, and before she opens her eyes, she knows who it is. So, she isn't surprised to find him sitting next to her, looking more relaxed than before, his eyes examining her appraisingly. "Hey", she smiles slightly at him, straightening her spine and flicking her hair back. "Told you so. You guys were great", she tells him, and he chuckles.

"Thanks. But you were right. We won't win". His eyes are guarded as he watches her, a tender fondness shining through. "I hope your teammates know you singlehandedly won them Nationals".

She blushes slightly and shakes her head, disagreeing with him, but he persists. "I mean it, Rachel. Seriously – _Edge of Glory _was very fun, and I would never expect you guys doing _Paradise By The Dashboard Light_, but it was you, and your moment under the spotlight with Celine, that nailed it. Which, by the way, doesn't surprise me. Every time they allow you to put all your star power to the use, no share of the solos, you guys win. Think about it. Sectionals the year we met, Regionals last year-"

She blinks in surprise. "You were there?"

He rolls her eyes and nods. "Sectionals too. So, believe me, Rachel – it was your _It's All Coming Back to Me Now_ that won New Directions Nationals". Jesse smiles a little at her, raising his hand to tenderly cup her cheek. "Congratulations", he whispers, and she smiles softly at him, her eyes nearly welling with tears at the sweetness of his touch.

"Thanks", she whispers in return.

"Also", he adds, his eyes sparkling mischievously, "congratulations on your acceptance to NYADA". He laughs at her surprised gasp and wide eyes. "C'mon, Rach. I've seen Dean Tibideaux arrive in time to see you pull your best Celine. You're in. I'm a hundred percent sure of that".

She giggles and puts her hand over his, still cupping her face. His skin is soft, warm, a little calloused against hers. She can't help but nuzzle against it, feeling the heat radiate from Jesse. "Thanks, Jess", she whispers again, and she leans away from him, still close, but not that intimately. "So... What are you going to do now? Stay with Vocal Adrenaline?"

He misses her nearness almost immediately, but smiles at her question and shakes his head. "I plan on going to New York. I spoke to my parents about it, and filled an application for Tisch." He chuckles at the gasp that escapes her lips. "Needless to say, I got in". As soon as he finishes his sentence, Rachel squeals loudly in joy and throws herself in his arms, hugging him tightly.

"I'm so happy for you!" She's sniffling in happiness, because if anyone deserves to reach the same level of success she herself wants to reach in this business, this one is Jesse. He has the talent, the drive and the looks, the ambition to go out to NY on his own and fight his way to the top. "You singing _Giants in the Sky_ in front of a sold-out crowd is an inevitability", she teases him, and he laughs.

"Hey, don't steal my lines!" He replies, and she laughs and leaves his arms, a small blush on her cheeks and struggling not to revel on the rightness she had felt being in his embrace.

"Does this mean that next year we'll both be in New York?" She asks quietly, hands tightly folded together on her lap. Jesse nods as he watches her cautiously. Silence stretches between them, a little uneasy, filled with unspoken words, repressed feelings, and it's broken by the loud ringing of her phone. Startled, she pulls it out of her pocket – it's Kurt – and she looks apologetically at Jesse before refusing the call and standing up. She looks down as she brushes the skirts of her dress, and she walks away after bidding him farewell with a smile.

She's quite away from him when she hears his voice. "Hey, Rach?"

"Yes?" She asks as she turns around. He's standing up, a determined look on his face as he slowly approaches her, lyrics escaping his lips as he walks in her direction.

**When I look into you eyes, it's like watching the night sky**

**Or a beautiful sunrise – there's so much they hold**

**And just like them, old stars, I see that you've come so far**

**To be right where you are – how old is your soul?**

Jesse hasn't stopped going towards her, hasn't stopped singing, and Rachel gapes perplexed at him, her heart racing within her chest, sweat moistening her palms. She would never admit to anyone, but the minute she first heard this song, a few weeks ago while on a shopping trip with Kurt, she had immediately thought of him, how perfectly his voice would fit it, how amazing he'd sound singing it. To see it coming true, for her, in front of her... She's flattered, hopeful and shaken.

**And when you're needing your space to do some navigating**

**I'll be here patiently waiting to see what you find**

**Cause even the stars – they burn; some even fall to the earth**

**We got a lot to learn – God knows we're worth it**

**No, I won't give up**

By this time, he's already so close to her she can feel the heat of his body, the smell of his minty toothpaste, the feel of his shirt against her skin. She looks up at him, tingling at the determination she sees glinting inside the blue pools. She sees this for what it is, Jesse telling her where he stands concerning their broken relationship, what he feels and what he wants. She wants to say she's surprised he still loves her so much, but she can't lie to herself to that extent.

There will always be a string tying her to him, made of love, lust, understanding, respect and a little bit of rivalry. They were cut from the same fabric, two young people sure of themselves and their talents and their future and their dreams, and that likeness will always bring them close. If anything, their run-in earlier today proved to her that they only need like a minute to lower their defenses around each other; there are things one only allows the other to see, to know, to hear.

**I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily**

**I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make**

**Our differences, they do a lot to teach us how to use**

**The tools, the skills – yeah, we've got a lot at stake**

**And in the end, you're still my friend, at least we didn't tend**

**For us to work, we didn't break, we didn't burn**

**We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in**

**I had to learn what I got, what I'm not, and who I am**

He grins at her as he sings this part and she laughs, agreeing with him. Yes, Jesse had a lot to learn since the first time they met, and she's sure he has. He seemed more human, more within her reach now than he was when they first spoke to each other, three years ago. She also had a lot to learn, she's still learning, she's not the same girl she was when they first met: she wouldn't now triple-cast him like she did for her _Run Joey Run_ video. She's more attentive to other people's feelings and thoughts and opinions. Yes, she still wants everything too much and doesn't adapt well to sudden changes – those will never change – but she has learned to compromise. She has grown up. They both have, she's certain of it.

**I won't give up on us**

**God knows I'm tough, he knows**

**We got a lot to learn – God knows we're worth it**

**I won't give up on us**

**Even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love**

**I'm still looking up**

Jesse smiles gently, lovingly at Rachel as he cradles her cheek in his hand one last time, caressing her soft skin as he leans forward and presses a tender kiss to her forehead. "I won't give up", he whispers before he walks away. Rachel is left breathless and dazzled, but she quickly recovers, and smirks.

"Hey, Jesse!" She calls out, and he stops, turning around to look at her with a small smile on his lips. "_But if I touch you like this, and if you kiss me like that..._" She sings, takes a deep breath and then goes forward. She knows he'll understand. He always does. "_... It was so long ago, but it's all coming back to me_".

He nods with a soft smile. "See you inside, Berry".

She just smiles and nods.


	27. no choice, your voice can take me there

**Author's Note: **Set in my 'hazel and blue-eyed boys...' universe, during, clearly, _The Power of Madonna_. Long story short, Puck, Jesse and Rachel grew up together, since the boys' moms and one of Rachel's dads were college friends.

**Here, there… everywhere**

_**#27: **__no choice, your voice can take me there_

**T**hey've just gone through their first run of _Like a Prayer_, the Madonna song Finn chose, when Mercedes' mom asks for five. Mr. Schue agrees, obviously, and their little band of misfits break apart: Kurt and Mercedes go off with Quinn (probably in another bathroom break; thanks to the baby, Q's bladder is the size of a pea). Mike and Matt are helping Finn with some dance moves, San mocking Finn to Britt's peals of laughter. Artie is lazily wheeling around, with Tina nestled on his lap, his cheeks stained red as her head comes to rest over his and his eyes are full of Goth boobs.

As for Puck? He's busy watching Rachel and St. James stand center stage, him going through the two lines of song Finn had reluctantly given him (Rachel had unleashed the power of her pouty puppy dog eyes on him, something Puck knows she has perfected as a child) and her looking adoringly on.

"**It's like a dream, no end and no beginning. You're here with me, it's like a dream... Let my girl sing!**" He sings, pulling her close to his body with a twirl, arms wrapped around his waist, her back pressed to his front, his lips close to her ear. Rachel laughs, the melodious sound tugging at Puck's own lips, making him smirk slightly. It's nice to see Rachel so happy, so carefree, so close to the little girl he remembers from his memories. He's fucking sure he never saw Jesse this happy, the kid was always so damn serious.

He knows the other ten members of New Directions are still suspicious of Jesse and his motives for leaving his choir and joining theirs. Despite having grown up together (he, Jesse and Rachel were the inseparable trio back then), he also is, just a bit. Not because he doesn't think Rachel's a strong enough reason for anyone to choose ND over anything else (_she_ was the reason he picked ND in response to Tanaka's ultimatum), but because of how devastated Rachel will be if Jesse's reasons for leaving Carmel are less then pure.

"Jesse!" Rachel squeals, turning in his embrace to face him, her hands coming up to flick back a lock of hair that falls rebelliously on his eyes. "That last line's not yours, it's mine. Plus, that's not how the song goes!"

"I don't care", he replies, grinning at her. "You deserve every song there is", he adds, still smiling, and she looks down, her cheeks flooded with red as she smiles shyly back. His grin grows into a smirk as he tilts her face up with a finger for a kiss. Rachel enthusiastically kisses him back, then-

"OKAY! Mr. Schue, I think five has gone already, hasn't it?" Finn's booming voice tears into Rachel and Jesse's moment, his jealousy clear as he follows up his question with, "Hey, Rach, come help me with my dancing?" A look of irritation crosses St. James' face as a guiltily blushing Rachel tears herself off from him. He doesn't let go of her, however, and honestly it's not like she's putting a lot of effort into leaving his arms.

"There's no need for you to come here, Rach", Matt pipes up. "We can handle Finn pretty well. You just need to focus, man. Leave the girl alone", he adds, severely, and an obviously relieved Rachel smiles and nods at him, turning back to a quick kiss on her boyfriend's lips, before Mr. Schue clears his throat pointedly.

"Finn has a point though", he says and turns on his mic. "Everyone, back onstage! From the top!"

The number begins, as it usually does, with Rachel center stage, illuminated by a single spotlight, her eyes cast down as she opens up her mouth and sings. The other twelve members (St. James between them, the newest addition to their little band of misfits, brought by his new relationship with Rachel – a relationship that has his ma weeping like someone ran over her puppy) are divided between the two wings of the stage, Finn leading a side, Jesse leading the other.

As Rachel finishes her opening verse, they all join her, singing and onstage. A step of their choreography has them lifting an arm and twirling, and Finn looks pissed that Rachel has moved on, and Puck fears for a moment that Hudson will use this as a chance to push Jesse and make him misstep. Finn was always a sore loser, so it's no surprise that he often looks at St. James like he wants to kill him.

Thankfully, Finn doesn't fuck up the choreography, and he takes over the next verse as he looks longingly at Rachel. But Rachel's too busy grinning at Jesse, who's smirking back at her, the same tender light in his eyes that Puck's used to see there since he, St. James and Rachel were kids growing up together, before everything went to hell thanks to him.

Finn crosses the stage as he cues Kurt in, and Kurt, who's standing in the other side of the stage, takes over, walking to Chocolate Thunder as they all open up for her to pass and allow the curtains to be pulled up. A gospel choir joins them and they explode on the chorus again, Jesse dancing with Rachel, his usually perfectly coiffed hair tousled as he smiles and claps. Rachel's grinning at him as she joins Jones, and he mingles with the members of the choir.

As they finish the song, Jesse finds his way back to Rachel, who laughs and jumps in his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist. Jesse's also laughing, his face pressed on the crook of her shoulder as he twirls her around.

Puck realizes Finn's glowering at Rachel and Jesse, who have chosen to hang by the edge of the stage, Jesse sitting at the edge and Rachel standing in front of him, between his legs. The tiny brunette is talking animatedly, her face glowing, and Jesse watching her attentively, a small, secretive smile on his lips.

"Let's try your solo again", she orders. He nods, but, instead of the two measly lines Finn 'generously' gave him, Jesse struts onstage and begins singing **the whole song** to Rachel.

**Life is a mystery – everyone must stand alone**

**I hear you call my name and it feels like home**

He offers Rachel his hand, and she blushes, but grins, taking his offered hand and giggling as he pulls her onstage with him. They stay close, their hands tightly clasped together, and Puck smiles. What they're doing reminds him so much of their shared childhood, it's ridiculous.

**When you call my name, it's like a little prayer**

**I'm down on my knees; I wanna take you there**

**In the midnight hour, I can feel your power**

**Just like a prayer, you know I'll take you there**

Jesse smiles at her again, and opens up his mind to sing, but Finn interrupts him, glaring angrily. His eyes soften when he looks at Rachel, though, so it's clear who he's singing to. Rachel shifts uncomfortably, stepping closer to her boyfriend, and Jesse's icy eyes warm when he concentrates into relaxing her.

_**I hear your voice; it's like an angel sighing-**_

Finn tries to carry on, but Rachel beats him to it. Pointedly turning her back on Hudson, she smiles adoringly up at her boyfriend. Not even Finn, with his two braincells, misses the meaning of her gestures, his crestfallen expression making Santana smirk and Brittany giggle.

_I have no choice, I hear your voice_

_It feels like flying_

Shooting Finn a final, smug look, Jesse focuses back on Rachel, his face looking tender and vulnerable when he sing-whispers.

**I close my eyes – oh, God, I think I'm falling**

**Out of the sky, I close my eyes – heaven, help me.**

Rachel smiles the widest, the brightest at this, then leans forward and presses a kiss to his lips, and he laughs, muffled against her mouth, her hand coming to cup his cheek as his rests on the back of her neck, underneath the sleek fall of her dark hair. Finn clenches his fists in anger and storms out of the auditorium. Puck shakes his head negatively, trailing after his former friend.

"Dude", the left tackle follows the quarterback, who whirls at him.

"What?!" Finn barks, the dark scowl on his face deepening as he recognizes Puck. "What do you want, Puck?" He spits, venom dripping from his voice as he clenches and unclenches his fists, a clear sign that Puck recognizes. Rachel's onstage PDA with Jesse has affected his former best friend more than (Puck thinks) he wants to admit, and now he's trying to keep himself in check.

"Man, back the fuck off and leave Rachel and Jesse alone".

Finn blinks, then narrows his eyes, taking one threatening step towards the left tackle. "What?" He spits out.

But Puck, who basically taught Finn how to intimidate someone (to awful results – Finn can't intimidate a puppy to save his life), squares his shoulders and faces Quinn's ex head on. "You heard me. Leave Berry and St. James the fuck alone. You fucked up, dude. You chose Brittany and Santana over her, and she found someone she adores since she was a kid, someone who adores her just the way she is."

Finn scoffs. "You've bought his bullshit too?"

Puck rolls his eyes. "No. I've known him a long time. He absolutely **adores** Rachel. Leave them alone, dude. Go chase some Cheerio. Rachel? Off limits".

The quarterback smirks. "What, dude? You trying to find your way under her skirt too? Newsflash, buddy: if anyone's gonna pop that cherry? Me. You heard?"

Two things happen simultaneously.

One: a very familiar voice screams, in shock, "FINN!"

Two (and this one, very predictable): Puck punches his former best friend.

"NOAH!" Rachel screams. "Stop it! Jesse, don't", she adds, sternly, and the left tackle focuses enough to notice the dangerously dark blue eyes of his childhood friend, glaring murderously at the fallen quarterback, his hands tightly clenched into fists – but Rachel's hand lightly on his chest, clearly the one thing keeping him where he is (behind her).

Finn is gaping like a fish on dry land, desperately trying to come up with something to cover his ass with Rachel, who is looking at him all wounded and crap. The brunette midget just stares at Finn for a moment, then shakes her head and turns her back on him. "You know, Finn, you really are a number. You could have had me if you wanted, and you know it. But no, you've chosen instead to chase after Brittany and Santana. And now that I'm finally happy, with someone who likes-"

"-adores", Jesse cuts her, his voice sharp as he cups Rachel's face in his hands. "Someone who **adores **you". He repeats quietly but clearly.

Rachel smiles softly. "Okay, sorry. Someone who **adores** me, you decide you want me back. Well, newsflash – I meant what I said. Move on, Finn. Please. Because I have. And if you don't, then you're going to make life in New Directions very, very hard". Shaking her head sadly again, she leaves, going back to the auditorium, Jesse shooting Finn a nasty glare over his shoulder as he follows Rachel.

Finn seems stunned, confused for a moment, like he can't believe what just happened. Puck rolls his eyes (what's new in Hudson being lost and confused?) and goes back to the auditorium.

As he's about to cross the doors, he hears the quiet, muffled sounds of sobs. Peeking discretely, he sees Rachel's trembling body leaning against Jesse's, one of his arms wrapped tightly around her waist while the other hand runs softly up and down his back. Jesse's humming quietly, eyes shining with anger and anguish.

"It's going to be fine, baby", he says quietly. "I promise".

"I just... I just don't think I can handle all this, Jess. The judgmental stares. The whispers behind my back. The glares. Finn's longing glances. It's just... It's too much", Rachel squeaks, voice muffled by Jesse's chest. Puck notices how his childhood friend stiffens as the petite diva speaks, and the sound of steps echoes from behind him. He holds out an arm to keep whoever it is from going in and interrupting them. A quick glance tells him it's Q with Hummel and Jones, all of their eyes widening as they recognize the voices. Hummel and Jones' eyes light up with curiosity and they quietly lean forward, anxious to hear more, and Puck rolls his eyes. Vultures.

"What are you saying, Rach?" Jesse asks, his voice guarded, his spine stiff and tense.

"I just... I want peace for us. We love each other, Jess. I know it, so do you. And if I have to go to Carmel so we can be happy... Then I will".

Puck's jaw basically falls down to the floor. Quinn widens her eyes. Mercedes seems shocked. Hummel gasps.

After a moment, Jesse says cautiously. "Babe... think of what you're saying. You know what changing schools would take. You'd have to uproot all of your life, leave Lima..."

"You did it for me. Do you think I wouldn't do the same for you?"

"I know you'd do, Rach. I'm not doubting that, I'd never doubt you. I'm just hoping it won't be necessary. With time we'll show them what we have is real."

"Okay, we'll do it your way for now. But if it doesn't stop, then we'll do it my way. Deal?"

"Deal. Now c'mon, I think Mr. Schue is about to call us back in".

After the sounds of their steps vanish, Puck turns to look at Mercedes and Kurt. "Look. Stop whatever the fuck you're doing. It'll backfire on all of us. Rach is crazy enough to go through what she just said. So if you want to go to Regionals, back the fuck off them. Otherwise they're not the only ones leaving".

"What are you saying, Puck?" Quinn asked carefully, after a beat of silence.

"Exactly what you're thinking, Q. I've allowed you and myself to fuck up my friendship with them once before. But not anymore. If you guys don't quit bullying them, when they leave I'm leaving with them. And I want to see you guys trying to make ends meet with only ten members". With that said, he goes back inside, his heart light. For Quinn, he had ruined a lifetime of friendship with both Rachel and Jesse when they were children. But not anymore. No matter what it takes, he'll be by their side – supporting them, championing their cause.

Because the years when he was their friend were the happiest of his life, and frankly, he can do with some of that happiness again nowadays.


	28. no matter what I say

**Author's Notes: **Hi, guys! I've missed writing these! Hope you enjoy the new installment. Please forgive me for any mistakes – I haven't watched any episode this season, so I'm completely outdated on everything Glee-related, other than the fact that Rachel's the underdog again, crushing on a Jesse St. James-wannabe who cheated on her with her dance teacher and having kicked Finn to the curb with _Don't Speak_ (gorgeous cover). Other than the Finchel breakup and Cassandra July being a jealous bitch, this is completely season 4 AU.

Also, this is my Christmas gift for one of my best friends, Ashley! Ash, babe, I love you and I'm thankful for all the love and support you've showed me this year. 2013 is shaping up to be an amazing year for us! Merry Christmas!

**Disclaimer: **The song belongs to Gavin deGraw (but I chose the version from the St. Berry fanvid, because it's better than the original). _Glee_ belongs to Ryan Murphy and he can have it – I'm not so into it anymore.

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#28:**__ no matter what I say (I'm not over you)_

**O**ne of the first things Jesse learnt on his early days in NYC was that Callbacks was the place to go if you were a young, budding or struggling performer. He had moved to the city after losing Nationals to her the year before, all thanks to a little question she had asked him during their brief chat before both of their teams' performances.

_Are you forgetting who you are, Jesse?_

Those seven words had struck a chord deep within him. In a way, she had a point: by settling to being backstage, he was forgetting he was fated to be a star, awing people with his talent. Maybe that was why he failed both as a consultant (not that his client had that load of talent to start with – other than her and, in a different level, Kurt, New Directions was no roaster of performers) and coach.

So after Nationals he packed up his stuff and moved to New York City. Dipping a little into one of his trust funds, he started going to auditions during the days, filling his nights with dancing, acting and singing lessons. On his rare, off nights, he joined a handful of colleagues he made on those lessons for karaoke nights on Callbacks. During those off nights, he was often the target of horny, lonely guys and girls who tried to sway him into a night of hot, sweaty monkey sex. Those poor souls were always politely, but firmly turned down, though.

There was only one person who could make his blood boil, and he was patiently bidding his time for her to make her appearance at Callbacks. Puckerman had kept him dutifully updated on her life, and he knew she had moved into the city, free from the dead weight she had chosen as a fiancé and ready to move on as a NYADA freshman.

He was going to be king, and he was just waiting for his queen.

* * *

**R**achel's classes were just two weeks in and she was already feeling stressed – mostly because of Cassandra July and her blind jealousy. The tiny brunette huffed in annoyance as she rolled her eyes and fixed her make-up. "It's not my fault the damn woman isn't talented enough to make it to the top", she muttered angrily as she carefully applied a shiny layer of lip gloss.

"Cassie being a bitch again?" Kurt said sympathetically as he focused on fixing his hair.

His best friend and roommate nodded as she pressed her lips together and critically looked at herself on their shared mirror. "When isn't she? I wish she realized being mean to me won't change whatever happened to her when she was my age".

"Well, for tonight forget about her and let's have some fun", Kurt said happily as he picked up his smart coat and put it on. He then smirked. "Who knows, maybe tonight is the night Brody will finally make his move!" He fanned himself dramatically. "All this sexual tension between the two of you is giving me wrinkles!"

Rachel rolled her eyes and playfully smacked his shoulder as she picked up her own coat and purse. "Knock that out. I'm not ready to date again".

Kurt scoffed as he followed her out of the apartment, locking it behind them. "Oh, stop that. You're single for, what? Three months now?"

"Give or take", Rachel admitted as she snuggled into her coat.

"That's the longest I've seen you without some boy toy panting after you. It's time we get you some new target to those love songs we both know you love to belt out".

Rachel laughed. "Kurt, you're being ridiculous. I don't need a boy to serenade! I have plenty of experience to back me up on my singing. Or do you know any other 18-year-old whose fiancé broke up with her at a train station on the supposed day of their wedding?"

Kurt seemed to ponder her words and the sighed. "Only you were crazy enough to think getting married at 18 was right. But admit it, your life until now – especially the high school years – will make awesome material for a biopic one day".

His best friend grinned. "It will, won't it? Who do you think will be awesome playing me?"

"Darling, that's a subject that will keep us occupied all the way to Callbacks".

"That's what I'm hoping for".

* * *

**W**hen they arrived at Callbacks, it was already packed. Rachel caught sight of Brody flirting up a storm with a pretty, well-endowed blonde who was hanging to his every word and looking at him like he hung the moon and the stars, and chuckled. Choosing not to point it out to Kurt, she followed their usual routine – she went to find an empty table while he went to the bar to pick up their drinks.

She was surprised to find an empty table right in front of the small stage. Moving quickly before someone jumped at the opportunity, she settled down at it, firing off a text to Kurt to let him know where she was waiting for him. When she was finally comfortable on her stool, she felt her psychic senses tingling in anticipation, in a way she hadn't felt since months ago. Frowning, she looked around, searching for an unforgettable mane of dark curls…

… But came up empty.

_Rachel, he's not here_, she told herself firmly. _I have to stop believing so much on these psychic powers. More often than not they fail, after all._

Her self-directed rant was interrupted by a grinning Kurt, who bounded up to their table holding their iced teas (the virgin version) with sparkling eyes. "So apparently they have a performance programmed for tonight and the guy's supposed to be this amazing singer. No one knows his name, though, and that's very frustrating! I'm so curious!"

Laughing, Rachel took a sip from her drink and hummed appreciatively. It was cold outside, typical for New York near October, but inside Callbacks it was so warm she had stripped off her coat. Kurt had given her a well-intentioned makeover this time, and she was wearing some of the clothes they had bought together: black skinny jeans that adhered to her legs like a second skin and a white, sleeveless corset-like top that gave her small cleavage a generous boost, with black details on the waist. "Has anyone told you what time this performance is supposed to start?"

"Any second now, actually", Kurt replied with a grin on his face, sipping from his tea as well. "So, miss diva, you can have your pick of the litter. All the guys are breaking their necks to check you out".

"Kurt!" Rachel laughed joyfully. "I don't want to date **anyone**! I'm fine being single!"

Kurt looked skeptically at her. "Uh-uh. And I'm suddenly straight and crushing on Quinn Fabray". When this just made her laugh harder, he huffed. "Rachel, I'm being serious. You deserve to have at least a fling! A one-night stand! Anything! How long has it been since you've had sex?"

"I could ask you the same thing", Rachel shot back.

"I'm not single", he replied. "Blaine and I are still very much together and devoted to make it work long-distance". Absently, he picked up his phone and quickly typed in a text to his boyfriend before focusing back on the conversation at hand. "But you, my darling, you're as free as a bird!"

"I don't think any of the guys here can give me what I want, Kurt", she finally admitted.

It wasn't her usual answer. Whenever he mentioned her moving on, she was always very dead-set against it, claiming she wasn't ready, or wasn't interested. Now she was saying she **was** interested, only in something none of the boys around could give her. Kurt pounced. "How can you be so sure? What is it that you want?"

Sighing, she took a long sip from her glass and took a moment to think exactly what it was that she wanted and couldn't find in anyone she had met lately. Finally, the answer came to her, with such clarity that she felt the urge to cry.

"I want… I want epic romance, Kurt". She gave him a sad smile, knowing full well who she meant when she said those words, but aware that he was in the dark. "I cannot see any of these boys here giving me that. Can you?"

"You won't know until you try, Rach", Kurt told her gently, but she shook her head and looked away – but now before he saw the thin sheen of tears in her eyes, something that made him frown.

"They're not Jesse", she whispered, so low he couldn't hear her.

* * *

**T**heir conversation was interrupted by the soft notes of a piano. The two teenagers looked at each other, perking up in curiosity, before they looked at the stage, which was still dark. Rachel narrowed her eyes as she tried to see who was sitting at the piano, but failed. Huffing, she sat back and waited for whoever it was onstage start singing.

She didn't have to wait long.

But when she heard **that** voice, she felt a chill down her spine, butterflies in her stomach and her heart beat so fast she could hear it thunder in her ears.

It was a voice she would recognize **anywhere**.

When Kurt gasped by her side, she knew he had recognized it too.

**Dreams – that's where I have to go**

**To see your beautiful face anymore, I stare at a picture of you**

**And listen to the radio.**

**Hope, hope there's a conversation**

**We both admit we had it good**

**But until then it's alienation I know**

**That much is understood – and I realize**

When light finally bathed the stage, Rachel felt her breath being knocked out of her. Jesse himself was sitting by the piano, which had been placed in a way that he was staring straight at her. When their eyes finally met for the first time since their brief conversation at Nationals, it was like the rest of the world vanished.

He looked amazing. She almost pinched herself to find if she wasn't dreaming, because he looked a lot like he used to when they first met, three years ago. But as her avid eyes drank him in, she could see the changes. There was no longer the apologetic, almost lost boy who sang Adele with her. The slightly panicky, faintly insecure young man from three months ago had left as well.

In front of her, serenading her, with blue eyes that burned with confidence and a teasing smirk that exuded cockiness, but a slight air of vulnerability, stood **Jesse**. "The guy who is nuts about you. The guy who would never hurt you", she recalled him saying the first and only time she stepped foot on a Carmel stage.

Her heart lurched.

**If you asked me how I'm doing,**

**I would say that I'm doing just fine**

**I would lie and say that you're not on my mind**

**But I'll go out and I'll sit down on a table set for two**

**And finally I'm forced to face the truth**

**No matter what I say – I'm not over you**

**Not over you.**

Jesse smiled sadly when he saw her widening her eyes. Yeah, he wasn't over her. After three years, several disappointments and two breakups (and one failed engagement on her side), he wasn't over her and he had come to accept that he would **never** be over her. There was a soul mate for everyone in the world, and he knew without a doubt that Rachel was his.

**And if I had a chance to renew**

**You know that isn't a thing I wouldn't do**

**I could get back on the right track – but only if you'd be convinced**

**So until then**

**If you asked me how I'm doing**

**I would say that I'm doing just fine**

**I would lie and say that you're not on my mind**

**But I'll go out and I'll sit down on a table set for two**

**And finally I'm forced to face the truth**

**No matter what I say – I'm not over you**

**Not over you.**

**Not over you**

Her lower lip was quivering and tears burned her eyes, but for the first time in months, if not years, she could feel hope for them. This time the timing was right for the two of them. There were no hidden agendas, no unresolved feelings with exes, no ring on her finger to keep them apart. They were two wannabes, starting on their paths to stardom.

When the song was over, Callbacks exploded in applause, several girls crying or looking starry-eyed at the gorgeous young man while a few others glared jealously at the lucky woman who had clearly been the target to such a beautiful serenade. Rachel, her vision blurred with her unshed tears, looked at Kurt and was shocked when she saw his pale face awash with tears. He rolled her eyes at her shock and gently pushed her towards backstage, dabbing his eyes with a paper tissue.

"What are you still doing here, diva? Go!"

Grinning thankfully at him, she turned his back to her best friend and dashed away. After a few minutes, she managed to find the small door that led backstage and she quickly worked on fixing her appearance even without a mirror. Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand-

But before she could knock on the door, it was pulled open and her eyes locked with the most gorgeous blue eyes she had ever seen. The small brunette blinked for a second, and then, with a small smile, held out her hand for him. "Hi, I'm Rachel".

Jesse quickly picked up on what she was trying to recreate, and laughed, holding her hand and shaking it after a small squeeze. "Hi, Rachel. I'm Jesse".

"Nice to meet you, Jesse." She replied, her heart fluttering as she noticed how he didn't let go of her hand, instead entwining his long, elegant fingers with hers. She swallowed and then suggested nervously, "So, I was wondering if you'd like to duet with me late tonight?"

Jesse gave her a soft smile, his thumb gently caressing her skin. "I'd love to".


	29. and another one gone

**Author's Notes: **Apparently, my muse is on one of her inspirational kicks. Thank God for that. I was listening to _Another One Bites The Dust _the other day and all of a sudden she started coming up with a scenario where Rachel joined Jesse and Vocal Adrenaline for their funkification performance (don't tell me that song isn't perfect for a 'go-to-hell' from Rachel to ND).

For this to fit, consider 'Funk' aired on the original sequence where it was supposed to air **before** Theatricality, not after. Spoilers to 'Funk' and a mention to 'Mash-Up' events.

**Disclaimer:** 'Glee' and everything related belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX. The song is originally by Queen, but I've been obsessed with Jonathan Groff's version ever since I heard it (Sue me, I think he's the sexiest thing since the birth of sexy things).

**here, there… everywhere**

_**#29:**__ and another one gone (another one bites the dust)_

**N**ew Directions was mere two weeks away from their first showdown against their major competition, and its members were feeling confident and giddy that it would be easier to face off Vocal Adrenaline now that the current National show choir champion's famed lead vocalist had joined their ranks a few weeks ago. Mercedes, Kurt and Artie were talking about that, having just arrived at McKinley for the day, when they were found by their female lead and co-captain, Rachel Berry.

For the great surprise of fashion-minded Kurt and Mercedes, Rachel had traded her usual attire of indecently short, plaid schoolgirl skirts paired up with animal sweaters for a cute knee-length black dress with a thick blue sash around her waist and black flats on her feet. Her rich dark hair was tied behind on a ponytail, light make-up consisting of dark eye shadow and mascara making her eyes pop. She looked quite grown up and gorgeous, not at all like the toddler-grandma Rachel they had grown used to in the last few months.

"Thank God you're here. Come, we have to go to the auditorium. Jesse asked me to gather you all there, he wants to talk to us" She said, seeming quite alarmed and concerned, and the three teenagers looked slightly worried at each other before going towards their auditorium, Rachel apparently having been swallowed by the mass of students filling the halls. When they arrived there, however, she was nowhere to be seen, while the rest of their teammates were all huddled together near the table Mr. Schue usually used when they rehearsed there.

Jesse, wearing black pants, black T-shirt and blue jacket, stood center stage, surrounded by those who until now New Directions believed were his former team mates. Kurt's mind quickly registered that Rachel's dress was a different version from the rest of Vocal Adrenaline girls', who were blue with a black sash on their waist. Artie quickly looked around, noticing the shock in everyone's faces. Unfortunately, Finn was the first to gather his wits back, and glared at his rival. "What the fuck is going on, St. James?" He barked, stepping forward.

Jesse rolled his eyes and scoffed before flashing the quarterback a mocking smirk. "What does it look like, beanstalk? I transferred back to Carmel".

"Good for you", Kurt said coldly. "Now get out of our auditorium".

"Not so fast".

The voice that replied was female, arrogant and extremely familiar to all the eleven members of New Directions who were looking shocked, concerned and confused at the show choir standing on stage. The neatly lined up females of Vocal Adrenaline broke their perfect line to make way for no one other than Rachel herself, and she was greeted by the McKinley teenagers with stunned gasps. Jesse, a soft, tender look on his eyes, held out his hand for her and she took it with a small smile, turning around to look at the clearly perplexed New Directions.

"R-Rachel?" Finn stuttered, clearly knocked out of his comfort zone with this revelation. "What are you doing up there?"

"What does it look like, Finn?" The brunette grinned wolfishly, resting her hands over Jesse's, who had his arms wrapped around her waist and was smirking triumphantly. "I'm going with Jesse to Carmel. Let's be honest here, you've never accepted me for who I am and never listened to my clearly superior ideas".

"Then get the fuck out!" Mercedes barked, glaring darkly at her former captain.

"Not so fast", Jesse shot back. "The chat board rooms are buzzing with rumors about how you guys are a threat for our supremacy to the National championship. We'd like to prove to you you're wrong before you start believing those pesky little rumors".

Joining the rest of Vocal Adrenaline, Jesse stood center stage with Rachel's arms wrapped around his waist, and the familiar beat for Queen's _Another One Bites The Dust_ rang through the auditorium, Jesse's voice clear and enthralling as he began.

**Bam, bam, bam**

**Uh… Let's go!**

**Steve walks wearily around the street**

**With his brim pulled way down low**

**Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet**

**Machine guns are ready to go**

The eleven members of New Directions started perplexed at the flawlessly moving Vocal Adrenaline. While he sang, Jesse had led the guys in his group towards the front edge of the stage in a perfect line, while the females danced where they were. However, a big part of their shock was that Rachel, who always complained and loudly about not being given every solo, was singing backup to her boyfriend now, a teasing smirk on her face as she danced with her new teammates.

**Are you ready?**

**Hey, are you ready for this?**

**Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?**

**Out of the doorway the bullets rip out**

**To the sound of the beat**

**Yeah – another one bites the dust**

Jesse fell gracefully backwards and the boys of Vocal Adrenaline, who had formed a semicircle around him, pulled him up with equal grace. The girls, led by a grinning Rachel, came towards where the boys were now, skipping elegantly as they all paired up for the chorus. Rachel, obviously, was Jesse's dancing mate, and he led the boys on sitting down on the floor while the girls rolled on their laps in a twirling mass of black and blue before getting up and seductively pulling their mates up.

_How do you think I'm gonna get along_

_Without you when you're gone?_

_You took me for everything that I had_

_And kicked me out on my own_

Eyes popped out and jaws dropped for the New Directions' members when Rachel's fierce voice cuttingly took the second verse for the Queen classic. She was smirking as she sang, allowing the real power of her voice to shine through and leaving her former teammates aware of just how much she held back when she sang with any of them other than Jesse, leaving most of them floored with shock.

Suddenly, Vocal Adrenaline's song choice started to make sense, and those who had been involved on the ultimatum given to Rachel started to shift uneasily where they stood. Finn was glaring guiltily at his former girlfriend-wannabe, while Kurt, Artie, Tina and Mercedes looked everywhere but at the stage and each other.

_Are you happy? Are you satisfied?_

_How long can you stand the heat?_

_Out of the doorway the bullets rip out_

_To the sound of the beat_

_**Yeah – another one bites the dust!**_

The song came for a triumphant end after jumps and twirls and perfectly choreographed, adequately seductive sashays. A grinning Rachel and a clearly mockingly-smirking Jesse stood center-stage, her arms draped over his shoulders and one of her legs hitched over his hip, while one of his arms held her possessively by her waist and the other kept her hitched leg up.

Noticing the stunned looks on their competition, Vocal Adrenaline broke from their final position in a mess of cheers and congratulations, while Rachel and Jesse, smirking, took their bows and led their new posse off stage. A girl, who Mercedes recognized as being Giselle, Vocal Adrenaline's clearly former female lead, was the last to leave, and turned to them with a smirk.

"Thanks for lending us your stage. It was… quaint". And with a flourish, she left.

* * *

**F**inally out of New Directions' earshot, a grinning Jesse turned to Rachel and gently teased her, "Come on, now. Let it all out".

Giggling, Rachel coyly batted her eyelashes at him. "Let what all out?"

Laughing, Jesse nudged her shoulder tenderly. "The squeal I** know** you've been holding back in since our performance ended".

"I don't know what you're talking about", his girlfriend said with an innocent look on her face, but Jesse's knowing grin broke her , and she laughed, jumping at his arms with a loud, joyful squeal. "Oh, my God, Jesse! That felt amazing! And did you see the look on their faces?!"

Grinning, Jesse squeezed her tightly, giving her neck a loud smacking kiss. "I told you we'd get every duet in Vocal Adrenaline", he told her, echoing the words he had said to her when they sang together in her house, all those weeks ago when they first met. "You were perfect, baby".

Giving his lips a quick peck, she disentangled herself from his arms and got back on her feet, leading him towards where he had parked his car when they and the rest of **their** team (she still couldn't believe that was true) had arrived on McKinley that morning. As Jesse started the ignition, Rachel reflected on what had led her to join him on his transfer to Carmel.

_Sensing Jesse was keeping a Vocal Adrenaline-related secret from her, Rachel had out of the blue decided she was going to check their competition's rehearsal. There was something going on with her boyfriend, and if his former team was doing something that threatened him in any way, she wanted to know what it was so she could help him somehow._

_Once safely hidden on the darkened Carmel auditorium, she was surprised when a small army of red lycra-clad bodies marched onstage. However, McKinley's resident diva couldn't tear her eyes away from one of the red lace-covered silhouettes specifically. Fear gnawed at her heart as she recognized the proud square of shoulders, the arrogant hand on the waist, the messy head of hair. It was Jesse leading Vocal Adrenaline on what was clearly a Gaga number (for Nationals, she knew; Jesse had briefly told her during one of their dates before he transferred that his coach was considering Queen for Regionals), and it took all of her acting talent to hold in her surprised gasp._

_Had everything they shared been a lie? Were her teammates right when they claimed he had joined their little band of misfits with the only intent of spying on them because of Regionals? He had told her he was nuts about her and would never hurt her, and she had believed him, trusted him with her heart, but he was as skilled as an actor as she was, and it was quite possible he had been lying…_

… _But then something much more important came to light - and revealed to Rachel the real reason for why Jesse had approached her._

_A female voice was scolding one of the Vocal Adrenaline dancers for a missed step, and Rachel's heart faltered as she realized the hard voice yelling at the poor youngster was the same she had heard flowing from her old tape player just a few days ago._

_Shelby Corcoran, Vocal Adrenaline's famously cutthroat coach, was her _**mother**_._

_Almost unconsciously, Rachel stood up from where she was and revealed to everyone present who she was – and who Shelby was to her. She didn't see the way Jesse stiffened as he saw her quietly walk down the aisle between the audience seats, and a quick glance from Shelby sent the rest of Vocal Adrenaline scattering, but before they could all vanish backstage the teenage brunette said, "Wait. Jesse… You should stay"._

_After a long, apparently endless second, a sigh was heard and Jesse pulled his red lace mask off. Running his fingers through his hair, he dismissed his teammates with a wave, and was surprised when he was suddenly with an armful of Rachel, who had her face pressed against his chest and her arms around his waist. "Thank you", she mumbled, muffled against the red fabric of his costume._

_With a small smile on his face, he squeezed her gently and gave her head a tender kiss. "You're welcome", he whispered._

"What are you thinking?" Jesse asked, his hand over hers on the console of his car. Grinning, she pulled her hand free of his as she curled on the passenger seat and tugged her hair free of the perfectly coiffed ponytail she had tied it into earlier that day.

"You. Us", she answered truthfully, and he flashed her a smirk before focusing back on the road and allowing her to sink back on her memories.

_After a very emotionally-charged reunion with her mother, Rachel was relieved when Shelby told Jesse to take her home, for she was in no state to drive at the moment. With a nod and not giving a second thought to the fact that he was dressed in red lycra, Jesse quietly led Rachel to where he had parked his Range Rover. Silence stretched between them as he maneuvered his car out of the parking lot, and Rachel's voice was soft when she broke it. "I guess this", she pointed to his costume with a small gesture, "means you're back at Carmel with Vocal Adrenaline?"_

_Jesse shot her an apologetic look, but nodded. "I was going to tell you when we went out this weekend. I'm sorry, Rachel, but my scholarship to UCLA rides on the fact that I am a Vocal Adrenaline member. I cannot end my senior year in McKinley, otherwise I'll lose it"._

_Rachel nodded but stayed quiet._

"_And before you ask me…" He suddenly pulled over and turned the engine off, turning to look at her, his hands framing her face. "I _**am**_ in love with you, Rachel Berry. I have been from the moment I heard you sing on your sectionals. Yes, I was supposed to lead you to Shelby so you two could meet, but our relationship was never a lie"._

"_I want to go with you", she blurted out, and he blinked, shocked._

"_What?"_

"_I want to go with you. To Carmel. You told me yourself, it's a shame I'm not in Vocal Adrenaline, remember?" Rachel gave her boyfriend a small smile. "Well, I want to fix that mistake"._

_Jesse was grinning in overjoyed disbelief at her. "Are you sure?"_

"_Yes!" She stated, grinning at him with sparkling eyes._

_Laughing, he hauled her close to him, and his lips crashed against hers on a fierce kiss. "I love you", he whispered against her lips, and she laughed, her arms wrapping around his neck as she responded enthusiastically to his kiss._

"_I love you, too"._

"You know they're going to try to talk you into returning to New Directions, don't you?" Jesse's voice broke her trance, and she blinked at him before rolling her eyes and nodding.

"I know", she replied. "Unfortunately to them, I know how it's going to be. Mercedes and Kurt will tell me to stop being such a diva. Finn will either try to foolishly appeal to whatever feelings he believes I still hold for him or tell me you're just using me. Santana will yell at me in Spanish. Artie will glare at me." Rachel rolled her eyes. "Noah will be the only one who will ask me if I'm happy where I am – which I am, supremely so". A bitter, unhappy laugh escaped her lips. "How sad is it that the one person who cares about my well-being is the boy who made most of my high school experience a living hell?"

Jesse put his hand on hers again and pulled it to his lips, kissing it tenderly. "He's had a change of heart, remember? You told me yourself he apologized to you for everything he had put you through after he got slushied while you guys were dating".

"Yes, he sure did". With a sigh, Rachel shook off her bitter thoughts and grinned at her boyfriend. "They won't succeed. I'm exactly where I want to be, with whom I want to be. And that's in Vocal Adrenaline, with you."


	30. take a sad song and make it better

**Disclaimer:** So not mine. The song is a classic and if you don't know it, then crawl back under your rock to hide your shame. It's my favorite Beatles tune ever.

I believe the song is pretty detailed for who is singing which part, but if it isn't, then: when the lyrics are written in italics, it's Kurt singing the first time, then Puck. When in bold, it's first Blaine, then Sam. Bold italics are Kurt and Puck together.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#30: **__take a sad song and make it better_

**A**s soon as he met Jesse St. James, during McKinley prom, Blaine "Warbler" Anderson was sure of two things.

One: Jesse St. James and Rachel Berry were a match made in Broadway-bound heaven.

Two: he and Jesse had more in common than he had thought. Used to being treated like royalty in their respective schools and choirs, both had fallen for hot-tempered, high-maintenance, crazy talented divas, for whom both were willing to do whatever it took to make them happy.

So, while surprising to everyone else (but Rachel, that was), it was quite easily that Blaine found himself falling into a comfortable friendship with the former lead of Vocal Adrenaline. It began when Blaine sneaked in the April Rhodes Civic Theatre while New Directions was rehearsing, Jesse watching bored on as Mercedes just stepped forward to wail the last note, Finn missed his cue and Santana was a hair lock away from doing hairography even though she had quite a decent voice. Blaine rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's team's generic laziness (even though New Directions were headed to Nationals), and mumbled about the unfairness of his own team losing to a team that consisted of only two awesome singers (if anything, his little walk on the bisexual side of life had taught him he had a weak spot for talent), maybe three good singers, maybe four decent ones and two really mediocre ones.

Jesse obviously overheard this and laughed, his laughter muffled by him biting his lower lip, and he stuck his hand out with a small smirk. "Jesse St. James", he said, glancing quickly, obviously fondly, at the tiny brunette onstage, "choir whisperer".

"Blaine Anderson", the warbler replied, grinning. "Lead singer for the Dalton's Warblers and Kurt Hummel's boyfriend".

"Ah", he nodded with a little smile, but whatever it was that Jesse was going to say was lost on the wake of Rachel's scream of pain. He quickly looked to the stage, a shadow crossing his face as he stood up and jumped over the two rows of seats towards the stage. Apparently Finn had somehow made Rachel trip again and she was worried this time it was her ankle that he had broken.

"Jesse", she whispered desperately, as Jesse kneeled next to her and started massaging and poking at her ankle. "Jesse, what if-"

Blaine watched with interested eyes as Jesse's demeanor, mocking and overconfident just a second ago, changed completely, his blue eyes lit with a tender, gentle light as he focused on the obviously panicky girl. The tall curly-haired boy affectionately pressed a silencing finger against Rachel's lips and smiled.

"Calm down, drama queen. You're okay. It's just sprained. You have the choreography down to a science, so I think you can take a day off today. Just stay off of it and tomorrow you'll be okay again. I promise".

Looking a little more relaxed (just a little), Rachel nodded as Jesse stood up. She held out a hand for him to help her up once he had straightened up his spine, but he blatantly ignored her and picked her up in his arms, something that made her squeak in surprise as she clung to him a little tighter. Jesse laughed at her reaction, and whispered something that – Blaine guessed – was clearly meant for Finn to hear. "Relax, baby. I'll never let you down again".

Rachel giggled and placed her head against his shoulder, smiling softly at him. "I know".

That was when Blaine was sure of a third thing: Rachel Berry was as crazy about Jesse St. James as he was about her.

That was why the kiss-that-should-have-never-happened in Nationals that year left Blaine on a loss on what to do. When New Directions left the stage, an obviously distressed Rachel bolted one way after Jesse chillily told Finn just how amateurish his onstage behavior had been, complimenting Rachel on her singing immediately after. Only Blaine noticed how stiff his spine really was, so different from the very confident, very cocky young man he remembered from rehearsals all those weeks ago.

A quick look at Kurt settled the issue. His boyfriend stormed out after his best friend, while Blaine rushed after Jesse. But he was too late. Jesse was gone amongst the sea of New Yorkers. No one was able to reach him.

By the time they had to go to the airport, two days later, Rachel was nearly hysterical as she realized no one had heard from Jesse since that day on the theatre. She was pale, with puffy, red eyes, and Blaine thought she hadn't slept a wink at all in the forty eight hours that had passed since she had last seen Jesse. While worried with Jesse, Blaine decided to focus on helping Kurt deal with Rachel, who they forced to take a sleeping pill so she could rest a little on the flight back.

Finn was obviously upset that his supposed 'grand romantic gesture' had backfired so awfully, but no one cared. Once it had become obvious that Rachel hadn't been in on what he was planning to do, and that she hadn't liked it **at all**, all the members of New Directions focused their anger straight at the boy they had all clearly decided to oust as their captain.

When they arrived at Columbus, Blaine watched with sad eyes as Rachel turned on her phone, hope sparkling in her eyes as she waited for her BlackBerry to power up. When it did, and no lost calls and no new texts were registered, her shoulders fell a little, and she looked like she was about to cry. Kurt sympathetically wrapped an arm around her, and they talked quietly for a few moments. Rachel looked like she's about to cry again, and Blaine's heart hurt at just how heartbroken she was over this mess.

The drive from Columbus to Lima went actually pretty quick. It was quite late at night, and all the teenagers were still tired or sleepy from their naps on the plane, so everyone fell back asleep. A handful doesn't, though, but still they kept to themselves, with their phones or iPods or books. Kurt fell asleep curled against Blaine's coat, and the Warbler smiled fondly at his boyfriend. He kissed Kurt's forehead tenderly, and looked up across the aisle to where Rachel was sitting, curled up on her seat, looking out the window with darkness engulfing her. With a sigh, the dark-haired teen stood up and moved unsteadily towards where the ND's female lead was sitting; when she heard his steps, she looked up at him, offered a sad smile and closed her eyes, taking deep, calming breaths.

Blaine's heart broke all over again. He took her hand silently, squeezing it supportively, and her breath hitched as her chest heaved. Her bottom lip quivered, and he could feel her shaking. "Have you cried?" He asked her quietly, knowing full well that she hadn't. Kurt had allowed her to cry a little, he knew, but it was not enough. There was still plenty of grief and fear and pain inside of Rachel, feelings that it was impossible that she worked through after just a few hours of crying.

The moment he was done with his question, Rachel buried her face on his shoulder and wept. It was silent, different from what he had heard people saying about Rachel. But if there was anything Blaine knew, it's just how awesome Rachel's showface was. Hugging her, he leant his cheek against the top of her head, kissing it in a show of support.

* * *

**W**hen they finally arrived at McKinley, Rachel had recomposed herself (somewhat). She hugged both Blaine and Kurt, tightly, the former after the latter. During their hug, she whispered her thanks on Blaine's ear, and he smiled dismissively. Leroy and Hiram were there to take their little girl home, and it's obvious they knew something had happened – Hiram hugged her extra tight, and Leroy quietly asked a few questions, to which she mumbled she just needed some rest and time. Burt and Carole were there, and they offered Blaine a lift to his home, which he accepted.

When he arrived at his darkened house, he was slightly shocked at whom he found sitting on his front steps, hidden in the shadows of the porch: Jesse, disheveled, clearly heartbroken and obviously drunk out of his ass, stood up unsteadily. "Anderson!" He called out, voice thick in his inebriated state. "Finally you're here, man. Thought you guys had gotten lost in NY or something".

"Hey, St. James", Blaine replied as he dropped his suitcase by the door and wrinkled his nose at the foul scent of sweat and alcohol wafting from the older, drunk teen. "How long have you been here?"

Jesse closed one of his eyes, pensively, and lifted the half-full bottle of scotch to take a large gulp from it. "About two days, I think", he slurred. "Your brother was here", the college dropout added, nodding; a wayward lock of hair bounced in front of his eyes, in time with his nods. "Cool fella; been keeping me nice and drunk since I came knocking".

Blaine rolled his eyes in annoyance. Of course Cooper would have helped a heartbroken guy drink his hurt off his system; God forbade his older brother talked about feelings. "I'm sure he has", he slid his key on the lock and pushed the door open; after pulling his suitcase into the hall, he stepped aside and let drunk Jesse in. Once they were safely inside, the Warbler said casually, "Rachel has been trying to reach you for days now. Why haven't you answered?"

"Threw my phone in the river back at the city", Jesse replied matter-of-factly.

"Of course you did", Blaine rubbed his temples, exhausted. "But you should have, I don't know – called? Texted her? Written in her Facebook wall? She's going crazy with worry, dude. Kurt had to threaten to do bad, **bad** things to her Broadway memorabilia to convince her to come home. She wanted to stay at the city and go knocking on every hospital and morgue and police station of the county looking for you".

"You're lying", Jesse replied bitterly, clambering towards the couch and dropping noisily down on it; he drank heavily from his bottle again. "She's busy mooning after that talentless son of a bitch, Hudson. What the **fuck** does she see on the jerk, Anderson? He doesn't sing, his dancing is so awful he has physically hurt her and he's as tall as the Pisa tower!"

Blaine chuckled, and Jesse flashed him an inebriated smile. Shaking his head, he took Jesse's bottle off his fingers, ignoring his half-hearted protests ("Hey! That's mine! I'm not done!"). "You don't need to keep drinking, St. James", the warbler stated decisively. "My brother's room is the first one down the hall. Since you two are so buddy-buddy now, you can crash down there for the night. You're free to hide here for as long as you please. But, Jesse?" He waited a moment and added, "Rachel's not with Hudson right now. In fact, she has been crying nonstop over **you** for the last couple of days. So, before you start hating on her, think about that".

Jesse chuckled humorlessly. "I could never hate Rachel. Believe me, I've been trying for the best part of two years. It just sucks that our timing is always fucking **off**". He then smiled sadly at Blaine. "You're a cool guy too, Anderson. Must be in the family. Do you think your old folks could adopt me?"

The warbler laughed bitterly at Jesse, rolling his eyes indulgently. "They're already negligent of their two sons, St. James. You don't deserve being dragged into our mess as well".

Jesse's eyes seemed to sober up as he watched the younger boy, nodding slightly. "Blaine Warbler", he slurred, straightening his spine, "it seems this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship".

Blaine smiled softly as he watched Jesse waddle towards Cooper's bedroom. Once the older boy had vanished within his older brother's alcove, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and presses a speed dial button. When the call connected, he spoke quietly. "Kurt? Hi… Sorry I'm calling this late, but I have some news to you. It's Jesse".

* * *

**W**hen he woke up the next morning, he first frowned at the dark colored bedroom that surrounded him. But then he remembered the last few days and groaned. Reaching out for the bedside table with his eyes still closed, he opened them sharply when he didn't find his loyal partner, the booze bottle, there.

Sitting up unsteadily on the bed, he felt tears burning in his eyes (because of the brightness of the room, obviously, not because of the pain he had been trying to drown in alcohol). Rubbing them clear of moisture, he placed the other hand on the bedside table, blinking owlishly when his fingers rubbed against soft paper. Picking it up, he narrowed his eyes as they focused on the flourished handwriting.

_No booze for you from now on, mister. You and Cooper wear roughly the same size, so take a shower and meet me on the living room when you wake up._

_B._

Frowning, Jesse decided it's best to obey Blaine's order. A few moments later, freshly showered and dressed, he paddled downstairs and found Blaine sitting by a baby grand piano, playing some keys absently. Jesse's heart clenched as he remembered the last time he had sat by a piano. He could still play the song he had played back then by heart, even though he refused to – the pain was just too great.

As if sensing his presence, Blaine started playing with more intent, his voice clear and firm in the quiet house.

**Hey, Jude – don't make it bad**

**Take a sad song and make it better**

**Remember to let her under your heart**

**Then you begin to make it better.**

A small, bitter smile curved the Carmel grad's lips as he shook his head, as if denying the truth of Blaine's singing statement. There was no way he could make this better – he had let her into his heart, and she just broke it, again and again, two years in a row and all because of her talentless beanstalk of a male lead. And he just didn't think he had any more strength to give her chances and having his heart broken.

A new voice joined Blaine's from the kitchen, and Jesse's eyes widened in shock as no one other than Kurt Hummel came in, a mug of coffee in his hand that he gave to Jesse while gently pushing him towards the couch. Once Jesse was finally settled down, the former Dalton warbler nodded and daintily joined his boyfriend by the piano, seamlessly picking up the second verse of the song.

_Hey Jude, don't be afraid_

_You were made to go out and get her_

_The minute you let her under your skin_

_Then you begin to make it better._

Jesse's shock grew exponentially as he felt someone jump over to sit next to him on the couch, his jaw dropping as he recognized Evans as the new addition to whatever this was. Flicking a blonde lock of hair back, the second string quarterback grinned sympathetically to him, his voice soulful as he put a hand on Jesse's shoulder.

**And anytime you feel the pain**

**Hey, Jude, refrain**

**Don't carry the world upon your shoulder**

**For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool**

**By make this world a little colder.**

**Na, na, na, na, na**

**Na, na, na, na**

Puckerman was the next to join the impromptu party/performance, casually strolling inside and falling heavily on one of the Anderson's armchairs. Stretching his long legs and propping his feet up against the Andersons' coffee table, he glared reproachfully at Jesse as he added his voice to what (Jesse was starting to see) was clearly an advising session.

_Hey, Jude, don't let me down_

_You have found her – now go and get her._

_Remember to let her into your heart_

_Then you can start to make it better._

Kurt took over the song again, Puck joining him as Rachel's two closest, best friends. Having spent the night serving as Rachel's shoulder to cry on with the blessing of both her parents and his mother), Puck was desperate to see Rachel's gorgeous eyes free of tears, and after he left here he would go to Hudson's house to kick the stupid bastard's ass. No one made his little Jewish-American princess cry and lived to tell the story, after all.

_**So let it out and let it in**_

_**Hey, Jude, begin – you're waiting for someone to perform with**_

_**And don't you know that it's just you?**_

_**Hey, Jude, you'll do**_

_**The movement you need is on your shoulder**_

The four boys from McKinley exchanged a triumphant grin as they saw Jesse St. James shoot out of where he was sitting and bolt out of the Anderson's house door. Kurt giggled while Blaine and Sam chuckled and Puck flashed a small smirk, the foursome clearly hoping everything would be alright for the pint-sized brunette diva they all loved in different ways.

The next morning, they all had the confirmation they wanted when a literally glowing Rachel bounded up to them and proceeded to hug them quite tightly, thanking them with a small smile on her face.


	31. a simple line can make you laugh or cry

**Author's Note:** I love Westlife. Love them, love them, love them. They are no doubt the most romantic boy band I know, plus their voices are simply breathtaking. This song is theirs and it's just the most romantic song I probably ever heard in my life. And it's also so versatile. I don't think there isn't anything not worth of love in it.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#31 – **__a simple line can make you laugh or cry  
_

**O**nce uncovered,Rachel Berry's talent quickly made her famous in the show choir circle. She was mentioned by all kinds of show choir coaches all around the country, as the one girls had to look up to. She took obvious good care of her voice and was versatile in her singing, since it ranged from show tunes to current pop hits.

So, when word came out that Rachel Berry, the one to look after, choked up on what was probably the most important audition of her life so far, it was something so shocking on itself (not counting the massive pressure she was under courtesy of a very insensitive fiancé of hers) that it quickly spread around like fire.

It wasn't surprising that it also just as quickly reached the one man everyone and their significant others knew loved her above everything else (even fame).

Once Jesse St. James heard what had happened to his beloved from a shocked and desolate Giselle Torres (who would have guessed?), he knew right away that he would have to make a third trip to the hellhole Rachel was still calling home

(And she forever would if the beanstalk played his cards right, Jesse knew).

This time he wasn't throwing his hat on the ring in a bid for Rachel's heart.

Oh, bear no doubt, he still loved her with every fiber of his being. Rachel was still the reason he got up in the morning, drilled his pupils to the point of exhaustion in the afternoons, worked out and rehearsed at nights. She was his soul mate, his perfect match, his equal in every aspect that mattered.

But this time he wasn't going to fight for her heart.

This time he would fight for something much more precious and, because of that, much more important.

He would fight for her future.

He would fight for what he hoped would be **their** future.

That night, after Giselle left him with a firm glare that left no room whatsoever for questions of what she wanted him to do (again: who would have known?), Jesse sat down in his darkened office in Carmel and began making the necessary calls.

He knew that if he alone tried to make Rachel listen, she wouldn't. Yes, they had a deep connection that was built mainly on the fact that they shared the same dreams and same ambitions. But past mistakes from both of their sides had helped to erase some of that bond, all because of his part on her egging and her kiss on the beanstalk a year ago.

But if he had the help of people that he knew cared for Rachel as much as he did, he knew she would be forced to at least take what he was saying in consideration. From the top of his head, he could think of two boys who could be useful on his mission.

Those two were the first ones he called, and those two took care of calling all the others that would also help.

* * *

**T**hree days after her choking disaster, Rachel was arriving at McKinley with Finn babbling nonstop by her side about how the two of them had to stay in Lima for the next year, in support, he claimed, of Kurt, whose boyfriend was a year younger than them and wouldn't graduate until the next year.

She was tired of this subject, and was a step from agreeing with him on it just to get him to just shut. up.

Guilt crashed on her like a tsunami. What kind of person was she, to feel so angry with her fiancé when he was thinking of doing something for someone else, someone who was dear for her, someone she felt a deep kinship for a long time now?

But before she could tiredly agree with him, Mike appeared, a small smile on his lips. "Hey, dude. Hey, Rach. Man, Coach Beiste is calling, says he wants to talk to you".

Finn frowned. "What about?"

Mike shrugged. "I have no idea, man. But she asked that you hurry. She has something with Ms. Sylvester and she doesn't want to be late for that. You know how Sylvester is when people leave her waiting".

Finn shuddered and nodded. "I know". His eyes clouded as he remembered the several times Quinn had been yelled at by her former cheerleading coach because of her tardiness. Shaking his head to clear it, he smiled apologetically at Rachel. "Sorry, babe, but duty calls".

Cringing internally at him calling her 'babe' (she hated it. She couldn't explain why, but of all of the boyfriends she had, he was the one that she couldn't stand calling her that), she pasted a firm showface-like grin and nodded at him. "That's okay. Go".

As Finn left without a parting word, Mike nodded in farewell at her, and she grinned back, a genuine grin.

She was almost at her locker, when Kurt and Mercedes boxed her in between the two of them. "Hey, diva", the former Troubletone grinned at her. "We need your help".

Rachel frowned. "What for?"

"Mercedes and I want to try out for a duet for Nationals, but we don't know if our song choice is adequate for both of our voices", Kurt explained. "Since all three of us have free period first thing this morning, we decided we wanted to sing it for you".

Smiling, Rachel made a arabesque-like gesture with her hand. "By all means, then. Lead the way".

The two fashionistas quickly engaged her in meaningless conversation, both thankful for having included Coach Beiste and Miss Sylvester on their little plot. If not for the help of the two women, they wouldn't have the time to start the main move of their scheme.

As they reached the dark auditorium, some deep, long lost emotion began to bubble inside Rachel. She clenched her hands slightly, and over her head Kurt and Mercedes exchanged an anxious glance. Realizing Rachel had somehow gotten lost in her thoughts, Kurt discretely slid her engagement ring off her finger, and safely hid it in his pocket.

"You sit here", he told her gently, leading her to the table Mr. Schuester used when they were rehearsing their numbers on that stage.

"We'll be right back", Mercedes added once they saw she was safely seated.

When she was left alone, Rachel tried very hard to focus on that emotion she had felt stirring back to life as soon as she stepped on the auditorium. She knew what it was. She had felt it before, and hadn't felt it since about this time last year. _I'm going insane_, she told herself as she struggled not to cry. _He's not here, he's in Carmel whipping Vocal Adrenaline back in shape!_

(Did you really think she would forget what kind of feelings Jesse St. James' proximity rose in her? Think again).

The soft sound of someone singing – a woman – brought her back to reality. Blinking against the sudden brightness of one single spotlight, she frowned as she recognized Brittany up there, with a tender smile on her face.

_Everybody is looking for a something_

_One thing that makes it all complete_

_You find it in the strangest places_

_Places you never knew it could be_

As her mind tried to make sense of what she was seeing, Rachel was more surprised when Quinn strolled in, a sweet light in her eyes as she stepped forward and took Brittany's hand, squeezing it affectionately.

**Some find it in the face of their children**

**Some find it in their lover's eyes**

**Who can deny the joy it brings**

**When you've found that special thing**

**You're flying without wings**

Rachel's shock grew as Sam, Artie and Noah walked in, the latter pushing the former's wheelchair, their voices blending powerfully to join the harmony Brittany and Quinn were building with their dulcet tones.

_**Some find sharing every morning**_

_**Some in their solitary lives**_

_**You'll find it in the words of others**_

_**A simple line can make you laugh or cry**_

Kurt, Blaine and Mercedes walked in next, Kurt between the last two, grinning encouragingly as Rachel's eyes slowly filled with tears and she chuckled at the three of them.

_**You'll find in the deepest friendship**_

_**The kind you cherish all your life**_

_**And when you know how much it means**_

_**You've found that special thing**_

_**You're flying without wings.**_

The target of this group serenade gasped quietly as Santana's powerful voice joined the beautiful song, her eyes also slightly tearful as she walked in and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's slim waist, Brittany snuggling against her ladylove.

_So, impossible as they may seem_

_You've got to fight for every dream_

_Cause who's to know which one you let go_

_Would have made you complete._

The last person joining this little singing fest shouldn't have come as a surprise for Rachel. It really shouldn't have. He was always one for great gestures of epic romance, after all, and it wouldn't be the first time he had staged one of those in this same room.

But, as Jesse appeared behind her, taking a seat next to her against the desk and taking her hand in his, Rachel couldn't help a small gasp of shock. His blue eyes were serious and sweet as they met her dark ones for the first time in almost a year, and a small crystal droplet left her eye as his warm hand reached out and cupped her smooth cheek.

**Well, for me it's waking up beside you**

**To watch the sunrise on your face**

**To know that I can say I love you**

**In any given time or place**

Once her tears began falling, she simply couldn't get them to stop. They rolled down her cheeks, wetting her skin and forming perfect small rivulets on her face, their tracks drying against the chilly air of the room. The other members of that small intervention were harmonizing onstage, and if Rachel could look anywhere but at Jesse, she would see tears in pretty much everyone's eyes, except for Noah, Sam and Artie, who were smiling softly in support.

**It's little things that only I know**

**Those are the things that make you mine**

**And it's like flying without wings**

**Cause you're my special thing**

**I'm flying without wings**

Rachel fell in his arms, clutching desperately at the front of his shirt and crying, and Jesse was relieved to see she had seen this for what it really was. When Sam had shyly suggested that they used that song, Jesse had been reluctant, seeing it for the love song it was mostly seen as. However, as Sam wisely pointed out, it could been seen in several other ways, and if all of them sang instead of just Jesse, the supportive edge of the lyrics would pop out instead of the love side.

"After all", he said, "it's not like all of us are in love with Rachel like you".

**And you're the place my life begins**

**And you'll be where it ends**

**I'm flying without wings**

**And that's the joy you bring…**

**I'm flying without wings.**

The teenagers on the stage jumped to the audience and rushed to make a supportive circle around Rachel, who was openly weeping now, and Jesse, whose own eyes were also thickly misty. Soon, the gathering became a big group hug, the members of New Directions offering words of love and support of Rachel, reminding her just how much she had changed their lives with her light and her talent.

As they comforted her, Rachel looked up and locked eyes with the one she had loved all along. Smiling gratefully, she gave him a quick peck on the lips – just an affectionate brush, really – and whispered, "Thank you".

Smiling at her, he gently squeezed her waist.

No words were needed.


	32. touch me once again and remember when

**Author's Note:** Yet another 'Prom Queen' rewrite. Hope you like! The song is Celine Dion's _To Love You More_.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#32 – **__touch me once again and remember when_

_(there was no one that you wanted more)_

**I**t's been a long time since she felt this happy, this… free.

Sure, her breakup with Finn hurt. He lied to her for over a year and wanted to be forgiven for having hidden something so important, and yet he couldn't find in himself the ability to forgive her for her own mistake. However, being single was the best thing to have happened to her for a while now.

She will be the first to admit that her fear of being alone made her change everything that made her who she is, in order to please Finn and fit herself in the image he has of a perfect girlfriend. Sure, some changes please her – she has a more adult, grownup look, and she's more understanding of others' feelings and she even has a true friend now.

But there were other changes that didn't please her at all. Because of Finn, because he hated when she fought for what she saw as her rights, she gave up on demanding solos and making Mr. Schue see that the way he's running their rehearsals isn't right. Now that she no longer has to repress her natural inclination to honest (even blunt, but never malicious) critique, she's feeling more like herself, and that honestly feels great.

Obviously, as soon as she starts being herself again, that's when Finn decides he's tired of being Quinn's boyfriend and starts shooting longing glances and pleading little looks Rachel's way. If that happened about three or four months ago, immediately after their breakup, Rachel would be thrilled, for sure. Back then, there wasn't anything she wanted more than being with Finn again.

But now… Now, being with Finn is the last thing she wants. The time apart from him ripped off the rose-colored glasses she wore for so long now when it came to look at him, and she's able to see that, out of all of her boyfriends, he's the one she definitely can't see herself having a loving, longtime, supportive relationship with.

And this conclusion is enough to tear open wounds in her heart that were barely healed. How could she have thrown everything she had with Jesse for a guy whose biggest ambition was to take over his stepfather's garage shop in Lima?

Unfortunately, now it's too late for her to apologize to Jesse. He's gone, all the way to Los Angeles, and it's highly unlikely he'll come back to a city that he so openly despised. Maybe when they meet again in Broadway he can find in himself to listen to her apology? (She has no doubts at all that they **will **meet in Broadway. They're too talented not to. It is, as he told her once, an inevitability).

But it's prom time, now, and she's going with Sam and Mercedes as a group date. She knows Mercedes has her eye on Sam for some time now, but she's too shy to make the first move – so Rachel suggested the three of them, the single people of New Directions, go together. At first, Mercedes is violently against it, saying it isn't fair to Rachel that she plays third wheel, but Rachel dismisses it with a smile, saying it doesn't matter. She's fine being single and fabulous, and she won't feel a third wheel at all.

Plus, New Directions is performing at prom, and Rachel will be too busy worrying about that to actually be a third wheel.

But what Rachel doesn't know, and Mercedes orchestrates with the help of Kurt, Puck and Santana, is that she is **not** going to be a third wheel on Mercedes and Sam's prom date. There's someone who is as eager to make amends for his past mistakes as she is, and it doesn't take much for Puck to convince him to come back.

(In fact, it doesn't take any effort at all. All it takes is Puck saying, 'Make your move before someone else does', and Jesse's all in).

Puck and Jesse found camaraderie of sorts in each other once they cleared the air about Jesse's egging of Rachel (read it, Puck punched him senseless, Jesse took it like a trooper). Puck was the one Jesse went to when he wanted news of Rachel, and Jesse was the one to secretly forward Puck pictures of Beth that Shelby, in an effort to mend her relationship with her star pupil, kept sending Jesse.

Mercedes is the one to talk Mr. Schue into giving the night's first performing slot to Jesse. At first, the teacher is reluctant, recalling just how much of a mess Jesse caused to his choir the previous year. But Mercedes helpfully points out that she was one of the New Directions members who were more violently against Jesse joining, and eventually Mr. Schue gives in.

Kurt and Santana appear on Rachel's doorstep that afternoon, Santana holding a garments bag with the dress Kurt chose for Rachel from the options Santana had in her closet, and Kurt pulling his trolley makeup bag behind him. Hiram and Leroy usher them in, excitement in their faces as they realize for probably the first time ever that maybe their little girl managed to find herself some friends despite her obnoxious, abrasive behavior. She was a spoiled only child, still is, actually, and that is all their fault.

It's a beautiful black sleeveless dress, simple but very elegant. The soft fabric clings to Rachel's gentle curves, putting them on proud display. To break the all-black mood set by the dress, Kurt clasps a thin golden belt around Rachel's slim waist. Stepping away from her to see the overall look, he nods at himself, a pleased grin on his face.

"Rachel Berry, I'm so going to be your stylist one day", he tells her, chest puffing in pride as Santana whistled.

"Damn, babe, you look **hot**!" She states. "If I weren't totally taken by my B-girl, I'd totally tap that!" The Latina teases as Rachel, laughing, plops down on her vanity bench. "Okay, midget, let's get you a new guy tonight!" She then turns on her hair dryer and begins blowing Rachel's hair dry.

An hour later, when Kurt and Santana are finally done, Rachel is ready and breathtaking for a prom she's sure she won't forget. Santana blew her hair dry and then curled it, the curls framing Rachel's face beautifully. The makeup she does is focused on Rachel's eyes: she heavily applies black eye shadow and makes it smoky and sexy, finishing it with several layers of mascara and a simple pinkish lip gloss.

When Sam and Mercedes arrive to pick her up, Mercedes whistles while Sam gapes. "Damn, Miss Thing! You look-"

"-sexy as hell", Puck cuts in as he arrives right behind them, Lauren nodding in agreement. "My hot little Jewish-American princess is all grown-up", he pretends to wipe a fake tear from his eyes, and the others laugh. "C'mon, Ms. Berry, your carriage awaits".

Mr. Schuester seems nervous when they run into him at the gym, and Rachel frowns, but decides to shrug it off. Maybe it is worry over how their schoolmates will receive the glee club they openly despise as entertainment for the night, maybe it is anxiety over something related to Ms. Pillsbury. With Mr. Schuester, who can guess?

After the DJ warms the crowd up, everyone dancing and clearly having a good time, it's time for New Directions to start their performance. Rachel has the third slot of the night, directly after Blaine and the boys sing Rebecca Black's 'Friday'; the boys are singing after a mysterious performer that no one knows who is.

Apparently, said performer has decided it's a good choice to sing a slow song. Santana is helping herself to the alcohol-free punch, and Rachel, sitting by her group's table (from which she can look straight at the stage – unknowingly to her, it was strategically chosen by the schemers for the big surprise of the night), can see all the New Directions' couples scattered around the dance floor.

Artie has Brittany in his lap, having apparently persuaded her into giving him one of her dances. Lauren and Puck are swaying together not far from where Rachel is. She can see Blaine and Kurt cuddled together in the middle of the crowd, Quinn and Finn smiling radiantly to each other not far from where the two boys are. Tina and Mike are laughing as they dance, clearly the happiest couple of their little band of misfits, while a blushing Mercedes smiles shyly to a grinning Sam.

The first chords of the song begin to play, and Rachel frowns as she recognizes the song as an old Celine hit. But then a male voice begins to sing, and Rachel's heart races with both shock and excitement.

**Take me back into the arms I love**

**Need me like you did before**

**Touch me once again and remember when**

**There was no one that you wanted more**

Jesse stands under the single spotlight lit, handsome as always in his perfectly tailored suit. His hair is longer than it was when she last saw him, a year ago, and his blue eyes are locked at her. Her heart skips a beat and then races harder than it did before when she realizes with a jolt that he came back for **her**. Without realizing, she stands up and slowly begins to make her way to the stage, the teenagers involved in what Kurt dubbed 'St. Berry 2.0' holding their collective breath.

**Don't go, you know you'll break my heart**

**He won't love you like I will**

**I'm the one who stays when he walks away**

**And you know I'll be standing here still**

In the back of her mind, Rachel can hear Finn's shocked gasp as he recognizes the boy singing onstage. However, focused as she is at the young man whose eyes have yet to leave her, she doesn't see how Noah and Lauren each grasp one of Finn's arms and drag him out of the gym, Santana moving in to talk to an obviously upset Quinn. She will never know that, while Noah and Lauren are both threatening to kick Finn's ass if he tries to come in between her and Jesse again, Santana reassures Quinn that she no longer has any interest for Finn other than platonic friendship, effectively preventing the blonde from lashing out against the wrong person in her anger.

**I'll be waiting for you, here inside my heart**

**I'm the one who wants to love you more**

**You will see I can give you anything you need**

**Let me be the one to love you more**

As if forced by some sort of magic spell, the crowds of teenage bodies break apart to let her pass. Under the clearly anxious and excited eyes of more than half of her glee club, the brunette diva slowly reaches the stage, her feet dazedly leading her to the small staircase that connect the dance floor to the stage area. Jesse's eyes follow her, his perfectly composed face never betraying a hint of whatever emotion he is feeling.

But she knows how to look for emotion in that beautiful face, and when her dark eyes lock with his blue pools, she sees everything he's feeling. Pain and heartache for how she used him to propel her 'bad reputation' by triple-casting him with Noah and Finn on her ill-conceived video. Regret, for both his lies to her and his part on her humiliation last year. Relief, flooding his veins like the strongest drug, that she is willing to hear him out. Hope, glimmering in his eyes like little diamonds, that they can start again, a clean slate just waiting for them to write their own happy ending on it.

And love, above all those, a love so strong that makes his eyes shine brighter than the stars she's so fond of, so clear for her to see that it leaves her breathless.

**And some way, all the love that we had can be saved**

**Whatever it takes, we'll find a way**

**Believe in me – I will make you see**

**All the things that your heart needs to know**

Jesse holds out one of his hands, and a wide smile breaks out on her face when her palm connects with his, their skin brushing together for the first time in almost a year, and the familiar, delicious jolt of electricity runs through their bodies. Rachel entwines her fingers with his and squeezes it gently, and a small smile appears on his face as he slowly lifts their entwined hands and places hers on his shoulder.

His other arm finds its way around her waist and he carefully tugs her close to his body, mindful of the wires and cables of the instruments and microphones on the stage. Surrounded by her warmth and the sweet, flowery scent that is unmistakably Rachel, he begins swaying along with her, his eyes closing as he sends a quick prayer of thanks for whatever deity looked down at him tonight and granted him this new chance with the woman he loves above everything else.


	33. breaking up is easy to do

**Author's Note: **I am _so _sorry that I have stopped updating my stories all together! It's just that life is crazy good for me lately! Between being a wife and a new mom recently out of maternity leave (my boys turned 4-months old on April 2), I've devoted myself fully to finding a brand new job, which thankfully I'll soon start on! Hallelujah!

But fear not: I am _still_ writing, even if I don't watch **Glee** anymore. My prayers are with Cory though during this tough time of his life. I am not a Finn fan, as you all know, but I'm certainly very impressed with Cory for his wish to deal with his issues and get healthy. I have no doubt he has the strength of character to get through this trying moment, and he'll come out of it a better person.

So, eventually all my stories will be wrapped up, even if it takes longer. As for this update, I just love Michael Bublé and when I first heard this song I immediately thought of **The Break-Up**. Like I said, I haven't watched **Glee** since **Goodbye**, so the only thing I know about that episode is that Blaine and Finn go to NYC to visit Kurt and Rachel, and eventually, for different reasons, all couples break up (quick note: couldn't the Glee writers find another reason for a Klaine break up than Blaine cheating? *glares*).

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#33:**__ breaking up is easy to do_

**F**inn honestly had no idea what prompted him to accompany Blaine on his visit to New York so he could tell Kurt face to face about his slip-up. Yeah, he was pissed with Blaine for fucking up and cheating on Kurt, but the guy was so broken up and pissed at himself for his mistake that Finn couldn't find in himself the urge to add to that pain… And… Wait…

… What was he talking about before anyway?

Oh, yeah, what prompted him to come with Blaine on his impromptu trip to NY. It's just that he wanted so much to see Rachel… He wanted to talk to her, to tell her he had been wrong when he broke up with her before she left to New York all those months ago and that he wanted her back so they could have their happily ever after together, so that they could get back to wedding planning and dressing up and saying vows and I dos in front of a priest…

… Sorry, he lost himself for a second or ten there, daydreaming about Rachel in a beautiful wedding gown. She was going to make a beautiful bride.

But somewhere along the months he had cut off all contact with her, she changed. When he arrived at the loft she shared with Kurt, there was no wide, bright smile for him when she opened the door and saw him towering over Blaine from behind, a boyishly hopeful grin on his face. There was no stunned blink of her pretty eyes as she realized it was really him, no joyful squeal as she jumped into his arms and squeezed him with all her might.

No, there was nothing of those things at all.

Instead, she shot him a cautious, reserved glance as she pulled the door wider and let them pass with a muted 'come in'. There were other people there than just she and Kurt, two guys and three girls, all scattered around their living room. Kurt brightened up as he saw Blaine, and reacted the way Finn had hoped Rachel would: squealing in shocked happiness, his stepbrother bolted up from his seat at their couch and jumped in Blaine's arms, hugging him tight. Blaine closed his eyes, buried his nose in the crook of Kurt's neck and breathed him in, squeezing him as tightly was Kurt was him. A soft smile lit Rachel's features as she watched this, and Finn watched her for a moment, in awe of her.

She seemed so… so different now. She was wearing bangs and her hair seemed lighter somehow. Plus, she was wearing really tight pants that showed off her ass and legs nicely, with a white sweater that hugged the curves of her waist. Finn took a step closer to her, hoping to do to her the same Kurt and Blaine were doing to each other – hugging and acting like they couldn't believe they were together after all that time apart – when a voice he knew very well came from within the loft.

"Hey, Rach, where is your-"

As he turned around, desperately praying his ears were playing a trick on him, he missed the way Kurt and Rachel winced, the way Blaine deeply took a breath as if preparing for something to happen.

Because something **would** happen. Something **bad**. It always did when Jesse St. James and Finn Hudson were face to face (last year's Nationals notwithstanding), especially when Rachel, namely a single Rachel, was in the picture.

* * *

**T**he former lead for Vocal Adrenaline smirked as he realized it was his old rival in the middle of Rachel's living room. Kurt had previously warned him that Finn was coming with Blaine from Ohio for a visit and hopefully a reconciliation with Rachel after his disastrous stint at the Army, and together they had told Rachel of Finn's presence in their apartment later that night and his plans of getting back together with her.

No, Jesse and Rachel weren't dating – yet, they both privately admitted to themselves (and to Kurt). When they met again in their first day at NYADA, they finally sat down and had that conversation about their two tries on their romantic relationship that was a long time coming. Jesse apologized – again – for having lied to her during sophomore year, and Rachel firmly told him he didn't need to – she had forgiven him when he came back the following year. She, however, had yet to ask for his forgiveness for her behavior on her junior year, how she used him to make Finn jealous and how she ignored him after Finn kissed her onstage during Nationals. Jesse dismissed it, saying karma was a bitch after all and that he knew she had no idea what Finn was planning to do.

They both knew the chemistry and the sparks that first brought them together still existed – they could feel it. But fear of getting themselves burnt again kept them from jumping back on a relationship – that, and the fact that Rachel wanted to stay single so she could know herself all over again after her almost-wedding to Finn. After her first weeks in NYC, she realized how much of herself she had given up in the previous year, and needed to learn who she was and what she loved and wanted of life before being half of a couple with someone.

So, they decided they would stay friends. And they did, growing closer and more in love with each other with every passing day. They had each other's backs and were each other's partners for assignments on the classes they shared. Jesse went against Ms. July when he learnt about her abusive behavior towards Rachel, and gave the brunette a little helping hand with her 'Oops, I Did It… Again!' number. Rachel was always on hand when Jesse needed an honest opinion about a number he wasn't so certain about, and was always there with a video of his 'Bohemian Rhapsody' performance in Regionals the year they met when Jesse (rarely) had a crisis of faith in his talent.

They were getting closer and closer to getting back together, but now Finn was back in the picture (it was almost like the guy had radar programmed to tell him when Jesse and Rachel were getting back together). But Jesse, personally, wasn't afraid of Finn anymore. He knew Rachel wasn't the same girl she was in high school, and he also knew Finn being back, eager to reconcile with Rachel, would either do or break them. He personally trusted it would do them. There was no place for Finn and his wishes for a young marriage in Rachel's new life.

"What… What are **you** doing here?" Finn sputtered, disbelief in his voice as he blinked incredulously at Jesse.

"He lives here", Kurt piped up helpfully, nearly bouncing as he watched this unravel. He knew this was it: the moment where Rachel finally realized how over Finn she was, how ready for a relationship with Jesse she – finally! – was. Blaine, with an arm around his waist, bit back a small smile at his boyfriend's eagerness.

Finn nearly choked on air. "He… He **lives** here?" He looked disbelieving at Kurt, before whirling at Rachel with an accusing glare on his face. "Rachel, what the fuck?"

The girl in question shrugged. "Yeah, it's our apartment. Mine, Kurt's and his. You didn't think Kurt and I could afford such a big place on this awesome neighborhood without any help, did you?" She asked, seeming very at ease. _Some things never change_, she thought with an inward snort. Finn's look of betrayal sent her back two years, to the day he, who was dating Quinn at the time, confronted Rachel about her date to prom that year – no one other than Jesse, who had come back with a sincere apology and an eager wish to make it up to her for all his mistakes the previous years.

But then a small smile appeared on her face as she heard Jesse's steps, felt the heat of his body standing close to hers. Some things never changed, indeed… But some things did.

"Are you guys dating?" Finn asked accusingly, unaware of Kurt, Jesse and Rachel's guests watching them with interest.

"Who is this?" One of the guests, a pretty girl with freckled pale skin, red hair and green eyes, asked quietly to the one of the boys who was sitting next to her.

"This", the other boy, tall, with spiky dark hair and deep green eyes, replied instead of the first one, "is Rachel's famous ex, I guess".

"Oh", made the redhead, while a second girl, this one a gorgeous African-American with long, curly hair, perked up in curiosity.

"The fiancé? Kurt's stepbrother?" She asked, looking at him up and down with an appraising look in her dark eyes. After a moment, she scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Jesse is **so** much better than he".

"Word", said the Asian boy sitting next to the redhead. The quintet could see Rachel's petite frame stiffening with every word leaving Finn's mouth, and the Asian boy winced. "This is not going to be good. I almost feel sorry for the bloke. Maybe we should leave?" He suggested quietly.

"Are you **insane**?" A statuesque blonde with an English accent hissed. "Now that it's getting good, you want to leave, Ken? Don't be bloody ridiculous".

"I agree with Ella", the redhead said quickly. "What do you guys think, Brody, Shawna?"

"No way in hell I'm leaving, Ken", the African-American, Shawna, said sweetly, as Brody nodded next to her. Defeated, Ken sat back, wrapping an arm around the redhead and leaning in to whisper in her ear.

"You so owe me for this, Lacy".

Her reply was nothing more than a subtle giggle.

* * *

"**S**o what if I am?" Rachel replied defiantly, her voice dangerously quiet. Kurt, Blaine and Jesse all winced, the first two almost feeling sorry for Finn – but not quite. "**You** broke up with me, Finn, remember? And you also spent **months** without sending me any news whatsoever of you. What did you expect? For me to not move on with my life?"

"Yeah!" Finn replied promptly. Then… "No! I mean…" He ran his hand through his hair. "I don't know!" He finally admitted, and shot her a hopeful glance. "Look, that doesn't matter. I'm here now, to stay. I promise. Can't we talk, **alone**?" He stressed the last word with a pointed glance at Jesse, who pretended not to see it.

"No", Rachel replied calmly. "Whatever it is that you have to say to me, you can say it in front of Kurt, Jesse and Blaine". She smiled at the boys, who all grinned back, and then added with a small chuckle, "I'm going to tell them all about it later anyway, so go ahead".

Finn looked insecure and at a loss for a moment, unaware of Kurt's phone discretely turned at him, clearly recording the whole ordeal. But then, taking a deep, fortifying breath, he approached Rachel and took her tiny hand in his much larger one. "Rach", he said, grinning at her in the way he knew it made her heart skip a beat, "I was stupid to break up with you in June, and I'm sorry. I love you. I want my life to be with you. So…" He shoved his hand on his pocket and, when he pulled it out, dropped down to one knee in front of her, opening his closed hand to reveal the ring he had given her when he proposed the year before.

Behind them, there was a collective gasp of shock. Unknowingly to everyone but Jesse, Ken, Brody, Ella, Shawna and Lacy all leaned forward. Shawna leaned in and whispered in Ella's ear, "Please don't tell me **this** is how he's fucking proposing. Again".

Ella rolled her eyes and snorted quietly. "Stupid moron", she grumbled, and then added, "Stupid Berry if she accepts too".

Shawna looked pensive for a moment. "I don't think she will. I think she's just shocked", she said, looking at their friend's face. "This is better than those MTV reality shows".

Ella nodded and added, "Who knew Rachel's life could be so soap operaish?"

Lacy hissed a shushing noise, waving her free hand in front of their faces – the other was tightly clinging one of Ken's hands. "I'm trying to listen here!"

"Fuck this", Brody mumbled as he stood up and approached the Ohioan group. "Sorry to bother your… ah… **romantic** moment", he said sarcastically – Jesse, Kurt, Rachel and Blaine all chuckled, while Finn glared furiously at him, "but guys, if we want to catch a good table at Callbacks we have to leave. **Now**" he added emphatically, and quick look at her cell phone clock had Rachel squeaking.

"You're right!" She said hastily, and moved to go pick up her coat and purse, but Finn grabbed her hand keeping her from leaving to her bedroom.

"No one goes anywhere until you give me an answer, Rach", he said insistently, and then shot her a hopeful glance. "So, what do you say? Wanna rethink the whole break up thing and be engaged again?"

"I already have my answer, but you have to wait for it until we get to Callbacks", she replied sweetly, shaking her hand free. The brunette went to her bedroom, Jesse trailing after her and Finn hurriedly jumping up to follow them, but Kurt held him back.

The former quarterback looked betrayed at his brother. "What are you doing?" He hissed.

"You don't get to follow them. Stay there and wait", Kurt said calmly, but his grip was strong on Finn's arm.

"She's my fiancée!" Finn protested.

"Not yet, she's not", Kurt shot back. "You can wait. They'll be right back out".

Inside Rachel's bedroom, behind closed doors, she was fixing her hair and makeup while Jesse lounged on her bed, lazily flipping through her iPod. "So… What's the answer you'll give him?" He asked casually, but Rachel wasn't fooled for a second and shot him an amused look.

"If you still have to ask that, then you don't know me at all".

Jesse laughed and hummed, but then added quietly, seriously, "Rachel, I think we both know what's in stake here and what expects you if you make the wrong choice".

"You're right", she replied calmly, nodding to herself as she examined her reflection on the mirror. "That's why I'm certain that, this time, I'm not making the wrong one". The brunette tugged her door open and held out a hand for him. "Shall we?"

He got up from her bed and took her hand, saying quietly, "Just wait another minute". When she shot him a curious glance, he carried on, "Will I like what I'll see on Callbacks?"

Rachel shot him a small smirk. "Yes, I think you will. Now c'mon. If we lose another second Shawna will lose it".

* * *

**T**he journey to Callbacks was made happily for the large group. Finn was the only one who hadn't fit himself perfectly in the group – even Blaine, who wasn't in his best mood that evening, had found things to talk about with Brody and Ken, who were both from all-boys schools. Having noticed how pointedly Rachel was avoiding to hold Finn's hand (and how he wasn't realizing that), Shawna, Ella and Lacy had swept in and carried her away from him, involving her in an animated conversation about Dean Tibideaux's latest assignment. Jesse and Kurt watched the four girls interact with amused glances on their faces, Jesse laughing inwardly at Finn's eventual pouting glare at his direction.

When they finally arrived at the student-only pub, it was bustling with youngsters. Blaine gasped in awe, clinging to Kurt's hand as he dragged his boyfriend into the crowd. The New Yorkers laughed, while Finn, clearly uncomfortable and out of place, inched closer to Rachel. He didn't like this at all. Was this where Rachel hung out when she wasn't busy with school? People here looked like those folks on that TV show Quinn and Kurt loved to giggle together about, the one about the rich kids in New York who partied like they were adults.

The group finally found a table large enough for all of them to seat, and they all settled in. The NYADA group immediately organized themselves to sing, but Rachel quickly surrounded herself with everyone but Finn (who was still busy staring darkly at the crowd), quietly explaining what song she wanted to sing that evening and what they wanted to do. The girls smirked and nodded their agreement, while the boys laughed and eagerly said yes.

"You should go first", Jesse suggested quietly, a small smile on his face. "This way we can get it out the way and have the rest of the night for ourselves to enjoy".

"It's going to be awful at the apartment tonight", Rachel said worriedly. "He's not going to like that at all and he doesn't have anywhere to stay".

"You can crash with me and Ella tonight", Shawna suggested, and Ella nodded.

"Our couch is tiny, but it's very comfortable. Shawna doesn't complain at all when I make her sleep on it", she teased.

"That's because you always drag me back to bed in the middle of the night, babe", Shawna shot back, smirking, and everyone laughed. "But seriously", she added, "I'm sure Kurt and Blaine can take care of him for the night and send him back on his way next morning".

Rachel grinned gratefully at her friends. "Thank you", she breathed, but then turned concerned eyes to Jesse. "What about you? He's going to know you're somehow in this too. I don't want him to hurt you".

Jesse opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, Ken cut him off, "He can crash at my dorm. My roomie is out for the weekend, he left to go visit his girlfriend".

"Thanks, man", Jesse replied, and Ken shook his hand dismissively.

"Then it's all set", Rachel grinned, and left the group, approaching Finn, who perked up hopefully. She almost felt bad for what she was about to sing – almost. But a glance at Jesse, who looked encouragingly at her, solidified her decision. With a small smile, she stood on the tip of her toes and whispered in Finn's ear, "Listen carefully. I mean every word".

With that, she went to the stage, everyone but Finn following her. Deeply hopeful, remembering what she sang the last time she told him that same thing, he readied himself for a romantic ballad in which she would sing how happy she was to be his wife and how excited she was by the life that was in their future.

He couldn't be more wrong.

With her friends piling up behind her, Rachel began swaying excitedly to a rock-like beat, grinning happily as she grabbed the microphone stand and started singing.

_I don't know why you think that you could hold me_

_When you couldn't get by, by yourself_

_And I don't know who would ever want to tear the seam of someone's dream_

_Baby, it's fine, you said we should just be friends_

_When I came up with that line_

_And I'm sure that it's for the best_

_If you ever change your mind, don't hold your breath_

'_cause you may not believe that, baby, I'm relieved_

_When you said goodbye, my whole world shined_

Finn watched without understanding as Rachel sassed and danced around the tiny stage, her friends offering her beautiful background voices. This was **not** what he was expecting at all. This was not the Rachel that he was hoping to see, this sassy, happy girl, not singing a romantic song but something that was clearly a single-girl anthem about how happy she was for their breakup.

What had happened to her during those months they stayed apart? Couldn't she see how in love with him he still was, how much he wanted her as a part of his life, of his future?

The group joined Rachel for the first line of the chorus, but then she carried on by herself, as the crowd got in the happy beat of the tune and began dancing as well, drinks being served all around as groups and couples stood up from their seats to crowd on the edge of the tiny stage.

_**Hey, hey, hey!**_

_It's a beautiful day, and I can't stop myself from smiling_

_If we're drinking, then I'm buying_

_And I know there's no denying_

_It's a beautiful day, the sun is out, the music is playing_

_And even if it started raining, you won't hear this girl complaining_

'_cause I'm glad that you're the one that got away_

_It's a beautiful day_

The former quarterback blinked, stunned, as it finally sunk in that she was rejecting his proposal and his offer to get back together. Gaping at her, he tried to make sense of what he was hearing, and quickly his optimistic side kicked in. "I'm being stupid", he muttered to himself quietly. "Obviously this is just a group song and I shouldn't be reading so much in it. Rachel loves me. She wanted to marry me. If I hadn't broken up with her on the station, she would not leave me. Obviously I'm reading this all wrong".

But the next part of the song made him gasp in shock as Rachel jumped in Brody's arms, and the boy twirled her to Ken, who dipped down, her long hair brushing against the stage floor. When he straightened her up, Kurt and Blaine tugged her free and sandwiched her in a kiss, each peppering one of her cheeks with kisses. Finally, Jesse closed the line and possessively wrapped his arms around her waist from behind as the girls laughed and sang background.

_It's my turn to fly, so guys, get in line_

'_cause I'm easy, no more playing this girl like a fool_

_Now I'm alright_

_You might have had me caged before, but not tonight_

_And you may not believe that, baby, I'm relieved_

_This fire inside, it burns too bright_

_I don't wanna say so long…_

… _I just wanna say goodbye!_

Pain and hurt and anger blossomed inside Finn as he watched Rachel rocking out and having fun with her friends onstage while clearly shattering his heart on the process. When thinking about getting back together with Rachel, the option of her **not** wanting that had never factored in, because, honestly, he had never thought that she would **not** want to be with him again.

In the few minutes they had spent together, be it on her apartment or on their way to the pub, Finn could see Rachel had changed, clearly, but just physically. Her behavior, happily surrounded by an obviously large group friends who accepted and liked her the way she was, was just a glimpse of the changes Rachel emotionally had gone through their months of separation, but it would take time for him to fully grasp how Rachel had grown up and matured, mentally speaking.

Now she wasn't at all the same girl that he callously dumped on a train station months ago, leaving her shattered, betrayed but hopeful and touched by the support offered by her high school glee club, who had all shown up to bid her a joyful farewell on her way to the city that held her dreams.

But Finn, who still saw her as the same Rachel that had reluctantly said yes to his impulsive proposal, but then more readily jumped into the idea of having the stability of being married to him as her dreams looked uncertain and close to being just that – dreams –, couldn't see that. He actually couldn't see past the pain of her rejection, the hurt and the anger sparked by the humiliation he felt at the publicity of such rejection.

Still happily ensconced in Jesse's arms, Rachel looked straight at Finn, certainty dripping from each word as she wrapped up her song. For the first time in years, she knew she was definitely **out** of love with Finn, finally **over** him, finally free of his influence. Sure, she could have handled this refusal more privately, more mindful of his feelings. But damn it, he never kept **her** feelings in mind when he lied to her about his tryst with Santana and his reconciliation with Quinn. He always took, took and took from her, never giving back without prompting from her and a lot of grumbling.

It was time that this vicious cycle ended, so they could both move on and find the ones they were meant to be with. Or, at least, Finn could. Because she was a hundred percent sure she had already found that man she wanted to spend her forever with, and she was in his arms right now, listening as he happily sang background to her solo.

'_Cause if you ever think I'll take up my time with thinking of our breakup_

_Then you've got another thing coming your way_

'_Cause it's a beautiful day_

_Beautiful day – oh baby, any day that you're gone away_

_It's a beautiful… day…_

The crowd erupted in enthusiastic cheers as the group onstage also cheered themselves. Rachel, surrounded by her praising friends, looked straight at her clearly hurt, angry and dejected ex and silently but firmly shook her head in a negative to his proposal. Finn stood up and stormed out of Callbacks, and, sighing, Kurt and Blaine, who had been watching the whole thing closely, followed after him, silently promising to Rachel that they would take care of Finn for the evening and make sure he would be fine before he left the next day.

"Hey, Rach", Jesse said conversationally as they and their friends made their way to their table before someone occupied it, "you were right. I liked your song". She laughed, but didn't explain herself to their friends, who shot them puzzled glances. "Inner joke", he told them when they fixed their curious eyes on him, and then carried on, "Anyway, I was thinking… what do you think of us renting a hotel room for the evening? No funny business, I swear", he told her honestly at her suspicious glance.

Shawna's, Ken's and Brody's snorts, paired up with Lacy's giggles and Ella's knowing smile, proved no one believed him. But he was serious. He didn't want his first time with Rachel to be so soon after they got together, shadowed by Finn's pain over being turned down. They had taken time to get to know each other as friends – he was certain they could spend a little time getting used to being together as a couple all over again before taking that step. This time he was playing for keeps, and he didn't think he could survive if he lost her again.

And when she eventually nodded, snuggling in his arms with a content smile, he knew she thought the same thing.


	34. and so it is

**Author's Note:** I loved _Your Song_! No, I haven't watched the episode (I haven't watched a single episode of this season), just the video of that performance, and Ryder did quite a good job with this classic. But I couldn't help but envision Jesse and Rachel singing it, because it's just so them, isn't it?

Plus, we never saw what exactly led Mr. Schue to cast Jesse as New Directions' new male lead, replacing Finn. Finn being replaced by Jesse was only mentioned, in _Home_, if I'm not mistaken (Kurt calls St. Berry ND's Beyoncé and Jay-Z, and Finn mentions Jesse has been getting all the leads since he joined), and their first duet in front of the club was in _Bad Reputation_ (the gorgeous **Total Eclipse of the Heart**). So which song did Lima's drama queen and king sing to convince ND's coach that they were perfect leads? This is my take on this question, which I don't believe was answered before.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#34 – **__and so it is (just like the way you said it would be)_

**W**hen William Schuester first decided he was going to take over the failing glee club of the school where he taught Spanish, he had no idea what kind of the drama the new team, aptly named by himself 'New Directions', would bring along with every new member.

Fortunately, with drama also came several talents, most fresh, new and undiscovered. And with time, the twelve teenagers that composed New Directions came together to form a strong, cohesive group, each with their peculiarities and unique details that made them stand out from the mass of students.

There was Finn, the jock with the heart of gold and a secret love for eighties rock. Finn, in a way, brought back to Will memories of himself at Finn's age, young and confused and unsure of what to do and who to be. There was Quinn, the troubled and lost soul hidden beneath the icily perfect façade. There was Santana, who worked hard at pretending not to care, but always slipping when rehearsal time came and the joy of music spread through her. There was Brittany, sweet, naïve Brittany, the first of the Cheerios to reach out for the original gleeks.

There was Matt, quiet, observant Matt, surprisingly the first glee jock to pick New Directions when Tanaka gave them the ultimatum. There was Mike, probably the best dancer Will had ever seen. There was Puck, famously the womanizer of McKinley, who just wanted a chance to do right by the girl he chose (privately, Will thought this girl was Rachel, considering how often he had caught Puck glaring at Jesse that afternoon).

And then there were the original five, the students who first joined. Mercedes, who just wanted a group to fit in, had probably one of the best voices Will had ever heard. Tina, shy to the point where she spent most of her school life pretending to stutter just to escape the spotlight, certainly shone when given the chance. Artie, mostly seen as probably the only wheelchair-bound student of McKinley, had a great voice and was very dedicated to his music. Kurt, who kept himself under wraps when it came to his sexuality, thanks to New Directions was growing more and more comfortable with himself.

Then there was her. Undeniably the best singer in New Directions, Rachel Berry was also at the center of its latest love-related drama. Yes, Rachel was often difficult to work with, demanding all the solos to herself and throwing fits left and right when things didn't go her way. But the pint-sized brunette also had the biggest and frailest heart Will had ever seen in a student, desperate to find someone who loved her for her.

Will was getting closer to the auditorium as he started thinking about the latest boy who claimed to love Rachel Berry – apparently honest on his claim, for Jesse St. James left a successful career as the lead of the most famous show choir in all Ohio to openly be with Rachel…

His train of thought was interrupted as he heard the muffled sounds of a song coming from inside the auditorium. Frowning in surprise – as far as he knew, no one in New Directions had scheduled a practicing session there – he strained his ears to listen better and was even more shocked when he heard the faint sounds of Brad's beloved piano being played. But Brad had already left for the day, so who was playing the piano?

* * *

**T**hat day had been, simultaneously, both exhausting and exhilarating. Having to deal with her secret relationship with Jesse and Finn's insistence that they had to get back together drained all her reserves of energy. But the surprise of Jesse switching schools and him being welcomed with open arms by Mr. Schue (and not-so-open by the others) in New Directions thrilled Rachel to no end. Every day that passed made her fall deeper in love, made her surer of the choice she had made when she chose to accept his first invitation out, all those weeks ago.

After they rehearsed their _Like a Virgin _number with the rest of New Directions, he had quietly asked her to stay behind with him at the auditorium and she had gladly acquiesced. They had (separately, of course) grabbed a shower in the locker rooms, so that the other gleeks, Brad and Mr. Schue had more than enough time to gather their things and clear the premises and they could be left to their own devices.

And now there they were, Rachel comfortably sitting on the top of Brad's beloved baby grand piano and Jesse tinkling away at the keys, a cozy silence wrapped around them as the notes Jesse pressed on the keyboard echoed quietly on the darkened auditorium. She was breathing easy for the first time in days, sure that there was no one there that could harm her and Jesse, sure that she could finally be herself with him knowing that he wouldn't be spooked or scared away by her eccentricities.

Jesse grinned at her as he began playing with more certainty, the notes forming a song that Rachel recognized and loved. Her grin widened at him as she laid down on the piano top on her stomach, her legs swaying gently on the air as she placed her elbows on the shiny top and cradled her chin on her hands, watching him with an adoring smile. He gently signaled at her with his chin, telling her wordlessly to take the first verse, and she giggled as she began to sing simply.

_It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside_

_I'm not one of those who can easily hide_

_I don't have much money, but boy if I did_

_I'd buy a big house where we both could live_

Jesse's face was soft, open, tender, the way it always got when it was just the two of them and he didn't have to hide behind the cocky, arrogant façade he always used around everyone else. When it was only him and Rachel, safely hidden from the world outside that harshly judged them for their self confidence, talent and drive, he knew he could be himself, could show her his deepest, most secretive fears and she wouldn't laugh at him, wouldn't scoff and downplay them to next to nothing.

She was perfect: the most beautiful, most talented, most amazing girl he had ever met. He knew there was a secret keeping them from each other, or, more accurately, keeping himself from being fully hers, and while it weighed down at him, this secret that he kept couldn't keep him from falling deeper and deeper in love with her with every second they spent together, like this, singing to their hearts' content.

Three weeks ago, knowing that he was falling in love with someone would send Jesse in a tailspin of panicked terror. Three weeks ago, he saw love as a weakness, as something people used to hurt each other. Three weeks ago, for him being love was vulnerability, something he couldn't afford the luxury to show anyone in Carmel, knowing it would only be manipulated by his comrades to lodge him from his excellently earned spot as Vocal Adrenaline's single leader.

But that wasn't the case anymore – not in this little bubble he was building with Rachel with laughter, songs, musicals, dreams and mostly shared secrets. To Rachel he could display the full, devastating effect caused by his parents' inattention, his siblings' disdain. To Rachel he could tell how much he yearned for a family of his own, for a wife and children to who he would give all the love he hadn't ever been able to give anyone else – anyone else but Rachel now.

**If I were a sculptor, but then again – no**

**Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show**

**I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do**

**My gift is my song – and this one is for you**

Rachel felt the wetness pooling in her eyes and chuckled quietly at her own sensitivity. This wasn't the first time Jesse serenaded her – no, their relationship had started with them serenading each other from their hellos, so she couldn't exactly pinpoint why this was different, why this was causing her to react more emotionally than any duet before.

Changing position so she was now sitting, her legs dangling daintily from the side of the piano, she gently leant forward and cupped Jesse's cheek with her hand, caressing the soft, shaven skin tenderly as her dark eyes locked with his clear blue ones, love pouring from each word that fell from her lips into the small space between their faces. She began the chorus, and it didn't surprise her when he took over.

_And you can tell everybody this is your song_

_It may be quite simple, but now that it's done_

**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind**

**That I put down in words**

**How beautiful life is now you're in the world**

As he began the second part of the song, he offered her a hand to help her climb down from where she was sitting on the piano. It wasn't the music store and it wasn't Carmel, but anywhere they were together, he had to stand as close to her as she would allow him to be, and in this small auditorium this meant her sitting next to him on the piano bench. So, entwining his fingers with hers, he gently led her to the empty spot by his side, grinning as she sat down and lovingly rested her cheek against his shoulder.

Pressing an affectionate kiss to her sweetly scented hair, he reveled for a moment in her nearness and infused his voice with all the love he held in his heart for her and her only. Yes, they were dating for a short time, but he knew, with every fiber of his being, that there wouldn't be anyone else for him other than her, that she was **it** – the one he wanted by his now and forever, the woman he had been waiting for even when he didn't know he was waiting for someone.

**I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss**

**Well, a few of the verses – well, they've got me quite cross**

**But the sun has been quite kind, while I wrote this song**

**It's for people like you that keep it turned on**

A tear ran down her cheek, unbidden, and she laughed as she wiped it with a fingertip. Cradling his cheek with her hand, she allowed her fingers to roam on his face, lovingly tracing every line of his beautiful face. He was gorgeous and everything she had ever wanted on a partner but had resigned herself with never finding, or at least not until she reached New York and began mingling with other people that shared her dreams and ambitions. And, more importantly, he was hers. She knew he was hers, much as she was his, maybe even more, considering the huge sacrifice he had made for their relationship.

But that didn't matter, because she knew if required of her she was capable of making the same sacrifice for him. She was capable of leaving McKinley behind and transferring to Carmel if them being in rival show choirs took a toll in their relationship. In fact, if she was honest with herself, she would do that with the deepest pleasure in the world. In Carmel, like he had told her the first time he had gone to her house, she would be his partner in every duet. Every now and then they had briefly discussed that, and she decided then and there that, if she felt him being in McKinley was harmful to him in any way, she would be the first to transfer back to Carmel and she would accompany him.

_So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do_

_You see, I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue_

_Anyway, the thing is – what I really mean_

_Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen_

Their voices joined for the first time in the song, strong, pure and powerful, clear for everyone to hear even without the electronic help of microphones. A thrill ran through their bodies as they both felt the pleasure of knowing that, after years unconsciously searching, they had finally found their perfect duet partner in each other. Jesse's hand found Rachel's and squeezed it, a shining smile on his face as she grinned brightly despite the tears that cascaded silently down her cheeks.

Jesse himself felt his eyes growing wet, as, for once, everything felt right in his world. He had his dreams, he had his talent and, more importantly, he had his girl. So what that she had an ex who couldn't put inside his thick skull that she had moved on to better, greener pastures? So what that his parents couldn't care less for the only son that made them proud? So what that he was keeping from her one of the reasons that had made him transfer to McKinley? He was sure they could – and would – work everything that came their way out and come out of it a better, stronger couple. They loved each other, and that love would make everything okay.

_**And you can tell everybody this is your song**_

_**It may be quite simple, but now that it's done**_

_**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind**_

_**That I put down in words**_

_**How wonderful life is now you're in the world**_

* * *

**U**nknowingly to the singing pair safely hidden within the auditorium, a profoundly shocked Will had watched their entire performance, feeling like a peeping Tom stealing a glimpse into a deeply private moment. But… where had Rachel been hiding **that** voice? Sure, her voice was undoubtedly the best one in McKinley, but he had **no** idea, when she sang with Finn, of just how much she held back.

And it was a lot! Listening to her singing with Jesse for the first time (even if it clearly wasn't the first time the pair was singing together), he realized just what she meant when she said she was bound to Broadway. With that voice, that talent, that ability of infuse every song with such emotion, she **was** going to be a surefire success as soon as she stepped foot on a stage!

And Jesse… What to say of Jesse? The first time he had seen Vocal Adrenaline perform, back at the beginning of New Directions, Jesse hadn't gotten a solo (VA performed _Mercy_ if he wasn't mistaken), and the second time… Well, the second time was a Jesse solo. He would never forget that day when he snuck in Carmel to confront Shelby about Jesse dating Rachel. But, that day, Jesse's voice hadn't held that wonder, that emotion, that… joy that Will could sense in the kid now.

Yes, he was talented, that much was obvious. But, seeing Jesse sing with Rachel, he realized that the former Vocal Adrenaline lead also held back when he sang with his old team. With Vocal Adrenaline, Jesse hid his emotions, the same emotions he displayed clearly now as he sang to Rachel, looked at Rachel like she was everything he had ever wanted and couldn't believe had gotten.

Watching in silence as Rachel and Jesse tenderly hugged each other and quietly talked, Will felt the first stirrings of creative excitement. With voices such as those in his roster, there were a limitless number of songs he could add to their repertoire! His brain brimming with ideas, he silently closed the door and left the pair to their own devices. A small smile lit his face as he made his way to the parking lot. Yes, letting Jesse join hadn't been a mistake at all.


	35. frozen I held my breath

**Author's Note:** I am totally – **totally** – blaming this on a new reviewer who has poked my muse awake when she asked me to do a little St. Berry twist on the latest glee episode. Of course, first she filled me up with flatter telling me she thinks of me when she thinks of St. Berry, so there's that too (IceBlueRose, I'm looking at you). Please remember that I have not watched this season's episodes except for the performance videos at Youtube, and the video for shooting scene whose link IceBlueRose PM-ed me.

IceBlueRose, I know that's not exactly what you asked for, but that's what my muse came up with and I hope you like it!

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#35 – **__frozen I held my breath_

**W**hen news broke that there had been a shooting at William McKinley High, a high school in Lima, Ohio, the news sent a spark of fear through a handful of young adults all around the country. Immediately, they tried to reach each other and the friends they had that still attended said school, panic gripping their hearts as the calls went unanswered. Those who could dropped everything, packed a bag and went back to Ohio the first flight, bus or car trip they could snag.

But there was a person, a young man, who had been a student at McKinley for five brief weeks three years before and felt a chill deep within his soul when he heard about the shots in McKinley. Despite the fact that he had an open casting call to an off-off-Broadway show to go to, Jesse St. James left the long queue that had formed in front of the small theatre the auditions were to take place and immediately went back to the small apartment in New York that he called home.

He had moved to New York City nearly a year ago, after being fired by the administrational board of Carmel for having lost the national title to New Directions (he couldn't feel anger at himself over that, because Vocal Adrenaline losing meant **she** had won, and her triumphs made him happier than his own), and since then he had been stretching his performance muscles in small venues while working his ass off to make ends meet. Sure, his mother was horrified that her precious baby boy was living in an apartment a little larger than a broom closet, and his father had been furious with his refusal to move to one of the family's apartment in the city, but it was what he wanted. He wanted to make it on his own, without having to fall back on his parents' money.

But his dreams of reaching Broadway superstardom could wait until he was sure she was safe and unharmed somewhere other than McKinley. He knew from safe sources (namely Puck) that every now and then she found her way back to Lima, and for the first time in years he prayed. He begged to whatever deity that would listen to him that this wasn't one of the times she was there, because he would honestly lose it if something had happened to her when he hadn't been there to protect her.

Panicked, he tried reaching Puck on his cell, with no success. The line was busy, and it kept being busy when he tried again five minutes later. By this time, Jesse had reached his apartment, turned his little television on CNN and was pacing back and forth like a caged animal. He wasn't a believer, neither he was religious. But God wouldn't be so cruel that he took away the only person that kept Jesse going, even if she didn't know that. She was the reason he was here, in New York, working like a crazy person to make sure he would find success in Broadway the same time she did. (_Are you forgetting who you are, Jesse?_)

Finally, the call to Puck connected and he waited anxiously as the line rang once, twice… "What, St. James?" Puck's voice was strained, stressed and… was it fear he could detect in the other boy's voice?

"I heard the news, about the shooter in McKinley", he asked, straight to the point. "Is everyone okay? Is **she** okay?"

"I don't know, man", Puck ran his hand exhaustedly through his hair. "I don't know if she's there. I'm trying to call Kurt, but I can't reach him. My brother doesn't answer his fucking phone either, and Blaine's and Sam's are equally useless. I'm about to go there to make sure they're okay".

Jesse's heart froze in his ribcage as it sunk on him that Puck, his trusted source for info on everything concerning Rachel, did **not** know whether she was there or not. _No. No. She can't be there, she can't_, he thought desperately as Puck breathed on the other side of the line.

A small, terrified voice broke into his thoughts. **But what if she is?**

What if she were? He couldn't stand the thought of not knowing if she was safe and unharmed, healthy as he remembered her from the last time he saw her (in the NYADA winter showcase about two months ago). Even if she was hurt, he still wanted to see her with his own eyes, to make sure that she knew she would be fine. If she were there, and were hurt, she would no doubt be in a frenzied state of panic, worrying about her future, and all her friends in Lima would be useless to reassure her if that were the case, for no one could relate to what she was feeling like he could.

That made his mind for him. Without thinking, he picked up his messenger bag, threw a handful of wrinkled but clean clothes inside of it and turned off the television. Locking the door behind him, he checked his phone to see if the call to Puck was still connected; when he saw it was, he broke the silence between them. "I'm on my way. If you find out she's there, make sure she's okay. Better, if you have any news of her whatsoever, let me know".

"Will do, St. James", the other boy said solemnly, sounding clearly more grounded having something to occupy his mind with other than his concerns with his brother and friends that were still students in McKinley. "Have a safe trip, man".

"Thanks. And, Puckerman? They'll be fine."

"I sure hope so", Puck said grimly as he hung up.

JFK was bustling with movement as usual when he arrived there. Rushing to the airline area, he stopped in front of the large screen that informed about departures and arrivals before he reached the airline ticket store, checking to see which airline had the next plane going to Columbus. Mentally making a note of the right one, he marshaled forcefully towards it – and became dizzy with relief at the feminine, anxious, clearly panicked voice that greeted his ears when he arrived there, way over the buzzing of the people filling the terminal.

"Madam, you don't understand! We have to be on the next flight to Columbus! It's literally a matter of life or death!" She sounded shrilly, nervous and demanding, all at once, but she was safe, unharmed, **alive**, and Jesse stopped for a moment as he drank the vision of her in.

Apparently, just like him, she had left her apartment in a rush. She was wearing a black denim skirt, a white blouse and a red coat. Her long, high lightened hair fell messily over her shoulders, and her feet were encased in high heeled black boots. Honestly she seemed more ready to a date than to a trip back home, but that didn't seem to have registered with her. Kurt was standing next to her, clutched to his phone like a lifeline, deathly pale and with tears rolling down his cheeks.

The impact of seeing her obviously well propelled him into crossing the space that separated them, put his hands on her shoulders, turn her so she was facing him and hug her with all his might. He hid his face on the delicate crook of her neck, feeling the heat of her skin, breathing in the sweet scent of her perfume, and the tears that he hadn't even known he was holding in rolled down his cheeks. "You're okay", he whispered, his voice rough with relief and joy. "You're okay".

* * *

**R**achel's mind was spinning. Earlier that morning, she had been stolen away from her classes by a rushed call from Kurt, who, terrified, sobbed that there had been a shooting in a high school in Ohio. Her brain short-circuited after that and nothing registered. Surprisingly, the first person that came to her mind when her best friend said those words hadn't been Finn, the man she had been engaged to and supposedly loved.

It hadn't been Noah either, or Sam, or Blaine, or Artie, or any of her friends from New Directions. No, it wasn't any of them. The person for whose safety she feared, who she hoped desperately was safe and well somewhere else other than the school she thought he still worked for was the man she had kept herself from thinking in more than a year.

_Jesse_, she thought desperately as she gathered her things and left the NYADA campus in a hurry. She had a full day of classes today and Kurt had the day off, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered until she was sure the shooting hadn't been in Carmel, until she was sure Jesse was safe and unhurt. Terrified, she dialed his old number, the number she knew by heart. It rang only once, before the robotic voice kicked in. "This phone has been disconnected".

An icy chill ran down her spine at those words. Disconnected… or turned off for safety reasons? Or maybe it had been shot broken by the shooter when he or she had fired off at Jesse? Unaware she had started crying, she began to pray quietly in Hebrew, all the way back home.

When she arrived at the apartment, a panicked Kurt slammed the door open for her and then closed again as they rushed out and hopped into the first cab they could find. It would drain their funds, sure, but thankfully she had in her wallet the credit card her daddies had given her for emergencies, and Kurt had shoved the stylish can where he kept his saving into his purse. "I can't contact Blaine", he sobbed against her shoulder as she rubbed his back with a hand and with the other kept calling Jesse's number. "What if he's hurt, Rachel?"

"He's not", she said forcefully. "Blaine's a tough nut, he'll be fine and healthy when we get there, you'll see. Plus, we don't even know if it's in McKinley".

Kurt nodded uncertainly, sniffling, his blue eyes red and puffy when he pulled away from her. "Are you trying to call Finn?" He asked, his voice rough with his tears.

"No", she said briskly, trying again. Every time the robotic voice kicked in, the knot of fear and terror in her stomach grew larger. "Jesse. I just…" She ran her hand down her face, and whispered, "What if it's in Carmel, Kurt? What if it isn't in McKinley, but in Carmel?" Her eyes brimmed with tears as she tried to keep herself in check. "I know I don't have the right to feel this way, but I… I can't lose him".

After a while, Kurt whispered, understanding dripping from his voice. "You love him".

The first tear rolled down her cheek as she nodded dumbly, voice croaking as she whispered, "I do. I love him, Kurt. I was scared and stupid to let him go like that junior year, and last year I was too busy trying to convince myself I could live without him, but… I always loved him. Deep down, I always knew he was the one for me". More tears bubbled in her eyes and fell. "What if it is Carmel, Kurt? What if it is Carmel and I lose him?" A terrified little wail left her lips as she closed her eyes and the tears ran unbidden. "I can't lose him, Kurt. I can't. It's one thing not having him in my life but knowing he's out there somewhere doing his thing and hopefully finding his way back to me. It's another entirely different to know I'll never see him again, never hear him sing or laugh or tease me".

Looking at her with compassionate eyes, Kurt took her hands in his and squeezed it tenderly, supportively. "I'm sure he's okay, Rachel. Jesse's a resilient bastard, and he loves you. If he knew there's a chance of never seeing you again, I know he'll make sure to never take it".

"You can't know that!" She sobbed as she threw herself in his arms and buried her face in his shoulder. Thankful for the fact that Rachel's freak out kept him from focusing on his own fears, the pale boy wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back comfortingly.

"You're right, I can't. But I know he loves you and I know he knows you'd suffer if anything happened to him. And I know causing you pain is the last thing he wants. So he'll give his best to stay safe".

The cab finally parked in front of the airport and the two NYADA students bolted from it after throwing all their money into the cabbie's hands. Nodding at the man's concerned, whispered wish of luck, the best friends bolted to the departure screen and quickly scanned the many flights to see which airline had the next flight to Ohio. Rushing to the counter, Rachel shoved her daddies' emergency credit card to the salesgirl. "Two tickets to Columbus, please. To the next flight".

"I'm sorry, but I can't sell for that flight anymore. Check-in will start soon, it's against the airline policy", the woman said in a bored tone as she filed her polished nails.

"What?!" Rachel gasped in outrage. "What do you mean, you can't sell? Is there empty seats on that flight?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then you obviously **can **sell!" The brunette demanded angrily.

"No, miss, I can**not**", the woman stressed glaring evilly at Rachel. "It's against the airline's policy, I've told you".

"You're not getting it, darling", Kurt said as he pulled out his phone again and tried to reach Blaine only to get voicemail again. "We **have** to go to Ohio, as soon as possible, and that means the next flight! Screw airline's policy!"

The woman glared furiously at Kurt. "I'm sorry, I really am", she said coldly, "but that's not possible".

Madam, you don't understand! We have to be on the next flight to Columbus! It's literally a matter of life or death!" Rachel yelled, and was about to launch into her old rant about ACLU and lawsuits when two warm hands found their way to her shoulders, turning her around and pulling her against a firm, warm chest while strong arms wrapped themselves around her and clung tightly to her like a lifeline. The scent of sea and leaves filled her nostrils, and it hit her who this was.

"Jesse", she whispered desperately, clinging to him as tightly as he was clinging to her, burying her nose in the soft, warm, **alive** skin of his neck and breathing him in as deep as she could. "Oh, thank God, Jesse!" Tears fell unstoppable down her cheeks as she felt tension leave her body and her muscles sag with relief.

"You're okay", she heard muffled against her hair, feeling wetness against her hair. "You're okay", he repeated, and stepped away from her, cradling her face on his hands to look at her properly. She lifted her hands to his cheeks, the vision of him blurred by the tears that filled her eyes.

He was also crying, and looking at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. She brushed her fingertips against his wet eyes and breathed out a relieved laugh as she saw he was fine, healthy, shaky, obviously, but **safe**. His hair was longer and he had lost weight, and there was a maturity in his eyes that hadn't been there before, but to her he was the most beautiful man in the world. "I love you", she whispered. "I was so afraid the shooting had been in Carmel, the only thing I thought was that you were there and I could have lost you, and I couldn't bear that and-"

His lips crashing hotly against hers interrupted her, and she tensed in surprise for a moment before kissing him back with everything she had held in for the last two years. Her fingers dug into the lean flesh of his shoulders, and he pulled her tightly against him, ravishing her like he used to do when they first dated. When finally their lungs were burning for air, they breathlessly broke away from each other. "I love you too", he panted. "So much, Rachel".

A brilliant grin appeared on her lips and she was about to jump him again when someone cleared their throat behind her and they guiltily turned to a somber Kurt, who had three tickets in his hands. Obviously he had succeeded where Rachel had failed in convincing the saleslady to sell them tickets to the flight to Ohio, and Rachel wondered what he had said that had the woman look so terrified in her seat. "I'm sorry for interrupting this sweet reunion, but you two can get a room later", he said dryly. "For now we have a flight to Ohio to take".

Blushing like mad, the newly-reunited couple nodded and rushed after him to the security gate.


	36. hold me close, don't ever let me go

**Author's Note: **My muse definitely likes to work when she's not supposed to – she has been feeding me bits and pieces of chapters for all my stories when I was supposed to be working (I started on a brand new job two weeks ago after four joyful months being the stay-at-home wife and mom of two I have been since December). Since I live in the constant fear that if I stop giving in to my fickle muse she'll vanish completely (it can happen!), I usually always leave an empty document open on my work computer specifically for those occasion. This little rewrite was born from one of those situations.

**Disclaimer: **Glee doesn't belong to me. It belongs to RM and to Fox (which has renewed it for two more years. WHY?)

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#36: **__hold me close, don't ever let me go_

**W**hen Rachel realized Finn had noticed Jesse was absent (due to previous traveling commitments he had with his former Vocal Adrenaline companions), a growing feeling of dread started to squeeze her heart every time Mr. Schue asked if anyone had anything to present to them during glee rehearsals. She hadn't forgotten Finn's words when she lied to him about breaking up with Jesse. _I'm not some guy you just met. I don't give up that easy._

Until then, other than shooting her unsubtle longing glances that left Rachel feeling awkward and uncomfortable and Jesse clenching his fists in anger, he hadn't done anything (praise the Lord). But with Jesse gone for the week and physically unable to do anything to avenge his bruised honor, Rachel knew Finn would make his move. He was all for secret moves that he thought were okay but actually weren't (kissing her on the auditorium and asking her not to tell anyone; taking her out on a bowling date and kissing her to convince her to rejoin ND, anyone?)

It wasn't until after she had lost her voice that Finn decided the right time had arrived. He stood in front of the gleeks, eyes locked on her shrinking form, and serenaded her... with _Jesse's Girl_. Oh, God. Explicitness, thy name is Finn Hudson.

Rachel wasn't stupid. She knew Finn had decided to sing specifically that song for her with hopes that it would cause her to jump in his arms and profess her eternal love for him. And it would, make no mistake. If it had happened about three weeks ago, such a direct declaration of interest from his part would send a thrilled Rachel in a tailspin of joy... But that was **before**.

That was before she met Jesse and learned what real love felt like. That was before she found the one person who understood her perfectly. That was before she felt real, epic, overwhelming love for the first time. Now that she had gone through all those moments and emotions, she looked at Finn and all she felt was embarrassment and pity for the boy whose crush on her would never be reciprocated again. As he sang about how he wished he had Jesse's girl, she stood up, picked up her bag and, shaking her head negatively at him with a pitiful look, left without looking back.

She was already safely locked in her car and driving away from McKinley's parking lot when he, panting from the exertion of running after her, appeared on the front doors. A sinking feeling of failure crashed at him when Mike appeared behind him, followed by all the gleeks (who no doubt were curious as hell to know if his bid to regain Rachel's heart would be successful or not), and slapped his shoulder with what was supposed to be a comforting smile but was just an embarrassed grimace. "I'm sorry, man".

* * *

**T**he house was quiet and empty when Rachel arrived from school, and she remembered it was Wednesday, her fathers' obligatory dinner date night. Since they had started dating, Jesse and she had taken the opportunity of having a free house on a school night for themselves to enjoy a quiet night in of take-out and movies (read: make out and grow closer and closer to that line that once crossed couldn't be uncrossed). Having to spend it alone for the first time in weeks, Rachel felt such a deep sorrow that, before she could catch herself, she was dialing Jesse's number and anxiously listening as it rang… and rang… and rang.

She was about to hang up and throw herself on a night of wallowing with _The Way We Were _and soy sorbet when the call was (finally!) picked up and a heavy silence stretched between them. After a long moment, she heard Jesse sigh tiredly and mumble in an exhausted voice, "What's it, Rachel?"

"Can you come home?" She whispered, cringing at her rough voice.

There was another sigh, and then Jesse spoke again. "Rachel, I-"

"No, Jesse, please" She felt the first stirrings of despair in her heart and stood up, pacing anxiously. "Can you just... Can you just listen to me? Please. That's all I ask. If you still feel like breaking up with me after I'm done, then I'll never bother you again, but you have to listen to me first".

There was a long silence. Finally, her boyfriend broke it. "Can you answer me a question first?"

"Sure", she replied, quickly and nervously.

"What's **wrong** with your voice?"

The brunette flinched and put a defensive hand on her throat. "Laryngitis. I have to carry all the weight now that you're not here to share it, and it put a strain on my voice".

Unknown to Rachel, Jesse's eyes widened with alarm and he sat up on his bed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about that. The doctor wanted to have my tonsils removed, but I managed to convince him to fill me up with medication instead. I cannot let him take his chances with my throat, of course".

She could almost hear the smile in his voice when he said, "Of course", and it made her heart flutter. Taking a deep breath, she worried her lower lip and then plunged right in.

"Finn serenaded me today. He chose to do it with _Jesse's Girl_". She could almost see him flinch when he heard those words, and she rushed on. "I'm sorry, but I don't want to keep any more secrets from you, Jesse. Plus you'd find out anyway if you come back to McKinley next week. Anyways. While he was singing to me, all I could think was how wrong it felt that he was doing that while you weren't there to stake your claim on me. And then I realized that you don't need to stake any claims, because that would mean you're insecure about his position on my life. And..." The brunette looked at a picture of them she had on her nightstand, and picking it up, she carried on. "There's no need for you to feel that. I am **not** in love with Finn anymore, Jesse. I know it might have looked like I was with my triple-casting stunt, but I promise you, I'm not".

Jesse didn't reply, but, when he spoke, his voice was so **exhausted** that all she wanted to do was to hop on the next plane and fly all the way to San Diego to take him in her arms and comfort him. "How can you be sure of that, Rach?"

"I just am. When he was singing, all I kept thinking was that it was too late. If he sang to me weeks ago, sure, I would have been thrilled. Insane with happiness, really. But that was before. Before I met you. Before I... Before I fell for you".

There. She had said it. Not with many words, but Jesse was a smart boy. Sure he would pick up on what she meant. And, when he carefully asked, "What are you saying, Rach?" she knew she was right.

"Do I really have to spell it out for you?"

"Yes", he shot back.

Rachel sighed dramatically, and then whispered. "I love you, Jesse."

There was a silence, and then, he began to sing softly. "**Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you. It's not that I want you not to say, but if you only knew how easy it would be to show me how you feel. More than words is all you have to do to make it real. Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me, cause I'd already know**". Rachel bit the inside of her lower lip as she understood what he meant with that song.

"Okay. Message received, Jesse", she said as her mind flipped anxiously through several ideas of how to prove to Jesse she loved him with actions and not just words.

"Good", he replied. There was a smile on his face when he said, "See you next week, Rach".

She was grinning as she replied. "See you next week".

* * *

**W**hen he arrived at McKinley the following week, he was definitely not expecting to receive the welcome he got. Once he stepped foot on that dreadful school (he hated it, but it was where Rachel was, and he loved Rachel, so there he stayed), he expected to be greeted by an armful of overjoyed Rachel. But, instead, he was greeted by a fist on his face and a seething beanstalk that looked ready to murder him.

"It's all your fault!" That talentless oaf barked, spit flying out of his mouth and straight to Jesse's pristinely-cared-for skin. "Are you happy now?"

Shoving the guy back, Jesse stood up and wiped his face clean of the dude's spit (so gross). "What the fuck do you mean, Hudson?"

"Don't play dumb with me!" Finn yelled, looking as red as a tomato in his anger (so not attractive. What did Rachel see in that guy?) "Rachel left for Carmel last week and it's all your fault!"

It took all of Jesse's famous will power not to let his jaw drop in the aftermath of Finn's shocking news. He hadn't spoken to Rachel since their conversation last week and his musical hint for her on how he wanted her to prove her love (with actions instead of words). She hadn't called him, only texted him to wish him a safe flight back the previous afternoon.

Well, he had challenged her – subtly, but still – and she definitely had risen to the challenge. Transferring to Carmel was certainly the best way Rachel could show her love for him. Turning on his heel, he made his way back to front door – and when one of Finn's paws gripped his shoulder to keep him from leaving, he twirled around and punched the quarterback with all his might. Finn, caught by surprise, fell down to the floor with a grunt. Jesse gave him his darkest glare, and leaned a little down to growl, "Try to serenade my girl again, Hudson, and I will **not** be as merciful".

Puckerman arrived as he was leaving, and he whistled as he caught sight of Finn sprawled on the hall, the beginnings of a nasty bruise already showing on his cheek. "Nice one, St. James", he said, impressed, then looked seriously at the former Vocal Adrenaline lead (who was clearly on his way to reclaim the position now that Rachel was also there). "Take good care of my hot little Jewish-American princess, will you?"

Jesse nodded back at the one guy he knew was the rival he had to look out for. Rachel probably never noticed it, but Jesse did: Puck loved Rachel and, if given the chance, he wouldn't let her go, putting everything he was and giving everything had to make her fall for him and subsequently make her happy. "See you in Regionals, man".

He was about to pull out his cell phone to call Rachel and track her down, when he finally spotted her. With a small smile on her lips, surrounded by the thirty members of Vocal Adrenaline and wearing form fitting black denim pants and the bow-printed sweater she wore when they first met at the music store, paired up with one of his leather jackets, Rachel stood on the middle of the McKinley parking lot. She walked up to him, took his hand on hers and, turning to the grinning VA members, declared, "We have our male lead back!"

The thirty teenagers yelled out in joy, and Jesse grinned at his (once-again) team as he pulled Rachel tight against his body and smashed his lips against hers. Feeling her smile, he chuckled against her mouth as her arms found their way around his neck and she clung to him tightly. "I love you", he mumbled as they pulled apart, both breathless and glowing with happiness. As they held tight to each other's hands, Jesse turned to the smiling faces of Vocal Adrenaline and yelled, "Let's win ourselves another Regionals trophy!"

"Yeah!" The crowded teens yelled out in unison, Rachel blending in perfectly with her new peers.


	37. to find the way back to your heart

**Author's Note: **So apparently my muse decided to give me another one of those (yay!). This plot bunny was something I wanted to write for a long time, but I never knew exactly what I wanted to say, what story I wanted to tell. But now it happened, so here it is.

I suppose all of you have read my story **my wildest dreaming could not foresee**. For you who haven't (you don't need to in order to understand this – it makes sense on its own), Rachel leaves Ohio after Regionals in season 1 and disappears. Eight years after that, Jesse marries a fellow Broadway star –an extremely private, almost recluse actress named Rachel Caroline. This is a prequel (of sorts) to that story.

**Disclaimer:** After a long, long search, I've chosen Pink's and Nate Ruess' song **Just Give Me A Reason** and Five's **You Make Me Wanna Be A Better Man** as the tunes for this. There's also some dialogue from Glee's episode **The Prom Queen** that, considering their context and the context of this story, fit in quite nicely, even though I adapted it to make it more **me**. Glee belongs, as usual, to Ryan, Ian and Brad. And FOX.

**Here, there, everywhere**

_**#37 –**__ to find the way back to your heart_

**C**armel might be one of the country's best and most elitist high schools, but it still was a high school and, thus, there were always those who were after the juiciest pieces of gossip and those who lived to spread it. In such an environment, it wasn't surprising that the news of school's star pupil 'having come to his senses' and coming back from a brief stint at monogamy in a public school spread around like fire.

If the news of Jesse's return (to Carmel and to singlehood) spread around like fire, his appearance at Carmel's senior prom with ex-girlfriend Rachel Berry glamorously hanging from his arm caused a tsunami.

When Jesse returned to Carmel about a week before the senior prom, girls started tripping all over themselves, trying to make clear to him that they would be glad to be his date to prom. Some were discrete about it, but most was blatant, a few leaving nothing to his imagination about what they hoped the night would entail.

Jesse, however, refused all 'invitations', stating he already had a date for the dance. Yes, he had invited her before coming back to Carmel. No, she wouldn't ditch him at the last possible second – it wasn't in her nature to break promises. Yes, it was a girl. No, she wouldn't shame him by showing up looking like a hick. No, he wouldn't change his mind about that. He then would turn his back on the inviter, chuckling at those who huffed at him and stormed away in a hissy fit of anger.

He was sure Rachel wouldn't leave him hanging, no matter how much he had fucked up with her by cracking that egg on her forehead a week ago. It just wasn't on her nature to be so vengeful. Oh, he didn't doubt Rachel was capable of avenging what he had done to her. She definitely was driven enough to do that if she set her mind to it. Such drive was Shelby's genes on her, he was sure of it. However, Hiram's innate sweetness and the tender nurture she had received from Leroy softened that edge, making Rachel a literally perfect mix of all of her parents' traits and, thus, an amazing creature in her own way.

Plus, Rachel herself had assured him they were still on to the dance. It was a call he would never forget.

_It had been two days after the – after his _**mistake**_. Shelby had already let them go after rehearsal, but gave him a sad, understanding smile when he coldly told her he wanted to stay behind to go through the choreography again. He still hadn't forgiven her for the callous way she had dealt with her situation with Rachel, despite his warnings to be careful because he didn't want to see the pint-sized diva hurt. _

"_Make sure everything is off when you leave," she had told him as she affixed her purse's strap on her shoulder._

_He snorted and shot her a look so icy it sent a shiver down his spine. "I'm not Alex," he replied, mentioning a Vocal Adrenaline junior who was famous for his forgetfulness about all matters except VA's routines and lyrics. "Good night," added the VA's lead icily as he turned his back on her and walked up the stage._

_He busied himself with setting up the audio until he heard the door click softly behind her and, once he was alone, he heavily sat down on the stage, running his hands through his hair. How was it possible that even the Carmel auditorium, his most special place in Ohio, was full of memories of her, when she had stepped only once on it, having come to find him all those weeks ago when they had first started dating?_

_Sighing, he tiredly rubbed his eyes and fell down on his back on the stage floor. Truth was, he didn't need to rehearse for Regionals. He knew he was at his prime where their performance was concerned, but he didn't want to go home either. He had gotten used to the comings and goings of his aunt and uncle's house, of the constant stream of noise of Rachel's cozy home, so the silence of his parents' mausoleum-like manor was stifling._

_He was about to start his usual mental run-through of his doomed affair with Rachel (something he had taken to do since their egg-induced breakup), when his phone let out a tinny sound he wasn't expecting to hear from it ever again. The first notes of _Hello_ began playing, and he shot up like a rocket, rushing to where he had dropped his bag earlier. Pulling his phone out of it, he blinked in hopeful disbelief as _My Wendla_ flashed on the small screen._

_Snapping out of his stunned daze, he accepted the call. "Rachel?" He asked cautiously after a few moments of heavily-laden silence._

"_Hey, Jesse," Rachel said softly, her voice small and quiet. "Are you… Are you busy?"_

"_No, no!" He rushed to reassure her, sitting back down on the stage floor. "I'm not busy. What… What do you want?"_

_She didn't reply for so long Jesse pulled the phone back to see if the call was still connected. But when she finally spoke, her words felt like a bomb to him._

"_I just wanted to tell you I'm still on to prom. If you want to, that is."_

_His jaw dropped open, and he stifled a stunned gasp. His half-dead heart began thumping with renewed vigor, until caution screamed in his mind to be careful. "What's the catch?"_

"_No catch," she assured him, an edge of irritation in her voice. "I promised you we'd go and I intend to keep it." There was another pause, and then, "Unless, of course, you've already found a new date. I should have thought about this sooner. Forget I even called. I'm sorry I wasted your time and mine, Jesse-"_

"_I haven't found a new date, so – I'll pick you up next Friday at seven," he hurried to interrupt her before she hung up on him. "What color is your dress?"_

When the limo parked in front of her house, Jesse felt the need to take a deep breath before making his way to the front door. He had told Rachel, when they first sang their hellos, that he used to get nervous, and he would never admit it aloud, but he had struggled with his nerves all that week. Part of him feared Rachel had been lying when she had said there was no catch to her being his date to Carmel's prom and Puck and Mike and Matt were waiting for him behind the door, ready to kick his ass like he knew he deserved and was expecting to happen since the egg incident.

He slowly made his way to the Berry's residence's front door but, before he could knock at it, it opened, revealing Leroy Berry's serious face. "Good evening, Jesse," the darker man said chillily, and Jesse straightened his spine.

"Good evening, Mr. Berry." It felt weird to address Leroy so formally when the other man had asked him to call him by the name just a handful of weeks ago. "Is Rachel ready?"

Leroy nodded and stepped aside, letting Jesse walk in the house. "She's upstairs with Hiram, he's fussing over something in her hair." The darker man rolled his eyes and turned to the stairs to holler, "She's perfect and Jesse's here, so please – **please** – just come down already!"

The teen bit back a grin at Leroy's antics, and busied himself with making sure the corsage he had bought Rachel earlier that day was still in perfectly pristine condition. She had told him the color of her dress – light sea green – and he had chosen a creamy beige flower in order not to clash with either the dress or the shade of her skin.

It was one thing, though, to hear her description of the dress, and another totally different to see the dress, in person, on her. The dress had a halter top, with lace on the bust and on the back (which he saw when she gave a little twirl, giggling at something her dad said), and dark green rocks embroidered on the bust, over the lace. When she made her way down the stairs, her long legs peeked out of the dress through a pair of slits that went up to her thigh, showing off the delicate strappy heels she had chosen as footwear.

Her long, dark hair had been loosely braided back, and a few rebel stranded had escaped, framing her beautiful face and displaying the smoky, dark makeup that made her large brown eyes pop. Her lips were glossy red, and golden glittered in her ears.

She was undoubtedly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and would easily be the most beautiful date on the Akron hotel where Carmel's prom would take place. Jesse couldn't help but let out a low, appreciative whistle as he approached her, his hand held out for hers. "You look…" He whispered, struggling with the adequate word to describe her. "Wow."

Rachel blushed and smiled shyly, and Leroy chuckled while Hiram wiped a stray tear. "Wow. You've made Jesse speechless, sweetheart," her African-American father teased, grinning. "I think that's a first."

"Actually," Jesse said as he cleared his throat and put Rachel's hand on his arm, "it's the second time. But the first was also her doing, so…"

"Really?" Rachel asked, blinking at him. "When?"

"Sectionals," he replied easily. "I thought you'd already deduced it."

She smiled at him, but he could see the sadness in her eyes, and it made his heart clench. The quietness lasted a beat too long, and Hiram smoothly broke it by producing his camera. "So, who is up for some prom pictures?" He asked, and it made Rachel brighten again, which in turn relaxed Jesse. The young (former) couple posed for several shots, and it was in much happier spirits that they made their way to where the limo patiently waited as Rachel's parents cheerfully waved from the door.

"I wonder," Leroy said as he and his husband closed the door behind them, after the limo sped away with Rachel and Jesse in it, "if that's the night they'll make up."

"Oh, I do hope so," Hiram replied as he digitally leafed through the pictures he had taken. "They're so in love with each other it'd be sickening if it wasn't so adorable." He stopped at one picture where Rachel was grinning at the camera, while Jesse watched her with a soft smile curling his lips and a tender look in his eyes, and he sighed. "If I hadn't forgiven him already for what he has done, I would just by looking at this picture," he declared.

Leroy chuckled and wrapped an arm around his husband's shoulders. "You're a hopeless romantic, did you know that?" He pressed a kiss to his cheek and sighed. "I do hope they kiss and make up, otherwise I'll have to tell my new boss I'm passing up on the job he offered me in California, and that can make me to be blackballed."

Hiram rubbed his cheek comfortingly against Leroy's shoulder. "Everything will be fine, you'll see." Turning the camera off, he smiled. "Who knows, maybe we just saw our daughter off with the man she's going to get married one day."

* * *

**T**he ride to Akron was made in a slightly tense silence, but Rachel had yet to tear her hand from Jesse's, so he felt hopeful they could work this out. Immediately after he smashed the egg on her head he knew he had just made the most awful mistake in his entire life. He wanted to beg for her forgiveness, but back then everything had been a mess of rehearsals at Carmel and tears and silence at home, and there was no time left for him to make the way to Lima to apologize to her in person.

But now he had the chance to do so, and he couldn't find the words to do so. Taking a deep breath, though, he lifted her hand to his lips and, pressing a sweet kiss to it, whispered, "What I did to you is my one great regret."

Sitting stiffly by his side and feeling her blood start to boil with excitation, her skin tingling from where he had kissed it, she whispered, "It was weird, you know? One night you were whispering words of love to me when we were talking on the phone before going the bed, and the next morning you threw eggs on me."

His heart broke at the hidden pain in her voice, and hurried to reply, turning apologetic eyes to her. "I know. I know. It was stupid of me and I'm sorry. I traded love for a shot at a fourth consecutive National championship." He made a pause and then added, "The second I threw that egg on you I knew it was a bum deal." He shook his head slightly. "Even for a first, it was a maybe, but for a fourth… No way." The VA lead took a deep breath and added quietly, "But I've decided tonight is my opportunity to make amends. So, if after tonight you decide you don't want me back, then I'll respect it and stay away."

Rachel took a moment to consider what he was offering, and then hesitantly nodded. She would be lying if she said the idea of him apologizing to her and fighting to win her wasn't appealing to her romantic side at all. Jesse was the second boyfriend who apologized to her for his bad deeds to her, the first having been Noah, but he was the only one who fought for her after their breakup. Noah hadn't fought for her at all, and Finn had only wanted her back when she was taken.

Plus, she loved him. God help her, but she still loved him and still wanted to be with him.

So, she nodded, slowly, and grinned hesitantly at the way Jesse considerably brightened up.

From then on, Jesse behaved like the perfect gentleman. Their entrance in the ball room of the Hilton Hotel in Akron was greeted by stunned silence, replaced seconds later by gossipy buzzing. Jesse proudly had Rachel's hand on his arm and pulled her chair for her once they arrived in their reserved table. As he pushed her chair after she sat down, he caught sight of Giselle furiously storming her way to them, but a glare from him and Shelby's timely interruption saved Rachel from the temper tantrum Vocal Adrenaline's occasional female lead would surely throw.

They ate and talked in comfortable quietness when a slow song from Pink began to play and Jesse, taking a deep, fortifying breath, stood up, holding out his hand to her. "Would you give me the honor of a dance, Ms. Berry?"

A shy smile appeared on her face and she nodded, putting her slim hand against his. "I'd love to, Mr. St. James."

With entwined fingers, they made their way to the dance floor, where other couples already were, swaying gently to the soft beat of the song. A handful was making out passionately, and Jesse chuckled as he saw Chris and Andrea sneaking their way out of the ballroom, undoubtedly to find a room for them to… enjoy each other's company… more privately. He felt pleased for Chris, who had been hitting on Andy for nearly two years now. They both were going to North Carolina, so maybe that night marked a new stage in their relationship as well.

His musings were interrupted by Rachel's soft voice in her ear. She had begun to softly sing along to the song, and his heart broke at the sadness in her tone.

_Right from the start, you were a thief_

_You stole my heart, and I, your willing victim._

_I let you see the part of me that weren't all that pretty_

_And with every touch you fixed them_

_Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh_

_Things you've never said to me, oh, oh_

_Tell me that you've had enough of our love_

_Our love, oh, oh_

She leaned away from him just a little bit, enough for him to see the moisture that sparkled in her eyes, and impulsively he pressed her forehead against hers, closing his eyes and breathing deeply to keep himself from crying. He felt her hands tighten the fabric of his tux where she had placed them when they first began dancing, and then she whispered the next part of the song.

_Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough_

_Just a second, we're not broken, just bent_

_And we can learn to love again_

_It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars of our hearts_

_We're not broken, just bent_

_And we can learn to love again_

His hand wrapped more firmly around her waist, pulling her even closer to his body. She still grasped desperately at his coat and her voice grew thicker with the tears she somehow had kept from falling, and he pressed a kiss to the tender skin of her neck that made her shiver, whispering frantic apologies against the thrumming pulse at the base.

The song changed and he blinked at the new tune. It was something old, from the nineties if he wasn't mistaken, but it was brilliant for him to sing to her. Making a mental note to thank the hired DJ sometime that night, he pressed his cheek against hers and began singing quietly in her ear.

**There's something about your eyes that makes me search my soul**

**They make me try to realize I'm trying to be a better man**

**You've gotta know what on my mind**

**I will give you all my time**

**I feel for you, baby, yes, I do – all I want is you.**

Rachel pulled away again, watching him with searching eyes, looking into his as if she wanted to read into your soul. Whatever it was that she was looking for in there, she must have found, because she gave him a timid, but brilliant smile, and threw her body firmly against him, squeezing him in a tight, overjoyed hug. Grinning, he hugged her back, but carried on singing.

**And when I search my soul I'll find a better place to be around**

**I'm trying to tell you what's on my mind**

**But will I make it through in time?**

**And when I search my soul I'll find**

**You make me wanna be, yeah, a better man.**

Jesse then stepped away from Rachel, his hand still holding tightly to hers, and twirled her, pulling her back to rest against his chest as she laughed. His arms rested possessively on her waist, his warm hands pressing against her soft belly, and they swayed together as he carried on with his song, quietly, just for her ears.

**I've never felt so in love, the way I feel when you touch**

**Although it doesn't sound that much**

**All I have to do is look in your eyes**

**You've gotta know what's on my mind**

**I will give you all my time**

**I feel for you, baby, yes, I do – all I want is you.**

Grinning at her giggles, he let go of her, pulled her back to his body and dipped her, which made her squeal in laughter. Instinctively, her leg found its way to around his hip when he straightened her, and they grinned at each other, his hand resting safely and protectively low on her ass, keeping her from flashing something she didn't want the others to see. Jesse reached the bridge of the song, his lips pressed against her skin.

**I wanna take you higher, I wanna reach for the sky**

**I wanna show you fire, I'll never tell you goodbye**

**I wanna take you higher, I wanna reach for the sky**

**I wanna show you fire, I'll never tell you goodbye**

**You are on my mind**

She kissed him. How could she not? He had just told (sung) her everything she had to know. Yes, he had made a mistake, but so had she. They both had horribly hurt each other, but still they loved each other like crazy. He was still everything she had ever wanted in a man and thought she had found in Finn, only to realize she hadn't, and the thought that she had come very close to losing the real deal was enough to add an edge of despair to her kiss.

He kissed her back with equal fervor. Her kiss dripped of love, of passion and – oh, the relief! – of forgiveness. He had never thought he would find a woman so perfect to him, not so young, not in Ohio. But he had, and yes, she had broken the heart she had just awakened in him, but so had he. Still, she had found in her the ability to forgive him after his monumental screw-up, and he would **never**, in his life, take that for granted.

"I love you," he whispered, and she grinned, her heart swelling at the sparkle in his also tear-filled gaze. "I love you so fucking much, Rach. And I'm sorry. I'll spend forever making up for that if I have to."

But she shook her head, her hands cupping his cheek. "You don't. You made a mistake, so did I when I triple-casted you. So let's just allow those mistakes to even each other out and move on. Okay?"

"Okay," he breathed out. Clinging tightly to her, he whispered, "God, I don't want to leave you. Ever. Not even for LA."

She grinned mischievously at him. "Well…" She drawled, eyes sparkling with happiness. "Isn't it an amazing thing that you **won't** have to?"

Confused, the VA lead blinked at his girlfriend (and it felt amazing to call and think of her that way, again). "What do you mean?"

Rachel grinned. "Let's get back to the table and then I'll tell you."

"No," his arms wrapped around her waist possessively. "I don't wanna. So tell me here, now."

He sounded like such a little spoiled boy that Rachel had to laugh. Pressing her lips against his again, she broke the kiss with a loud smack, and then explained, grinning. "Dad's gotten a new job."

The sparkle in her eyes and the joy in her smile made him curious. "He has?" What did Leroy's new job have to do with their issue?

She nodded. "He has. And guess where it is?"

Little by little it began to dawn on him, and his lips curled in an ecstatic but disbelieving smile. "It isn't…"

The New Directions female lead giggled. "It is! It's in California and we have to move there in about four weeks."

He laughed out loud. "What a coincidence! I move to California in four weeks!" Suddenly, he grew serious and, clinging to both of her hands, dropped to a knee in front of her.

Her stunned gasp echoed in the ballroom, and all of a sudden silence had fallen in the luxurious space, a single spotlight illuminating them. Jesse was grinning so hopefully that it made Rachel's heart race in anxiety. "Rachel Barbara Berry," he enunciated clearly, "you are the love of my life. I want to spend forever making sure you know how much I adore you." He shoved his hand in one of his pockets; when he pulled it out, he opened it and a simple, elegant rose gold ring glinted on his palm. "I'm not proposing – yet – so all of you can just relax." He said out loud with a knowing smirk to the crowd of teenage bodies. "But I want you to have this ring – my ring – as a sign of my commitment and of how much you mean to me. So… Will you be mine?"

"Yes," she breathed out, her eyes overflowing with touched moisture. "Yes, yes, yes! Of course I will!" She pulled him up and threw herself at him, peppering kisses all over his beautiful face. Both had grins so wide that some felt their faces would split up in two.

The room went back to its normal pace, a handful of girls staring or glaring enviously at Rachel, but neither she, nor Jesse cared. After slipping his ring in her right hand, they were swaying together, clinging to each other and lost in their own little world. The way it had been, was and would always be, from then on.


	38. in another life, I would make you stay

**Author's Note: **I'm a sucker for rewriting 'Funk', mostly because I'm convinced RIB were aware that, unless they had Jesse fuck up in a majorly spectacular way, no one would ever ship Finchel again after season 1. I've already done it once (in a story called 'There's nothing you can do'), but here I am doing it again.

This is really short and I'm sorry, but my muse has been a bitch with inspiration lately.

**Summary: **What if, instead of egging (no pun intended) Jesse on, Rachel actually tried to convince him not to do it?

**Disclaimer: **Song is Phil Collins' _Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)_, which, since it was a song I dreamed of Rachel singing to Jesse, they obviously gave to someone else. Title is from Katy Perry's _The One That Got Away_ (yet another song I hoped got the St. Berry treatment in _Glee_). _Glee_ and its characters belong to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan and Brad Falchuk. Also to FOX.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#38: **__in another life, I would make you stay_

_(so I don't have to say you were the one that got away)_

**E**ven though she knows she made a pathetic sight, all covered in egg yolks and whites, she can't tear her eyes away from him. He's standing right in front of her, still wearing the black and blue ensemble from his _Another Bites The Dust_ performance with his old-new team (that is, if he ever really left them). She knows she's surrounded by them, the Vocal Adrenaliners, but she can't care less about them.

Because the only one of them that really matters to her is standing in front of her, holding the proverbial final nail to the coffin and looking extremely uncertain – something that, honestly, is a refreshing change for Jesse St. James. He is always so confident, so sure of himself, that it's a relief to see he's able of hesitation.

Their eyes lock and she knows there's still a part of him that doesn't want him to do it. There's still a part of him that is **Jesse**, the guy who had told her himself he was nuts about her, almost two months ago. The one standing in front of her is **Jesse St. James**, the soulless automaton that leads her main competition in Regionals, but **Jesse** is still in there somewhere, alive and kicking, keeping the heartless version from doing something that will irrevocably ruin things for them.

And if Jesse is still in him, still fighting for them, well, then she's going to do some fighting of her own too. While she **is** a budding ingénue, she is no shrinking flower, and there's nothing she loves more than winning a fight.

With her eyes still glued to his, she takes a deep breath, opens her mouth and begins to sing.

**How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace**

**When I'm standing, taking every breath with you?**

**You're the only one who really knew me at all**

**How can you just walk away from me when all I can do is watch you leave?**

'**Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain**

**And even shared the tears**

**You're only one who really knew me at all**

As if magically affected by her voice, the members of Vocal Adrenaline fall silent when she starts singing, and she never sees one of them glaring at the tiny crowd of New Directioners when they approach them in a run, Finn, Puck, Chang, Rutherford and Jones screeching bloody murder against their competition. She's otherwise engaged, focused in the spark she sees in Jesse's eyes, the spark of joy, of hope and of determination. That teeny tiny glimmer renews her strength and she allows her hand to lift, gently cupping his shaven cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin. He unconsciously leans in her touch, and she can't help but give him a small, private smile.

**So take a look at me now, 'cause there's just an empty space**

**There's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face**

**Take a look at me now – there's just an empty space**

**And you coming back to me is against the odds**

**And that's what I've got to face**

Jesse lets the hand that is holding the egg over her head drop, and his suddenly boneless fingers lose their grasp at their offending 'weapon of choice', per se. She realizes that slowly her Jesse is overcoming his robotic self, and it makes her feel so joyful, it's like an explosion in her chest. She is so focused in her task of coaxing Jesse back out that she misses Puck coming to stand protectively between her and Finn, glaring at his former best friend with a look in his eyes that promises bloody murder if her male lead even thinks of interrupting her. She never gets the surprise of seeing heavily pregnant Quinn coming to stand by her baby daddy, focusing at her ex with all the power of her famous Ice Queen glower.

**I wish I could just make you turn around – turn around and see me cry**

**There's so much I need to say to you – so many reasons why**

**You're the only who really knew me at all**

Vocal Adrenaliners are suckers for talent – that much is famous in the show choir world. That's why they always try and steal talents from the competition to their roster, with an almost perfect history of success of doing so. When they fail for whatever reason, they then extract their revenge by funkification. But they are suckers for talent, and when someone is singing, they listen.

And whenever they have the opportunity, they also sing along.

So it comes as no surprise that, when Rachel launches into a repeat of her song's chorus, it's not only Mercedes, Brittany, Santana and Tina that sing her back-up. The thirty-something members of their competition also join their voices to their harmonizing, which makes it loud enough to attract the attention of the students inside McKinley. All of a sudden, there are people fighting for a space on the windows of the school, eager for the gossip as it always is in high schools all around the world.

Rachel doesn't realize it. She is too busy wooing back the love of her life and other half of her soul.

**Take a look at me now, 'cause there's just an empty space**

**There's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face**

**Take a look at me now – there's just an empty space**

**But to wait for you is all I can do, and that's what I got to face**

**Take a look at me now, 'cause I'm still standing here**

**And you coming back to me is against all odds**

**That's a chance I've got to take**

**Hummm… Take a look at me now.**

Applause breaks out not only from the crowd they've attracted, but also from the Vocal Adrenaliners. To top it all off, a car comes to a screeching halt not far from where they are, and out of it climbs Vocal Adrenaline's famously demanding coach Shelby Corcoran. She takes a look at the egg-covered female lead of New Directions, and the look in her face when she turns her icy eyes back to her pupils is enough to make them all realize the major fuck-up they've just done.

"Who," she asks in a quietly dangerous voice, her tone so icy it makes a chilly shiver run down the spine of McKinley's toughest and bravest football players, "is responsible for this stupidity?"

The fingers of thirty-something Vocal Adrenaline members are unanimous at pointing for the not-so-poor soul whose brain has come up with the 'Egg Rachel Berry' scheme. Shelby follows them and rolls her eyes. That doesn't come as a surprise. Giselle Torres has always been jealous of Jesse St. James' attention, even though the sole lead for Vocal Adrenaline never even looked at her twice since she joined the choir two years previously. Having him fall for the female lead of a rival choir is, in her eyes, an offense. That said female lead was not only prettier than she is only added insult to said injury.

"You're off the team," Shelby declares, firmly.

Giselle gapes. "What the fuck?" She screeches. "It's not the first time we've done this to the competition! Why is this time so different from the others?"

Shelby glares at her now former pupil. "Rachel Berry is my daughter." The other members of Vocal Adrenaline gasp at this shocking revelation. "Jesse approached her in order to make her come find me, but has fallen in love with her along the way. You knew that. You've not done this in order to ensure a win in a competition. You targeted my daughter because you were jealous, not only of her talent and her looks, but also because she has his love, and you never did." She then turns her back at a gaping and flushing Giselle and focuses on the other members of her team. "You all are in probation. Until I see you're really regretful of your actions towards a fellow show choir enthusiast, you are all out of my theatre and my team."

Unhappy groans are heard, and more than a member of VA glare at Giselle, who is still gaping as the depth of her mistake sinks in. She knows there's no way Coach Corcoran is letting her back in VA. Not after what she has done to the woman's daughter. With a single, petty decision, Giselle's life and status in Carmel's social hierarchy crumble down before her own eyes.

Jesse and Rachel are too busy looking at each other to see all this unfold, however. He's standing immobile in front of her, his hands hanging uselessly by his body, her hand cupping his cheek and caressing his skin with a tenderness that few people can believe she's capable of. All of a sudden, he blinks and throws himself at her, not giving a flying fuck about the fact that his clothes are getting covered with egg. "Rachel," he breathes in her ear, and she closes her eyes, breathing in relief.

"Jesse," she whispers, clutching desperately at him as tears stream down her cheeks and she lets herself fall for the first time since she felt the eggs hitting her. "Oh, my God, Jesse."

"I'm here, baby," he whispers and tries to step a little away from her in order to look at her and assess the damage done to her by his teammates, but she just holds tighter to him.

"Not… Not yet," she sniffs. "I thought… I thought I had lost you, Jesse."

"You'll never lose me, Rach," he presses a kiss to her forehead, distantly hearing Shelby's voice as she bitches at the members of VA that were a part of the scheme. "No matter what happens, I will always be yours."


	39. and when I kiss your soul

**Title: **here, there, everywhere.

**Chapter title: **and when I kiss your soul.

**Fandom/Pairing: **Glee; Jesse St. James/Rachel Berry.

**Disclaimer: **'Glee' and all the characters you recognize belong to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan and Brad Falchuk; also, FOX. Chapter title is taken from Gavin deGraw's song 'More Than Anyone'. The song is 'Follow Through', also by deGraw.

**Timeline:** Rewrite to 'Funeral', season two's 21st episode.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#39: **__and when I kiss your soul_

**T**rust Jesse to convince Mr. Schue to have auditions for the solos in Nationals. Rachel had to shake her head slightly; that was typical Jesse, after all.

Rachel wasn't worried at all about these so-called auditions. In fact, since Jesse had returned to her life, she had never felt more secure and self-confident. As she waited for her name to be called and with half an ear listened to Jesse's criticism of Mercedes' performance (as always, he was correct in his opinions), she realized that Jesse always had that effect on her, back to that time last year when they were dating.

Thinking about her past relationship with Jesse made her think about their new, second attempt at being together. She was, understandably, cautious, but since his return Jesse had been behaving like a gentleman, showing how truly regretful he was about his hidden agenda and reasoning to approach her. In fact, that had been the topic of a long conversation between the two of them, after the Finn-induced disaster that was her prom.

As she mused about her choice for audition piece, she suddenly felt it was inadequate at best. While Barbra's 'My Man' was one of her favorite songs from her idol and role model, it didn't accurately portray what she was feeling at the moment. It was too sad, too heartbroken, too hurt. And she was nothing of those things. Not anymore. Once again, that was one of the effects of having Jesse back in her life.

Picking up her iPod from her purse in order to browse through her song selections, she pressed 'random'. Popping one earphone in her inner ear, she relaxed against the wall by the curtains, eyes closed. The soft sound of a guitar reached her ears, her whole being focusing on the song and ignoring Mercedes' furious complains at her boyfriend-wannabe.

As she heard the song, a small smile curved her lips as she recognized it. It was one of Noah's additions to her musical library, an indie pop singer whose lyrics seemed to always strike a chord within her. Suddenly inspired by the song, and with Jesse's earnest face still in her mind's eye, she ripped her earphone out and rushed backstage, frantically searching for Noah.

* * *

**H**aving been forced, by Schue, to sit through Jones', Lopez's and Hummel's disastrous performances (honestly, when was the man going to learn that Rachel was his star and thus unquestionably deserving of every solo?), Jesse couldn't help but feel a spark of excitement and curiosity as he saw the next name in his list of candidates for potential soloists.

Rachel Berry.

A small, tender smile curled his lips as he ran his fingertip discretely over the name. She was so dear to him, so precious. He was still astonished she had found in herself to forgive him after his awful actions towards her the previous year, but, then again, she wasn't entirely innocent as she herself admitted during one of their long conversations.

They both had made mistakes, they both had hurt each other (and themselves). But they both had learnt from said mistakes, they both had grown and now they weren't the same arrogant asshole and desperate diva they had been when they first got together. He liked to think they had a fairer shot this time around, with no secrets, no rivalries and no Shelby hanging over them, threatening to tear them apart.

Sure, they still had Finn. But Rachel was… different, somehow, towards the talentless male lead who once doubled as her boyfriend (and then callously threw away such honor). This time around, she seemed determined to make it work with him, keeping Finn firmly on the friend zone no matter how blatantly the beanstalk wanted her back. Rachel herself had told him that it had hurt and offended her when Finn had tried to forbid her from going to prom with Jesse, when Rachel was being extremely respectful and supportive of his renewed relationship with Quinn, no matter how much it hurt her.

While it sparked his irritation that even when they weren't together Rachel still hurt over Finn, Jesse had chosen to focus on the positive point: when forced by her jealous ex to choose, for the first time in quite some time, Rachel had chosen **him**, not the spoiled big baby that was Finnbecile. That only served to feed his hopes that this time they were playing for keeps, the oaf be damned.

Looking up from his notes, he turned a fresh page and smiled expectantly as Rachel made her way to the stage… with Puck, and his guitar, in tow. Frowning in confusion, he turned the mike on and used it to address her. "Hi, Rachel."

"Hey, Jesse," she smiled back, warmly, and he could tell by the way she was nearly bouncing on her heels that she was extremely excited for the performance that lay ahead. "Mr. Schue," she added, as an afterthought, not even glancing towards her choir director.

The consultant bit back the urge to chuckle and sat back on his chair. "Ready when you are, Ms. Berry."

Grinning, Rachel looked at Puck and nodded subtly; smirking and shaking his head slightly, he began to softly strum his guitar.

**Oh, this is the start of something good, don't you agree?**

**I haven't felt like this in so many moons, you know what I mean?**

**And we can build through this destruction**

**As we are standing on our feet**

Jesse, Schue and the New Directioners began to blink in slightly stunned disbelief at Rachel's unexpected choice for audition piece. All of them were expecting her to choose something from Barbra, maybe Celine, perhaps Beyoncé if she really wanted to go for shock value – not the indie pop singer that was more Tina's style than hers.

However, as the lyrics began to sink in, and noticing the way her eyes never moved from his, Jesse began to understand, and felt a thrill. One of the things that had hurt him during their first trial at a relationship was the fact that she had never openly sang to him in front of her peers. Yes, when they were alone she was more than willing to serenade him, but never had she done it during the several glee rehearsals they had attended together in his brief stint as a McKinley student.

**So, since you wanna be with me**

**You have to follow through, with every word you say**

**And I – all I really want is you, for you to stick around**

**I'll see you everyday, but you have to follow through**

**You have to follow through**

Scattered around the seats of the April Rhodes Theatre, the members of New Directions couldn't help but shoot a stunned glance at their clearly replaced leader. Finn, blind to everything that wasn't Rachel's sassy, flirty performance onstage, had to clench his fist with all his control to keep himself from storming out in true Rachel Berry style.

It wasn't fair, he fumed, unaware of Quinn's glare aimed at him. How was it that, even after all his fuck-ups, St. James still had Rachel's heart in a way that Finn himself hadn't ever felt he had, after all the months they had spent together, trying to make it work?

Finn was slightly slow and some might even call him dumb (Santana, for instance, was one who had no trouble saying it to his face), but he wasn't blind. He saw that since Jesse's return there was no lingering sadness in Rachel's eyes, no flash of longing appearing in her face before being replaced by a composed and neutral expression. Rachel was truly, honestly, genuinely **happy**, and it pissed Finn off that it had been St. James to make her that way.

**These reeling emotions, they just keep me alive – they keep me in tune.**

**Oh, look what I'm holding, here in my fire**

**This is for you**

**Am I too obvious to preach it?**

**You're so hypnotic on my heart.**

Sitting side by side, Lauren Zizes, Santana, Brittany and Kurt were having similar, but diverse reactions to Rachel's unexpected song. While Brittany was giggling uncontrollably, Rachel's actions striking a chord in her hopelessly romantic heart, Zizes and Santana were smirking, looking smugly at Finn, feeling somewhat vindicated and surprisingly proud of Rachel for standing up for herself and indirectly telling Finn to shove it by serenading the one man who had always been Finn's greatest rival to her heart.

Kurt, however, was so excited he felt like bouncing like Brittany in a sugar high on his seat. He couldn't help but think Rachel was – finally, at long last! – bouncing back to her dramatic diva ways, and he couldn't say he was unhappy with that. While it was true that she had matured greatly in the last few months, it was also true that somewhere down that path she had lost a big part of what made her so special and unique, and Kurt always secretly thought it had happened because of her desperate wish to fit herself in the Cheerio-shaped hole that Finn had shoved her in when they started dating.

By singing an unexpected but romantic song, Rachel had somehow gotten back to being Rachel Berry, diva in training that they all secretly loved and admired. His mind inadvertently flashed back to the last time Rachel had surprised them with a song none of them had expected them to even know existed – unsurprisingly, Jesse was also in her life back then, if not actively, then making his way to her. 'Follow Through' was no 'Gives You Hell', but it was amusing, fun and empowering all the same.

**The words you say to me are unlike anything that's ever been said**

**And what you do to me is unlike anything that's ever been**

**Am I too obvious to preach it?**

**You're so hypnotic to my heart**

William Schuester couldn't help but feel uneasy and impressed. He was uneasy, obviously, because his female lead, a minor student, was singing what was clearly a love song to his show choir consultant, and, while Jesse St. James was no teacher at McKinley, his job helping New Directions prepare to Nationals was close enough for it to cause some awkwardness if it ever came to light that he and Rachel were interested in each other.

However, at the same time, he was terribly impressed. While Rachel was, unquestionably, the best singer he had in his roster, up until then he had no idea just how powerful her voice really was. Yes, Rachel was versatile, her repertoire going from showtunes to power ballads to songs that were part of any recent Top 40 list, but somehow this performance was unlike everything he had ever seen from her. There was an honesty, a rawness, a power that made Schue for the first time consider what Rachel and Jesse had been saying all along.

Yes, New Directions had other talented singers – no student of his would shame them if forced to sing. But Rachel was different, unique. Rachel was her music, her craft, really, in a way that the others, Kurt included, weren't. Sure, she had other concerns, being the dramatic teenager that she was. But, when it came down to it, if forced to give up singing the other members of his choir would do just fine.

Rachel, however, would do whatever she had to in order to make sure she was heard. And Schue couldn't help the involuntary thought that they were incredibly lucky that Rachel had never even considered leaving McKinley for Carmel, especially after Jesse entered her life.

**So, since you wanna be with me**

**You have to follow through, with every word you say**

**And I – all I really want is you, for you to stick around**

**I'll see you everyday, but you have to follow through**

**You have to follow through**

**You have to follow through**

**Oh, this is the start of something good, don't you agree?**

Applause exploded as Rachel wrapped up her song, and with a pleased flush to her cheeks she took her bows. Pushing a stray lock from her eyes, she focused on Jesse with a stunning smile, joy exuding from her in waves as she waited for his critique.

"Flawless, Rachel," he said, grinning back at her. "But, I feel compelled to ask… Were you thinking of someone in particular when you sang that song?"

Rachel's eyes softened, a tender light filling them as she concentrated in Jesse and Jesse only. "Yes," she breathed, her voice amplified by the mike in front of her. "Yes, I was."


	40. in those sentences

**Title: **here, there, everywhere.

**Chapter title: **in those sentences there are little bits of us

**Fandom/Pairing: **Glee; Jesse St. James/Rachel Berry.

**Disclaimer: **'Glee' and all the characters you recognize belong to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan and Brad Falchuk; also, FOX. Chapter title is taken from a Brazilian country song called 'Linha do Tempo' (Timeline), by country duo Victor & Leo. Rachel's song is A Great Big World's 'Say Something'. Jesse's song is Firehouse's 'I Live My Life For You'.

**Timeline:** Rewrite to 'Journey', season one's 22nd episode.

**here, there, everywhere**

_**#40: **__in those sentences there are little bits of us_

**A**s the days passed and New Directions' second major competition loomed closer, those who were attentively watching their female lead noticed a pattern. Gone was the loud, brash, demanding Rachel Barbara Berry they all knew and (secretly) came to love – at least outside rehearsals. Within the walls of the choir room, she drilled them like a general exercising her troops, never giving them more than five minutes of relaxation. Outside, however…

Rachel had lost her sparkle. When it was off time for glee, she would keep to herself, quiet and subsided, a faraway look in her eyes and an air of brokenness around her, as if she was just going through the motions, her heart not really there. Even in rehearsals every now and then she would trail off halfway through a song, take a deep breath, close her eyes and shudder violently.

They all knew what was going on in her heart and the cause for her sudden change. And while some couldn't care less about Rachel grieving her broken heart (William Schuester, Finn, Artie and Mercedes were more concerned with kicking Vocal Adrenaline's ass now more than ever, in light of their nemesis' humiliation of Rachel), Tina, Puck, Quinn, Santana and Kurt were deeply worried with Rachel's emotional state.

"We'll not make it through regionals if she doesn't have closure," Tina opined one day as they watched a quiet Rachel distractedly look out of their History classroom window. Kurt was sitting next to the Asian, and followed her eyes, sighing as he noted his fellow diva's increasing weight loss.

"You don't think they had closure?" Quinn asked quietly from her place on Tina's other side, her eyes focused on copying the notes their teacher had written on the whiteboard, but her ears listening carefully to the conversation by her side.

Tina gently shook her head and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "He egged her and then we fought back by performing a number. While some could call it cleansing for **the group**, it came nowhere near to give **her** closure. No matter what the others believe, she honestly loved him. She's devastated. I never saw Rachel this sad before. Have you?"

Quinn sighed and shook her head, a small groan escaping her lips as the baby girl within her gave her ribs a particularly nasty kick. Dropping her pen, she massaged her aching lower back and opened her mouth to say something, but Kurt beat her to it.

"Even if she gets closure, I don't think she'll move on from him," he mused, a sad expression on his face.

"Why?" Tina asked, as Quinn watched Rachel thoughtfully.

"He was simply **perfect** for her. He's as obnoxious, demanding, bossy and freaking talented as she is. You say you never saw her so sad before, and I agree. But I also hadn't seen her as happy as she was when they were dating," the delicate boy sighed. "It was like she had found perfect happiness. Her life was complete and she didn't need anything else."

"Then we bring them back together," Quinn declared imperiously.

Kurt and Tina blinked at McKinley's fallen queen bee as if she had lost her mind. "Okay, I'll bite," Burt's son said tentatively. "How?"

"How else?" Santana, who was sitting in front of them, turned back on her seat when the teacher wasn't looking and looked at them with a small, scheming smirk on her lips. "Through song."

* * *

**I**ncluding the song they had picked for Rachel to sing to their Regionals set was one hell of a fight. Mercedes threw a fit, Artie backed her up and Finn crossed his arms and glared when Santana cuttingly told him the song wasn't Rachel serenading him. With Matt and Mike deciding not to choose sides, Rachel blinking owlishly and not making a case for the song and the rest of ND standing fiercely up for their decision, it rested on Schue's shoulders whether to include it or not on the setlist.

With that, Santana, Puck, Kurt, Tina and Quinn basically gave up on winning. After all, it was no secret their coach favored Finn above everyone else, and he did everything he could to please their male lead. So it was a surprise when he agreed to add their song, and quite quickly. Apparently, he had heard it on the radio one day and became a fan (who knew?).

"Well, she can't do it solo," Finn quickly pointed out, an eager look on his face. "That song's a duet."

"Most songs we perform are solos that we work into duets," Quinn pointed out with an innocent smile. "Why can't we work this song into a solo?"

"She already had a solo on sectionals," Mercedes hissed, her eyes flashing in anger. "Why are you supporting this?" She asked Kurt. "You keep saying you're tired of seeing her hog all the solos, yet here you are fighting for her to have a moment on the spotlight alone! It makes no sense!"

Kurt shrugged and didn't reply. Finn opened his mouth to speak, but Schuester interrupted him. "Enough. I agree. Rachel, please, the floor is yours," he told their female lead. Nodding, she stood up, accepted the music sheet from him and waited for Brad to give it a quick once-over before starting to sing.

And the rest, as they say, was history. It wasn't easy. More than once Rachel ended rehearsal in tears, hysterical sobs escaping her lips as she broke down, clinging to either Santana or Puck. After their first try with the song, she begged Schue to give the song to Mercedes, claiming she couldn't do it, and while the African-American diva had eagerly stepped forward, anxious for a chance to show Rachel 'how it's done', Schue was impressed with his female lead's powerful rendition of it and didn't give in to her pleas.

When regionals arrived, the conspirators had already finetuned their plan to force the other half of their broken protégés to listen to Rachel singing. Brittany, who despite being slightly disconnected with reality was very sensitive, was enlisted to talk to Rachel about what they were trying to do. No one ever really knew what the ditzy blonde told the pintsized diva (Rachel wouldn't tell, deeming it too private, and Brittany just smiled and changed topic when asked), but when they were done with their conversation the female lead was all in.

All the pieces were in place. Now it was time to set the plan in motion and hope for the best.

* * *

**J**esse was busy going through his pre-competition routine (admittedly halfheartedly, his mind occupied wondering if **she** had already arrived and coming up with scenarios for their first meeting in two weeks, all of them getting grimmer and grimmer by the second) when a heavy hand fell on his shoulder. Startled, he turned around, and gulped in secret fear as his eyes landed on Puck's bulky form. "Puckerman?"

"I should kill you, you know," the other boy said conversationally. "For doing what you did to her." His eyes flashed, and Puck reveled in the nearly imperceptible shudder that tore through the Vocal Adrenaline leader. "Jury's still out on it, but it can wait. I need a favor." He made a pause and then added, "**She** needs a favor."

Jesse's eyes widened. Rachel needed a favor? Had something happened? His mind trying to come up with options, he looked cautiously at Puck. "What is it?"

"We're going before you guys, and she told me you usually don't watch the competition, but she **needs** you out there – fuck if I know why, if I were her I wouldn't look you in the face after the shit you pulled with her."

Heart swelling with hope despite the uniqueness of said request, Jesse nodded once. Puck nodded back at him, and left. Unseen by Rachel's ex, Puck couldn't hide a wide grin.

When time came for the competition to start, Jesse snuck out of Vocal Adrenaline's green room, unnoticed by almost everyone but Shelby, of course. Guessing where he was going, and exactly why, she didn't comment on it, but couldn't help but hope her star pupil and her daughter managed to patch things up. Yes, she had played a major role on their breakup – threatening Jesse with his scholarship was wrong – but in the days since it had happened she saw the teenager grow more and more robotic, far from the sensitive and caring kid she only glimpsed on the night he begged her not to hurt Rachel.

Jesse found a quiet spot in the back of the auditorium, heart beating hard within his chest and blood thundering in his ears. He was surprised to feel himself shaking a little, and clenched his hands into fists, a expressionless mask taking its place on his face while his blue eyes locked on the darkened stage.

Backstage, a nervous Rachel took deep breaths, struggling to remain composed. Finn had spent the entire ride to the venue trying to approach her, probably to try and talk her into getting back together – thankfully, Santana had managed to scare him into staying away from her, and Rachel absently made a mental note to ask the Latina what she had said to convince him to do so.

When the techie rang the bell signaling the start of performances and lights dimmed, Rachel and Jesse shared the same feeling from their spots in the theatre: anticipation, anxiety and a fear they couldn't admit, even to themselves. In this performance rested their future as a couple. She knew that, and, even if he didn't, he still sensed it, and leaned forward expectantly as the curtains fell closed.

When they opened, a lone, delicate figure stood center stage, the lithe body encased in a golden dress with a black sash on the waist. A black hairband kept her gorgeous locks away from her evidently thinner face, and Jesse's heart broke when faced with the results of his stupid stunt. She looked definitely slimmer, and not for the first time he cursed Giselle and his own insecurity, factors on his decision to go on with his teammates to funkify the one that had stolen his heart at the first note.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'll be the one if you want me to._

_Anywhere I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you._

Jesse blinked. Rachel… singing A Great Big World? That was a surprise. While the song was well into her range, especially the Christina Aguilera parts, the band in itself wasn't one he expected her to listen to. Before his mind could come up with an answer to that enigma, her eyes moved from a point up on the theater's second floor and found him in his hidden spot.

As sea blue and chocolate brown locked for the first time in days, Rachel's face turned pleading, and Jesse's heart raced. She was singing to **him**. All the words to that song were from her to **him**. And while she had never shied away from serenading him in private, it had been a sore point to him that she never was as open with her feelings when in public.

_And I am feeling so small._

_It was over my head; I knew nothing at all._

_And I will stumble and fall_

_I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl._

Rachel had felt his presence in the audience from the moment she stepped backstage. Oh, she had known all along he was within the premises, probably going to his preparation routine to the competition, much like she would have done if she weren't so antsy with her upcoming solo. But when the techie told them they were up in five, and she made her way backstage, her psychic senses kicked in and she felt the zap she always did whenever he was near.

And then her eyes found his. He was concealed, but the darkened silhouette, with sparkling blue eyes and unmistakable curls, was too familiar to her for her not to recognize him right away. Unable to help it, she allowed her pain to shine through, and her eyes begged with him to step up to it, to say something, before it was too late for both of them. Yes, they had made mistakes (she was no innocent maiden in their breakup), but she was willing to fight for their love, as long as he was willing to do it too.

_And I will swallow my pride_

_You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_Anywhere I would've followed you._

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

Rachel's face was soaked with her tears, and so was Jesse's. His heart racing with hope at this unexpected chance he was being given (until now he believed Rachel had raced back to the beanstalk's arms as soon as he sauntered back to Carmel), he picked up his phone and speed-dialed someone. "Hey, it's me. I want to change our set list. There's this song I want to sing. Make it happen. I know you can."

The person on the other end of the line seemed to hesitate for a moment before speaking cautiously. "I'll see what I can do. What song is it?"

With a small smile and a tender sparkle in his eyes as he watched Rachel take her bows and join the rest of her team for the remainder of their set list, he said the name of the song and added, "Make it happen. You owe me. You owe **us**." His voice took a hard edge and he breathed deeply as he disconnected the call. Turning his back on the cheerful New Directions, he made his way back to the green room. Rachel had made the first move. The ball was now in his court and he was going all in.

His life, his future and his fate rested on it.

* * *

**Q**uinn's water broke as soon as they left the stage, but she resisted going to the hospital. When a stressed Puck asked her why she was so against going now, she looked anxiously at Rachel who understood right away. Smiling reassuringly at the blonde, she placed a hand over her shoulder, squeezing it softly. "Go on, I'll be okay," she whispered, quietly so just Quinn heard her. A clearly torn Quinn nodded weakly, and Rachel looked up at their distracted choir master. "I'm staying. Someone has to keep an eye on the competition, after all."

Finn's eyes flared with anger, but Santana, conveniently standing right next to him, slammed her stiletto on his foot when he opened his mouth, clearly thinking of opposing to Rachel's permanence on the auditorium. Puck, for a moment completely forgetful of their masterpiece of a plan, quickly picked up on Rachel's motives to stay and picked Quinn up his arms in bridal style, carrying her towards the nearest exist with most of New Directions hot in their heels.

Before they disappeared, Rachel had the mind to shout, "Good luck!"

To which Quinn smiled slightly terrified at her and shouted back, "You too!"

Once left alone, Rachel shakily made her way back to the packed auditorium. The program she had picked up for her fathers for safekeeping (they had made an habit of saving all her competitions' and recitals' programs for an yearly scrapbook) announced Vocal Adrenaline's one-song-only set-list, composed of Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. She couldn't help but feel pride at his audacity.

The bell rang three times signaling the beginning of the next performance, and a shiver of anticipation ran through Rachel as she stood in the aisle, waiting for Vocal Adrenaline to take over the stage and be the actual competition her team had to beat in order to move to Nationals. They would come all in, she knew it. She had no doubt Jesse's rendition of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' would be a number to remember for years.

She was so certain of this that she was stunned when, instead of Vocal Adrenaline harmonizing the first lines of the song, it was a softly strummed guitar that echoed in the darkened theatre, followed by the tender and broken voice she had come to love so much, so fast.

**You know you're everything to me**

**And I could never see the two of us apart**

**And you know I give myself to you**

**And no matter what you do, I promise you my heart**

**I've built my world around you and I want you to know**

**I need you like I've never needed anyone before.**

A stunned Rachel Berry watched with incredulity as Jesse St. James threw away his team's carefully rehearsed song in order… A beaming smile made her way to her face as his sparkling blue eyes locked with hers, and he smiled surprisingly shyly at her, his eyes taking on a pleading look as he sang the words his pride would never allow him to say. Her eyes watered as his words sank in, and she couldn't help but feel tears rolling down her cheeks as she mouthed the words back to him.

**I live my life for you**

**I wanna be by your side in everything that you do**

**And if there's only one thing you can believe is true**

**I live my life for you**

She had challenged him to say something with her song, and he had taken up on her unspoken challenge. He was speaking up, in the best way he knew how – the only way both of them knew they could understand. For musical beings like Jesse and herself, songs were a powerful instrument of expression, speaking in ways they sometimes couldn't. _Ah, the unpredictable disadvantage of having an amazing vocabulary_, Rachel mused, _sometimes our words betray us._

**I dedicate my life to you**

**You know that I would die for you**

**But our love would last forever**

**And I will always be with you**

**And there is nothing we can't do, as long as we're together**

**I just can't live without you, and I want you to know**

**I need you like I've never needed anyone before**

Tears began to softly roll down her cheeks as the guitar solo kicked immediately after Jesse's repeat of the chorus. Vocal Adrenaline danced beautifully around him, and a quick glint that blinded her when the bright spotlight hit his face just right showed her he was crying too. With a smile as bright as the lights he was under, Rachel's silently mouthed the words when his voice gained momentum to wrap the song up, their eyes locked, both grinning foolishly, in a mutual and public declaration of devotion to each other.

**Oh, I've built my world around you, and I want you to know**

**I need you live I've never needed anyone before**

**I live my life for you**

**I wanna be by your side in everything you do**

**And if there's only one thing you can believe is true**

**I live my life for you, oh, yeah.**

**I live my life… for you.**


End file.
